>be me, ftm repressor
>wanted to be a boy for as long as I can remember
>grew up in the 00s though, when nobody knew about tranny shit
>by the time transition was a possibility for me I'd already been irrevocably fucked by puberty
>zero passing prospects due to foid bone structure
>accept that I'll never be a man and cope by living as a butch lesbian
>not accepted by men, can't stand socializing with women
>become very antisocial
>make one male friend at work
>friendly guy, good listener
>it's nice to have a guy friend
>convince myself that I'm experiencing male bonding like a real dood
>one day we're talking after work and the subject turns to dating
>"It's really tricky dating as a guy anon. It's not something you'd really understand as a woman.
>immediately feel like killing myself
>our conversation continues and switches topics a couple times but that comment is all I can think about
>half an hour later we're talking about breakfast cereals and I can't take it anymore
>I tell him I hate men and I hate him and I never want to talk to him again
>he looks surprised
>"Sorry, I didn't realize you felt that way anon."
>he ignores me at work now
>hate him so much but also miss talking to him
fuck my stupid repper life

you kind of deserve to be miserable nona
he literally did nothing, and what you did is the most fembrain block/ghost oat

>>40487704
what's a ghost oat?

>>40487808
oat = of all time

>>40487694 (OP)
If he was really your friend you should just man up and apologize, it sounds like you hate him for sharing his experiences in a way that he would never know would hurt you. If you regret it and still hate him it sounds like his friendship to you only served as a way to affirm a fantasy of yours, and once that was shattered he was no use to you. Obviously I’m sure it’s more complicated that that, but that’s what it sounds like based off of you description of events.

>>40487694 (OP)
>>I tell him I hate men and I hate him and I never want to talk to him again
>>he looks surprised
>>"Sorry, I didn't realize you felt that way anon."
>>he ignores me at work now
>>hate him so much but also miss talking to him
wow this is literally me i do that with people
its very difficult to hate someone but at the same time not being able to talk them feels horrible. usually for me it happens in romantic relationships but ive had it happen in friendships as well.
feeling like an outsider is a dreadful feeling

>>40487694 (OP)
you are fucking retarded. since you're older, you should have gotten used to straight people doing their gender rituals and men vs women thing. besides, your experience is different from his. apologize to your friend, tell him you didn't actually mean any of that and had a shitty day which caused the outburst.

you sound and act 100% female lawl
you sound like a BPD

>>40487847
By “fantasy” I don’t mean you can never be a man. It just seems like you’re completely repressing and not taking any steps to atleast be seen in that way, and then getting mad at people for confirming that they don’t in fact see you that way. Which seems kinda crazy that you’ve completely given up on trying to actualize or affirm yourself, but then holding resentment towards others for not affirming you.

>>40487856
Cool. Be a better person instead of romanticizing it on 4chan. Faggot.

>>40487889
this is a place for people who dont fit in to vent and relate to one another, i was relating to anon because its interesting to find someone who's similar to me and maybe it'd make her feel less alone.
i obviously dont try to be a bad person. ive done dbt like everyone said but that didnt do anything and therapists are retards. there doesnt seem to be any good self help books and everyone who tries to help me inevitably abandons me

>>40487911
It’s just the wallowing that gets me. Complaining about cutting people off and wallowing and not being able to move beyond your own ego to tell people you care about them, and instead need them to approach you. Maybe that doesn’t apply to you but those are behaviours I always see in people who act like this.

>>40487964
>not being able to move beyond your own ego to tell people you care about them, and instead need them to approach you
doing that seldom actually fixes, or even helps, things. in fact it always seems to make it worse

>>40487694 (OP)
>"It's really tricky dating as a guy anon. It's not something you'd really understand as a woman.
>immediately feel like killing myself
Well, have you learned about dating as a guy? Have you read some litfic on the topic? Have you listened to some song where the guy was balling his eyes out about an unrequited love? Have you spoken to incels, to dating coaches, to you female friends about what a male does during the dating period?

>>40487911
they abandon you because you are insufferable to be around
that’s all
>wah you must handle my bpd outbursts

>>40487988
not op but youre missing the forest for the trees. it was a way that she ended up feeling excluded, not really male, an outsider, someone who doesn't really get what it's like. the fact that the coworker specifically mentioned its because she was a woman was especially twisting the knife

>>40488005
clearly. i dont have good emotional regulation skills and people hurt me either intentionally or unintentionally and i bpd out on them and blow things up. it hurts more each time than the last to have someone abandon me. i hate them deeply in the moment but the fear of them abandoning me feels all consuming

>>40488031
i think you should be alone

>>40488155
i cant be, i hate myself horribly and having someone who likes me and cares about me feel better than anything else in the world. it makes everything feel okay in the moment

>>40488009
No, no, I get it. Her greentext was all about that.
I get that in the short term she got really sad because of it, but in the long term you should be more than willing to discover that part of the male identity.
What I notice is that trannies never do that. They get really depressed right away, but then they just go "meh... whatever".
Which is extremely weird to me, because, yeah, I never imagined that I would understand the appeal of, let's say, romance novels right away. But let's say that I were a tranny and thought to myself "since I am a woman trapped in a man's body, I must be able to understand romance novels by default". Why the fuck, after failing to understand Twilight, wouldn't I grab ACOTAR and give it another chance? Why not try till it clicks? And even if it clicks, some good ol' self-hatred would lead me to continue to read romance novels, in order to actually prove to myself that I didn't make up what constitutes their appeal.
I mean, OP didn't even get filtered by male dating. She didn't even try to get filtered.
Where is the self-hatred that would push her to recognize herself as the imperfect human being she is? Where is the irrational love for the male soul that would push her to continue to smash her head on the wall that divides the two genders? Why doesn't she devote her life to understand the opposite sex? Why is she obsessing over her body rather than the men she should be a part of? Instead of following these men around like a loyal dog, instead of being their student, she runs away from her masters.
I can understand the trannies: chugging hormones is enough for them to cope with GD. But why the fuck the reppers don't cope by focusing on "fixing" their soul?
I know the answer: because their issue is their body, not their "soul". But then why would they throw a tantrum every time someone tells them "you won't get it"?
Mental illness is a weird thing, and gender dysphoric people do nothing to understand it.

>>40487694 (OP)
>want to be a boy
>Acts acts like the average BPDemon foid
Not much to repress considering you clearly fit one role better than the other
>>40487704
>>40487872
Trve

>>40488458
>Where is the self-hatred that would push her to recognize herself as the imperfect human being she is? Where is the irrational love for the male soul that would push her to continue to smash her head on the wall that divides the two genders? Why doesn't she devote her life to understand the opposite sex? Why is she obsessing over her body rather than the men she should be a part of? Instead of following these men around like a loyal dog, instead of being their student, she runs away from her masters.
Clocked holy shit

>>40487694 (OP)
you can always turn a princess into an ogre. But you cannot turn an ogre into a princess

>>40488498
Not really.
https://warosu.org/lit/thread/24331095#p24331352
I'm really glad that God made me "genderqueer" and not a tranny.
It makes me enjoy the whole world, rather than just half of it. I do enjoy what women produced more, but only slightly. I often times say that.
But if you think of it, no tranny agrees with me. Even "genderqueer" to them is to put makeup to make normies seethe. There is no subtlety in it. There is no curiosity to learn about these creatures that everyone call irrational. Gender socialization is a hoax, more or less to every tranny.
I just tried to adapt my worldview to yours. If you say that it clocks me, then it means I was successful.
Hope you'll hate yourself because you haven't acquired a certain type of knowledge, rather than a certain type of body.

>>40488768
I was agreeing with you, you clocked OP

>>40487694 (OP)
sounds like you're a histrionic woman that snapped at a regular guy over nothing. now he knows you're a psycho chick and will never speak to you again. try and contain your psychotic woman moments better next time around real men if you want them to interact with you at all babe

>>40487694 (OP)
>ftm repper story
>starts off well
>ends with the most fembrained shit imaginable
every single time. we will never be men

>>40487694 (OP)
>snaps at a man over something entirely in her head confusing him and making him drop her like a hot potato
girl moment!

>>40487856
this keeps happening to you and OP precisely because you are reppers. if you're too afraid to transition because you don't have an optimal starting point, at least take accountability for the horrible vibes you are giving off. male-brained in the sense that you are fucking up your life and becoming rage-filled by repressing all your emotions and personality for a dumb reason, though, I'll give you that.

>>40490123
im not a repper, just OP

>>40490123
OP could not be any more female brained in the way she acts and interacts with actual men. she sounds like she's a cis woman having a bad time of the month