Do I wait in hopes that this whole shit blows over?
Or do I go through the hellish experience of getting hrt in this shithole and then open up about it to everyone I know knowing DAMN WELL I'll get ostracized and won't even pass,ever?
This shit fucking sucks :D

>>40571005 (OP)
Just diy and boymode thats not hard for 3 years at least

>>40571019
I don't think I can do either of those

>>40571080
learned helplessness

>>40571005 (OP)
what country

>>40571119
turkey :)

>>40571234
damn thats rough
im in bulgaria which is slightly better but i can very much relate to being in a homophobic shithole

do you think you could just get on HRT and boymode? and why is getting HRT "hellish" there

>>40571427
you could get it from a pharmacist with a prescription afaik but I remember them passing a law that made it pretty much impossible for gender reassignment purposes for "keeping family integrity" which is their way of saying "fuck you we feel like it". They also made it outright illegal below 21 which doesn't concern me but it's funny that you can get a srs at 18 but not hrt
Of course government demands that you forfeit your penis if you wanna troon and register as female but that is besides the point

>>40571513
i think you should join some LGBT friendly turkish discords and ask around about how HRT is handled there, there might be some trans friendly doctors who can help. personally i was given a list of doctors who are versed on trans healthcare by asking around in communities like that. turkey is a huge country, there are bound to be at least a few fruity doctors in istanbul who will help you. likely you will be paying out of pocket and going through private practice

ill also hazard a guess that turk pharmacies are incredibly lax and you could probably easily get estrofem and some form of bicalutamide without a prescription if you tell them its for your 55 year old mom or dad with prostate cancer. but i would keep that as a last resort, you probably want an endocrinologist to help you with all this as well as people who have transitioned in turkey.

you can probably get your labs done at a private clinic. i dont think turkey is crazy enough to arrest you for having high estrogen?? i dont know though, this is where asking in local online communities can help

as for social transition, i honestly think that is 100% not worth it in turkey. at least it isnt here and i just stick to boymoding. it sucks but at least you won't go through test aging body horror while you maybe think about moving somewhere safer

>>40571005 (OP)
if you parents are accepting of you.. you can always just start HRT before they ban the remaining/alternatives of them. It's not going to get better from this point anyway.

>>40571005 (OP)
It all matters very little in the end, do what makes you happy. Or at least do what makes you less miserable.

>>40572248
That's the thing though, I don't know if it would make me happier. Any big step I've taken in the pursuit of happiness so far masssively backfired.
Being hopeless is rough but being hopeless in a body that you're uncomfortable in that is also of your own making sounds nightmarish.

>>40571596
Nice actionable advice unfortunately OP is here to cry and bitch about how over it is.

>>40572880
I took note of it my main concern is whether or not going through with it would make me feel better or worse

Bumping before I go to bed
Open to suggestions and opinions still