I feel like my transition has failed. I cant get over not having a traditional cis girl childhood and im hopelessly ugly. How do i cope with failed transition? Urge to kill myself is high but id feel to guilty about it. Mostly i just want people to forget i exist so i can kms or find someway to bury myself in a fantasy and never leave.

I can post unsee if people want but even 9 months in my hrt progress doesn't matter. I don't make enough from my job to outpace my expenses and im a complete shoulderhon. transition is a rich womans game.

>>40577173 (OP)
Unless you're the fat brown guy in the photo you need to take a step back and appreciate yourself and what you have

If you are a ftm, man the fuck up I guess? Men don't get to complain about shit.

>>40577254
im mtf.
>>40577241
probably but ive been in a depressive stooper for the past two days and feel entirely unable to cope with my situation. I can do all the estrogen i want im not going to get enough chest to make my shoulders look proportional or feminine. Prog is a crapshoot that doesn't work 90% of the time and i cant afford implants for probably at least 6 - 7 years. Besides most implants look like shit anyways.

>>40577397
Did something happen two days ago to make you feel this way?

Obv your can talk to your endocrinologist about dose adjustments. If it's specifically breast growth that you want, have you tried any alternatives? I'm still pre-HRT but I used a combination of high-dose Pueraria Mirifica (hormone drug for post menopausal women) and Tea Tree Oil (good for skin and has some gynocomastic effects) to kick start my breast growth. The PM specifically, look into it, cis women report it increasing their bust size regularly. I took double the safe dose which I don't recommend, as I was not on any kind of blockers. Tea Tree Oil may be snake oil, but it smelled good and made my skin feel good.

>>40577397
Well you might be a hon, you could have been a john 40. An optimist knows that things could always be worse.

>>40577478
>Did something happen two days ago to make you feel this way?
I got really dysphoric after thinking about how much of a crap shoot transition is and how i have nothing to live for besides the hope i will be passing at some point. The idea of living as a man is physically repulsive to me and i hate male body and being perceived as such by most people.

>Obv your can talk to your endocrinologist about dose adjustments
i dont have an endo i diy. I use estrodial valerate, i inject 0.1mL, per 40mg/mL every 5 days

>used a combination of high-dose Pueraria Mirifica to kickstart breast development
interesting ill have to look into it. thanks anon

>>40577544
You need more to live for than just transitioning, find something else to worry about.

(Yes I know this is really hard for basically everyone one here but its the truth)

>>40577556
ok fair but like... idk transition feels like a pre requisite to being able to enjoy life. Its like on the second pillar of the hierarchy of needs for me. Its hard for me to want to do much else when i dont have that. I still try. I have friends i have a job and intrests and hobbies. But ultimately the major thing i feel like i need soon is to be seen by others as a woman and to be treated that way by society. It feels like without that everything else is just set dressing that only makes me temporarily happy.

>>40577544
Then you should find something to live for besides passing. I know this is silly to say on this board, but there is more to life than passing. There are plenty of hideous monster people out there who can still find beauty in their lives, relationships, and hobbies. You lack the hideous part, but maybe you could learn something from them.

Are you not in a place where you can get legit hormones?

Double dose PM is not something I recommend long term, like I was on unsafe amounts, but I did see results.

bump

>>40577556
i would trade my entire potential lifespan to spend a single day in the right body alone in an empty padded room

>>40579158
im not far off from agreeing with that... I think a large part why transition is so important to me though would be wanting to be percieved by others as a girl, wearing cute fits yknow stuff like that. Cant do that in a padded room.

>>40577173 (OP)
I have 11 years old sister who is not even in puberty and she is getting love letters from slightly older teen boys.. one guy waited 6 hours outside just to play with her.......

I can only get chaser dick :( how to cope?

>>40577173 (OP)
Help me

Why did you even transition? You know transitioning doesn't replace your childhood so if having a girl childhood is that important to you you should have known transition was not the answer.

>>40582807
Just cus something is important to me doesnt mean its the only thing important to me. I cant do anything about how i was raised but i can at least try to improve my situation now. It just hurts ill never really have growing up as an experience