I’m a 24yo tranny and I’ve hard arguably one crush in my life and I didn’t get it until I was 21. I hate it so much. I want to get crushes and fawn over people. I want a boyfriend who I can do things for. I want to make him little gifts and kiss him and all that cheesy stuff. I can’t express how much I want this and how much I think about it, but I can’t get it if I never feel attracted to anyone. Sure sometimes I can look at a guy and get worked up, but being horny and wanting to have a relationship/sex with him is a different affair. I want so desperately to want someone.
The most annoying part is that I can’t even call it a cope. It’s not like I have no options. I’m lucky, I pass and I’m no model, but there are guys who think I’m attractive. And I hate that when a guy shows interest and I feel nothing back. I try so hard to feel something. I’ve given so many chances. When I go out I look for guys who I might want to get to know and I meet like two a year who I even feel a tiny something for, if I’m lucky.

How tf do I fix this‽ I try to look for advice online and I just get the usual “some people are just asexual and that’s ok :). You’re totally valid if you don’t feel attraction often!” Fuck off. I hate this so much, idc if it’s valid, I need it gone. What do i do? And don’t give me some creepy 4chan answers like “yOu GotTa GeT fUcKeD” or whatever tf. Im not doing that with a man unless we’re in love, so what do? Will trying to be healthier help? I’m not super unhealthy but I can do better. Can I somehow condition myself to want more people? Is it self esteem related? Please, I’m desperate

>>40577176 (OP)
Jus like me unfortunately

>>40577176 (OP)
It sounds like you just want a bf, not specifically sex, which is important I guess but only accounts for a tiny fraction of the time you spend with someone.

Why not just open up to a guy who is interesting to you and ignore the sex part, then let it happen later on if you enjoy being around him

>>40577176 (OP)
how long have you been on antidepressants/ssri's?

>>40577224
I’m not talking about sex, I mean I want it one day for sure (with the right man) but my issue is more the romantic attraction I guess. It takes two, he can be interested in me all he wants but it’s pointless if I’m not interested. Dating a man who you are not attracted to is unfair to him and to yourself. I’ve tried going out with men I don’t feel much for in hopes of developing feelings but it has never worked. There’s something wrong with me, I should have had crushes at this point in my life and if I can’t fix this the odds of me getting a boyfriend are so stacked against me

>>40577394
I was on lexapro from 16 to 19, then nothing until this year when I got on 7.5mg mirtazapine, which I don’t even take for depression. Turns out it’s great for my insomnia and appetite issues (seriously I sleep so much now and it got my bmi up from 18 to 22). I’ve considered going off of it again but if I still had this problem during my years without anti depressants I doubt that’s the MAIN issue

>>40577176 (OP)
look inside
take some shrooms or something and ponder your emotional relationship to the idea of sex and physicality
what is it that you want exactly? to desire someone physically, or to want someone at all (romantically and sexually)?
to me it sounds like you're very asexual and you are having a hard time teasing apart sex and romance, you want to be with someone emotionally but you feel that in order to be with someone you need to be physically attracted which just doesn't really happen for you

i'm a cis guy and as much as cumming feels good, it's really difficult and awkward for me to be with someone sexually. 60-80% of my attraction to someone is romantic and aesthetic(like do they take care of themselves, dress well, etc.) and i think of romantic attraction and physical attraction as very separate. sex, most of the time, feels like a chore for me, i'm just not super into it but i cope by trying to make the act more about the emotional connection, or just making someone that i like feel good
if you can relate to this at all, maybe try to think of romance, aesthetic(not necessarily physical!) attraction, and sex as separate ideas that you can balance in a way that's comfortable to you

>>40577475
Shrooms actually did help. I took with with a friend one time and it lead to me getting my first kiss a few days later from him. The thing is, sure sex is not a priority for me but it’s not like I don’t want it. There are times where I see a guy and all I want is to feel him inside me and be close to his body, the issue is these moments are rare and don’t always coincide with any romantic feelings which are even more rare. Maybe I worded this wrong and aromantic coulda been a better word.
The one time I did feel it though it was amazing. I was so thrilled that I was experiencing romantic attraction because I realized I was capable of it. I didn’t even care much that we were not compatible and it didn’t work out because it proved it can happen to me even if it’s super rare. I just need to find out how to make that happen more. I can’t have this be such a rare phenomenon, I’m already a tranny I can’t be cutting my saying pool even smaller. I want butterflies, I want to blush, I want to get nervous, I want to think about him all day, but there is no him. My friends will feel these this so often and it gets me so jealous

>>40577425
How many actual friends do you have, and how often do you feel the need to be around others socially. Not judging just need to know before I conduct further analysis

>>40577545
11 friends about. I’m close to maybe 5 of them. I don’t often feel a need to be around others. I get the urge maybe once every fortnight and that’s when I go to local shows and talk to people, share drinks and cigs, etc. those events drain me after usually and I need to recover for a few days. I try to get out once a week if I can thought because it’s good for you mentally

>>40577596
I kind of have the same issue. Prioritize finding someone you are comfortable around to the point where you're able to socially recharge in their presence the same way you would if you were alone. They're out there. Then in time, see if an attraction develops, and if it doesn't just stay friends. Keep the stakes low

>>40577530
sounds like you might just have very specific preferences
if you understand what those are, you can go out looking for them and hopefully find someone with the right stuff, when you felt those romantic feelings i'm sure it wasn't just random
that would entail going on lots of dates and lots of disappointment, though

>>40577721
> that would entail going on lots of dates and lots of disappointment, though
That’s been the trend so far. It’s extremely demoralizing
> you might just have very specific preferences
honestly so far the main thing is personality so far. I like him to be a bit dorky but I also need him to be at least somewhat assertive. I also want to be able to do cute dates and stuff. I like teasing a lot. Physically I know I LUVVV body hair, I like tanner skin, I like a wide torso, smell matters. But the thing is that other than them both smelling good, the only two guys I ever felt much for didn’t check off like any of the physical boxes. I think looks are more of a fun bonus for me I guess

>>40577795
you wouldn't happen to live in the pacific northwest would you

>>40577846
God I wish, there’s nothing where I live other than like music

>>40577859
damn
well if some retard on 4chan like me can tick most of those boxes then i think if you keep looking, talking to people, going on dates, you'll find the right guy who's boxes you also tick, good luck on your love quest and don't get demoralized