when you stop giving a damn everything feels okay!

i will never be a cis woman.
i may be perceived as a man.
i will not do anything that takes effort in order to change that perception, because what is the point if it still won't reach my own ideal?

i will not chase something that cannot be attained.
i will just be me, whatever that is.

i will not look for someone to make me feel whole, as i find that what it really does is make me feel constricted rather than bring me closer to who i am.
i will be me, alone.
what everyone sees or knows me as does not matter when they aren't there.
i will limit outside contact as much as possible.

i will live for my own comfort without thinking of how i seem to others.
starting with THIS GODDAMN HAIR IT IMPRISONS ME!!!!!!
i grew it out to look more feminine, but i don't think femininity is what i was really looking for.
all it does is get in my goddamn way now, and i can't be bothered to take care of it anymore.
the scissors are calling me!
im not shaving every fucking day anymore when i still won't be a woman shaved or not

no more wasteful effort

I did let go everything and gave no fucks for some time

But now years later it feels like i just fucked up my life and my body more in this time and now - since i care again - have to also redo the errors i made, now everything hurts even more and i hate myself so much more

please don't fuck it up like i did

>>40581263 (OP)
i transitioned and then let go. im stealth but don't try to make friends bc they would probably clock me and then id just be the tranny

>>40581324
im still going to take my estrogen but fuck voice training and makeup and all that shit
>>40581335
getting to the point of being able to go stealth is way too much effort, desu i dont care about making it there because i still wont be happy, and yeah im done with idea of friendship and love