up all night manic-time not as insanely suicide-oriented cant wait to get fucking plastered today tho when the stores open up, beer! beer! beer! beer!

been drunk since april never been hungover

no better feeling than being drungk. fucking. hammert. ah!

>>40582377 (OP)
why do you drink so much anon, give me all of the reasons

>>40582461
> depressive episodes way more frequent with the HRT (1 year!! yippie)
> little to no worldly experience or "real" struggles/trauma make the depression and suicidal ideation feel like some kinda imposter syndrome
> college flunkout (three years done woop woop!)
> non-achievable real cis female experience and dysphoria make my OCD go bonkers cant lie, very weird how I get so hung up on this shit
> fired from job of 4 years for stealing (not from the till or anything but still feel shit for being caught)
> 4-5 months full unemployed leaching of my bf and all my friends
> absolutely hate borrowing money but im such an addictive fat fuck cant help but abused vices and foods
> just feel like a husk/shell of whoever I "was" not sure where im ending up
> suicide always makes me feel guilty for using and abusing all the love and trust I get, especially given im not really doing the whole get help thing, kinda just gonna drink until someone begs me to stop ultimatum style

i love drinking but recently my head starts to ache even if i have just 1 or 2 drinks.

maybe its a sign that i need to drink even more until it stops hurtin

>>40582377 (OP)
REALL im drunk almost alwayd and have been for a long time, i am having vodka for breakfast? dinner? idk i barely sleep but i never drink and drive im only comfortable w killing myself not some random family in a crosswlak