Hello trannies and faggots

Not sure why I'm making this post, but I am. Maybe just to vent/yell into the void.

The tl;dr is that I'm a 7 year HRT manmoder and want to give up on the idea of even being a tranny, let alone a woman.

Idek. It's hard to articulate, but I just feel depressed lately and the idea of transitioning for real just feels so impossibly far away that I just don't even want to bother anymore.

I know it's my fault for not putting in effort, but I'm lazy. I'm autistic. I live in a conservative state. I like having a job. If I was a tranny like 20 years ago, I probably wouldn't even be allowed HRT. Thank God for informed consent.

Idek I'm just going to list stuff
>25 years old
>7 years hrt
>5 years post orchie
>diaper fetish
>sissy fetish
>probably just a confused autogynephilie and not actually trans
>too scared and lazy to girlmode
>just feel like a creepy man whose fetishes got out of control
>can't even if I even want to be a woman or just the idea of a woman built up by my own male-centric world view
>don't feel like a woman
>just feel like a confused man
>enjoy the effects of hrt mostly
>kind of want to get rid of tits, tired of bras and how tits make my life harder and scarier
>don't pass
>don't even shave anymore
>think about suicide a lot

At this point, I don't even want to be a woman. I think I'd be happy being some skinny femboy thing like Link from Zelda, but even that's probably just my porn influenced brain talking.

Idek. I'm so busy with work and trying to improve myself that I don't even know what I want from life, my body, my "transition." I wish I won the lottery. I'd take a long nap and then finally have some time to think about what I want from my life.

>>40582600 (OP)
Post body

>>40582600 (OP)
I respect your decision if you truly think this is best. Please meditate on the tale of John 50 and what it says. I'm sorry that your life has been like this, you deserve better.

>>40582947
No
>>40583156
Idk what is best and idk how to find out what is best.
I think I just need to become skinny and keep taking HRT and maybe things will get better in the next 7 years idk.

How do I know what is best? How do I know what will make it better? How do I get the strength for that?

>>40583194
In my opinion it is best for dysphoric individuals to transition. This is also the consensus of medical research. I am a manmoder too (maybe a guymoder people get angry when I post pics in mmg) and I am also struggling to transition. But at some point I think you need to accept that you are gonna be a gigahon and that it is better to be ugly and accept yourself then to pretend to be something you aren't. Again im sorry you have to go through this anon, it isn't fair.

>>40583276
What's the difference between a manmoder and guymoder?

>Again im sorry you have to go through this anon, it isn't fair
I'm sorry you'll have to go through it too.

>>40583699
Boymoder=passoid
Guymoder=twinkhon/twunkhon
Manmoder=gigahon

guymoder is not a real thing

>>40582600 (OP)
you've been on hrt since 18 and you haven't transitioned?

>>40583996
O
>>40584023
O
>>40584039
basically ya