i actually have a reason to not kms now (bf and basically no other reason but it works) but i feel 13 and i dont have any friends and ill have to wait 5 years to start hrt and move out and im sneaking downstairs to look at my moms history on her ipad googling "how to convince daughter shes not trans" "what are puberty blockers" "dangers of puberty blockers" and i dont have anyone who cares about me and im going through female puberty and theres nowhere for me to go and im spending every day planning how to kill myself and i took an entire bottle of advil but woke up and im planning to run away and i ran out into the road but the car swerved away and my moms telling me men cant have xx chromosomes and she pushed me down the stairs and my arm hurts and im at school and i cant see because im crying and im terrified and im scared im going to have a heart attack and im in the bathroom trying to kill myself by cutting my wrist but i cant go deep enough with a pencil sharpener blade

i know its not real and im in a different place now living a different life but i cant actually know that, it feels fake. im scared one day i wont be able to understand that at all and ill actually kms with the knowledge and balls that i lacked at 13

ok good 4 u