i hate when im venting about not being able to transition as a kid even though i knew what hrt was and knew i needed it and half the replies are "i can relate so much, i didnt come out until i was 22 because i thought my parents would beat me but they turned out being really accepting so i couldve been a youngshit." no you cant relate, you had the full opportunity to be a youngshit but gave it up, i had it stolen from me despite trying endlessly to convince my parents and sending them scientific papers on the low rates of detransition. i knew exactly what was going to happen during puberty, how it couldve been completely prevented, but my parents hated me for being trans so i had to watch myself deform. you had the opportunity but gave it up, thats your own fault and it sucks but stfu

>>40594126 (OP)
grim

babil

>>40594126 (OP)
uhh so why didn't you just order it behind their backs or threaten suicide or something

>>40594126 (OP)
Hrt wasn't common knowledge for me. My parents spewed back religious nonsense with threats of hell when I very strongly advocated for myself to atleast present like a girl. My mom caught me multiple times with my testicle out punching them saying they shouldn't be there they shouldn't be there. She could have gotten me help but ahe would just threaten to hit me if i didnt stop. My mok stoll threatens to hit me when i cry to much but its just noise at this point and if she does hit me it just makes me cry harder not cuz it hurt but cuz this is my mom. We lived in canada. It's not quite the same as you I didn't know until later how I could have prevented puberty but I did advocate for myself and in response got hit and psylogically tormented with the threat of eternal physical pain and shame from every member down my whole bloodline.

Stories like this I usually find pretty hard to hear because if you have the guts to come out at the age, you deserve to benefit from that. I never came out as a child and I will consequently suffer the consequences of that, but those who do come out as a child will also suffer just as much despite trying really hard. I never tried in the first place.

I knew I wanted blockers at 13/14. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get them due to long waiting lists by the time I was an adult and so I thought perhaps the dysphoria would just go away. I never really knew you could by blockers online that aren’t injections until puberty was finished. And hrt was a no go due to boobs.

> fast forward 5 years later and I have just sharted e and boymoding

>>40594831
i threatened suicide and attempted but it didnt work, they searched my stuff religiously (hiding places i tried for other stuff that got found: inside an antique jewlery box id never used, inside an old backpack from elementary school, in between my bed and the wall, inside my socks, yeah you get the idea) and said they wouldve kicked me out if i "tried anything behind their backs" so i wasnt going to risk homelessness and probably being trafficked at 13

>>40594867
that sucks, its different than my post but also different from "my parents wouldve supported me but i didnt tell them because im retarded"

>>40594126 (OP)
im so sorry

>>40594126 (OP)
YES i started diy when i was 15 and was detransitioned. i spent 6 months in an institution and was force masculinised both socially and physically by being taken off estrogen. i got kicked out before that too.

when i was released i was so terrified and so threatened i didn't begin again for so many years. i hate myself so much. i hate myself so much for not fighting harder.

>>40596342
You did more than what nearly all of us would have done. I think in your case you have every right to blame the circumstances such as parents, and not yourself. I really do mean that.

>>40596342
Also which country is this? Cos I am actually concerned

If it makes you feel better 90% of parents won't let you get her even if you came out. I know mine sure didn't!

>>40596631
hrt* I love it when autocorrect corrects stuff that doesn't need to be corrected

>>40596646
I remember when I first started going on here I was soo confused when to be honest kept on getting converted to desu lol

>>40596616
uk, the nhs did it to me back in 2019.

>>40596602
i don't care. i was 15, i had the pills. i was going to be a youngshit passoid. i was going to be a happy, normal, completely passing girl.

if i started diy even after i was released i still would have been 16 which would have been fine. it's completely my fault for choosing death over life (although the pandemic fucked over my recovery and i only became functional recently). now i'm restarting at 21. other lateshits don't get how much my mind was raped. i wish i still had a chance to be that girl. i wish i could be her

>>40596616
I’m really sorry anon

As a fellow brit, I had a strong feeling this was the uk.

If it helps, only now are the nhs are seeing people who were referred back in 2019

Previous message I Meant to reply to

>>40596720

>>40596773
it doesn't help even a little. 10000 more victims. the great crushing wheel of the nhs grinds our souls and turns us away from the light

the only thing i care about now is a way to not be a hon forever because i'm starting at 21. even a few years earlier would be a life saver, i could pass at 18 pre-hrt!!!!! if someone works out to let me be a girl, let me know

>>40596803
it's my fault for not diying again a 16, and then at 17, and then at 18, and then at 19, and then at 20. it's my fault entirely every one of those years.

the detransition made me feel like diy would never work on me. i wanted hrt more than anything but it gave me nightmares of a more deformed, uglier male body. maybe i should forgive myself for how paralysed i was by my mental illnesses, but i'm so emotional about this because the way this board is now would have snapped me out of it!!

one single boymoder post, or a shitty hrt twink comic, anything, literally anything, would have given me an image of a diying teen. i didn't know about even ONE other diying teen back in 2019, i didn't until like 2023. it would have told me, "this is real. you can be a woman, you can take the pills. it's going to work", and it would ahve snapped me out of it. it's all my fault for rotting and giving up

>>40596803
A lot of comes down to effort. Even if you think I’m just saying this to be nice, it really does. Obviously not everything can be reversed but if you put the effort in, I think even if you don’t think you pass 100% you would at least be respected I think. Also if you dress well.

>>40596848
i'm going to throw up. don't try to make me feel honfident and valid

>>40596864
It’s just my natural response. But I really wouldn’t be saying these things to just anyone. I wouldn’t be this optimistic over on repgen

>>40594126 (OP)
I take out my frustration by helping kids get on homebrew diy (cheap and easiest to replace if/when they get caught) who want to start

>>40596898
i feel like everyone who knows i started diy back at 15 says i'm gonna make it even though my face is gross. it's like a tranny one drop rule. i was a youngshit, even if it was only briefly, so i still have a chance...

>>40596901
i agree. i'm so fucking pro diy. no one should ever go through what i did again.

>>40596956
I think it’s the only way for the government to listen to us

>>40596923
If I had desu I reckon it’s just best to blame the nhs. I know the trail of thought will always come back to diy, but it was the nhs that failed you and all of us foremost.

>>40594126 (OP)
when my parents tried to be controlling, I shut them down real fast. everything they would do to me, I would do to them. by the time that I was 16, they had given up on trying to influence me. I always viewed internalizing abuse as pointless
one of the worst things they did was searching my room for money, finding and stealling it when I was 11 (months before I found out I was trans at 12)
HRT in my country is OTC, so I didn't need to come out to them, I just needed money. unfortunately, I was already at the end of puberty by 12-13

>>40594126 (OP)
gatekeeping lateshitness is next level

>>40599986
I do think if diy becomes even more mainstream amongst the trans community especially in the UK, we will need much better resources and support. For example anonymous walk in blood tests for those DIYing might be a good idea.

>>40594126 (OP)
Hon cope stories never change. You all think you're special and try to one-up each other. So I am sorry you don't want to feel responsible you fucked up your life but stfu.

>>40594126 (OP)
I found out about HRT after 18 and mulled over it until 22.

>>40596720
>uk
>i was 15, i had the pills. i was going to be a youngshit passoid. i was going to be a happy, normal, completely passing girl.
Nigguh you were going to be Brianna Ghey'd is what you were, posting and ghosting from the afterliffey, you wouldn't have survived that shit on Hell Island

>>40601031
fuck you i would be a fully passing woman now not a rotting man. how am i supposed to live with myself

>>40601059
No you wouldn't. Why must you all talk about what if instead of take charge of life now? The fact you don't take charge now means you wouldn't have before.

>>40594126 (OP)
You’re not as unique as you think you are. very few people are. Grow up

Nobody is going to have the exact 1:2 circumstances as you can but maybe can relate, thats life.

>>40601059
>rotting man
you look cute retard, I saw your other thread (if you dont have a clone)

>>40601078
i DID take charge back then, i bought diy when i was 15 years old and was then sent to an institution for 6 months and force masculinised. that's the point

and, i am taking charge of my life now. i'm on hrt and moving forwards. but it hurts so much, especialyl because i might never pass now

>>40601143
No you're dwelling on shit like you're special. You get lucky in one regard and unlucky in a different regard. You didn't take charge, you're not special. You're never going to be X if only Y happened. You either do it now or you make up stories to cope for not doing it.
>but it hurts so much, especialyl because i might never pass now
Case in point. You were never going to pass. Now you're coping.