the more i love myself

the more my family and the world hates me

fmstl

for the first time in my life i actually start to like myself and i start to see my life as not disposable but noo thats fucking wrong yea thanks

>>40594709 (OP)
real real real, pre transition I literally did not care for myself at all was barely taking care of myself only after transitioning did I start to not entirely hate myself only then when things started to improve did they want to detransition and go back to "who I used to be" almost 2 years on they've stopped trying I hope it gets better for you op :)

>>40594864
thanks, i’m sure it will be better for me, but i have a pretty complicated and miserable family dynamic

never took care of myself and had a phase of being a crazy alcoholic, gave up on life and fucked up academically (constant mindset of “eh, no matter how bad it gets i can always end it”). i also couldn’t cope with the fact that im growing into a man

now i’m happier than ever, but my family is becoming increasingly hostile against me and i’m not even out yet. (been taking hrt for two years now)


but i’m glad they stopped trying and that you’re out to them, that makes things a lot easier i’m pretty sure

>>40594930
im happy to hear you're doing better! I'm not sure what your view is towards your family, but it might be best to keep yourself closeted until you can leave. I relate a lot to the poor academics I was forced to move constantly when I was younger, so I never got to finish, but at the age of 22, I'm going to try again. I hope you can too.
and I wish I could say being out has made it easier but if I could be closeted again I would my family is made up of conspiracy theorists who deadname me behind my back and during arguments they tell me what they truly think.

>>40595092
i’m sorry to hear that your family still doesn’t respect your gender. and yeah, it’s the same with my dad, when he hears something about my life he’s constantly using that to mock me. it’s awful and feels crazy disrespectful.


and best of luck to your academic future!! you got this.

i will never try again, academically it’s over for me, it traumatized me but i was never made for academics. i’m an artsy person who will try to get her money with 3d models and renderings. been doing that for over 10 years now (been doing that since i was 11) so i think thats a valid way for me. if the industry doesn’t die out because of AI of course.

also, i will never be able to come out to my family and if they find out, they will just disown me and kick me out. they hate me already because im not masculine enough (even before i started doing hrt)

i just want to move to a different continent and start a new life. or at least far away so that i can start anew.

doing a entry level job and living in a small apartment is fine for me. i just want to live freely, my standards for a good life are super low now because of my traumatic family life that i had and still have