Before I trooned out, I thought that maybe I will eventually pass, somehow. I didn't realise that being stealth after puberty, unless you're very, very lucky, is impossible. Maybe it's something wrong with me, that I thought that by transitioning, I would actually get to be a woman and not some kind of flamboyant gay man on estrogen, like all cis allies and other trannies expect you to be.
Obviously I can only be the latter. I'm 6'2, I have broad shoulders and I simply just look like a gay man with a clear male bone structure.
I will probably detransition eventually, lose all of my hair, grow old, become fat and die of some stupid cardiac disease like any other man.

>>40594905 (OP)
Yes and no. Yes I thought after enough time I'd be a passoid. That will not be happening for me in this lifetime. No because I was gonna kms and any doubt I had about passing I'd just tell myself it's not about that it's about getting rid of this overwhelming need to end my life. I just cut off my parents for how they handled my very vocal desire to be a girl and the many nights I spent crying because "i could never be one" I used to pray to God to wake up as one. I feel like if my parents loved me id have a good life.

It doesn't matter, you'd literally always be a transwoman if you somehow passed in every scenario

And that's OK, because you'd hate being a man more

>>40595036
My parents are the only people I talk to so I don't want to cut them off. But they very very clearly knew something was wrong with me (I crossdressed as a child and in FRONT OF THEM), I talked with them about transitioning, I was clearly not masculine, yet they did the exact opposite of what they should have done. They gave me a buzz cut, forced haircuts on me even when I was crying, tried to make me masculine. I'm sure hope they're happy. They still are CONSTANTLY TELLING me that I WILL have children, that I WILL have a wife, that I WILL give them grandchildren, that I'm a big strong son. I guess I have to life my life for them.

>>40595079
I hope your parents die

>>40594905 (OP)
Id be ok with being a flamboyant gay man on estrogen if I were pretty. Being horrendously ugly is a straight male trait

>>40595110
I don't want them to die. Maybe I'm just really weak but I wish it could've been different.

>>40595079
You failed your parents

>>40595204
Yeah you're weak. If you let other treat you like shit you're always gonna feel like you're shit. Because you're telling the world you are.

>>40595256
At this point I deserve to be treated like shit because of my appearance.

>>40595263
Yeah sure. Loser.

>>40594905 (OP)
yes and no. i transitioned in 2018, i was lucky enough to be 16 when i started. i didn't expect to pass, but i did expect people would eventually see me as a woman. i thought that by 5 years from then people would accept trans people as our internal gender and anyone who didn't would be seen as like a schizo antivaxxer or soemthing. i did end up passing, probably. but even allies do just see us as flamboyant gay men on estrogen. the only cis people i know who actually see trans women as real women are the ones dating trannies. it's heartbreaking, if i was a little more spiteful i would hate cissoids for being like this

>>40595296
I wouldn't care if I passed. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.

>>40594905 (OP)
> some kind of flamboyant gay man on estrogen
there's no shame in this. just be nice to ppl.

>>40595684
I don't WANT to be THAT. I want to be a woman, not some freak.

>>40595803
> some freak
homophobic scum honestly

>>40595803
Proof that you're not hsts, because it's a million times more embarrassing to be a tranny than a gay male. Gay males can be lovable, funny, liked by cis women and you know that not you.

>>40595902
trvke

i wish i could just be a gay flamer and not have this gender dysphoria shit messing with me... life would be so much easier

>>40595911
Agp troons dislike gay men because we're naturally feminine while you are a creepy straight man doing performative attempts at femininity for your fetish.

>>40595936
idk if it's agp or something... but hating gay men as a troon is just sooo ick
like, what do you mean these were not your origins? this was not the only community that accepted you and that you felt welcome in EVER IN YOUR LiFE?

>>40595991
They want to be welcomed by lesbians and hawt babes because they're straight men with a fetish.

>>40596004
yeah that's just such an uphill battle i don't even wanna imagine it... no wonder so many of them are miserable

>>40595991
i mean im a straight tranny and maybe its because i transitioned early but i was never really in a gay community, i was straight-acting pre-trans because i experienced a lot of homophobic bullying in middle school... and as a result when people tried to put me in the gay box again it wasn't on my terms but rather calling me a man

>>40594905 (OP)
why would you have ever thought you could pass
anyone here would've cemented that that's impossible and the option was between
>aging like a man vs aging like a woman
aging like a woman doesn't mean passing, it means avoiding balding, beer gut, and so on, at the cost of normie-passing

>>40596050
this board tells you that if you only browse repgen maybe lmfao my body is unrecognizable

>>40595902
Well being a smelly, ugly, aggressive, balding useless man is a disgusting existence on its own so imagining being with another man while clearly being a man yourself is twice as disgusting. I mean you do you and I don't hate gay people I just cut myself at the thought of being one myself

>>40596050
I don't know, I guess I was stupid. I don't feel better being on estrogen and "aging like a woman" without really looking like a woman.

>>40596043
yeah it's prolly the early transition (good for you tho!)
like the gay spaces i interacted with were literally hidden behind half a ton steel doors in former factory halls with buff dudes in front of them.
i couldn't do it out in the open idk, also experienced quite a lot of bullying and was called a fag for as long as i can remember.

>>40596071
THANK YOU i didn't date pretransition because being a man was wrong for me

>>40594905 (OP)
I think im more disappointed with society


All this talk of "acceptance" and people gushing over our culture when even as a passoid im still an outsider at the end of the day. A fun party guest rather than an actual person in anyones life

being trans has taught me how shallow people are. Always being seen as "that trans person".

>>40596050
> why would you have ever thought you could pass
imo IT'S REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT for trannies to accept they won't pass BEFORE transitioning

>>40596123
I thought I had accepted it, but I was still hoping it would work out.

how did you get illusioned in the first place most trannies look disgusting irl and you can look in the mirror and gauge where you will end up realistically

>>40596175
> you can look in the mirror and gauge where you will end up realistically
trvke
>>40596173
then you didn't accept it. what even is your goal behind transitioning if you AccePted it?

>>40596071
>>40596098
You're both retarded. Trannies are still men.

>>40596213
I don't know. I just want to magically pass. I don't want to be 6'2. I don't want to look masculine.

>>40596221
men? MEN?
no we're obviously not men. we're weak little faggots. but we embrace it.

>>40596237
> I don't know.
well then get to the point where you know. dwell on this. (YOU) craft the narrative. (YOU) control your thoughts.

>>40594905 (OP)
No, because i never had idealized expectations. I hoped it would give me at most soft skin and stop masculinization and it did that, most trannys that complain about hrt failing them are just unrealistic idiots following a pipedream

>>40596280
> most trannys that complain about hrt failing them are just unrealistic idiots following a pipedream
oof uncomfy trvke for a lot i bet

>>40595079
You WILL plap a repressing pooner.
You WILL seed her sweet fucking poon.
You WILL be a ZADDY

>>40596297
eeeewww

>>40596221
if im a man it's in a way that affects my life a lot less than it used to, however i would also say that i transitioned as a teenager and have never been an adult man, so i am at most a mid-20s estrogenated teenage boy.

I knew it was over before I started so I could only be positively surprised by the changes I got

>>40596242
You're men. Women don't need to take estrogen to try to look like women.
>>40596335
And that has a defined limitation you will eventually age into a very bizarre looking male on estrogen. Trannies only pass in pictures, and only after they've taken a thousand pictures of themselves and cherry picked the one that looks the best. When you see them in person, they have the back and shoulders of the man, they have the ass of a man, and they have a dick and balls. Estrogen produces very mild fem effects mostly related to facial skin, but you also required dozens of surgeries to look feminine. You're really just chasing your own tail.

>>40595902
>Gay males can be lovable, funny, liked by cis women and you know that not you.
>I will pretend to be le gay man on estrogen because that's more likeable than being a tranny
being HSTS seems like the most cucked reality possible I'm so sorry

>>40596175
they probably think those trannies don't know what they're doing and it'll end up differently for them due to their superior HRT gnosis (dr powers method)

>>40596280
At least you're not driven insane with an impossible dream.

>>40596103
It is a bummer that transmen and transwomen essentially get bumped into 3rd and 4th genders. But really, only because people ingroup based on commonality so much.
I think a motivator for this is just seeing all trans people as mentally unhinged, irritating, or otherwise so easy to offend they're not worth building friendships with.
And that's awful, but the basis for it feels chicken-egg, where it's like, are we cruel to trannies/create unrealistic expectations, making them insufferable, or is it the converse? Are they simply insufferable, and now we are cruel to them?
I have trans friends so I feel really badly for their treatment.

>>40596394
Not everyone is pretending at life you autistic freak

>>40596324
THINK OF IT, ME BOI, THINK OF THE FUTURE!! OF BEING
ZESTY
DADDY

>>40596357
based

>>40596420
i'd let that dude grope me ngl

>>40596372
i actually think it's the opposite, at least for me i pass better irl than in photos. selfie cameras stretch out my face and especially my chin and makes my nose look wonkier. irl i just look like a woman with a wonky nose and a big chin.

yeah, i fell for the trans timelines memes and all the general excitement that happens when you start something for the first time that no matter how jaded you already are, still contains the hope of the unknown and the possibility of radically fixing everything.

now a few years later im literally just still me but with less body and facial hair and boobs. nothing changed and i feel just kind of embarassed imagining myself telling another person that im trans, im nothing really, just a confused male that doesnt want to be himself fighting a losing battle against genetics and time. i knew that from the start really, but i wanted to believe it could be helped.

>>40596404
i'm not really against the cathegorization of trans people as a third gender, at least on a social and cultural level. Countries like Tailand have it working relatively well, makes the acceptance of trannies quicker. A lot of trans people need to admit that, due to experiences and other factors they will always be fundamentally different from cissoids, being unable to accept that reality only creates social tension against the majority, who sadly have the reigns of things. If ftm and mtf were catalogued as a third cathegory, that functionaly and visually works the same as a regular male or female, but allows for in group designation and colaboration, then it would be for the best. ftms and mtfs will never fully integrate as males or females in the eyes of society.

i dont think being trans makes you an agp fetishist and all the stuff transphobes say necessarily, but can we admit it just have a whiff of the narcissistic and self obsessed about it? its the elephant in the room. to be trans is to say fuck nature, fuck genetics, fuck the circumstances of my life. im going to force it and make it work for me anyway. To try and go all the way with transitioning just makes me feel like a delusional hon, i have to cope as a castrated man and mind my business and not try and make other people humor my retarded fantasy life i wish i had.

>>40596496
why can't we just be men and women and then acknowledge the differences when relevant?

>>40595296
>i thought that by 5 years from then people would accept trans people as our internal gender and anyone who didn't would be seen as like a schizo antivaxxer or soemthing.
LOL.

>>40596775
people will only care about the difference, the only way is to appropiate it and exploit it in our favor.

>>40594905 (OP)
>to be a woman and not some kind of flamboyant gay man on estrogen, like all cis allies and other trannies expect you to be.
i fell for this I feel like a fool lol

>>40597150
yeah i know i was naive but that doesn't mean it doesn't still suck.
>>40597207
i don't want the constant humiliation of being marked whether socially or bureaucratically unless *absolutely* necessary