how often do you have mental breakdowns and what triggered your most recent one

>>40599437 (OP)
every week ; divided over the concept of transracialism. it doesnt even appeal to me i just cant get it out of my head. what if its real what if its real. if so the world is so fucked. what if its fake what if its fake. if so i myself am so fucked because only ppl with severe mental illness or 0 moral compass would even entertain the notion.

usually its just gender dysphoria though this is new

Every day when I look in the mirror

I lost my mind a few years ago, I couldn't even tell what was real, felt like everyone was relentlessly trying to get me, couldn't even go outside and being insane gave me panic attacks my mind just got numb, it was as if it gave up on being fearful. I became cynical and egotistical, a psychologist suggested meditation and martial arts, I had nothing to lose so I did it, since then I have calmed down but I still don't trust anyone.

>>40599437 (OP)
every day or two. i had a few years where i got it down to once every few weeks. my most recent one (today) is because im just comically unlucky right now. im having a medical issue that misgenders me (lmfao) and my car is broken down so i cant even go to the doctor. i would ask my dad or at least tell my bf if i was a guy and not a tranny but i dont even know how to tell aomeone about this
the few before that were also bottom dysphoria related because i am still a pre op rapehon since covid and money delayed and then prevented my srs haahhahahhaah

>>40599526
>being insane
*inside
But yeah I was/am insane.

>>40599489
i have race dysphoria its definitely real for people who are mixed or grow up in a mixed community. Its not the same as a girl wanting to look Asian bc of kpop

>>40599532
lady you literally have a bf and you won't ask him for a ride to the doctor?

>>40599489
interesting, explain it. i wont laugh at you.

>>40599544
i figure that mixed ppl get it but like. in general for anyone. it freaks me out thinking that basically everyone could be doing right now the shit we were doing to trans women in the fucking 1950s (or if we're being real the shit happening to me right now in my rural town) like, it hit me. how do we know it couldnt happen again? how do we know we're not all drowning in yet another lie? except with race the stakes are so much fucking higher and i could be out of my head completely. GOD

>>40599686
hmmm you might actually be crazy

>>40599620
i imagine it would happen the same way modern transfeminists explain being trans: its just an inclination you cant change, and the reason we assume its fake is because we haven't let the people who it applies to speak. but again! it could be completely different and giving those ppl a platform on /this/ issue could be harmful! idk, thats the whole problem

>>40599437 (OP)
Had a big one in spring, landed me in the hospital, I was shaking and screaming

>>40599437 (OP)
>how often do you have mental breakdowns
every day when the coffee wears off
>what triggered your most recent one
when the caffeine comes down

>>40599616
oh i suppose i didn't explain this part, he lives with me and we share the car. id be telling him to seek comfort more than anything

>>40599716
sorry. what triggered it and what helped you get over it

>>40599695
truth bomb

maybe every 2 years? it like strictly correlates with a job like 8 months in im like "oh i cant believe this is my life WAAAAAAA" and totally freak out and im there right now. suicidal thoughts around the clock double dissociation. a chaser bf would fix me on the low. who lives in. ontarioooooooo

>>40599731
uhhh it was 100 things, I was not getting accepted for all the jobs I was applying to, I wanted so bad to get into uni and for months they and the govt were pulling my leg until somehow 4 months after applying I was accepted (after the panic attack), and a few more but my life being directionless was a big one

every week

>>40599742
that's actually at least somewhat understandable. it is a crime against humanity that girls have to work. i'm sorry society is evil

>>40599788
details please make it an essay i bet you have alot of words in your head

>>40599798
i don't need to blogpost about it, im just unhappy with my life and i don't like myself. having a breakdown feels normal and it happens like clockwork

>>40599437 (OP)
often. depends on how stable things are. i get weekly mood swings from hormones but i'm not counting those so like once a month at the worst a couple times a year is average. i've never gone longer than 2 years without one. i'm in one right now idk what triggered it well i guess i do idk some life trauma. unwanted sexual advances from a friend among other things have me feeling really lost.
i tend to either really break down like i become irritable and highly emotional and i'm constantly sobbing or like this time i just detach from reality
i have been walking outside with my hands outstretched trying to feel air and things.
this is better i guess because i don't self isolate as much, i talk to people less and the things i say to them feel weird to me but not enough anyone notices i guess.
idk. i can't cry. i feel crazy. it's like a zero mood. accompanied with a gnawing feeling of imposter syndrome. i'm not real, i'm not supposed to be here, i'm not really alive, maybe i died a while ago. it's debilitating and i forget to eat and sleep. forget if i've eaten or slept. i lose my love for various hobbies and interests.
i always lose something too when i come back. something that used to be important to me stops being important and i can't put myself back in the headspace for it. idk. i'm rambling mostly because i've lost some friends i confide in which is what's spiraled me.
i feel like when i get sad and angry and cry and cry it's still me but when i get like this the me that i was before is dead and i'm something else. i have a fuzzy recollection of memories before last month but they don't feel like mine they are like remembering a movie or something.

>>40599973
yea but im curious and want to know. even more so now that you don't want to share

>>40599999

thank you for sharing, this was sad and strangely poetic to read. I hope you feel better.

>i always lose something too when i come back. something that used to be important to me stops being important and i can't put myself back in the headspace for it

that part especially

>i'm not real, i'm not supposed to be here, i'm not really alive, maybe i died a while ago

have you seen a movie called presence

>>40599437 (OP)
quite often; unemployment

>>40599437 (OP)
i got a diabolically bad haircut a few days ago that ogremoded me and i've been breaking down every single day since for hours. it's made me see myself as a man for the first time ever, instead of as a trans woman.

>>40600142
Did you quit or get fired?

>>40599437 (OP)
my biggest was a few months ago like may or even early june in front of my parents
i cry almost everyday but breakdowns are usually once or twice a month maybe. maybe more desu idk it depends on what u consider a mental breakdown.
what usually triggers me is seeing myself in the mirror especially when im changing clothes to go outside and i cant hide all my body with hoodies and pants bc of the temperature and so i need to wear shorts and tshirts and i feel horrible with any outfit i put on. or watching videos and reels stories etc of passoids youngshits transgirls of my age and remembering how my parents didnt let me start hrt when i came out to them as a minor

>>40600147
How much hair did they cut off? What texture is your hair (coarse, fine). You'll grow back about half an inch per month, so it's not forever

post bangs I won't be mean

>>40600014
doesn't everybody have breakdowns? life is so ugly and difficult

>>40600167
>i cry almost everyday
nobody deserves to be that sad im so sorry

>or watching videos and reels stories etc of passoids youngshits transgirls of my age and remembering how my parents didnt let me start hrt when i came out to them as a minor

im not saying your ugly but if you think you are for whatever reason: stop noticing attractive people and start noticing ugly people.

keep your eyes peeled for them at the store with their ugly husbands/wives. go to subway and sit down and just watch the people that eat there. they exist and most of them are happy

>>40600249
nope

>>40600200
she cut off all the hair on the side of my face that framed my face.

i'm starting hrt basically 3 years late (moved to this college specifically to get hrt, everything went severely wrong with my mental health for three years). so, i'm desperately trying to cling onto the possibility that i can transition successfully, even though i started at 21 and not 18 like i planned to for my WHOLE TEENS

this haircut made me feel like i just got shot in the fucking head. it makes me feel like my face will never, ever be able to let me pass. i was so hopeful before

>>40599437 (OP)
i had a bad one after i got fired but i'm kinda feeling nice recently

>>40600344
Cute girl

>>40600344
ok so you definitely look better with bangs and that's a generally bad haircut, never go back there

but it's not bad enough to get depressed over, I would say so if it was because im a jerk and a piece of shit

based on the texture of your hair, you will have your bangs back in about 2 months, maybe 45 days you take biotin and massage your scalp in the morning and before bed. You can offset the haircut by trying not to radiate sadness with your facial expression

how long have you been on hrt

>>40600409
8 months

>>40600424
lmfao you need to relax, you're gonna make it

>>40600424
ygmi you'll be okay girl