i know ill never be able to cope with existing or accept not being cis but how do i at least become semi-functional? i always feel so disgusting & repulsive & a burden to everyones eyesight to the point where i struggle severely going outside & staying employed. If my skin & hair & clothes arent perfect ill cry in a car park instead of going to the grocery store. i have so much irrational fear of people that i can never get over. If my morning routine doesnt go as I planned I will be dysfunctional for the rest of the day.

All of that, though, is not even my biggest concern. I facepass but my body being permanently mutilated by t in ways i can neverever fix is what most crushes me. I feel so insufficient for my partner. I often wish he would just recognize how repulsive I am & hate me & move on to a cis woman that actually deserves him instead of being stuck with a weird estrogenized tranny fag he must definitely find weird & gross in some ways. I have major trust issues so regardless of the amount of times he reassures me I can never believe or internalize any of it. im fundamentally broken and deserve less than nothing.

>>40602861 (OP)
This was heartbreaking to read but the fact you have a partner proves that things aren’t as terrible as they seen