Idk sometimes I just kind of miss being a femboy despite being a stealth post everything mtf. Like despite the bullying it was fun and I could kind of do whatever because I was hated anyways but now that I'm stealth I always have to worry that some change in presentation will ruin my life by outing me. I'm guessing it's probably just misplaced nostalgia mixed with being annoyed at shitty SRS results. Or maybye being a weeb. Idk

No regrets about transing though because based off the guys in my family if I didn't take HRT at 16 I probably wouldn't of stayed a femboy once my late puberty happened and like of course dysphoria makes me prefer being a girl.

Is anyone else like this or am I weird?

>>40606207 (OP)
I think that's a perfectly sensible way to feel, one of the trvkes this board always hates to hear is that patriarchy is real and being a woman is definitely harder than being a man, being a trans woman doubly so. Cis women fantasize about getting a taste of male freedom all the time, it makes sense trans women would occasionally yearn specifically for that part of the male experience.

>>40606260
That makes sense. Tho desu I'm not 100% sure if that's true In My case just because I can dress tomboyish and no one cares vs before just growing my hair out and wearing women's skinny jeans and coats made people bully me. And I live in a blue state and am a nerd so get + social points for being a woman in stem /gamer girl.

But then again my tomboyish fits are exclusively woman's section and not shopping both aisles like I did as a femboy

>>40606207 (OP)
i mean i miss the fact that basically nothing is expected of guys and they can just do whatever, but i don't really relate. whenver i think about being male or being seen as male it makes me feel like shit. i probably deserve it though for not finding a way to get srs even though i started when you did

>>40606503
Nah you don't deserve it any more or less than I did. I mostly just won the parents lottery and got middle-class blue state supportive and good health insurance. It was more or less handed to me even pushed a little bit desu. Like I was considering an orchi I stead because of some stories I heard about Drs but my parents shot that idea down.

NGL there is the chance I might be nonbinary like I had no idea whether I was NB or MtF when I came out and just told it and came out as MtF because it seemed easier to get HRT that way.

>>40606622
yeah our experiences sound both very similar and different. you might be enby, i never really had to ask myself that question because i have a very strong female identity. i also had good parents and insurance, but right when i was about to start the process of getting srs covid happened, and now im just not in a situation where i can, so im gonna have to wait and go out of pocket :( and im scared to ask my parents to help pay

>>40606735
Mood same. I actually originally had SRS with a good surgeon scheduled right as covid hit. But ended up going to a local surgeon instead and like unironically wish I pushed harder with my parents on getting an orchi as having balls was a bigger issue to me than anything. Like SRS if you don't get it from a big name surgeon is like not worth it unless the dysphoria is really bad.

Interesting about the strong sense of identity tho. I wasn't sure if that was a meme or not desu. Because my gender identity feels very external, like I felt like a boy because everyone called me one, I felt like an it/it's NB because everyone treated me like a gender reject and now I feel like a girl because that's how people treat me now that I'm stealth. The bigger deal to me was HRT and the name because I really wanted a gender neutral one.

Damn typing this out really just makes me wish NB acceptance was better in 2016. I never really got a chance to experiment with that because my parents pushed me into girl moding within less than a year of HRT. And my main transition regret other than shitty SRS is I didn't really get to experiment with that liminal in between phase because of my parents and now it's to late because I've been a girl for 9 yrs and experimenting with being NB would be awkward.

>>40606207 (OP)
not exactly. i had no interest in being a boy fem or not. but shitty srs results do make me wish i had more time in the liminal space of being a pre op trans girl. i really never thought it would happen to me but damn i miss my dick, man

>>40606207 (OP)
I had an nb femboy phase that lasted a couple years before I got on e, and I def miss it sometimes

I think I would prefer to be a femboy to being a woman but I'm in a similar boat of being too far along in transition that it would require a lot of work, and I don't particularly care enough to put in that work

I think another thing for me especially is that it might just be that I miss a time when I was younger and had a greater zest for life, and my femboy phase kinda represents that

Also femboys are hot and I like being hot idk. Since I'm also post-srs I feel like it'd be weird; no offense to the ftmfemboys, but I feel like the aesthetic of "I'm a boy actually :3" doesn't rly work out if you don't have a penis yknow?

>>40607177
yeah if only our parents had been swapped, i came out in 2018 and my mom pushed me to identify as enby because of like "why do you have to be a woman" and "i don't feel gender strongly"
she thankfully came around but im sorry you never had that option

>>40607217
Mood shitty SRS is like so crushing. Like I had bottom dysphoria and miss my dick because the results are like just troublesome in daily life, at least the dick knew it's place and didn't cause trouble. LOL And the results gross me out almost as much as having a dick did. Maybye a top surgeon would have been better.

>>40607251
Damn that basically sums up everything I'm feeling about this. Like I see how Theyfabs(basically what I would end up as) get treated by non trans people basically just like fancy tomboys so like why bother. Like I know the common opinion is only AFabs can pull of NB but if you actually want to pull of being treated as third gender you need to either bulldyke max(not my style) or be visibly AMAB but androgynous fem. So why bother I already chose a neutral girl name anyways. Also yeah your right being any sort of femboy with no dick would be peak cringe basically cis woman tiktok larper tier.

>>40607370
I mean I didn't really push back on it desu so it's equally my fault. Like I was getting HRT and my mom helping me fem clothes out of it. Was a good deal and like I was/am 50/50 on whether NB or MtF so picking the convenient option just made sense to highschool me since it didn't really matter much at the time.

It's more so now that I've been stealth In public for like 5ish years and I just feel more like my NB friends than most cis womanbl not sure how much of that is just me not being neurotyoical tho. And sometines the secret keeping of stealth hurts.

>>40607523
oh i never really internalized the difference between me and cis women that way. im stealth too but my friends are mostly men because i just let my bf handle our social lives because im a gigaautist. i also relate to feeling pain from keeping stealth, i kinda hate it because im so scared of everyone finding out all the time, but i can't just not be stealth either because that's exactly what im afraid of. whenever i think about a way in which i feel iwnbaw it just makes me sad instead of feeling like part of my identity.

>>40607622
Interesting... Thanks for your response. Makes me think nonbinary vsi girl is closer to like a 65/35 chance I guess which probably makes sense because literally my biggest issue with coming out was not feeling like a girl like at all inside despite really wanting HRT to stay androgynous. Like I even considered just blocking T/diy orchi with no e before I realized that's just not an option lol.

Not that there is really much to do about it bow lol other than be glad I lucked into small boobs despite my families genetics.

>>40606207 (OP)
i feel this a lot, though unfortunately my femboy phase lasted 10 years from age 11 so ill never b a passoid

yeah i was very attached to being a femboy too. there is a lot of appeal in wanting to stay as you are because its safe, a boy who is feminine cant help it but if you're trans its deliberate and people will hold it against you, plus theres a chance you can fail at it and thats on you.

>>40609173
That makes sense like there was some effort out into it but also was partly just how I was due to late puberty. Definitely had it held against me tho most of the ways people bullied me ended up complimenting me because I liked being told I looked like a girl and would never be a real man lmao

>>40606260
>being a woman is definitely harder than being a man, being a trans woman doubly so
This is not even remotely true. Society doesn't give a single fuck about men, whereas women are inherently valuable and privileged. A man is only valuable if he is exceptionally attractive, exceptionally tall, or exceptionally wealthy. If he isn't either of those things, then he may as well not exist. Women (cis or trans) will always have support and protection, and men are on their own. Is this not why transmaxxing even exists? No one will weep over one less man in the world.

>>40610354
It really depends on the person what is worse. Men have all these expectations and if you can't live up to them it sucks, the expectations are generally lower as a girl and you have more freedom in being GNC but you have to deal with more harassment. Also higher standards towards getting ready to go places in non queer circles.

The real W tho is girl w/guy friends.You get the perfect mix of kid gloves and low expectations

>>40606207 (OP)
> stealth post everything mtf
> miss being a femboy
no i cannot relate bitch what are you even saying get a grip

>>40610842
I mean it's not like I'd even consider detrans or anything but like there is this weird nostalgia for it idk. Wasn't sure if this was weird or not

>>40606207 (OP)
Weird if you thought bullying was worse as a femboy... You were a natural male and I can almost guarantee a lot more desirable as one. Now you're a mutilated freak lying to himself. Having a penis is one of the best, most enjoyable things in life. And you decided it all at 16, before you could really get a chance to weigh it all

>>40606207 (OP)
>Is anyone else like this or am I weird?
thats sort of like my life
my close family knows im on hrt but i socially go by male stuff because i dont want to cause rifts or trouble in the family. People irl will call me she and then my family will say "actually he is a guy". i sort of just ignore dysphoria as much as i can because being pitied by my family or treated awkwardly by crossdressing just makes me feel more dysphoric than looking like a girl in unisex clothes

>>40610928
The bullying was about the same lol in 2016 highschool other than some weird weebs everyone hated that including the teachers at least as a trans I had legal protections and lefties on my side. I mean I literally have no regrets about HRT. I mean you either twink die by becoming a Man or a Woman and I don't regret that choice 0/10 would want to become hairy, bald, muscly and bulky ick. It's more so a mix of having an androgynous aesthetic taste, misplaced nostalgia, and bad SRS results.

NGL thinking maleness(3D at least) is beautiful is literally a brain rotted gay only opinion sry.

Tho I will admit I wish I could of been more like my trans friend who just straight up didn't want SRS. Instead of letting myself get pushed that way because I was unsure and to wishy-washy to say anything. And ending up butchered.

>>40610996
>Instead of letting myself get pushed that way because I was unsure and to wishy-washy to say anything. And ending up butchered.
oof rip wound

>>40610996
why did you get srs?

>>40610996
You just admitted you were pushed into irreversible surgery you didn’t really want, and that you feel butchered. That’s not no regrets...that’s coping with damage and trying to make peace with a choice you weren’t ready for.

The rest about “dying as a twink or becoming a woman”... that’s internet fantasy logic, not real life wisdom. You traded natural male beauty for lifelong medicalization and hiding, and now you’re stuck justifying it to yourself.

And calling maleness “3D brain rot” just shows how much you’ve internalized hatred for your own body. Some of us actually see natural male beauty as something worth valuing, not erasing.

>>40610618
>you have to deal with more harassment.
On the flip side, stealth FTMs have a habit of bitching about the utter lack of care the people around them have for them.

>>40606207 (OP)
no as I was never a femboy

>>40611128
why are you typing like ai

Stop cutting your dicks off, retards. And no I don't give a shit about the fetish. Mutilating yourself won't make you more or less female.

>>40610953
Oof that's rough hope it gets less awkward for you at somepoint.

>>40611048
>>40611016
Well I did have some dysphoria related to my old bits. And I also just wanted to get my balls removed so no more AAs and that was the worst dysphoria causing but and I developed an OCD theme that I'd get testicular cancer because it would be an ironic way to die as a tranny. But I was on the fence between SRS or an Orchi. I was kind of leaning Orchi because I could always get SRS later but not the reverse but my parents didn't like that idea and it was their insurance paying. Ended up getting a zero depth SRS because I was scared and honestly just not super into the idea of penetrative sex in general. But the surgeon managed to botch even that.

Basically only get SRS if it's a big name surgeon.

>>40611128
The no regrets is about HRT and social transition lol. I wish I could undo the surgery and just get an Orchi more so due to complications than missing the dick, really only miss it for portapotties and similar situations where standing to pee was super clutch.

Also it's gay brain rot. The 3D comment was mostly that I do find anime bishounen beautiful and pretty. But not IRL men because I'm a degen Fuji transbian.

i wasted my adolescence trying to LARP as a good ol' boy and then the troon virus got to me anyways, being a femboy would have been fun

>>40610996
>It's more so a mix of having an androgynous aesthetic taste, misplaced nostalgia, and bad SRS results.
You're probably an enby.
>>40611228
>I was kind of leaning Orchi because I could always get SRS later but not the reverse but my parents didn't like that idea and it was their insurance paying.
You let your parents convince you to make a permanent surgical decision you were unsure about?
You dumb fuck.

>>40611139
That's because no one cares about men. I honestly am baffled that any woman would forsake her privileges and special treatment so she can be a man, let alone a short man. It's a gynocentric world.

>>40611292
>That's because no one cares about men.
Yeah, that was kinda my point. Lol.

>>40611229
Really I just feel bad, I watched the country go in the "based" direction that past me totally agreed with, and now that I am like this I notice how I used to treat women, my past attitude towards gender nonconformity is now hip.

It's like I saw a glimpse of the truth when I was 14, but I was a coward so rather an exploring it I helped to create a both internal and external monster that is now imprisoning me in this shitty half existence. Now I get to watch my hair fall out and everyone shit all over trannies, and for what? So I could be the fucking clown? (but hey at least I was masculine!)

>>40611246
NGL I was low key just like very mental Ill at the time compared to now and like the OCD was strong pretty much anything to get the balls removed was worth. And desu I'd probably say the zero depth SRS vs a penis would have been a neutral trade if not for my surgeon being garbage tier. Looking back my therapist shouldn't of given me the letter okaying it. Oh well can't fix it now just have to put up with the issues.

>Your probably NB
Yeah... I probably wouldn't be still having doubts that I was actually NB after 9 years of successful transition if I wasn't. Just not really sure what their is to do about that honestly. I'm afraid experimenting with being openly NB would make people think I'm detrooning(not true), a liar(semi true)I told the Drs and parents I was 100% sure MtF and never mentioned NB to avoid getting the wait and think about it treatment I wanted my HRT lol, or also even though their was fun aspects of being femboy I'm also lowkey traumatized about the idea of being openly queer to normies from the bullying for being femboy/openly trans in highschool.

>>40611380
>Oh well can't fix it now just have to put up with the issues.
If it bothers you that much you might be able to get a revision from a better surgeon. I don't know much about SRS though.
>never mentioned NB to avoid getting the wait and think about it treatment
Probably a good call. I'm sort of an enby femboy myself. If I ever go on HRT I'm DIYing, but if DIYing wasn't an option I'd 100% lie to the doctors about being MTF.
>I'm also lowkey traumatized about the idea of being openly queer to normies from the bullying for being femboy/openly trans in highschool.
That's highschool. The adult world is different (depending on where you live).
Obviously do whatever you want, but don't let other people be the thing that stops you from living your best life. Fuck that noise.

>>40611306
Oof sucks that happened to you, like I know it feels deserved but a lot of the transphobic stuff is also literally a psyop so you were also a victim. I guess you could at least try finn and maybye HRT and try to salvage what you have if the top hasn't balded yet.

>>40611428
Yeah at least In college the worst NB people get is the assigned at birth pronouns over they/them on accident but are otherwise respected and such. Low key was kind of jealous of my friends X gender marker at least before Trump happened.

But yeah I don't regret how I came out it was 2016 trans visibility just started for normies. Only other way to get HRT as quick was DIY or self orchiectomy(my og plan before I discovered being a eunuch doesn't cause you to literally stay a femboy forever lol)

>>40611505
>my og plan before I discovered being a eunuch doesn't cause you to literally stay a femboy forever lo
I really wish not having hormones was sustainable.
It'd take the pressure off.

>>40611505
fortunately I think I am still young enough that it could work out, I just hate myself for wasting my life like that and making everything slightly worse for what turned out to be my people

>>40606260
>being a woman is definitely harder than being a man
>Open shitter
>18 year old made more money in under a day posting on OF than most people in my country will in their life
>Close shitter
WHY WAS I BORN MALE also fuck you

always had gyno so I never had a chance ;_;

>>40611746
>18 year old is incentivized to immediately sell her body to pedophiles waiting for the second she turns legal
>you're jealous of this for some reason
you need to quit watching porn. today.

>>40607433
nah i went to a top surgeon and still am like this

>>40612562
Oof that sucks

>>40611746
attractive young girls make money off of OF. the rest just get their photos leaked and kill themselves.

also, men can make a lot of money from porn because faggots who fetishize straight men almost always fetishize dominance, and that includes findom, so you could literally just start posting your feet pics on reddit and work your way through getting a faggot begging to throw money at you, but you'd rather bitch about how hard you have it

>>40613612
This actually being successful as a female OF girl is from my understanding more or less just marginally more likely than guys who try to become successful twitch streamers except it's also exclusively gated behind extreme attractiveness. Where as being a game streamer can be but greasy streamers also seem to make it

>>40612506
>you need to quit watching porn. today.
Truth. That shit came up on his twitter for a reason.