How do i get over not having a cis fem childhood. I feel like being born the wrong gender is the root of the majority of my unhappiness.

pic rel unrelated

>>40609239 (OP)
>pic rel unrelated

Oxymoronic sentence #3306

>>40609311
go back

>>40609239 (OP)
cis fem childhoods are nothing to be jealous of. did you have any sisters?

>>40609239 (OP)
you don’t

>>40609324
I am aware of the issues with cisf childhoods, children are evil no matter the gender. I just think that if i actually felt comfortable in my gender presentation at a young age i would have in general just been a more talkative and well rounded person who isolated less and generally had more of an ability to enjoy life instead of just room rotting. I also think being born cis and always being seen by my parents as a girl would really improve my life.

>>40609377
well you can only control what you can, and in this case that's ruminating. because even if you had a cisf childhood, if you still ruminated then you might be like "what if i had a cism childhood" or "what if i were born with a trust fund" and so on

>>40609774
I guess so but i dont think id be this fucked up ab it. Like sometimes i wonder "what if i was rich" or something and it might be a fun fantasy but its not this crushing. Not being born cis makes it feel like almost a piece of my soul was ripped from me.

But i get what you mean. I have to try to worry about what i can control. But idk, its hard when i see girls my age and know ill never have all theyve had.

>>40609881
"hardship builds character"
life's never going to go as we wish. you don't have to reframe it as "character building" but if it's really bothering you and you're finding it hard to move forward from the past you wish you had, it might help to look for the ways the past you did have helped you. maybe it helped shape you into the woman you are today. maybe if you were afab you would actually be even less of a woman by taking certain things for granted

>>40609956
i have thought ab this, but like, kind of fucked up thought but id rather be happy then a better person being entirely honest. Like being trans probably did make me a better person but it certainly hasnt made me happier.

>>40609239 (OP)
>pic rel unrelated
newfag

>>40609774
>you might be like "what if i had a cism childhood"
nta. no.

>"what if i were born with a trust fund"
>Dysphoria is comparable to common jealousy

what?

Being trans is what has broken most of my life. If the thing causing it to be broken hadn’t been there, then it wouldn’t be broken. The normal problems in life which would be there had I been born cis are not comparable.

Like a rich person chiding someone who can’t afford food, “being rich isn’t really better than starving, I still have problems”

>>40609239 (OP)
Are you unable to pass OP? If you can pass, then make up for it by going stealth and getting all those adult cisf experiences. If you're autistic which you probably are you can cope with knowing that you wouldn't have had a normal cisf childhood as an autistic cis girl either so it doesn't matter. If this still bothers you look into thought blocking techniques, OCD resources might help- I snap a rubber band on my wrist several times whenever a compulsion is comes up for example.

>>40609239 (OP)
My female childhood was shit.

>>40609774
>ruminating
It’s not simply ruminating to observe how your life is presently broken, and how that is cause by the
past. The damage is present and persistent.

>just move past it
Not how it works when you were never permitted to really become a person.

>>40610271
i understand ..

>>40610224
>Are you unable to pass OP?

Maybe in a few years? Idk tho passing feels so stupidly far away. I feel like ill be stuck a forever twinkhon. I can post an unsee if ppl want but im ugly.

>If you're autistic which you probably are you can cope with knowing that you wouldn't have had a normal cisf childhood as an autistic cis girl either so it doesn't matter.

But like i want the cis autistic girl childhood experience yknow? even with the truama its better then this just like.. idk this just feeling like i just cant live life. Like im outside of everything and the world will just pass me by through no fault of my own. Itd be worth it for my mom to just love me for being a girl if nothing else.

>>40610247
Same here. I understand where OP is coming from but it's not a desirable experience unless you are first world, thin, NT, straight, white, etc

>>40610271
Childhood is the time of formative experiences. You can’t form yourself into a person if you didn’t get those experiences, and are now closed off to such experiences by time and circumstance.

>>40610691
i was so isolated as a child. my parents didnt talk to me. i didnt have any friends. its like i was chained up in a basement my entire life. i ended up being a hikineet till i was 20. im 23 now and im completely malformed as a person. i have zero social skills. i never learned the strength to exist in this world. and on top of everything i am humiliatingly, devastatingly transsexual. every day i think about ending my life because theres just nothing for me. i am not really a person and i dont know what to do. is it really just over for me

>>40609239 (OP)
yeah. male socialization was the worst thing that ever happened to me and i still feel very alienated from cis women despite being stealth on paper. that said i am an autistic loser and would still be an autistic loser if i was cis
i just wish i could be normal. i wish i could relate to anyone but im a total failed youngshit freak

>>40610772
>is it really just over for me
The only thing to do is build what life can be built from where we are. It will never be as it should have been… It’s helpful to seek out other trans people irl, or even online, like here - people who have some understanding. Grow through the process of interacting with other people. In principle... For the most part it doesn’t seem to work, but sometimes, a bit… Success is 95% failure, and you can’t succeed if you don’t try... It’s hard...

Nothing to do but to keep on going – failure, after failure, after failure… I’m tired.

>>40610772
>i didnt have any friends.
I lost what friends I had when puberty hit, and everyone clocked me as gay – they didn’t really know what trans was.

>>40610083
we're on the same page, the point is to reframe it however it makes you happier because what you are doing now is reliving pain.
>>40610145
you're chiding me for trying to help too. enjoy your pity party then.

>>40611243
>you're chiding me for trying to help
I’m not trying to chide you for trying to help – and I appreciate you trying to help. I’m pointing out that comparing the life altering damage of growing up trans to a cis person’s ponderings of "what if i had a cism childhood", or to some person’s "what if i were born with a trust fund", diminishes or dismisses the significance of growing up trans.

>>40611432
you are right, sorry.

>>40610813
the worst feeling in the world is feeling like a skinwalker no matter how hard you try.

>>40611544
yeah :(
i have no idea how to even get better from here.

>>40611537
Thanks. And sorry if I came across as overly critical.

i get this as an ftm repressor, i hated being socialized female. personally i wish society wasn't so gendered. it is so so annoying

>>40612214
yeah.. idk i feel like as a kid especially i had no fucking chance of being normal because i was a tranny who was constantly surrounded by middle school boys who got social ostracized if i tried to talk to girls. Of course i felt awkward and gross and out of place

>>40612214
I think nowadays I spend most of my free time doing shit that would be considered childish and unattractive by most women on tinder looking to get a sugar daddy.

I don't mean to wallow in self pity but I imagine if having a shitty childhood was already enough to handicap me mentally, I can only imagine what having a shitty childhood and not feeling right in your body must be. I don't usually have many strong opinions on trans people, some of you guys are bad and some are good, but that's with all people I guess. For those of you that don't base your existence on sex I do feel for you. I hope you are able to heal one day. For what little that counts coming from me.

>>40612246
how did you get ostracized? i was really shy so i didn't bother making friends with anyone who didn't approach me, so unfortunately i just didn't insert myself with male friend groups.
i think i'm kind of weird in general so maybe i would have had social anxiety even if i was born male, but it is so much easier for me to connect with them and i really think friendship wouldn't feel like a hurdle for me if i was a man.

>>40612277
thank you i appreciate it anon, yea it does kinda suck idk.. i get sad a lot thinking ab normal teenage high school experiences ill never have like being brought to prom and such. Idk its dumb but it gets to me a lot

> For those of you that don't base your existence on sex I do feel for you

Because you seem nice im going to let you in on a secret. As someone who has spoken to and is friends with many very sexual "agp rapehon" types as this place would call them, Most of them are just hyper sexual from having been SA'd young. They are incredibly nice if a bit unstable when you get to know them (i say as someone borderline asexual)

>>40612302
As a kid i thought to myself "if i make everyone laugh people will like me :)" so i basically became a lolcow doing lol random shit in peoples faces until they found it mildly amusing and laughed at me. I eventually grew out of it and transitioned to my "get very emotionally attached to awful manipulative people" era which emotionally fucked me up equally as much as being a lolcow if not more so. I no longer feel able to have trusting relationships in people and feel like life passed me by.

>>40612322
If it's any consolation, I'm an autistic and depressed (been so for the last decade) bi twink and I never got to experience any of that "teenage love" stuff. I take care of my loved ones and I think that's been enough to keep me going as of late. Just a better future rather than wallowing over the past and whatever might've happened in childhood. Try to find something to lift you forward in that regard. Maybe you have already and you don't realize it.

i wouldn't know. It's hard to connect to people you share only surface level interests like liking the same games so we've never really crossed paths. I have like one trans adjacent friend. Though I've always hated the sorts of monsters that target children, even if I'm not exactly in the position to change anything in that world. It's very tragic if that's the true case for most of them.

>>40612340
oh hey i also used to be a lolcow before i transitioned. became kind of a shut in loser because of it

>>40609239 (OP)
>I feel like being born the wrong gender is the root of the majority of my unhappiness.
This. If I wasn’t trans, life would have other problems, but as it is, pretty much everything is traceable to this one thing.

Not all problems are the same – if only I had normal people problems instead of the “I don’t get to live my life” problems of being trans.

Watching everyone else get to live in the form that they should be, with recognition from others of what they are. And complete incomprehension that things could be otherwise.

Bump

>>40611544
>skinwalker
The consequence of never being allowed to grow into yourself. Simply not thinking about the past does not alter how things are now.

>>40611610
no that's on me, thx for calling me out. i do this all the time i try to be helpful but i make it worse. i want to be helpful though so it helps to learn what i'm doing wrong. next time i will just try to engage and listen without being like prescriptive

>>40609239 (OP)
U don’t, u learn to find joy in being not cis. There’s things to like and you’ll be happier if you find those ^_^

>>40615533
but like there are certain things i do enjoy ab being trans that just, arent even close to worth it. I like what being trans stands for, what it represents but as an actual thing to be its miserable and i hate it.

>>40614927
yeah this.. i dont think boymoding helps either i feel constantly split between multiple lives and none of them are truly who i am or what i want to be. At my job the other day 2 alt girls came in who were around my age and obviously very good friends and idk.. it just made me really sad. Like i could look at what my life could have been but i can never truly experience it.

>>40613398
> if only I had normal people problems instead of the “I don’t get to live my life” problems of being trans.
Yeah like ik its a grass is greener on the other side thing but most other problems i feel i could have encountered feel really trivial and i feel like if i was born cis it would have in some ways forced me to learn things quicker and younger so i didnt have to deal with them when i was older and they effected me more.