What if you don't pass, is it just over for you? Personally, I think there's more but it's hard to believe in sometimes. Wbu?

>>40611950 (OP)
ye I just detrooned and am happier now

>>40611950 (OP)
it feels like im in my own personal hell being a twunkhon. people are usually nice to me but children stare and i get double takes in the bathroom sometimes. old people dont care to placate me and will call me sir straight to my face.

it feels like it wasnt worth it. i have some peace of mind and feel a bit more comfortable in my skin but it still feels like ive failed

>>40611960
what was it like before you trooned, since you detrooned and all

>>40611950 (OP)
Imo if you don't pass after like 4-5 years on e you might as well detroon

>>40611969
I feel you, been manmoding for two years now and its hard to care about much like this. Same on still feeling like it's failed, though you mean it different from being a twinkhon, its like pure losing with nothing particular to it yknow? It sucks, hope things better for you nona

>>40611974
was extremely depressed before, then felt a lot better after starting hrt then I realized being a obvious never passer is dumb and cringe so I detrooned. glad I tried it tho

>>40611950 (OP)
I’m trying to cope that maybe life is worth living but honestly if I don’t pass by the end of this year I really am killing myself.

There’s someone I sort of know who really wants to visit me next year and she’s said if I should hold out so that if I still want to die, she can kill me instead.

She doesn’t know how much of a gigahon I am though because she’s only seen my body. I effectively have the face of a cis man, HRT has done fuck all.

Anyway my answer is no, because if you don’t pass, any positive experience you can go through is effectively ruined by the painful awareness that your body is not your own.

>>40612034
said I should*

>>40612029
Fair, how you doing now?

>>40612034
>any positive experience you can go through is effectively ruined by the painful awareness that your body is not your own.
Thats true as true is, im sorry for you nona. I hope you pass by the end of the year. It's a weird feeling though, the day by day in that state yknow, ive always saw it as being a step behind yourself but that could just be me, just feels like perpetually walking into a space and being there, rather than just moving purely, more transfer. Could be me again though. Hope your visit later this year goes well though, I hope you enjoy it.

>>40612050
fine so far but I haven’t really remasculinized yet so who knows. I think it would be better to address my body issues with less controversial methods tho

>>40611950 (OP)
Passing doesn't magically fix shit either, ik plenty of miserable passoids because they're mentally ill and socially inept, but refuse to address the issues and still cope that passing will somehow fix everything. Like, girl, it's been 5+ years that you went stealth to strangers, you're still just as mentally fucked as you were pre-everything a decade ago, it's not fixing itself.
I'm a manmoder, I'm gymfagging, and I think it's pretty cozy. But to each their own.

>>40612119
good approach to have, also, 'less controversial' is a good way to put it tbdesu, easier to explain

>>40612154
I can attest to passoids being mentally ill, the most wormed people I know are passoids and i don't know if that's because or in spite of it. But to each their own as you said, pleasant view of things imo, though it does throw me off how the happiest people are usually those who dont pass in contrast. Probably something about that, but idk what. How you found gymfagging it, btw.

>>40612182
I used to be a fitfag pretrans, I picked working out as my last cope while repping, but I found it surprisingly fun, and it also allowed me to blow off steam.
When I trooned out I lost as much weight as I possibly could, but I didn't like how I looked, there's a reason why I never bothered with ana after I turned 18 despite liking heroic chic. And so I started working out again because I didn't want to have a flabby body, I train my lower body for the most part.
I'm into men and guys seem to like it as well. I'm not into dating these days tho, sounds nice in theory, I like the idea, but in practice I like my personal space and peace too much, like, I'll fuck with a guy and then tell him to leave because I don't want to hear him snore or whatever, heh.

>>40612233
>heroic chic
heroin chic*
Too many young people on the site, so I don't expect them to connect the dots >_>

>>40612233
You're literally me when it comes to men, I'm there for the sex but I can't do relationships, but for me it's more Im not good with them. its tiring to do

It doesn't really matter if I pass or not, I am on HRT for the T(herapy) part, I started with the condition that I wouldn't transition socially, but, and a big but, I never imagined I'd get these many changes and it's starting to feel weird.

>>40611950 (OP)
idk maybe. everyone says im bdd passoid but idk its all just hugboxing i can never believe it n its kinda ruining my life. feels like they r all lying

I dont pass, it sucks.

I know I'll die alone. Kinda accepted it. I focus on myself, no one will ever love me

>>40611950 (OP)
The goal for me was never to fully pass or be a one-to-one copy of a cis woman (or at least what society deems that cis women should be).

My goal instead has been to live as my truest, most feminine self. My self-perception does not revolve around the opinions of other people. I'm doing this for myself. People misgender me a lot less now that I've begun socially transitioning and gotten pretty damn good at makeup, and probably will even less once I start HRT and get laser. It's been a nice change, but I also just... don't really care if someone misgenders me either? What would be the point in letting that ruin my day? I know who I am, other people can think whatever they want, it doesn't take away from my own identity.

>>40612382
Based

>>40612233
So many men snore, I like sleeping alone so much

>>40612376
Girl you need to start listening to people. If everyone is telling you something it must be true. Are you ever clocked in public? Are people mean to you?

>>40612074
Yeah, it’s sorta like this. I feel like I’m on autopilot and waiting to die most days.

>>40612376
1. If you’re seeking attention please shut up.
2. If not then you genuinely need to get better at challenging your brainworms. I promise you that ESPECIALLY if you do pass, no one wants to hear you call yourself a hon for the fifty trillionth time. Get therapy, or touch grass, or find something to ground yourself. Nothing burns bridges faster than being annoying to be around.

>>40611950 (OP)
is there more to life? sure, of course there is
will your life still be miserable because you don't pass? yah probably
pretty much impossible to interact with others, it's a good thing im so used to being a recluse

>>40612395
im trying i swear. am genuinely trying to see what everyone else sees or says. i understand the logic doesn't logic cause everyone is saying it and i can't be right in that case, but it doesn't FEEL real. i don't understand what i'm doing wrong.
>>40612401
im not seeking attention sorry i just don't have anybody to really talk to about this cause they tell me to shut up and im not trying to be intentionally difficult. i don't know how to challenge my brain worms ): i go to therapy and go outside and spend time with friends and community people

>>40612420
I feel sorry for you nona, I hope you work through your bdd

>>40612394
It's really bad. Many of my female friends who are married to men sleep in separate rooms with their husbands because snoring almost destroyed their marriages, some were legit on the brink of a divorce. They do shit together, they fuck, you name it, but they sleep in separate room for the sake of peace in the family.

>>40612429
thank u. i will keep trying

I think its possibly to not pass but still look alright, most everyone who isn't a chud appreciates an androgenymaxxer.

Also like, idk a career or something?

>>40612483
or even just the dignified hon look, that tranny is congress is a hon but she is respectable

>>40612492
If she’s a hon it’s never been more over for me holy fuck.

>>40612516
I mean, what's screwing you over so badly?

>>40612545
My face.

I’ve been told my body is considerably good by tranny standards but my face is horrifically bad and I’ll never afford ffs in my lifetime.

>>40612552
Well then, get to work and save up ig? These are simply the cards you have been dealt, and anxiety makes everything seem worse than it is.

I focus on cultivating myself as an aristocrat of the soul
I will never have a partner
I will never get married

>>40611950 (OP)
i just wish i could tell if i passed or not so i could act accordingly and move on with my life. im "stealth" but pretty sure everyone knows.

>>40612154
what counts as passing? being physically indistinguishable from a cis girl minus srs or just having strangers consistently guess you're a girl? unironically the latter =/= passing

>>40612593
well how can you actually tell if you pass? i started saying i did after a couple years of not getting misgendered. i get misgendered every couple years still though

>>40612609
>every couple years
:|

>>40612627
anon i don't know what you're trying to say

>>40612568
I mainly read now so I guess same. Its a lonely existence that's for sure

>>40612641
I have a cis male friend who gets gendered female every few months, it doesn't get to him. Why should occasionally being gendered male bother you if its so uncommon?

>>40612703
probably because shes trying to get away from being male, your friend isnt trying to get away from being female

>>40612703
it bothers me because it casts doubt on whether or not i pass. before i transitioned i only ever got assumed to be a girl one single time from behind, and i had long hair for years. so its hard for me to dismiss it as just a thing that happens to everyone

>>40612707
>>40612746
if everyone thinks your female except for one rando every few months i think you are doing fine, k?

>>40612029
Do you feel gender dysphoria ?

>>40612974
well my current view is that I never had dysphoria bc I never saw myself as a woman or believed I was a woman on the “inside” I’ve always seen myself as just a man who wished he were a woman and wanted to transition and once I had that experience and realized I would never satisfy that urge the desire to transition went away

>>40613133
well i guess the treatment worked then

>>40613133
I think a regualer guy would get reverse dyspohoria if he transtioned.

>>40613198
well any man that decides to take estrogen is by definition not a “regular guy” but that doesn’t mean they’re trans

>>40613241
I agree with that, and I also think a guy without gender dysphoria has the right to take estrogen without wanting to be a woman, tho I think he would be trans anyhow. Estrogenized male aren't not cis guys whatever they say

>>40611950 (OP)
There’s much more to life imo but I’m stuck in a really awkward place currently. Just over 3 years hrt, still basically zero support from friends and family but I girlmode as much as I can, get harassed an insane amount in public when I do, still never been gendered female, etc. Despite this I’m very content regarding my physical and mental dysphoria, and I’d go so far as to say I’m happy with my progress only that my social treatment drags my overall wellbeing down an extreme amount. My plan is to move somewhere trans people aren’t as hated in public eventually, but part of me has accepted I’ll probably have to live a double life for much of the future. Only being social transitioned with certain people in certain places, probably never working or having any academic career "as a woman", I’ll probably have to date in a weird genderless zone too but I know I’ll find a man who’ll like me for me. Anyways I’m still young so we can see… I’d be living fully even with the above arrangements but I really really do hope I surprise myself in future too.

>>40613274
Different anon here but I agree

I don't even know that I ever gave a shit about like, fully being labeled as a woman. I just want to be more feminine in appearance and if people start calling me a girl then fine, if not, that's also fine. I'm doing this for me. Really excited for HRT in a few weeks though!

I'm probably some flavor of NB at the end of the day but I sort of like existing in the space in between genders anyway, it feels like a superpower

>>40612769
True tbf

>>40611950 (OP)
hello cameron winter of geese

>>40615237

>>40611950 (OP)
Loads more to life. Stay healthy, eat good food, pursue a career that you love, develop a good relationship with your mind and the world and community around you, develop your creativity, hone a craft, find love, read, appreciate art, get out into nature, sing, dance, and be merry.

>>40611950 (OP)
for me it is over
3 years hrt manmoding and that is not going to end until i finally kill myself
there is nothing to life