with my realization that i will never be satisfied with the result no matter how far along i get into transition, i have lost the one goal that would keep me going and give me hope.

ive sworn off friends and lovers, ive either abandoned or been abandoned by all ive had. all they do is bring me regret, pain, and general inconvenience.

truth be told the thing that's keeping me going the most are the video games i want to play

the idea of a lover or friends sounds nice but then i remember that it seems things like that just cant be had for a stupid tranny like me, at least not without taking hits to my mental health constantly and experiencing the horrible things others are capable of whether consciously or unconsciously

maybe being permasober is the problem