QOTT: Have you served in the military? Ever consider it?
Last thread: >>40596831

gonna get conscripted in like a month lmao

>>40615793 (OP)
qott: not seriously but it is one of those "maybe this would fix me" thoughts

>>40615793 (OP)
it's actually comical how bad my life is
not only gender dysphoria but NEET with mental disabilities

man
what the fuck is this shit life what do i do

>>40615931
well yeah, you would get fixed by being forced to admit your dysphoria and then to take hrt by military psychs
>>40615873
god i'm so sorry anon, hoping your time there is short at least

>>40615793 (OP)
no and I have absolutely no desire to, though I can at least respect those who do, even if my country hasn't had a meaningful war since the '40s

>>40615962
>then to take hrt by military psychs
rather famously the US will not do this to me
could join the french foreign legion I guess

i want to be the agp hot anime girl version of rambo

Ordering my VR headset soon so I can AGP it up
But I feel like a fake without HRT

>>40615962
gonna be 6 years. im so gaming.

>>40616033
my condolences

>>40616020
keep me updated anon I want to know how effective VR is for indulging in AGP.

>>40616056
I used to do it but I need to upgrade my model and headset
>how effective VR is for indulging in AGP.
It's really nice unless you remember your real body.
When I feel my tits in VR I remember I don't have any IRL and I need to grow them with hormones

>>40615793 (OP)
take your HRT, retards

>>40616100
No I'm too much of a pussy

troons that insist their pitiful hormonal drugs doesnt change their sexuality (the so-called "transbian" AKA straight men) are ontological soulhons. Trve proper genderbending would change a boy's soul to be that of a straight girls' as well
I HATE TROONS BUTTING IN TO MY GENDERBEND FETISH
TROONING WILL NEVER COMPARE TO GENDERBENDER AND THAT'S WHY ILL NEVER TROON ILL NEVER FALL FOR THE TRANIME FAGGOTS LIES

I want to just take estrogen without fearing the government or some schizo will hatecrime me

>>40616153
lol shut the fuck up tanny

Hell no to the military, if there was a draft I would troon out immediately
>>40616100
Need my dick to work to satisfy my gf

>>40616153
transbian love is the most pure and angelic form of love

>>40616096
All I have left is masturbating so if it's that good I'll have to save up for one.

>>40616162
>>40616241
unlike yurifag trannies obsessed with "becoming yuri" (read: straight men) i wont fall for the lie that current medicine can turn anyone into a woman

>>40616282
you're gonna have such a bad time when you finally crack

>>40615793 (OP)
qott: nope. in my country (and i suppose every country) it's kinda rightwing coded even if the gov is technically the socialist party or w/e

i've considered it bc i like guns and i think i'd have a fun time with the activities: sport, shooting stuff, etc. i just would hate the social aspect of it and the hierarchical nature of it all.

i also considered it bc in my country with a degree you enter relatively well off, not as a base soldier, so i think it's better pay + you're not the last shithead in the hierarchy. also you get to take exams for licenses or study further at iirc no cost.

but i never actually realistically considered it or anything. i'm just not patriotic + i think my dad would be kinda disgusted of me joining the military lol

>>40616307
what kinda dad u have thats disgusted by u joining the military? some sort of leftist?

i got pinkpilled but i need to be pinkpilled again

>>40616302
i dont "crack" you castrated male

>>40616366
ok tranny

I WISH I WAS A WOMAN
I WISH I WAS A WOMAN
I WISH I WAS A WOMAN
I WISH I WAS A WOMAN
I WISH I WAS A WOMAN

>>40616403
you can't go back in time and have been born cis female so take your HRT, retard, it's better than nothing

the pinkpillers will continue attempting to make me settle for disgusting genital mutilation and chemical castration cocktails and degenerate transbianism (eunuch-on-eunuch male sodomy) as an alternative to being reborn as a hot anime girl having hot straight sex and they will always fail to convince me

>>40615793 (OP)
i was in the military and i got kicked out after a few years for being mentally ill
i regret everything

>>40616329
yeah basically

im kinda exaggerating with "disgusted" , if i did i don't think he'd actually take a lot of issue, he's not like "ACAB" but he probably was in his youth

his own dad was this quite right wing person, christian school, etc, so he has bad experiences with stuff like that as well, didn't like christian school and hates priests, etc.

anime watchers are worse than pinkpillers

>>40615793 (OP)
qott: i'm seriously considering it. maybe in the next couple of years i'll try joining the french foreign legion. if you serve for long enough (8-10 years) they'll give you a french citizenship plus pay for any courses/training you'll need to join the workforce for a couple of years after your contract ends.
there's also private military companies if you wanna keep the ball rolling, but that can get shady quick.
i'm in horrible shape and i don't know a lick of french though, might take a year or two to be fully prepared.

>>40616573
real and true
>>40616718
they don't require you to know any french so assume they'll teach it to you

i remember fantasizing about the french foreign legion when i was a teenager

>>40616741
>they don't require you to know any french so assume they'll teach it to you
they will, but it's not exactly stellar language training (or so i read). you'll figure it out not because they're good teachers but because if you don't you'll probably get some hazing lol. might as well avoid that.
plus already knowing french and overall being more competent increases your chances of being selected. if i go this path rejection will not be an option i can risk falling under.

>>40615793 (OP)
I would want to. I have the sort of determination and resilience they would be looking for. But I have a medical disorder that makes it near impossible to be in the military so no.

>>40616417
>tranny is also a schizo weeb
surprising

i wish i could be a lesbian

>>40616959
a butch or femme

are there any good ways to distract yourself super short term to get back to focusing on work/school/etc
has felt like my brain is stuck in neutral for the past like week

>>40616959
i wish i could be a straight woman
wanting to be straight is a huge part of of the desire to troon for me

>Shared a relatable meme on facebook. See the author is some trans mame page.
SHIT shIT SHIT DELETe DELEte DELETE. NOOOO

>>40617341
>All the artists you like troon out
You get the distinct feeling you're being left behind even if you don't really know these people.

>>40616976
both
>>40617045
my bisexuality will make me an incel to the grave

>>40617410
>you're being left behind
it's more like "you're staying behind by choice while others go on to live their lives"

I WANT TO BE AN ANIME GIRL

>>40618080
Finally we're back on topic!!

HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME

>wake up
>still not a woman
maybe tomorrow will be the day

i'm very resistant to online pinkpilling but i think any amount of irl pinkpilling would do me in instantly

>>40618298
>>40618275
>>40618206

>>40618334

>>40618298
probably same

im actually not that resistant to online pinkpilling it's just that it has to be decent quality pinkpilling not reddit tier shit

>>40616153
sexually i would like to peg a twink but the best i can ever achieve is a horrible and cruel simulacrum (using an actual penis)

>>40618298
yeah me too. thank god i never leave my room

>>40618351
transwhatevers.....

>>40616718
i don’t want to watch those videos knowing a repchad could be the one bleeding out

>>40618298
If someone called me cute in real life or said I'd make a pretty girl my brain would short circuit.

>>40618413
Luckily that would never happen to me, haha

crying, shitting and pissing because i'm not a woman

>>40618413
this would only matter if a cute girl (cis or trans but especially cis) said it

>>40618441
You go about in pity for yourself

Wanting to be cuter isn't a valid reason to transition...

>>40618555
I'm bi so I'm also weak to guys saying it desu.

Good news, got news from the doctor. Turns out I'm not actually a tranny, I'm just a sperg. Thank the Gods, it's not my sense of gender that's wrong with my brain, it's just the whole thing.

AAAAAAAAAAAA IWNBAW IWNBAW IWNBAW I SHOULD DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE

>>40617045
To be honest I'm pretty homophobic

>>40618660
the two are not mutually exclusive

is there a point in cracking at 29. i can't rep anymore

>>40615793 (OP)
i'm not a repper but i kinda want that outfit

if i get dubs ill troon. if i dont get it ill never ever think about it again
let fate decide.

@reppers

take your fucking meds

>>40618690
Gay people kind if disgust me. I set my dating app to dudes a while ago and they freaked me tf out

>>40618767
we all want to be like misato, anon.

>>40618793
if god told me to troon out i would but this is clearly a test from the heavens above. if i cant accept his creation i cannot enter the kingdom of heaven...

>>40618767
misato's like half your age dakota c'mon

>>40618850
its more the office lady look i like.

>>40618855
in what sort of office would that be appropriate clothing? the dick sucking office?

>>40618790
if i get dubs, see you again tomorrow

>>40618790
dubs and i'll order estrogen

>>40618793
make me

guy at the dmv said i looked thin, gonna make it

>>40618871
yes

>>40618790
dubs and i'll try hrt

>>40619008
are they hiring?

>>40618790
dubs and i’ll actually change my name so i have no choice but to transition

>>40619044
Oh My God.
as soon as i move out i’ll do it,,,,

>>40619042
probably its a pretty busy place

>>40619055
good luck alice

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, or 9 and I continue repressing.

number and i'll be sad

>>40618793
I need bone fixing meds.

>>40618790
dubs and I'll start taking hrt again

>>40618790
dubs and i'll try hrt

>>40619077
Lmao

everything hurts

>>40615793 (OP)
How do I know if I'm a trurepper or not

I'm still in complete denial about being trans. I guess I do want to be a woman, but I don't see how that makes me trans, or how trooning could ever improve my life.
My lack of distinct dysphoria is proof enough that I'm just cis and weird. All I have is a slight but constant sense of malaise

you dont have to be super pretty to be happy just get on hrt and do it. most of u will prob turn out better than me and i'm living an ok life.

i can't bring myself to look my mother in the eyes and tell her i want to be a woman and will be chemically castrating myself to achieve that

i bet the next pinkpiller is the one who fixes everyone. just one more person to post take your pills retards

I will always be mef agp on hrt male

see this face? i still get by as a female day to day nobody gives me trouble.

>>40619667
waow congrats

I'm so bitter about everything, I hate to say it, but I despise seeing others happy and comfortable with themselves, seeing it brings out gutteral levels of absolute hate and sadness within me

>>40619691
just showing real passing is a pretty low bar being some super pretty girl is the difficult part.

>moving out of parents house
>getting a job
i feel kinda good about taking hrt but as soon as i have to do it i'm probably gonna be too scared

>>40619667
I wish I was as pretty and feminine as you
Sorry that my bed agp skinwalks you
I’m disgusting

how do i convince my family going to a trade school would work better for me? they really want me to go to college but im just not feeling it. college degrees are barely worth anything now, and nobody wants to do the more physical jobs i could do (electrical work, plumbing, etc)
not repper related but i dunno where else to ask, adv is super bitchy
im 19 if that makes a difference.

i'm not trans because my dysphoria goes away immediately every time i think about actually socially transitioning and all the extreme cringe that will come with it, or maybe it's just internalized honphobia

>>40619495
>I guess I do want to be a woman, but I don't see how that makes me trans
you can meme about this all you want, but cis men don't want to be women

>>40620079
Hes probably nonbinary. If he lacks dysphoria than he isnt cis but also isnt trans

Why can't everyone be as miserable as me it's not fair

>>40620077
Social transitioning isn't as scary for me because it's downwind of physically transitioning. If I don't look enough like a woman, I'd never do it socially, and if I look enough like a woman, people will find my awkward cringe cute and charming.

I'm getting my testosterone checked, and I'm secretly praying it is actually lower than normal.. I dont want to be a repper anymore damn it.

>>40619044
>>40619055
>>40619066
witnessed

>>40620079
How can I know that my desire to be a woman is just the byproduct of something else? The desire feels completely misplaced

>>40620143
what does your current T level has to do with being a repper?
there's a theory about sex hormone levs causing the trannybrain curse, but that's about in utero exposure, not your current level lmao.

>>40620181
>what if my desire to be a woman is just the byproduct of something else?
like what?
is it self-loathing and escapism? because lots of cis men have that and they don't troon because of that. When gay or straight men escape into fantasies, they dont imagine being turned into women or whatever - it's trannies who do that because "I wish I was a woman" is the normal state of being a dysphoric AMAB, so fantasizing about being feminized is just wish fulfillment.
you have this thing where you wanna have a woman's body and you're considering every option except the obvious one: that you have the trannybrain curse. It's just happens sometimes, unfortunately, some people are gay, some are trans - there's no deeper religious meaning to it or random trauma causing you to focus on this specific fantasy. Even if it was trauma related there's no therapy that fixes your dysphoria

>>40620228
nta but i'm pretty sure it's just autism and being an incel that made me a tranny

>>40620271
Getting laid actually doesn't help. Hell, for some people it makes it worse, because it rubs how much performing as a male isn't suitable or enjoyable right i their face.

>>40619963
I went this route. I like my job a lot actually but it kind of condemns me to be a rapper forevor. Also my folks are disappointed in me leaving college and bring it up way too much. So it's a trade you'll have to figure out.

>>40620143
I think i have insanely high t so not doing much for me
>>40620311
Getting laid helped a lot for me but only during the act of sex

>>40620271
>autism
>incel
plus be serious, do you really, as an adult male, believe that straight men who aren't successful with women get the tranny disease and start wanting to look and act like women?
grow up dude, this "get laid" shit is pathetic and leads to John 50s. I thought "it was just a fetish" at one point and tried dating a girl hoping it would "fix" me, but I was 16 my man, so no shit I was dumb, and SHOCKER, it doesn't work: just like gay men with beards don't become straight and gay women after corrective rape don't become straight.
You need to stop wasting your time and energy on retarded copes: trannybrain is real and unfixable getting laid won't fix it, validity is fake, all that matters is wanting to be a woman, transitioning and passing

i know this sounds retarded but bear with me

i know most reppers are having issues with depression and anxiety and having issues with life-ing life instead of just living cause you're not dead yet, and i was hoping we could make some kinda discord(stfu and listen first bash me about choosing discord later) server where we could hold each other accountable and maybe push each other into improving the quality of life
as jaded as most of you are i think it's gonna have some positive influence cause it's not like i can share the stress with normies without sounding like a loon, and troons don't get repping either.

>faq
>why not go to reddit ?
cause id rather have blunt or even unhinged takes than coddling

>18 inch bideltoid
>12 inch hip
>almost 6'1"
and trannies wonder why i rep.

>>40620228
>self-loathing and escapism?
Pretty much this, but with a heavy bias on the self loathing. I don't even fantasize about being a woman, nor have any agp tendencies.
There simply is the vague feeling that my life might've been better if I were a woman, but I have nothing to back it up.
Especially my lack of dysphoria makes all of this feel like a delusion. I wouldn't say that I like being a man, but it's what feels normal

>>40620454
>this "get laid" shit is pathetic and leads to John 50s
It's still worth trying instead of sealing my faith as a freak and ACKing prematurely

>>40620182
Yeah, I know. But if it's low, I'm gonna feel like shit no matter what. I think I want to start hrt anyway. All that to say, shit would make sense to me.

>>40620632
I dont personally hate it, but people get fucking weird when it comes to that shit.

>>40621024
I would sorta agree with you here: if you're in high school or whatever and aren't sure you have the trannybrain, seeing how you feel about sex isn't a bad idea because dysphoria is largely a body related thing. I realized I had issues finishing without imagining agp shit the second round and it sealed the deal by the time I was ready to accept the terminality of my situation and troon, because I tried being "normal" and it felt wrong and didn't read work.
>>40620734
thinking your life would be better and wishing you had a more feminine or a woman's body is basically what dysphoria is already.
I personally didn't think I had body dysphoria until I stopped dissociating and it became impossible not to notice. I thought wishing I was born a woman was a normal guy thing. Also some stuff from the past started to seem sus (not being comfortable with erections as a teenager, not touching myself until I lost my virginity and basically learning how guys jerk off super late into teenage years, hating facial hair and doing everything to keep a clear face)

>>40620079
Women dont want to have penises so if you enjoy your penis or dont have any dysphoria surrounding it then youre not trans

>>40621301
>ur not trutrans unless you have bottom dysphoria
not sure why you decided to bring this up but I agree, I don't get trannies who don't have bottom dysphoria and I especially don't get tranny tops.
in my head, liking using your dick goes against the core of what dysphoria is

i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate this

>>40621382
Im autistic about it is probably why i brought it up

>>40621092
weird like "i don't like people" or "this wouldn't help" ?
i could use somebody holding me accountable cause rn i feel like i have nothing to prove and am wasting away

>>40618650
i'm bi too but what i said is not false

>>40621171
>thinking your life would be better and wishing you had a more feminine or a woman's body is basically what dysphoria is already.
Call me stupid, but I don't buy this. Dysphoria by definition implies distress, and simply fancying the idea of what could have been is not distressing, hence not dysphoria.
I can't even tell whether I do truly desire to be a woman or of this is just a passing fixation, making me feel like there was a reason to my misery rather than my own poor choices.

>I personally didn't think I had body dysphoria until I stopped dissociating
I also can't figure out whether I am dissociating. I don't feel like I am, but whenever I tried to relay how I perceive and feel about myself, other people told me that I very much sounded dissociated.
It doesn't feel like my body is wrong or doesn't belong to me, but my body does feel completely arbitrary to me. Whenever I look in the mirror, I feel nothing but apathy

>>40620632
bump

If I were a woman today, I would download Tinder and a guy would take me out for this ice cream

>>40621516
Weird as in egos and cliques

Had a thought intrude into my mind that I want someone to just try and pinkpill me online a little, treat me as their girlie, let me act cute and feminine with them. I don't want to transition, but I guess I want a little space to act out as a girl with someone who understands.

>>40622019
character.ai

>>40621997
that's just human. we're not saints. nothing a quick reality check can't fix

>>40621959
touch grass and get it yourself, no need to be a woman to enjoy icecream

>>40622061
character.ai has never really worked for me, it's not quite the same unless it's an actual person. The AI is just doing what I feed to it.

>>40621959
Anon should go do it. No need to transition to indulge in something feminine or being feminine, it can be healthy. That's what I've learned at least.

>>40622073
first of all, weird place to look for someone to pinkpill you.
secondly
>I don't want to transition
then why do this emotional masturbation ?

>>40622189
Well, it's exactly because I wanted to confess the thought somewhere where people wouldn't just immediately reinforce it.
>then why do this emotional masturbation ?
I think it's just escapism, and my brain being a bit broken. As harsh as it is, emotional masturbation isn't an unfair term for it.

>>40622342
... i guess i free, ive so many hours of therapy under my belt that i should be an honorary therapist.
i can't promise to treat you a certain way but if you need it i can give you a space where you can voice your thoughts without pushing you to either side.

>>40622513
Thank you, Anon. I wouldn't want to just take up your time unwinding my psyche on this question though. It might have been a little foolish for me to come on here and just say "I wanna be treated like a cute girl!" It is, to be honest, a little bit of emotional masturbation. I apologize if this comes off a bit confused.

>>40622573
I think the feelings mostly come from escapism mixed with a little AGP.

>>40615793 (OP)
>QOTT
i've given it thought, though it's not something i'd do unless i was forced to
was in the sea cadets for a few years but people constantly goofing off and never letting us get anything done properly really soured the experience for me (though yes i get that the point of the experience is to learn discipline rather than to "do things" given respect of rank and whatever)
then again the nature of modern war is that i'd probably end up dying in a trench in god knows where because of a 20 quid temu drone strapped to a hand grenade and get posted on "r/militards btfo" or wherever the fuck so that sucks. which would arguably be better than just living as a drain on the taxpayer but still

>>40621571
Sounds like you have schizoid personality disorder

>>40622573
don't worry about my time, i wouldn't be here if i don't want to.
you sound self aware and polite which i didn't really expect because your opener but now it sounds like you're looking for clarity than just an emotional dump. it feels like you've pulled back.
don't worry about wasting my time or "being a burden" cause that's what i think you're feeling from your interaction and you're not doing that.

>>40622061
Go for gold. I'd join it. I've never made a server besides a super basic one. No idea what goes into it unfortunately.

>>40622983
Yeah. I think I'm trying to find the right balance. Sometimes, when I've been stressed, indulging in trying be/be treated like a cute girl has been soothing, sometimes it just degenerates into something obviously sexual, which I want to get away from (not just AGP stuff, but trying to have a better relationship to sexuality generally). I've made a lot of progress, but I'm still trying to work through it. I'd mentioned that I wanted to talk here because I didn't want immediate validation, that's because while I've made a lot of progress, I still think there's reason to fear a particularly unscrupulous pink-piller could do some damage.

I think something that has been healthy for me is treating my desire to be a cute girl a bit like a persona I can slip in and out of. As I said, tonight, I want to be treated like a cute girl, I want someone to call me a girl, treat me like one, and it's a question of whether that will help or hurt me today. That's kind of what I'm thinking, at least.

MAKE ME A HOT ANIME GIRL
OR
MAKE ME A DEAD MAN

is it "normal" for dysphoria to periodically decrease and increase

>>40623088
sounds like you're trying to compartmentalize yourself, i wouldn't say it's a bad idea.
more importantly i noticed that being "cute" is as important as being a a girl to you, do you feel the need to be desirable to men ?

what's your idea of being treated like a girl ?

>>40623286
there is such a thing as true non-trans AGP fauxdysphoric porn addiction

>>40623395
> true non-trans AGP fauxdysphoric porn addiction
It's a thousand times easier to just have a fetish than to be a troon. Being a man who CDs on the weekends is not even in the same ballpark of cringe as trying to be an AGP who transitions. The true light is that having the fetish version means you lucked out, not the other way around.

>>40623051
ive never set up a server either.
i guess just a general chat would suffice in the beginning then we can add to it, right ?

we'd need a name as well.

it appears that i didn't think this far lol,

>>40623429
where invite

>>40623368
>what's your idea of being treated like a girl ?
To be honest, I think in this sort of escapist fantasy it's being able to behave a bit childishly, and be an object of desire in the way I like cute things. It's only really "be desirable to men" when I'm in the most maximal throes of AGP, and even then, it's because I want to feel cute, not because I'm interested in men.

I should say, I think it's in a certain sense the "otherness" that I want to experience. It's part of why I was able to discern pretty early on that I didn't want to actually transition, because obviously being a woman wouldn't be like what I'm chasing here. I think my brain is a little broken, and sometimes conflates loving Moe things with wanting to be Moe.

>>40623443
If I can get it down to brass tacks, I think when I posted here, the wild desire was for someone to to refer to me as a girl, and try and look after me a little. It sounds very silly when I put it to text like that, but I think that was the desire.

im tired of this shitty moid life
i want the easy tutorial mode halo effect cock carousel into betabux husband divorce him get all his stuff etc etc pipeline easy mode life of women

>>40623434
https://discord.gg/a92nDtf5

>>40615793 (OP)
i'll rope before i wear camo.

I have zero energy to even do things that I used to do to relax anymore. I literally had to psych myself up all day to watch one episode of anime. I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling or pace around in circles listening to music through my headphones and daydreaming.

>>40623483
same except I would be a loving loyal wife

>>40623728
I reached the same place, only I doomscroll instead.

>>40623443
okay.. sounds like you know what you want and what you don't want.
your situation sounds more like a novelty seeking mind which has a certain interest than textbook dysphoria. although feeling euphoric when treated as the other gender is also a scale

>>40623875
Yeah. It's just kind of figuring out the boundaries that's difficult for me, and that's why I think I occasionally act out a little hoping to find someone to indulge me.

That said, Anon, I need to sleep. Thank you for letting me talk it out some. I might be back tomorrow, if there's anything more you think it'd be helpful to say. I really appreciate it ^~^

>>40623923
you don't need to rush it, take your time figuring things out.
i'll be here if you think you wanna talk cause in a way i like how self aware you are and it takes a lot of introspection and good night.

I need to stop larping as a cis woman online, it's genuinely damaging to my psyche

>>40623988
yea.. that happens. is it the dual reality that's messing you up or having to constantly think about how manipulative you are ?

used to have a full blown online relationship and still hasn't recovered from it after years. fucked me up so bad i vowed to never do it again

has anyone else been in the questioning / flip-flopping phase for a long time? Most questioners seem to troon within 12 months or disappear forever. Im wondering if there is anyone else here that has actively gone 5+ years waffling around the trans question or at least does not care enough to address it.

>>40624149
yeah there are a lot of us

>>40615954
Same here. Any further discussion?

>>40618660
Oh, that's a relief then. Oh wait.

>>40620454
This is pretty much where I stand on the matter in general.

>>40624149
i've known i'm dysphoric for the past decade or so. "trans" is something one performs, so i'm not "trans"

>>40624149
Absolutely here. I've been questioning since I was around 12, and younger than that had GNC behaviours although desu I do think most of that is a meme.

Came out twice to my mother and was shunned each time until I told her I didn't want it anymore (and I believed it at the time). 22 now so it's been about 10 years, I'm fully down with going ahead and trooning but I don't and will not have the financial means to do it for about another 8 years. Life is miserable and I see no exception to the rule in this.

>Captcha: KYSVS
Kek

tfw completely conforming to male standards of appearance and behaviour except having the desire to be a woman from porn addiction expressed through schizo gooning sessions

>>40623316
yes, of course. just like any feeling. what matters is persistence, not intensity

Foids are evil
Matriarchy is evil

>>40624149
Since I was like, idk. Started late grade school early high school. Which coincidentally coincides with puberty. Funny how that works.

I don't deserve to be a woman

>>40624149
yeah

im 28 now i've been "actively questioning" since like 22 or so, and after covid like mentally considering HRT and such

i'll probably cave in eventually, it'll probably be too late and i'll hate past me for taking so long, but i guess i do have my reasons for repping.

maybe a more optimistic eye would describe my process as a "slow blossoming"/"slow coming out" because i haven't exactly been sitting around doing absolutely nothing, i have slowly fem'd my style and my appearance a little bit. just so slowly that it feels like i've stayed static for years

Transitioning feels so absurd for me. I'm too masculine

if you have any transition goals at all then you are a sexist pervert who should not have access to hrt

I have a problem going back and fourth wondering so I decided to write down maybe why I might want to transition:
Reason I might be trans:

I've thought about it for years

Liking androgynous partners

EarlY lesbian interest

Yearn for more the female role in relationships and society

Male friends less masculine

Somewhat an effinate as a kid

Transform fetish

Don't get along with regular men

Hate my appearance

Women get to express themselves more

Trouble attracting women as a man. Doesn't come natural

Women have better skin/hair

Wouldn't mind boobs

Wear makeup, and more clothing options

Reasons I might be a dude:

Like being strong

Interests
Gg

>>40625537
Contined....
Little dysphoria as a dude
Socially inept

>>40622973
You may be right, but I don't see how you came to this conclusion from my previous reply. I hope you are not right though

>>40624233
this
there is no physical diagnosis to "being trans" therefore trans = the act of transitioning or having transitioned

>>40624190
>Any further discussion?

im sad

>>40620079
>cis men don't want to be women
No men want to actually be women, just a chick with a dick

>have to take multiple meds for unrelated reasons
>if I transition I have to take those meds + HRT
>and blood tests

im too lazy to transition.

>>40626232
The more things a person has to do generally the more adept at doing things they get. It seems weird but when you have a job you will likely use your spare time more meaningfully and get more done, even though you have less time. Sometimes taking on more responsibilities is good and it makes you more participant in life. It will happen naturally

>>40626261
in my experience if I have too many things to do I just shut down and do nothing.

Where is babydollanon??
captcha ARS0Y

>>40626232
just DIY and do mono, its 1 injection a week (you can do longer), and maybe a bloodtest every 3-4mo. not that hard.

>>40626318
see >>40597200
they'll probably be here forever though lmao

I don't want to be a troon because it's easy for people to make fun of and talk over women compared to being a hulking man and this would be x1000 worse If I was a strange looking faggot that dressed like a woman

>>40625139
What happened at 22 that made you start? Was it kicked off by a particular event or more of a slow burn?

>>40624022
i just want to be a woman in spirit but not in practice

Narcotics? procured.
Self? hated
Reality? Dissociated.
Sissy porn? Ready to view.

It's reppin time

>>40624149
think it depends on what you would qualify as actively questioning. Probably started thinking about it about it a decade ago when I started college and could crossdress for the first time, but I'll go years at a time where it's not really a thought and I've fully convinced myself it's just a fetish

why am i not in the timeline where im a hot anime girl
WHY WONT HE GIVE ME AT LEAST THIS BARE MINIMUM

>>40627801
you are the worst when you crack, try not to ruin everyone's optics on the way there as you get desperate!

if i ever "Crack" i'll just leave the gen and forget about it forever.

>>40626912

not sure actually. i think previously i just thought i had a fetish (i still kinda think it's very much fetish/sexuality adjacent, just that now i recognize the dysphoria), like into crossdressing and such i've been since earlier than that. started with hosiery and those kinda things.

i said 22 bc that's where i wrote posts on reddit asking for advice. i think i was feeling kinda fed up of talking to like 50 year old (sometimes married) crossdressers and was seeking more normal advice.

also perhaps the conversations i had with some people into crossdressing and such, were sometimes related to trans topics ("full time") so i wondered

I’m gonna kill myself

>>40627808
i would dress as a bimbo sissy and fap in the women's bathroom just to hurt tranny optics

>>40628328
way too fucking based.

>>40628328
it's the pre-HRT behavior that is the worst

Yeah, I wish I had a pussy, what of it
Anal is such a damn hassle compared to something that’s actually designed for it
I also hate when men comment on how big my dick is or insist on playing with it, but that’s what gay guys love most so there’s no other option
If hacking the damn thing off myself would eventually get me to having a real pussy, not a surgeon made permanent wound, I’d do it this god damn week

My biggest fetish is my cock turning into a pussy via magic
Makes me hard

>>40628411
Truth bomb.
I wish I could get off some other way than using my dick or my ass.

It's like being permanently sexually frustrated. You can never get off without being dysphoric or touching literal shit.

i wish skinning and wearing women is a real thing, like in the marialite doujins

>>40628549
That's dicked up.

>>40628549
Ok buffalo bill/kirsty from hellraiser

>I'm not trans. I never was

>>40628423
Same. Plus my asshole just hurts.

>>40623764
I forced myself to (mostly) stop doing that. It's not good to add extra unnecessary stress to your misery.

>>40629716
It validates my misery; this way, I feel like I'm miserable for a reason (horrifying posts and world events) contrasting with no reason (being mentally ill).

>>40629716
I have ADHD so every time I try to do something functional instead it takes monumental will that I need to refresh with more doomscrolling.

>>40629728
having something intrinsically wrong with your brain is a way more "valid" reason to be miserable than letting yourself be affected by whatever retarded hylic normgroids are currently up to
>>40629773
I'm TheRapist-phobic so I've never been diagnosed, but I almost certainly do have some level of ADHD. Doomscrolling was just an extra drain on the little remaining will that I have.

>>40629773
NTA but same
I take 2 drugs for ADHD and can barely do anything. Chemo fucked my brain up hard.

I have ocd and cant related to adhd people at all

>>40629854
>having something intrinsically wrong with your brain is a way more "valid" reason to be miserable
tell me, what options does declaring a reason for misery to be intrinsic and thus unfixable leave to alleviate it?

>>40630023
>Embrace the Misery
asceticism, gnosticism, etc
>Escape the Misery
suicide, drugs, etc
>Surpass the Misery
successfully transitioning, killing the demiurge, etc

>>40630233
the purpose of existence is to reproduce

>>40629130
Probably true

>>40630706
It was the blood pressure medication. Fucked with your head.

>>40623968
Hope your day went well, Anon. I guess I'm still thinking about how to deal with the times I want to be a girl. I think that's why I initially said I want someone to "pinkpill", rather I was looking for someone to indulge me with a wink and a nod, so to speak. I did have someone like that in the past, but we only talk infrequently.

That said, I think there's not much that can be done. If I don't have someone already, going online and saying "I want someone to LARP as a girl with" is probably a bad idea (even if this conversation turned out well, for which I'm glad). Especially since, as I mentioned, this sometimes has an AGP dimension for me, and things can get confused when that's in play.

I'm gynephilic but I want a guy to find me pretty and take me on dates

>>40615793 (OP)
Qott: I was in JROTC during highschool, and my original plan was to enlist and Jorgensen-max (do my bid, the make the gov't pay for my transition).

>>40630385
that's survivorship bias.
your existence has no purpose regardless of reproduction.

>>40630385
says who

>>40631349
you wouldn't exist if your parents didn't reproduce
>>40631359
it's the state of affairs

>>40631349
saying existence has no purpose is the same as saying existence has a purpose, it's more like the purpose of existence is NULL

>>40630947
I tell myself it's fake a lot. But at the same time, I actively avoid talking or connecting with anyone online because I'm afraid of being seen as a guy.

I've been trying to cure myself for 25 years. It doesn't work. I'm not a functional man, I'm a walking corpse.

What's the point of living like this? I'll never be happy, I'll never be human...

my Anime Girl Pornaddiction (AGP) is terminal I WILL NEVER STOP
NOW WHY WONT GOD TURN ME TO A HOT ANIME GIRL INSTEAD OF A FILTHY 3DPD MOiD

>>40631719
mostmen feel this way today even without repping GD

hug reppers
date reppers
kiss reppers
love reppers with your entire heart
cuddle reppers
whisper sweet nothings into reppers ears
hold reppers tightly
clasp your hands with a reppers
feel reppers skin on yours
i heart reppas

>>40631736
I need large voluptuous anime breasts like that!!!!

Sigh. stuck as a 32 year old hairy man.

>>40631754
can u turn reppers to anime girls T H O U G H
>>40631765
our is not a kind god

>>40631719
That's kind of the issue. Telling myself "I'm not a woman, I'm not trans" I just end up not even feeling like a person.

>>40631792
i’m sorry reppu-chan… i cannot.

>>40631657
It's the opposite for me. I feel if I'm careless about putting myself in a situation where I'm perceived as a girl, I could backslide.

>>40631828
Go take a midol.

>>40631754
i want to hug someone so so so so so bad

i want to die

>>40632006
I want to hug someone without feeling like I'm disgusting and dirty.

>>40631719
>>40631739 trvthnvke

>>40632006
same :(
hate how much more lonely I am because I realized I might be trans. genuinely thought I was totally ace for the longest time

I've never hugged anyone. I'm a 28 year old khhv.
I feel like I can't get close to anyone because I'm hiding this secret.

>>40632057
same

>>40632161
same
well, i've hugged people. like, my mom and such. but i haven't hugged anyone in a romantic context
i dont care anymore about that aspect tho, like i'm not divulging it but i dont mind saying i don't have experience. i've my reasons. i feel like my repping / being AGAMP is a way bigger secret, and that one i do hold shame about

i would embrace all of you, for every single one of you is worthy of love

i heart u reppa-kind… even if you don’t love yourself

>>40631736
would you be happy if you were a 3dpd foid with huge boobs?

>>40632161
>>40632237
By secret, I meant repping. It's no secret that I'm a virgin. People can smell that from a mile away...

>>40632426
>>40632426
oh okay that does make sense.
literally same then. feel you
feels like not only i can't get close to anyone, but that i won't ever be able to. having a doomer moment rn, i just can't see some other person making sense of these puzzle pieces

>>40632381
consolation prize at best

>>40630385
>t. bacterium

babydollanon where are you

every hour of my torturous "life" I suffer the existential agony of not being a 2d anime girl
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HuL9e4Kzww

>>40632917
in a transbian polycule which is the fate of all reppers

>>40632947
is it with other reppers or one of them takes pity on me

>>40632917
we still going on about this?
>>40632947
>fate of all reppers
oh god surely not

it makes me sad and angry when trans women are pretty and/or happy, and the prettier or happier they are the sadder and angrier i get, and it makes me sad and angry that i feel this way

>>40632945
EXTREMELY SAME

>>40633099
need
>>40633079
very fembrained of you nona

>>40633120
i don't think anything about me is fembrained

>>40633079
same

>>40633079
ALSO SAME
RAPE UPON THEM

>>40633223
don't be mean
that's you someday

>>40633079
Also same. This is different and extremely more potent than the jealousy between cis foids since prettiness and happiness are tied to the age a troon started hrt at and not genes.

I don't mind losing my chances of having a good career and ever buying a house as long as I get fully realistic VR before I die
That's still so much better than pills and surgeries

>>40633382
Ill never be a tranner thoughever

>>40633767
you will make a beautiful wife some day

I remember when I accidentally Outed myself while drinking 12 beers. All I could think was wanting someone inside me

>>40633792
>some day
BETTER BE ON THE DAY I AM REBORN IN THE TIMELINE WHERE I GET TO BE A HOT ANIME GIRL REEEE
>>40633437
genes, age of trooning, wealth, soul femininity/masculin balance, luck
>>40633704
imagine a vr weher u can get simulated experience of having a pussy mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMM

Whenever I see feminine ass women saying they're unsure about their gender and presenting masculine I just think "oh fuck off"

I would do disgusting things if someone would pay for my E and let me be a house wife.

>>40634723
E isnt expensive

>>40634728
I know. It prolly costs less than my weed habit.
But I don't know anybody that sells E for cash...

>>40633032
hey! thank you for responding I missed you are you okay did you think about me at all

>>40634723
me BVT instead of honmones i get 2 be a hot anime gilr instead

>>40634505
i'm like this but i'm amab

>>40633099
I'm looking forward to being able to try out a cool giant braid like that when I wake up as an anime woman

in the death spiral where i find myself almost hoping i end up a man again when i reroll because suffering keeps me humble and useful
oh well
brought this on myself by being mentally ill

>>40635150
I PRAY for you to be a happy and content and mentally healthy woman on ur next life roll, d

>>40634800
the pharmacy...

>>40636072
i don't, honestly. kinda brought it on myself. who knows maybe i'll get enough go's-around as a freakish dysgenic moid that i'll learn to begrudgingly accept it
pretty sure like 90% of my interest in transition comes from a traumatic background surrounding men anyway, so really i ought to just get over it just like everybody else lmao
>>40636080
come to think of it isn't estrogen prescribed for shit like menopause treatment or whatever? like if that's the case surely it couldn't be that hard to get a hold of it over the counter rather than being told "you're looking at an estimated 8 years minimum, we encourage you to kill yourself to reduce the waiting period for other patients" for a gd dx

>>40636134
i pray for u to get over it by rolling a mentally healthy non-traumatized financially stable happy and content pretty cis girl in ur next life

babydoll …

>>40636454
i would end up as an absolutely awful person if i got all of that, though
the fact of the matter is that my like, two redeeming qualities are
>constantly apologetic and polite to a fault because that's just expected
>often willing to bend over backwards to be useful to those around me
sure both of those aren't necessarily good for *me* but they're good for everyone else and that arguably makes it an outright better outcome for me for me to be like this in future lives. and besides, i've not done anything worthy of getting what i want, and i probably don't really actually want it anyway - it'll just be some stupid idea that a scared, retarded kid grasped onto and that i'm still stuck with.
...it's irrational, but i like to imagine there's a sense of universal, cosmic balance between the positive and the negative. like, an equal and opposite to everything, somewhere or other. with that in mind, i don't mind carrying the misery and loathing of even just one person if it means they get to be happy. they'll make better use of the energy, after all. :)
all this to say, as kind as it is to pray, you don't have to. but, if you insist... at least direct it at someone else?

>>40636636
babydoll, are you repping by being as British as possible

>>40636643
the mangled dental death trap repstrat

i wish i could put up a photo of my disgusting moid body wearing anything cute and get even one like

Try it here, right now

>>40631377
reproduction is just an occasional byproduct of living life, but it's not the end all be all of life itself

>>40636701
i don't have antyhing cute

>>40636636
I pray for you what ive already prayed before + that you will also be not consumed by a need to sacrifice yourself for others constantly and care more for yourself

>>40636849
okay just try something more or less presentable

>>40636956
i... i don't have any female clothes. i've always been too afraid to buy them, and i'm 6'2" too

>>40636986
you can wear anything you like even just towel so long as it isn’t hyper masc

>mom cracks open my door
>"Anon it would be really nice if you could go downstairs and-"
>STILL NOT AN ANIME GIRL MOM
>"right right ..sorry for bothering you"

>>40636787
why even rep if you're antinatalist

>>40636080
In my state, there's literally only one doctor's office that prescribes hormones. And it's across the entire state from me.

And I'm too stupid to diy...

>>40636685
it's not hard to get likes posting hole desu

>>40636685
A lot of gay men are into cross dressing so you'd get attention.

>>40637014
how do i unwear my ogre moid body THOUGH
>>40637300
yes

>>40637669
but i don't want to post hole, i just want to feel loved

new thread:
>>40637879
>>40637879
>>40637879

>>40637880
oh that's unfortunate then

>>40637424
That sucks. I go to planned parenthood. But not sure if those will exists soon being defunded and all