>nerdy kid
>cried often, got told not to cry so much
>small dick, always had shame around that
>a couple of moments of "gender non-conformity" like wearing my slips reversed so they feel like thongs, wearing pillow cases as dresses, but not heavy gender thoughts or so
>puberty
>always straight, crushed on girls
>never acted on it though out of shame/fear of ridicule
>around here too i found porn, "late bloomer"
>initially into MILFs and normal lesbian stuff or solo girl stuff, POV as well.
>since i found trans porn i preferred it so much more
>don't have super clear recall but probably around that time i also started liking pantyhose and such, bought my first items like that
>probably things like sissy stuff came into play
>keep escalating and such, i just thought i was some kinda crossie perv
>keep joining groups like such but i am always left with the sensation that many of these ppl are actually crossie pervs and that i don't actually vibe with these 50 year olds
>keep questioning but not really do anything beside "questioning" online
>i either "develop" dysphoria / learn to name the bad feelings i've been having regarding my appearance "dysphoria" (depends on your perspective i guess)

here i am, 28 years old

>>40616576 (OP)
sounds transish tbhon

>>40616609
what parts?

and what parts give you the -ish?

sounds similar to me except I'm bi and transitioned at 24, basically as soon as I learned about hrt

>>40616576 (OP)
so I know this is long but please bear with it
in the world as it is and has been, the desire to be a different gender/sex, particularly the desire to go from being a man to being a woman, has been thought of as shameful and repugnant
I believe that the result of this is that many people experience gender dysphoria but repress it unconsciously, because they've internalized the idea it's impossible, horrid, etc.
the result is that many people with dysphoria turn inward and confuse their (innocent, sweet, loving, naive, childish) desire to be their true gender with sexuality, because sex and porn (embarrassing, taboo) are the only "socially acceptable" contexts where we can even think of thoughts like that
out of this comes a feedback loop: the shame of porn consumption makes one less likely to talk about the issue with real, trusted people in a person's life, and more likely to think of it as a form of deviance, therefore less likely to talk about it, repeat ad infinitum
until what was a very simple, rather sweet and pure feeling or desire becomes something dark and corrupt--"I really just would have been better off as a girl and wish I were" becomes something dark and evil
like the concept of AGAMP for instance
>so sort of in summary
for me personally and for many people I've talked to about their gender identity, after all the negativity surrounding trans people and the idea of transition it's very important to look at yourself lovingly and openly, almost like a great parent, and ask
>what would I be, given a loving community that wanted to support me in becoming what would help me add most love and growth to the world?
and a lot of us here answered girl (or guy as the case may be)
>so what would you be, given a loving community that wanted to support you?

>>40616764
unusually good post

>>40616764
>so what would you be, given a loving community that wanted to support you?
a passoid, but that community doesn't exist

>>40616764
>like the concept of AGAMP for instance

idk i feel like the concept of AGAMP fits my bill, i don't feel like i've always had this deep desire to be a girl, i think it's just weird that i discovered it the way i discovered it.

it's specifically trans porn what does it for me, not sure "why" (i guess the blanchardian theory is like 'erotic target location error' or something like that, i can't identify that far) but i just know it is like that, i know what form i like, i know what form i'd like to be as well

>so what would you be, given a loving community that wanted to support you?

i think the answer above responds to that but also i've tried to answer this question many times before and the problem is that it just makes me sad, i automatically think of things like genitalia or whatever and it makes me sad that i'm wired like this. i just hear AGAMP AGAMP AGAMP in my head

it just doesn't feel pure

good reply tho thank you

>>40617774
> I just don't understand why I am this way. The most lileky explanation? Some Canadian pseud telling me I'm a delusional pervert.
NTA but if Blanchard didn't make you feel like shit would you even buy into it? I don't know if you're trans or not (cis fag), but if you aren't, what long-term solution does describing yourself as AGAMP actually give you?

>>40618101
you're right about the long term

i don't buy it bc it makes me feel like shit, rather bc it feels like the most accurate narrative /explanation/etc i've heard so far. if i could buy into something like "i've always felt like a girl trapped into a boy's body" i'd max out my credit card on that shit, sadly i just personally can't buy it. it "feels" way different than that

and i do care about it "feeling right"/ feeling true to me

>>40616745
i guess when i first learned about hrt i was more wary of it and wasn't really sure to what extent i wanted the effects

lately i do think if there were less roadblocks (social and to an extent medical- but those are social too) i'd just go on it and i mostly would want all of the effects (except the actually bad for your health effects)