>>40629713
I genuinely can't figure this out. There are periods where I am completely fine with the idea of living the rest of my life as a man, while other times, I feel like I will only hate myself even more if I let myself age as a man.
I also simply can't tell whether I am dysphoric about anything or not. Looking at myself in the mirror makes me feel nothing, and trying to introspect about it only makes me feel like I'm gaslighting myself.
>>40630695
>Do you think you would feel this way if you didn't know about the existence of transgender people?
The existence of trans people did not prompt this, but me learning about hrt did. I even took it for about 3 months before stopping, because the uncertainty was causing me immense anxiety. Before I stopped, I really wanted to want to continue taking it, but having to deal with the consequences in case I were to regret it later was too much to bear
>Would this though linger for as long as it does when you verbalize it on a transgender forum?
Verbalizing all of this brings a lot of it's absurdity to the forefront for me, making me feel extremely stupid for even thinking about it in the first place. My mind always returns back to it though, no matter what I do.
>Without overthinking, try to figure this out before you end up stretching it out for multiple years. Just trust your gut.
Both possible outcomes seem equally preferrable to me right now. I want to either go back to being completely fine or even feel good about being a man, or realize that I am actually trans and be able to take hrt knowing that I won't ruin my life by doing so.
Trusting my gut has gotten me nowhere unfortunately, since it's too inconsistent and contradictory.
