was it simply my mismatched desire? why have i strayed so far from women? why have i loved/envyed them before? was my deep set crush misplaced envy and sorrow? could this have been prevented from happening by simply having early aged "gender affirming care" by giving me breasts that can smother, like my mothers? did i simply wish to be fat and boobalicious like my mommy (see pic for illustration)? was this in vain? simply a yaoi obsessed cis straight woman with a masc/autoandrophilic lean? could i have coped by simply feeding myself into bountiful breasts and vast tracts of curves? i could cope by forcemascing my bf and getting him to fuck an foreveral bimbofied me; completely bimbofied, bimbo breasts, bimbo buttox, bimbo personality, bimbo pussy, bimbo fertility, complete with wet, dripping cum deposited whenever-he-supposes, into my deep, ever fertile womb? why must i suffer, forever to sigh about what could have been.

>>40710431 (OP)
there were so many chances all through my life to lose my virginity to a hot man, and yet i was terrified to do so, despite it lurking in the deepest of dreams, future memories of a potentially aborted timeline. i instead focused on the female form, giving it pleasure, being ashamed of my features and wishing to be as strong as a man as could be. watching pumping iron changed my brain chemistry to forever pursue muscle and strength, either as a personal attribute or belonging to a lover or follower. i love the psychological changes of steroids, from the anger to the lust to the drive to the rage turning to righteously enraged lust. i would only truly wish to live as a woman sexually, i simply would not wish to truly carry a child (though to be bred) if i were to have one at all, and there would be day to day misery around not having a penis, being physically weak, and emotional. the benefits are not worth it. being a man would be physically exciting and i would be able to live my life more fulfilled to a substantial degree over being a cis woman. i often have deep, ancestral dreams of being a lone man in the wild, establishing my home, struggling to survive, growing as a man, no longer being a skinny twink but a true MAN, with sturdy, thick wrists and a heavy jaw replacing the delicacies of old

comphet aap. Chill out u don't have to be with women ever again - I know it's terrifying to look back on.

>>40710519
ive never dated, ive only done hand and mouth stuff with a cis guy. i wanted to get fucked eventually but also to fuck him, which he was more receptive of.

>>40710529
ftm or mtf?

>>40711925
ftm