Thread 41049875

I had an extremely vivid dream a few nights ago, where my fiancee was giving birth to our son and I got to hold him. It felt like everything in the world to me in that moment. It hasn't left my head since...

The unfortunate part... My fiancee is trans woman in real life. In my dream, she was a CIS woman who could give me kids. I'm at a loss what to do now. This dream is living rent free in my head. I thought I didn't want kids, but I do now. And she can't give me my own kids.

How do I break up with her for the fact that she's unable to give me kids without shattering her whole sense of identity over again? I don't think I could live with myself if I gave her a lifelong damaging moment of dysphoria, but I also feel like it'd be equally unfair to her to lie to her for why I can't be with her.

(Before you recommend adoption, I don't want to do that. I want my own flesh and blood kids, and I don't think an American adoption agency would adopt to a couple with a trans woman in it in today's political landscape)

Bump.

>>41049875 (OP)
Porque no surrogacy? Are you a brokie or a man?

>>41049875 (OP)
Wow this is literally what I cry over most. You can't have a surrogate? Because either way she'll be broken

>>41049875 (OP)
>fiancee
no matter how you handle this it isn’t going to end well. many trannies dream of getting married. don’t bring up your actual reason, come up with something else that has nothing to do with her being trans, otherwise you’ll shatter her heart. i’m not sure what that reason could be, it’s going to depend on context within your relationship, but she absolutely can’t know it’s cause you want bio kids. i will ask, are you certain the thing you care about is simply having a bio kid and it has nothing to do with the two of you having a kid. she probably feels bad about it as well, maybe it’s grief you can both work through together.

>>41051421
>>41051626
We can't afford surrogacy. We live in NY and a legal paid surrogacy closes in on $100K.

>>41051771
I do want a bio child, but you're right that I should discuss this with her instead of breaking things off because of my anxieties. Thank you. I'll talk to her.

>>41051912
no you should really make sure of things before talking to her cause if you break up after she’s gonna feel like it was her being unable to have a kid that made you break up even if you deny that. really ask yourself if it’s a bio kid, a bio kid with her, or a bio kid with a hypothetical woman you grow to love that you want. then, if you feel she’s the one and your struggle is that she can’t have a kid, you can consider talking with her about it

>>41051912
So you can’t afford kids anyway? Seems like a dumb reason to break up, no sane woman would have kids with a little boy who can’t drop $100k in 9 months.

If I were your gf I'd 41 myself if I found out you posted this

>>41052027
Thankfully she is a Tumblr type, not a 4chan user. I would never expose these thoughts online if I thought she'd see them third hand.

>>41051912
Leave new york. My boyfriend and I intend to.