Thread 41643492

What did the straight relationships you had before you came out feel like?

like a farce, an act I had to concentrate to keep going

>>41643492 (OP)
I never had straight relationships and I never came out sis.

she told me to brush me teeth before kissing her because i tasted like some other guys cum.

>>41643492 (OP)
I had one straight relationship for a few months and it really sucked, I grew disgusted very quickly even though the other person was nice. And even if I hadn't grown disgusted, it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

>>41643492 (OP)
dissociation

>>41643492 (OP)
I didn't have any, because I never really liked women and had to deeply repress my liking of men. (extremely homophobic high school)

>>41643492 (OP)
I dated dominant strong personality women, and was chased by them. A few of them came out as lesbians. But honestly the sex was way better than any thing i've ever had, but maybe that's bc it was college. sad face

>>41643492 (OP)
Honey, I'm homosexual first and always. I've never had a straight relationship

>>41643492 (OP)
i only ever had one "straight relationship" pre transition and i would say it was pretty atypical... she would pin me to her bed and have me try as hard as i could to break free and relish in how i wasn't able to and how much stronger she was than me. she whispered in my ear and threatened to rape me. my first kiss and probably like 99% of the kisses we ever had were with her on top of me and my wrists pinned down. i told her about me being trans and closeted within weeks because i felt so horrible keeping it from her and she told me she was super accepting and told me she thought it was hot.

it was really crazy. it was super short lived though... i really screwed it up.

it felt like, idk, it felt like something was wrong with me, and that was good. now i just feel like something's wrong with me and that's it. i was so happy i felt like i belonged to someone, i couldn't believe someone actually liked me. it didn't feel like a straight relationship at all though, in truth i don't think it was because i wasn't really a boy and also i was out to her and she treated me like a girl in private, i just wasn't out to the world yet

>>41643492 (OP)
>What did the straight relationships you had before you came out feel like?
very stressful trying to preform the version of masculinity i was taught and also pretending to be someone i thought she would want me to be
i didnt even really touch them i was scared i would piss them off, i was so avoidant that a girl i dated had to tell me it was okay to smack her ass (i did it once then and there and never again the whole relationship)
i was so scared of women that i went and lost my virginity to some guy from /soc/

i dated an emoish gothish girl for 3 years in high school. started out amazing. it was so fun having my first kiss, losing my virginity, etc when i was 16. felt on top of the world. eventually dysphoria got really bad and i came out to her for some reason. she outed me to my mom. we stayed together for two more fucking years. eventually i went to college and for some reason we stayed together. 2 weeks into college she cheated on me with a black guy and that was that. im straight again, just the other way around :p fuck you kat

disassociation and overcompensation

I mean, three of my exes came out after me and I was apparently giving "good enough for a last stab at men". The fuckass nonbinary futch I was dating for years and strapping me into the headboard is beside me right now with their glasses half down their nose, full of ice cream and generally being a menstrual mess.

But in general, fine but I was doing that weird "femmy shit but in a masculine way" thing and it seeped into everything. I'm still that person, just with a less of that. At least I can paint and write poetry without having to camp it anymore ig

>>41643576
>>41644312
yeah this. I only ever dated two girls and trying (and failing) to be the chivalrous masculine bf felt thoroughly forced and unnatural, I hated performing as the man in the relationship and being expected to initiate and take care of everything. when I was intimate for the first time and had my first kiss I remember asking myself, why don't I feel anything? why doesn't this feel right and wonderful, like it's supposed to? she was a good kisser and I found her attractive, so what was wrong with me? I was way too afraid of sex to actually do anything either, even trying to finger her almost gave me a nervous breakdown

I was not the best boyfriend looking back, to put it mildly. I was barely human back then. but I'm still on good terms with both of my exes even after transitioning

>>41643492 (OP)
I was in one, technically
>sophomore year of hs
>miserable dysphoric wreck but wouldn't troon out for another year because I was too le based
>basically asexual pre-transition so never pursued anything romantic before
>never really spoke to anyone at school either so everybody mostly just forgot I existed
>leaning against the side of the cafeteria building waiting until lunch period is over like normal
>some girl I don't recognize approaches me kind of nervously
>dressed kind of alt with purple streaks in her hair but other than that she looks mostly normal
>"hi *anon*"
>start panicking internally watamote style because a normie is randomly speaking to me
>manage to stammer out a hello back
>she starts making small talk about the class we're apparently in together, I'm not absorbing what she says at all just kind of nodding along and mumbling "uh huh" and "yeah" when appropriate
>eventually she trails off of the conversation and stares down at her feet nervously for a second
>"uhmmm sooo I was wondering if maybe we could like go out to this arcade place where they have food and stuff sometime..."
>hands me a slip of paper with her phone number on it, and then scurries off
>wow that was pretty autistic, maybe this is a fellow traveler after all
>it legitimately took me a couple minutes, but eventually it hit me that I just got asked out
>kind of in shock, go through the rest of the day freaking out about wtf I'm gonna do
>the idea of texting her fills me with a sense of dread
>but so does the idea of being rude to someone nice enough to reach out to me
>oh screw it what the hell, maybe this will make me normal

>>41644835
>eventually work up the nerve to text her
>I only just learned her name later that same day from paying attention during attendance, but I'm gonna try to make this work
>devise idiotic scheme to text her early enough that she should probably be awake but late enough where she wouldn't be able to talk for too long
>eventually send a basic hello message after re-typing it like 10 times
>she responds immediately, which makes me feel a bit bad about making her wait so long
>start making small talk
>she's being very flirty right off the bat, lots of emojis and stuff
>I just kind of respond to what she says robotically without really adding much at first
>tbf that's just how I talked back then
>we start talking about our hobbies
>apparently girls don't actually all hate anime and video games like everybody says, that's a nice surprise
>start to open up a bit since I actually have something to talk about now
>only a bit though, still have to hide my powerlevel of course
>my favorite anime is definitely NOT ranma 1/2, I like generic seasonal romcomslop and fmab like a normal anime fan : )
>my plan fails, she keeps talking to me until like 2am with no signs of slowing down
>eventually I tell her I need to go to sleep and we say goodnight
>feel exhausted and emotionally drained
>it wasn't that bad though, she was a kind person
>texting someone from school who wasn't assigned as my group partner for the first time ever was kinda fun too
>this basically repeats on and off for a couple days
>eventually she gets me to make a discord so we can voicechat and play Minecraft together
>the last time I tried using discord to make friends I accidentally ended up in a server with a bunch of fedposting iFunny wignats/possibly actual feds (long story), so I was quite reluctant to touch it again
>talking with my voice also just sucked and I hated it
>eventually I give in and make a new account and we start playing games together though

>>41645165
>for the next couple weeks we play games and chat basically every other night
>it's wayy more socialization than I'm used to, but thanks to her I actually got a little better about being able to socialize
>gradually learn more about her
>apparently she's bi
>that made her my first ever LGBT friend, which gave me a really weird feeling
>I didn't consciously acknowledge myself as one of THOSE people at the time, but at the back of my mind I knew that I wasn't really a normal straight man no matter how much I wanted to be
>at this point she pretty obviously had feelings for me
>starts referring to me as her boyfriend, constantly sending selfies
>I always tried to avoid talking much about myself
>apparently that's why she asked me out in the first place, because I was "cool and mysterious"
>I didn't know being a weird loner freak was cool and mysterious but okay
>I was starting to like her too, only as a friend though
>I felt zero sexual attraction towards her even though I really wanted to force myself to return her feelings
>oh well, I just have to be patient and those feelings will probably naturally develop over time
>obviously it's normal to not just fall in love with somebody you just met
>I had been postponing our irl date but she kept insisting and I eventually agreed to go out with her one Saturday
>we stuck with the original arcade idea, I kinda wanted to go somewhere without a bunch of strangers instead but I was smart enough to realize that inviting a girl on a private first date in the woods (literally the only place I ever went to hang out) is weird
>the day rolls around and I don't want to go, but I make myself go through with it
>couldn't drive yet so I had to ask my dad to take me
>"YOU HAVE A DATE WITH A GIRL ANON?!?!" "WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU!!"
>mom literally cries a bit and tells me how thankful she is to have a handsome manly son
>"haha yeah thanks"
>part of me wanted to be grateful and the other part wanted to curl up into a ball and die

>>41643492 (OP)
i've never been in a straight relationship

>>41643492 (OP)
Would just like to blue ball everyone here with quite possibly the craziest story on planet earth about my last relationship.
>live in washington
>chinese billionaire funds social media group in sf
>visit sf for a kaytranada concert
>meet now ex at concert
>move to oakland for her
>ex is apart of social media group
>everyone in the group is stealing money from the Chinese dude
>Chinese dude visits sf
> asks what all the moneys going to
>gf tells me to come asap
>I live in oakland, fuck
>I arrive in sf
>open the front door(literal mansion btw)
>everyones naked
>cameras everywhere
>realizing what “social media collective” means
>Chinese dude is there
>very angry
>says my ex and another guy have to go to shanghai with him
>no wtf
>my gf pleads to at least bring me too
>fuck it whatever
>goes on a trip to watch my ex get plowed by Chinese dudes
why did I think that wasn’t going to happen, am i retarded ?

>>41643492 (OP)
felt like i was the girl in behaviour not them

>>41645454
I like keeping going

>>41643492 (OP)
A girl tried to e-date me once and i turned her down. Never did i once attempt to date a female, i'm just really not into them. I kinda like futas but that's way different and for some reason my brain doesn't see them as "women". Doesn't help that i like fat guys so a futa with a big cock is like a chubby dude with a big cock to me.

I did e-date like 5 dudes on Discord once, all of course failed because i'm a BPD bitch who attracted extremely narcissistic people.

>>41645454
keep going anon KEEP GOING

I want to self insert as the hot alt girl that seduces your gock

>>41645454
>get driven over
>dad fistbumps me and drops me off at the arcade
>excuse me, I meant the BARcade
>I didn't expect it to be so millennialcore until I saw the place, kinda funny though
>text my girl-friend that I made it, she's waiting outside for me
>we never really get the chance to talk at school, she wasn't actually supposed to be in the same lunch period as me and we only shared one class
>it's awkward meeting up in person even though we've talked so much, we're both a bit nervous
>she objectively looks nice, even though she's kind of "dressed down" for the venue she obviously put some work into doing her hair and makeup
>looks like my masculine urges are finally coming to the surface if I can recognize a beautiful woman when I see one...
>sudden boost of manly confidence comes over me, what would a handsome son say in this situation?
>tell her she looks beautiful
>I cringed and felt weird almost as soon as I said that, but she giggled and actually seemed really happy that I complimented her
>okay I'll go with it, I got this
>we go inside and buy tickets for games, I pay for both of us (thanks for the money dad)
>start walking around to try out some of the games
>they honestly sucked but just hanging out was really fun
>ice has officially been broken, we're laughing and having a good time
>eventually she asks if I wanted to go get some food, I say yes
>she immediately leads me over to this table that's tucked away in a corner, like she already had it picked out
>this is the type of spot you would go if you wanted to sit alone with your date
>and this is a date, I guess
>the table is flat against a wall, so you sit next to each other on a bench with a TV across from you
>We get our food and sit down
>she slides in really close to me
>it felt uncomfortable sitting that close to someone who wasn't related to me, but it's perfectly normal to sit close to your gf so whatever
>>41645564
>>41645624
I'm multitasking sorry

>>41645779
knowing you being a tranny is gonna crash and burn this is kind of depressing as shit. its all rather cute. makes me almost feel like you would've made it...

>>41645779
>we sit like that for a while eating our food
>I get used to her being so close, it doesn't really bother me all that much
>after a while she suddenly smirks at me, then grabs my hand and puts it on her thigh
>she turns away and blushes while I just kinda stare at the table blankly in surprise
>it feels like how a girl's thigh looks like it would feel I guess, too bad mine didn't feel like that
>after a second I think about the implications of what she's doing and start feeling incredibly awkward
>it wasn't particularly gross or anything, I just felt nothing
>don't really know what to do so I just try to stay as still as possible without moving
>I was really counting on the idea that physically touching her would "awaken" my attraction when the time came, but I didn't feel aroused in the slightest
>start feeling incredibly anxious about the entire situation I got myself into
>eventually jerk my hand off and stutter out that it's probably time to go
>she says alright, and that she can drive me home
>she has a really genuine smile the whole time, but looking at it just filled me with soul-crushing guilt
>she gets up and grabs my hand to help me up, but she doesn't let go and we walk out holding hands
>just knocked an H out of my KHHV status and it feels the exact same as holding hands with my mom
>the whole time we're walking to the car I feel like the world is crashing down on me
>this wasn't gonna work out
>in my heart I knew I was faking it
>I knew I was faking a lot of things
>by the time we got to the car I was pretty much on the verge of tears
>>41645796
it was a learning experience

>>41645915
>despite my expert repchad pokerface at that point she could tell something was wrong
>started asking if I felt okay, I said yeah
>she seems relived
>she opens the door for me and I sit in the passenger seat
>she leans in like she's looking for an opening, but I can't look her in the eyes so she doesn't know what to do from there and pulls back
>gets in and starts the car, I had already texted her the directions to take me back home before our date so we just sat in silence while she drove me home
>during the entire car ride I wanted to sink into the seat and disappear, it felt like I had made a really horrible mistake ever agreeing to this
>she's also looking increasingly anxious
>after a 15 minute drive that felt like hours we eventually get to my neighborhood
>lived on the outskirts of the suburbs so there's a lot of woods in between each house
>it's dark now
>she stops on the side of the road in a spot where you can't really be seen by any of the houses
>seems to take a deep breath and then stares right at me with a determined look in her eyes
>stare back
>she leans over and starts going in for a kiss
>grab her shoulders and push her back
>say I'm so sorry but I just can't
>she looks incredibly disappointed and hurt
>I can't hold my tears back anymore and just start sobbing right there in the passenger seat
>she starts crying too
>eventually we get it together and she drives me the short distance to my house
>get out without saying anything and she drives away, I go back inside and rush up to my bedroom without talking to anyone
>don't cry anymore
>just lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling thinking about things
>do that until it's light out again
>pass out
>try texting her an apology when I wake up
>blocked
>don't blame her
and that's why I didn't start dating again until 4 years of estrogen and some serious personal growth
yes looking back I do feel like a total piece of shit for leading her on but it is what it is

>>41646111
wow that took a lot more words than I expected it to

>>41643492 (OP)
Still in the closet, but she was what got me into ass play.
Slightly chubby emo bitches will ruin you lol

>>41646434
>Slightly chubby emo bitches will ruin you lol
based and truth pilled

>>41646111
did you ever tell her you're trans? did she ever find out?

I'm more attracted to butch girls than fem ones. Last gf was a ftm detransitioner

>>41643492 (OP)
Still pre hrt but all my relationships with women sucked because I'm bad at being "the man" in a relationship even if sociologically I'm still a top/dominant. With the bi girls I've dated I remember coping about how I felt like they loved me like I was a woman

>>41643492 (OP)
I never had a relationship before coming out.

>>41649057
that must have been weird

>>41644312
many such cases

>>41643725
Did they peg you?