>don't want to live anymore
>don't want to die either
books that deal with this?

>>24462816 (OP)
This is basically the catchphrase of No Longer Human.

>>24462816 (OP)
the Bible

Any dog obedience training manual. Take your pick, there are hundreds in print right now, and they all do the same job convincing you to psychoslave your dog (self) to her owner's retarded fucked up fantasy of being a perfect dog owner. Not realizing they can just perish at any time from a stupid medical issue or an accident and they will get a sorry excuse for" medical care" or right to care, not even on par with something from the third world. Good job dog owners of the world.

I do want to die, but I have kids so I'm forced to stay for their sake. Somehow that's worse because you feel trapped as fuck.

>>24462943
retard

>>24462943
theyll be fine, dont let it hold you back.

>>24462816 (OP)
Buddhist sutras

>>24462816 (OP)
Forgotten truth by Huston smith
A secular age by Charles Taylor
Maps of meaning by Jordan Peterson
The journey’s trilogy by Robert Monroe
Anything by Ken Wilber or about levels of consciousness.
The web of meaning by Jeramy lent