ITT: unfathomably based things to do as an author

>use your own name for the main character
>always write about the same topics/dynamics/symbols
>not referencing anything at all
>never finish the story, leave nothing but cliffhangers
>overusing alliterations
>one word sentences

>only one character in the whole book
>footnotes longer than main text
>short story in the chapter title
>reference events that never get explained in any way
>dedicate the book to „the one that failed the test“, never elaborate

>>24475866 (OP)
>>24475881
Give examples, otherwise this is a pointless exercise.

>>24475895
no

>make fun of feminism
>make fun of 9/11
>make fun of the holocaust in a subtle way very few will pick up on
>include hidden ciphers in the story for your high IQ readers
>make all the female characters cute and dress them up in skimpy outfits
>an onsen chapter

>sibling incest
thats all :)

>>24475881
>„the one that failed the test“
It's cute how this is the one thing central Europeans can't give up. Like French with their space before exclamation points. I like your retarded English quirks.

>>24475962
The keyboard does it automatically.

>subtle racist jokes sprinkled throughout the book

It just makes it better

>>24475985
>>24475944
>>24475866 (OP)
Philip Roth does all of this, often in the same book.
For me, it’s the bit in Operation Shylock when the large breasted nurse in a tight dress brings the main character, named Philip Roth, the recording of the speech made by the antagonist, named Philip Roth, where he details for ten pages about how the gas chambers didn’t exist, that most of the deaths were down to typhus and allied bombing of supply lines, and that the holocaust myth was invented by Jews after the war to further their political aims

>>24475866 (OP)
in my first book these were some things i did
>threaten the reader in the footnotes
>have author notes going on random tangents unrelated
>use a dream as a source
>have the main narrator and author notes arguing with each other
>narrator and author ganging up on the reader
>invent new words randomly
>killed the main character in the last page with no build up to it

>>24476190
lol, truly based

>>24475866 (OP)
>Make the book 500 pages longer than it needs to be
>Nonsensical tangents that don't add anything to the story
>Snide remarks about religion, usually referenced by the main character
>Sexy fucking metaphors

>>24476263
Moby Dick BTFO