Post your work and give feedback to others.

A faintly slutty boy's lascivious
Desire for release in my hot embrace,
Oh, scintillating man, your insidious
Pecking pecker, swollen through prodigal lace
Suckle deeply from my welcome manhood;
Accept with love your place below mine own
Take and give, never goeth frometh mine wood,
Oh little boy, don't cry before I'm blown
Crying slut, you; Face me with a smile
I'll kick the shit out of you, you faggot,
No, don't leave me now, I love your guile
Don't leave me here ma petite baguette.
Oh God don't leave me
Oh God please let me be

>>24486199
All paths of life laid out before thee
Of shipwright, smith, or even King
Yet still perplexingly you journey
The path of gay cockmongling
Shall you repent your ways, afore
The sandman empties your last grain
Or doomed are you, gayest Manwhore
To lie in grave, bum semen-stained

>>24486199
>>24486443
someone post something that isnt gay

>>24486779
Scene: OLI is standing out on the patio with a bottle of beer in his hand, yelling expletives at the sky; VENUS is shining brightly over-head.

OLI: You fucking bitch!
VENUS: …
OLI: Restrict thyself, thou insidious python!—
And slither off ere thou prove venomous!
Even the sight of your sick scales is potent
enough to spoil a man’s garden.
Hiss! Hiss!
Shed thy foaming self elsewhere, shapeshifter!
VENUS: …
OLI: Indubitably thou art unutterable…
VENUS: …
OLI: [snarling] Caelian Cunt!
Yes, I’m talking to You,
Alchemical Witch!—throw thy xanthous robe
far hence from here, then get thee gone as well!—
And take your evil brew with you all the
way back to Hell; let the frogs lap up thy
ruddy vitriol for all I fucken care!
…………………………………………………….
…………………………………….High pixie!
Blow thy sulphurous dust twice clear of us!
[enter EMI]
EMI: Oli! Oli! What's going on out here!?
Are you okay?—You sound like you're fighting
with somebody.
OLI: I am.
EMI: Please come inside,
before the neighbours start complaining again.
Wait…
…You are? Who on Earth are you fighting with?
OLI: There’s a mighty cunt in the sky, Emily;—
there’re a pair of them, in fact, but only
one of them dares to show its face at night—
She bequeefeth us a poison chalice;
I would warn you to keep away from it,
but alas, it’s too late to stop both us from
imbibing every damnable drop of it.
She got us good, Emily… and now she mocks us,
from above and below, with brimstone, and
those perditious fluttering eyelids of hers.
EMI: I'd take ‘poison’ over the rest of this
horrible world any day of the week…
OLI: [aside] So would I—but I am the horrible world…
[Sound of a sliding door being opened; a neighbour’s patio light is switched on, then off a few seconds later; sound of sliding door being closed.]
EMI: It’s time for us to go inside, Oli.
I can tell that there's something bothering you,
and as much as I dread that might know
what it is, you know you can talk to me
about anything—like you used to.
[EMI extends her arm to OLI.]
OLI: …No.
EMI: No?
OLI: No. I belong out here with her; strung up.
EMI: [shaking her head] No. It's too cold…

>>24487022
Fickle light in mountain sky
Aphrodite, shall her gaze
float down, a fickle dragonfly
blessing Mankind in our days?
Oli perhaps, the youthful knave,
prefers she stay in far heaven
E'er distant, silent as the grave
He wishes he could lay her in

*I have no idea what your passage is about, I just like writing response poems

Twisted shoelaces like nooses,
like veins.
The mirrors showed other lives,
but only if you squinted.
Not wisdom, but signs,
spray-painted on warehouse walls.

bump

I took your demo tape to the ocean
and threw it in,
not like an offering,
but like a curse.

The desert calls me. Aching
for its embrace, its cracked rocks,
unmarked roads to forgotten
mines, where once I shared a kiss
with a memory, though I've
almost forgotten her face.

Years it's been, I know. And still
more it will be, if ever
fortune delivers again
this lost, sunbeaten man to
"home," I once called it with her
while she drew breath, blessed place.

Have you moved on? Forgotten?
The shady glens and forests where
we summered in the autumn?
I long to see you there.

>>24486199
Faggots were made for being hacked to pieces with axes and having their limbs hanged from the front porch and stairs and shooting their exsanguinated blood out of super soakers into their faggot mother's mailbox so she can't receive her welfare check

>>24490210
This is beautiful. Too bad autumn doesn't exist anymore

>>24490210
One winter we raised from the frost
a bear made out of snow -
Do you remember? Together
we shaped it, though
It was your idea. The weather
was warmer to you, minun häipyvä satamani
now everyone's favor seems lost

>>24490217

This is unironically the best poem in this thread lmaooooo

Does anyone want to be friends?
I have plenty of friends, I just really would like to know some people that are as obsessive about poetry as I am. It just gets lonely after a while is all. I have about three friends irl that are into poetry but not obsessed, you know?

>>24491449
drop your mail

>>24485944 (OP)
nigga is
as nigga does
sheeeeeeeeet
das' rite

I kept writing.
Their shadows covered my notebooks,
slipping between lines like missed deadlines.

>>24492280
saying n-words
on the 'chan
"based racist," heard
said of this man

Do winter birds the warm sunbeams of harvest time remember? Does frost upon the rustled limb fall free from warming timber? Cold streams and lakes, the way dawn breaks. May ever I accept its loss, what we made in September?

Pen in hand, I've taken leave,
mind to build on ancient art.
Wordsmiths of Western history
bid these words my head depart

Yet slow my ink, parchment dry.
Shall renaissance yet refrain
and stymy in paradigm
author, shameless mythomane


[captcha: xP00P]

bump

I wish I was a Bimbo
Pretty in pink and puffy lips
Big fake tits like a pretty doll
No thoughts, just an object to fuck
A blissful existence
Without being.

>>24494898
It was good until the "without being." Your poem should end like like a cumshot. Like a slap across the tits. Not a wistful impermanence. It doesnt follow.

The sound file says:
my name is Hezbollah Al-Hejaz,
you laughed when I said it,
like it was a slur I had to earn.

>>24494905
It was good until "without being,"
before this line should have been ending
Like shot of cum, swiftly descending
'cross feminine breast

Not wistfully, as though seeking ends,
to leave in the air impermanence.
No follow nor lead, losing all sense,
grants reader no rest

kreme filled donut
hear my plea
where thoust belong
is close to me

Lately I've pondered, paper and pen
resting on cafe table, without
stirring, restless mind desperate within
flat daily life
no beauty about

We ran, barefoot and bleeding,
and I ran, not from fear,
or metaphor,
but I couldn’t pronounce it.

salmon of the sea
in good faith i bought
your carcass, now nought
please excuse me

the fleets meet
the horses drown
keanu's operette
fade to black

The wendigo cries, against the pale Moon
I see Silhouette, skeletal arcane,
shall ever its teeth free my inane
mortal coil with hers, lost Arktinen?
Coil, weave ceaselessly, threaded harpoon

four straight lines
of brutal poetry
into thousand minds
etched pattern mimicry

dear you, glance into
my eye's mad love eternal
smirking dare seance

>>24495771
Yet although Arctic you recall,
cold winds blowing the gulls ashore,
hot winds more often fill my hall
Merenneito! Salt girl, afore
I bring you home, kiss shore.

Blowing o'er cold, untouched seas,
lips cold and thin still call to me
"Tule lähemmäs, merimies!"
pulling with ropes of golden weave
my hand, to ocean floor.

>>24494905
I didnt write it in english originaly

Hold me close and fill me
Fill me with your lovely body
Your lovely tongue, deep in my throat

Enjoy me, I want you
To feel like we exist together
One beast with two backs.

>>24495994
Post the other languages, I like seeing other languages' poetry. Lots of classic poetry, at least English and Russian, has a few lines of French or some other language fetishized by the author.

I was told in school
that to become a teacher
was the greatest thing that
I could do with my time

I have been a teacher
for the last five years
and I am here to write
it was not a lie

I love my little life
where I teach little kids
how to not be dumb
and to make good choices

the only thing I wish
is that the men on
the hill over there would
stop trying to kill me

with their bills to defund
with their bills to redirect
with their bills to censor
with their bills to litigate

It's hard enough to be
a teacher of some standard
without the men over there
who hate a public education

All I have ever wanted
was to help poor kids
all they have ever wanted
is poor kids dead now

They fund charter schools here
More than they fund us
Because they hate the fact
that kids here speak Spanish

This plea is very direct
Go to school board meetings
Tell teachers that they matter
Before we all go extinct

Page 72:
bought under Liwa Fatemiyoun,
in the open-air market of Veracruz,
a story stitched in blood,
a girl with sand in her laugh.

“You’ll find a girl who tried to kiss a bomb,
a story no one lived to write,
and a rumor that once made a general weep.”

You ask the price.
She names you.
You pay.

>>24496006
Their tongues are flames
that leave scars on syllabi.

They write in poor ink,
measured in “metrics,”
designed for forgetting.

And so we forget.

Emotive language, thoughts spewed forth
In sentence fragments
From fingers on a single draft
Unedited
Unfiltered
Unpunctuated
Prose, it's not, because I hit
The enter key more often
Structure is for tryhards
And purpose is a cringelord's cope
God
I'm so fucking deep
This is poetry

Rick’s woman disappeared
between the third and fourth verses,
leaving behind her scent
and a half-smoked cigarette.

Outside, someone dies
slowly.

>>24496000
Ik wil niet nadenken
Was ik maar een bimbo
Mooi in het roze, volle lippen
Dikke tieten, een prachtig object
Geen gedachten, alleen seks
Een heerlijk bestaan
Zonder te zijn.

Houd me vast en vul me
Vul me met je heerlijk lichaam
Je heerlijke tong, diep in mijn tong

Geniet van me, ik wil je
Het gevoel dat we samen bestaan
Als mensen, in haar geheel

De lust is sterk
maar ik wil (nog) niet klaar
Komen

Ik zie een berk
het is een van haar
Bomen

Weer aan het werk
straks, iets om naar
te dromen

Ever-gaunt, the bones of gay
society, bare before
unwashed laborers' array;
tear down, build, mock King and lord.

See facade pretending stone,
mere plaster, and here great hall,
tapestries colossal shown
when examined, pixels all.

Men in towers, richly clad
feel, they must, like noble born.
Rather silly, slightly sad,
their palaces mere facade.

>>24485944 (OP)
Rearmost Roman banners roam
Errant rooms with no more stars
Oarsmen rot on burning boats
Old Moon-starer signals Mars

Acrid lenses, cold resins
A lion's creed of dance and lies
Elders lanced a darned slice
Bind red aliens by their side

A voice in rant
A vain concern
For the covenor’s anointed cover
An iron singe ingrained the fringe
And ever since
Eyes went blind

>>24497613
Lines evoking lost Europa
ever spark immortal reverence
Mourn the fallen, lost the trocha,
eternally mourn our severance

[Yours is some of the best writing I've seen this week, I'd love to read more.]

>>24497661
Thanks, I mostly focus on novel writing. I'm afraid this is my only finished work of poetry, but I'm working on:

As I walk the narrow path
Eagle's shadow lights my chest
Bid me face the east, and west
Boldened fire-golden crest

Breaking chains of frozen past
Healing pains of deep unrest
Melting lead, and coating gold
Whereby reels of hope unroll

(On the roman banner's poem I misspelled convener)

The Root-Taker

A tale for when baby teeth fall… and something ancient wants a bite of your fear.

Long ago, before the gods had bones, before the Oracles learned to lie, before the Milkstealer was even a whisper, there was a hunger.
Not a beast nor a demon.
Just a presence.

A thing that crept under sleeping mats, curled in the walls, and watched children with a mouth that never stopped chewing.

He is called many names.

The Root-Taker.
The Mouth Beneath.
The Collector of First Bites.


The rule every Ruun child knows. “When your teeth come loose, you must not throw them away. You must not hide them.
You must not keep them to remember.”
You wrap them in black thread,
place them in a dry bowl,
and leave them outside under the lowest branch of your hut, before moonrise.

You whisper to the bowl,
“Take it, Root-Taker.
Leave my breath whole.”
And then you run back inside, and do not look back.

What He Does With Them?
They say he eats them.
But not for food. He plants them. Somewhere deep underground, in a field only he knows, he grows a mouth made of children’s teeth. Each one gleams. Each one whispers.

“I was brave.”
“I did not scream.”
“I gave what he asked.”

And in return, the Root-Taker keeps your fear safe. He doesn’t take it. He just holds it,
like a charm made of screams and old milk breath. He knows that fear keeps children sharp.


If you don’t offer...
If you drop your tooth in the fire.
If you hide it in your mat.
If you swallow it on purpose.

The Root-Taker gets angry.

He comes while you sleep.
Not loud. Not fast. Just… warm breath on your belly.

He presses one long, soft hand to your chest, and whispers, “Give me something else then.”

And in the morning?
Your baby brother won’t remember your name.
Your favorite food will taste like blood.
Or you’ll find a new tooth in your mouth—
but it’s not yours.

It’s someone else’s, and it talks only when you’re alone.

The Parents Say, when a tooth wiggles loose, the mothers hum the Root-Taker’s lullaby.

“Little root, come out, come free,
Find the dark and go from me.
Take my fear, and let me keep
All my dreams when I should sleep.”

And when it falls?
They kiss their child’s head.
Place a bone charm beside the bed, and whisper, “You gave him what he wanted.
So tonight, he’ll eat someone else’s shadow instead.”

>>24485944 (OP)
Fall back to rome,
It is but a wise man's home
And hearth, a fire that roars
By the tomes and the lore
Contained in the books
That occupy the shelves and nooks
Of every wise mans room!

Aurelius, Aurelius, sing
To me, be a great white wing
That towards heaven flies,
That occupies the western skies
And blots out the system
That fouls all wisdom
In this decaying age of ours!

The master upon the stairs
Pauses, he does not care
To hide all that he knows
And lets all the seeds be sown
That ev'ry man shall be wise
With golden heart and no lies!

>>24499640
that's a sick painting imagine having that in ur condo

what do you think of my poem?

empty highway, empty fields
underneath flickering street lamps
the smell of gasoline and fast food
crickets chirp in the stillness of the night

the half moon is a sanpaku eye
hanging in the bible black pre dawn
stray dogs are stapled to the horizon
howling, starving, a wild bunch

slow heat rises in silence with the sun

some will wed for gold and treasure
but true love is the greatest pleasure
and in true love you shall find
one that is blessed with a noble mind

We spat at the marble lions
guarding the banks.
Boys with cut hands, girls
with magenta mouths.

>>24485944 (OP)
Stop self-publishing your garbage on the internet like this. This poem cannot be sent to a publisher now:
>Cock Carousel
There once had lived a girl of twenty-four,
Who walled before she ever married young;
She found, instead, that she deserved to whore
Her way across the world. I have now sung
The song of Stacey's dirty, whorish ways:
She went from man to man, across the span
Of twenty-four nights and twenty-four days,
In which she slept with men of every clan,
For up and down, and side to side, she bounds,
Within the hands and mouths of every soul;
She screams! She cries! O ecstatic sounds!
As Tyrone's cock and Chad's pole took their toll
Against a battered uterus-turned-mince;
She learned the taste of what awaits the kind
Of woman who forsakes her innocence!
To sleep around shall turn your soul and mind
Away from Motherhood: a whore may prowl
To ancient Age, as milk may curdle foul.

https://voca.ro/13j3PXmJyUUw

>>24492245
Loxrian

I look into you as I look into my
empty ramen bowl, reflecting
my faults and my vanity. my
sadness, thinking you're sad too,
just like me, when you're not.
you're doing fine, i'm not.

Guys, I am getting published and I think that maybe I want to help you guys get published as well. I really would like to have some sort of discord like those unreal press guys but exclusively for poetry and no bullshit drama. Idk but I really need to talk to some poets, all I know are novelists and they go relly heavy on the rhetorical questions

>>24501932
Start a server and post it here

>>24501261
is this even a poem

Forever

when I was seven
I swallowed a burning lump of coal
it still keeps me warm

>>24501932
>all I know are novelists and they go relly heavy on the rhetorical questions
lol? what did he mean by this?

The ancients spoke thus: that divinity shaped this world.
Yet Forms Physical and Mental, are we not shaping?
Forms Genetic and Memetic, are we not reshaping?
The ancient idols were fallible, tragic, and human.
Now our humans are tragic, fallible, and godlike.

ChatGPT wrote the following verse.
You pretentious faggots are all cooked. Find a new hobby, losers.

When moon is large and low and close,
And bathes the grove with gleaming rays,
I’ll find you there—your body, rose,
Bliss blossoming in my embrace.

>>24502425
will do
>>24504285
>what did he mean by this?
They tend to ask you things, but instead of an answer, they are just using you as a prop to create a jump off point into their monologue about theme or whatever.

This poem I made for my grandma (originally in spanish).

I'm resting since I can't walk. Atop this dark and confusing shore

My being numbed and wasted
The monuments of my experiences now sand.

Waves hit the beach with inexorable march.

Cold and stinging; only sensations that I can't relate to anymore.

The coves of my dreams stand empty,
boats have set sail and left me behind
along mirages that make me want to cry.

In my shadow I see a bratty child. She can't throw tantrums with such a dry throat.

From this trance I wake up; since after all this time I finally feel the first wave to hit me.

It smashes my body and crushes my soul. A pain that I try to cling to, but the anguish is fleeting so I let go.

Maybe when the tide rises I'll drown.

Sweet death at sea.

insisting on it
subsisting on sneed:

flame thrown to the world
all roads lead to Rome

a stone is a stone
it sinks nonetheless
no matter the tone
what-saves is excess

it burns as it crawls
through distances through
the syndrome is balls
prerequisite's – 'bruh'

where even death dies
diffuse'd in the spit
as all prying eyes
are ordered to bleed.

Through acrid lenses,
we watched the Popular Mobilization Forces
march across the static of an old TV,
Their silhouettes are red and righteous.

Someone murmured,
No one reads anymore.
Even the dead.

>>24504904
Could you post the Spanish version? I always enjoy original languages even if I'm not fluent, and I'm working on my conversational Spanish anyway.

>>24505771
Words lost, endless facts
mythical, uncouth
lines sung in streets - Truth
plainly written, in volumes unsorted past doors never locked as enthusiastically, throng cheers new holy language -
illiterate pact.

she wrapped her arms around me
her breath like the sweet summer wind
we were hidden in a hollowed out book
a secret no one will ever know

the leaves were brown, the sun sank low
i'll not see her like again
in the dark gloom of night i wonder
does she remember my old voice

>>24505905
Absolutely.
Estoy reposando pues no puedo caminar
Sobre esta playa oscura y confusa
Mi ser entumecido y desgastado
Los monumentos de mis experiencias ahora arena son
Olas golpean la costa con marcha inexorable
Frías y punzantes
Solo sensaciones que ya no puedo distinguir
Las caletas de mis sueños yacen vacías
Los barcos ya zarparon y me dejaron atrás
Junto a espejismos que me incitan a llorar
En mi sombra veo un mocoso malcriado
No puede hacer rabietas con una garganta tan seca
De este transe me despierto
Pues después de mucho al fin siento
La primera ola en alcanzarme
Arroya mi cuerpo y tritura mi alma
Un dolor al que me intento aferrar
Pero la angustia es efímera así que me dejo llevar
Quizá cuando suba la marea me pueda ahogar
Dulce muerte en el mar

I usually don't like writing in prose, but it's just so much easier to express ideas this way.

The beach was full of severed shoes,
spines of books, and the voices of girls
who never left town.

When they found her notebook,
the ink had bled into the salt.
All it said was:
the dead boats tremble.

Call it what you will,
two girls, doped on spells,
bruh.

of Icarus,
She whispered: “A stone doesn’t sing.”
Even the Al-Ashtar Brigades burned.

Winding road leads traveler
to hillside cabin, inside
a fire, stoked, burns brighter
than those stars of Southern sky.
But outside hearth, an ember
of some undying fire
yet dares me to remember
when I roamed peaks much higher.

Sliver golden, as the mines
of the town I once called mine
draws me ever back in time.

I.
I took the winding road,
a tattered coat,
and one name

II.
There was a cabin.

Small,
like the room where I first suspected.
Small,
like her voice
when she told me his name.

He sang,
half-choked,
half-defiant,
as if returning from
a war we forgot to name.

>>24499891
based and wholesomepilled
>>24509624
aw hell naw if I wanted cuck poetry I'd listen to kanye west
>>24504569
The ancients spoke thus: that dragons shaped this world.
Yet Forms Physical and Mental, are we not conquering?
Forms Draconic and Wyrmetic, are we not reconquering?
The ancient idols were fallible, tragic, and human.
Now our humans are tragic, flammable, and pyroclast.

>>24509690
Forgotten yet remembered in
scrawled letters home, detailing sin
Committed, wished and unwished on
unrealized brothers, fellow Men.

Laid to rest, sung liturgically
"Sins bought and paid for, His to keep."
The river cared not, mighty Don,
hear? Still blood spilled you'll find, it keeps.

>>24492396
here's a riddle to quench your thirst
what is eighteenth and yet first?
>>24495568
also dope
>>24509880
>rhyming keep with keeps
you tried, but if you tried harder, you could do better

>>24510002
lol thanks for that, I'm just mobileposting while doing yardwork and it shows.

>making poetry and lines
>trying hard to make it flow
>still tempting, "lines" rhymes with "lines"
>post it anyway, it shows..

A worthless train of misarranged cogs
To senseless motion set asks his cruel god
For oil to ease his weary course
A river steep of blackness pours
Of grease, oil and sickening crude
From heaven bright into my mouth.

https://youtu.be/M-TcJw7XRJo

>>24504569
this feels like it would be cool in a visual novel or something. it's sorta chuuni but still has a statement to make

I speak in cigarette smoke
and streetlight static.
I don’t bow. I wait.

Everyone here has a knife or a name.

They have four faces,
Chanting Holy Holy Holy.
These seraphim,
Each gleaming like beryl,
Each a point containing all other points,
Each mirrored, of six wings,
Wings as loud as God’s voice.
Each full of eyes, all around,
And each eye composed of fire,
And each a Wheel within a Wheel;
And each wheel composed of flame,
and when one wheel moved,
All wheels moved with it,
These seraphim,
Chanting Holy Holy Holy.
At one and the same time
— moving east and south and north and west.

bump

I only like poems that rhyme

>>24513106
the iliad and odyssey is trash then?

>>24513112
I never said they were trash. I said that I only like poems that rhyme.

>>24485944 (OP)
The Tiger
He destroyed his cage
Yes
YES
The tiger is out

>>24485944 (OP)
>Cock Carousel
There once had lived a girl of twenty-four,
Who walled before she ever married young;
She found, instead, that she deserved to whore
Her way across the world. I have now sung
The song of Stacey's dirty, whorish ways:
She went from man to man, across the span
Of twenty-four nights and twenty-four days,
In which she slept with men of every clan,
For up and down, and side to side, she bounds,
Within the hands and mouths of every soul;
She screams! She cries! O ecstatic sounds!
As Tyrone's cock and Chad's pole took their toll
Against a battered uterus-turned-mince;
She learned the taste of what awaits the kind
Of woman who forsakes her innocence!
To sleep around shall turn your soul and mind
Away from Motherhood: a whore may prowl
To ancient Age, as milk may curdle foul.

>>24515021
gross

>>24511133
chuuni is what im going for.... commentary on the stagnation of exoteric theology ig.

The firsts sages spoke thus,
with gesture and metaphor, symbol and allegory,
guidance and trepidation, knowledge and embodiment.
They spoke of their worldly matters, illuminated, full of revelation and insight.
So then their disciples spoke thus,
plunged into the depths of the world by the sages,
having received a transmission, of the illuminated world before them
exalted the great masters and their teachings thus.
So that the first priests then spoke thus,
having bore witness to the miracles of the great masters,
seeking their wisdom, they turned to their disciples, and exalted them thus:
"O ye wise sages, taught by wiser sages, deliver unto us wisdom beyond us".
And by this, looked to the sages for wisdom,
rather than the understanding of worldly illumination,
transcribing and studying their words with ardour and rigour,
fanatically shaven, their flesh laid bear to the heavens thus.
So then, the next priests spoke thus,
"Wise and blessed men, we heed thy words, thy teaching, thy doctrine".
"By it's dogma we shall live, it's illuminated nature unquestionable."
"Oh men, blessed by the wisdom of the heavens toward which you face."
And the people, having witnessed the faith of generations, fell into their own faith.
So then, the last priests spoke thus,
"The subtle and sublime sacred truths are hard to understand."
"Only through great prayer, devotion, and sacrifice might they be approached."
And the people, having witnessed the faith of generations, questioned the priests not.
The priests now became our clergy, masters and teachers of a withdrawn order,
beyond the life of the lay, beyond the comprehension
of the truths once lived by the first sages.
No longer understood their doctrine, and awaited their messiah thus.
In turn, messiah came and spoke thus,
"Seek not your scriptures, burn them as if they were impure tinder".
And the messiah was reviled by the people, and by the clergy,
to be cast away as a blasphemer, touched by deviltry.
And the clergy in turn, appointed a proper divine emissary,
and by his flesh he would bring decrees from heaven down into the world,
so that living scriptures might return to the world,
in countless revisions and curations,
talmuds, gospels, and sutras,
yet drafted forth by the isolated and detached,
they filled with faraway spirit and delusion thus.
Now before us are the preachers, speaking thus,
of madness and damnation, of heavens and salvation.
They have lost themselves in another world, and through them,
the ashes of a once illuminating fire, are smeared in the eyes of the lay,
in the eyes of the next preachers to speak thus.

He spits blood when he prays.
The dogs sleep on minefields.

You're trying to remember
I never did forget
What your stars can not render
My will will sure effect

Looking for feedback on my latest poem. I wrote it in response to a guy being racist against me.

Dawg, here's a pencil
Go home, write some shit, make it suspenseful,
And don't come back until something dope hits you
Fuck it! You can take the mic home with you!
Looking like a cyclone hit you,
Tank top screamin', "Lotto, I don't fit you!"
You see how far them white jokes get you?
Boys like “How Vanilla Ice gonna diss you?”
My motto: Fuck Lotto!
I’ll get the 7 digits from your mother for a dolla' tomorrow!

bump

>>24519420
only good poem in the thread

bumo

I was going to write a weird room-by-room description of a government-issue house entirely in verse, but I abandoned the idea after it gave me one of those "perpetually slamming my skull into the concrete/a childhood memory stuck on repeat" headaches and made me feel like hurting myself.
Figured I might as well post the lines I wrote here before they disappear forever:

The front door yawned as it opened, unfurling
Right into what they call a living-room…

A beige three-seater lounge with canvas skin
Cowers against the back wall of the room,
Like a wounded rodent so lame-struck by fright
It’d lost all of its hair and then forgot
The make-up of its own anatomy;
With bloodshot buttons on its cushions that
Stare dead-eyed, catatonic, back upon
The terror wherefore it layeth thereon.

A modestly sized television set
Rears up between the house’s front windows
In fear of being spotted by the Sun,
While riding on a chipwood cabinet
Plated in pearly white enamel shell—
A ku-klux armadillo as a steed
With beetles’ beady eyes for its four feet
That cannot see, and certainly can't walk,
But roll and leave their cloven plastic tracks
Imprinted in the carpet underneath;
They play as toes but bite the floor like teeth.

The carpet strews itself across the floor,
Papyrus smooth, save all the little knots
And ridges in the seam scattered around,
Spelling out arcane gibberish in braille.

It was a flicker of memory,
her thighs, a map I could never refold.
The regret?
A scar etched in someone else’s dream.

>>24517314
You're a nigger, this is plain
Upon this world you are a stain
Your kind has made no contribution
To improve on Mankind's station
Your skin is dark, your brain quite small
It's unfortunate, but that's all.

We talked trash. We laughed.
You laughed like a knife being unsheathed.
And down there,
the Scamp had his own ideas
about poetry.

>>24520632
Like a knife under skin,
nothing moves,
everything’s already bleeding.

The couch had the look
of a girl I once knew.

>>24486199
So trve

>>24486779
It's a poetry thread anon

>>24520745
Fading lights after midnight,
I awake to gruesome sight
of Steve, crying aloud "Dear!
My love, return," although here
is no woman, just this grouch
scorned, who's now fucking my couch.

I got drunk last night and sent my sister some amorous verse after I overheard her crying on the phone to my mother

In the office,
for your comfort.
We laughed, high,
Smoke followed him.
So did rhymes,
she lights a joint,
devours fried gold,
The esophagus was a volcano.

>>24520441
One Pac, two Pac, three Pac, four
Four Pac, three Pac, two Pac, one
You're Pac, he's Pac, no Pac, none
This guy ain't no motherfucking MC
I know everything he's 'bout to say against me
I am white, I am a fucking bum
I do live in a trailer with my mom
My boy Future is an Uncle Tom
I do got a dumb friend named Cheddar Bob
Who shoots himself in his leg with his own gun
I did get jumped by all six of you chumps
And Wink did fuck my girl
I'm still standing here screaming, "Fuck the Free World!"
Don't ever try to judge me, dude
You don't know what the fuck I've been through

>>24517202
Strong and sincere words

It wasn’t the name that burned him,
it was the way he lit it, like a flare,
then left it to fester in the dark.

He hurled the page at the future,
like a Molotov without flame,
and still the smoke rose.

Perhaps im missing something, but what exactly is the point of poetry? It mostly seems like poorly detailed vauge descriptions with a slightly metaphorical riff. This isn't a troll, I functionally don't understand the purpose of poetry.
Im glad it brings joy and fulfillment to others, but I don't get it.

To express feeling. Like visual art, you need to engage with poetry with the part of you that witnesses a car crash, not the part of you that considers what to put on your shopping list.

>>24522911
If you can't write
why are you here?
Your meth-fueled rambles are unclear
Maybe skin's white,
but no one cares,
for niggetry you've lost what's fair.
You'll be alright,
stay home, don't leave,
use UberEats for groceries.

>>24523911
Perhaps there's something I don't see,
what is the point of poetry?
The line are poorly-detailed script,
slightly metaphorical riff.
Not trolling here, I understand
no purpose in the poet's hand.
Though there is joy, and full content
for others, I do not get it.

>>24523937
Ive been thinking about what you said for a while, I guess its just not for me. I can be moved to emotion by the written word, but not by poetry. Thanks for trying though.
>>24524094
Yeah, thats my point. Why would I take the time to describe the situation in such a way, when I can be more accurate and breif by writting in a more coherent manner?
I suppose its my lot in life to be a low brow reader.

>>24524572
Personally, I think composing poetry is fun, although I don't particularly go out of my way to read it. I think that when skillfully done (and I'm not skillful) it is better at evoking receptive readers' emotions than prose, because it not only gives words to an idea but gives motion and direction to words just like a song is more powerful than the same lyrics rule be if they were simply written down.

I like to write poems on lunch break sometimes, but if I'm going to sit down on a weekend and write I generally won't give any time to poetry.

unreal lives, unyielding lines
unbent and straight, uncrossed by fate
no curving purposes, disparate surfaces
the architects' terror, this universes' error

food the poor, eat the rich
till there are
each no more

eye for an eye
will become two
so we will do

Iron men and iron law,
Soldiers standing stoic
March endless to war,
Their virtues heroic,
A new Caesar shall rise,
Nietzsche shall be intoned,
Take the empire as a prize,
A new leader on a throne.
He sits there, what's he do?
Destroy all degeneracy,
He will create much that's new
Recalling that third Germany,
Whose reign many do aspire
To bring back into form
And throw books on unending pyre
A new era of history's born,
But this time it will not fail,
Ancient Rome is also thought upon,
This Caesar shall not end in Hague jail
But rule all Europe under black sun,
Caesar will be the title of the ruler
And will also be his name,
His empire will conquer more than Timur
And receive eternal fame,
Public executions will stop the crime
That has been rising year in year,
All criminals will receive the meathook
And intense pain they will fear,
Speak against the state — strappado!
Degeneracy will not go unpunished,
There is no where the Empire will not go
To make sure its power burnished,
So worship SPQR and golden flag
And bow down beforw legions true,
Or you are just a limped wrist fag
And the camps will come for you!

>>24525297
Good. Ever think about collecting posts into a single document and spamming it all over /lit/? Because I have..
>>24523911
You don't 'get it' writing or reading? Language is meant to help with intensifying our imagination. Rhythm revives your life-pulse. Verses as an escape from cliches of thinking.
>>24517004
Speaking oracles, sir!
>>24499891
we need more fairy tale energy going on. buddha mind, noble mind, childhood third transformation. every one should be a true patriot for love. a love nat aeonalist even.
>According to Deleuze’s metaphysics, the world that the child maps is the Body without Organs (BwO).
it's far deeper than psychoanalysis orthodox dogma wants you to believe.


***

Invoking Thy levity

through the inner'mst guide:

'to wander too far and to die

out of wonder'

no matter how dark and how absent – more under!

low to the mist to the shadow's that damp

no matter how wilderness there's always that swamp

there's always that Shrek and the shriek in the night:

reverse Shrek it is, for that ogre is Right

the Tale is of Fairies and the Court stands intact

not this world but other – it's the minecraftest fact

for the caves and the dungeons and the tunnels – all His!

'tis Phoebus, our Lord of the Light from Abyss.

wrote this spontaneously

====================================


fantastic stars at the break of dawn
i can smell a pink and blue bruised sky
insects chirp in the potted plants
the sound of wind chimes

a rusted coke bottle, some flowers, an apple
i am collecting things i find.
at night you can hear the moans of
one thousand wandering sad ghosts

i go to the green mountains to hide.
the sky is grey smoke like a the tip top of
a half rotting skull.
the city is on fire, the zoo animals are burning

>>24528955
This makes me think of the short time when I lived in Portland OR, especially walking the abandoned rail tracks in the forest around the zoo.

bump

blacks lack
whites heights

>>24485944 (OP)
>Ode to a Meme Trilogy
These eyes witnessed a sudden, awful change:
This azure Board, a place of love, an elfin grot,
Now turned to filth so vile, an image strange:
For Jezebels and frogs, a sorry lot,
Replaced the leaves of every book and page,
That burned to soothe and warm our Summer Child's
Own favoured memes, that light election's Age;
This Board becomes an Arcadia's wilds!
Our Board is but a humble knight of old
Who walked along the glen and struck his staves,
And found a wight of Beauty's truth so bold;
She traipsed and kissed, she took his greaves and glaives
And rearranged his form and dress to Eden's shape,
She laid her lamb-white breasts upon his chest
And left a mother's milk upon his lips, so bless'd,
He dreamt a dream of sinful, lustful shape:
Of satyrs' knocks and nymphets' doors agape!
An azure Board, now turned to filth so vile,
Has stirred my passion, all the while!
I forgot the times of olde, when memes were fun,
And door-stoppers weren't a jibe, nor pun.
I fondly think of memes, so long ago,
Of Ulysses, Gravity's Rainbow, and Infinite Jest,
Tho' now I stroke my prick to another Jezebel's chest!

wrote this for my oneitis. didn't show it to her.

lowkey clipped aragon and yeats with this one but i thought it turned out okay. any feedback is appreciated.

>>24527922
stop using tiktok kiddo

>>24531035
Honestly not that bad, but most of the women I've been with are virulently opposed to the idea of being a historical or biological object in that way. If ya'll already had intense bonding or limerence, it would make more sense, but practically, is that really a message you want to share with this person? You're basically saying "wars have been waged over women like you" which is sort of cringe despite your noble way of saying it. Just my thoughts. Decent writing though.

>>24531035
oof literally the oprah book club of pOEtRy
centuries of grief come on man lmfao
also never mention "time" in the first sentence wtf

bump

Her molecules got magnified
her faintest whisper amplified
takes the highway in her stride
she's a little on the larger side

Feeling vaguely discontent
with all the spleen she's fit to vent
Dressed in a circus tent
her irritation overspent
to an almost biblical event

she's radioactive, a predatory flirt
with a figure made to disconcert
mess with her and you're getting hurt
lapsed Catholics usually convert

who needs some overgrown chick?
stomping on their block
mad bad sad sick
how's the antidote coming on, doc?

sports cars and roller-skates
she strap's them on whenever she's late
she's too big to appreciate
your mum

>>24532415
You can just post any post to bump.

>>24533174
I know, retard.

>>24533197
Saying "bump" is against the rules.

>>24533227
I bet you were that kid in school who put up his hand to remind the teacher that she forgot to give the class homework.

>>24533231
You'd think people in a poetry thread would care about education. Poetry is learned.

>>24500095
"publishing" is fucking done.
words are worth no more than fun.
write whatever you do please,
let it go upon the breeze.
if you're after only coin,
you've a dried-up brain and groin,
like superball too old for boing.

>>24504666
are u joking? it rhymed close (as in not near) with rose. it might get there someday but it aint there yet. its scansion is also pretty bad at times -- it seems to go strictly off where a dictionary will say a word is stressed.

>>24533943
Doggerel

>>24485944 (OP)
oh no
a poetry thread
on /lit/
where every post is shit
what a waste
of these dubs

>>24534475
He got dubs.
You didn't, see.
Now, the rub's
you're gay, G.

>>24534173
he who would be tip-top buck
must have balls, at first, to suck.
that you didn't just ignore
means i'm worth a little more.
money's cheap, but time is not --
now a bit of yours, i've got.
plink!: a penny, in the slot.

>>24485944 (OP)
roses are red
violets are blue
sugar is sweet
and so are you

>>24485944 (OP)
The Joys of Shoplifting
Silver Assain The Third

In the heat of day or the stillness of night
Silver Assain 3 steals his groceries without a fright
but have no fear, with my intelligence and might
I have found a way to steal from the grocery store kikes.
The trick you see, is all to easy.
I pick up my steak and milk.
Than I act as smooth as silk.
I make my way into the in store starbucks.
Which replaced the locally owned coffee and panini shop which sucks.
I buy a small chai iced latte.
And dash out of the starbucks only exit, away from the fray.
It is quite brilliant, in multiple ways.
It allows me to take my cut up front without finanicng the gays.
I am far to precious to pay for my own food.
A net public good, it pays to be shrewd.

>>24489941
The Desert is dusty and so is your Mom
Becoming you stepdad with this musty schlong
You've lost your way
Too bad you are gay
Ruminating in misery may be your nitch
If you are still sobbing over that ugly bitch

>>24489941
Go write your poems about ghosts and regret—
I’m your new stepdad. Don’t you forget.

Where are you? At some
far away coastal town, amidst
foggy air? It's early morning.
The wind blows your long skirt to
the side, like the crashing of foam,
against the wet rocks.
You are smiling.
Maybe there you abide
and not shy away and
wither as the moths do.

>>24536037
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Hitler is dead
We're ruled by Jews

Give me feedback.
'Men of England, heirs of glory,
Heroes of unwritten story.
Nurslings of one mighty Mother,
Hope of her, and one another.

'Rise like lions after slumber,
In unvanquishable number.
Shake your chains to earth like dew,
which in sleep had fallen on you:
Ye are many. They are few.

In sheltered home, warm where
through work was kept from strife,
rough hands of a father
taught that working is life.

This grown man now toils,
once proud of the sweat, run
jaded. Visions broil,
for pride were forsaken.

Art, philosophy thrown
to the curbside, a child's
toy they were called, now grown
older come back to mild

amusement, passion quick
develops, as Man saw
Machine fill the boots which
his feet worked until raw.

For now bird metallic
and ghosts in the wires
here reign systematic,
caring not for men's ires.

Danse ephemera Luna

Folly of human form
‘Tween reeds of turbid decay
Eddying listless among shrouded
Familiar greys, greens and blues.

To place our seal, at twilight
Stamped like a bootprint
To Transcend the half-Color
In all hope and apathy joined

This Grey gives way,
Silver! now green to emerald
Blue to our Faith limpid and Sweet.
We lilt among these eternal willows,
Bodiless

And we burn at the crest of day.

Syllables in symbol strings
Notation for the mind to spring
Hieroglyphs and pictographs
Reminder of the concepts cast

Memory accounted by
The palaces to visualize
Invention combinatoric now
With wheels to spin around
All science boiled down
To elemental ground

Captured in form and sound
And grammar to reason bound
Matching logic found for sake
Of encyclopedia to make
With which to quickly educate

What am I?

>>24537666
Geometry?

>>24485944 (OP)
I need to poo
on the loo
maybe you should go
too

>>24537727
Incorrect, for will geometry contain syllable? And much indeed but not to perfection does science lie in it's possession.

>>24537749
Ok, language?

>>24499891
blessed

>>24537757
You are along the right track but lacking predicates to match. A hint to you, it's dreamer made theorems on continuous change.

I just wrote this as I woke up. I haven't written anything in a long time.
Feedback, criticism, anything is good. Just let me know what you think.

to my son
To you, life has been hospital walls
and flickering fluorescent lights, thin blankets
the raucous sound of voices and shuffling feet- too loud, too loud
But if you’re strong enough to eat and i can feel your heart beat against mine
Then i will hold you close and usher you someplace quiet
Someplace designed that thinks only of you
And you can rest
on sheets I prepared, waiting for your arrival
knowing that my arms are meant to raise you
that my voice was meant to sing your praise
And that you can do the job of growing
while your hands grasp for mine

>>24537816
Syntax? I think you want me to go more specific but I can’t follow.

>>24537897
It's all good if you can't find it,
A hint: the thought came to a man named L______

>>24537179
you may enjoy longfellow's song of hiawatha if you havent read it -- it's in trochaic tetrameter like six of your lines are. your third-to-last and last line are missing the final soft beat of that meter in a classical sense -- it gives them a more powerful sound, so i like it, but i sort of stumble on the second-to-last line, because i want to hit the final "you" as hard as "dew", but then i have to say "-en on" really fast as two softs, and if i put the emphasis on "on" like a trochaic terrameter line, the rhyme is askew cause its a hard (dew) with a soft (you). if you change "had fallen" to "did fall" then the last three lines all scan the same (that is, have the same rhythm). "once fell" has the same effect. it works in a modernist/frostian sense as it is, but you have to read "fallen" almost like "faln", and its fine once you know to do that, but as i said i stumbled there a little the first time through.

>>24490217
>Too bad autumn doesn't exist anymore
Grim

I find it quite a shame
That autumn's come and been
My memory, yet not a haze
Still has the attention
Of meloncholy memories
And evenings colored brown
From halloween to thanksgiving
With coolness all around
But days like these
So fair and cool
Are simply come and gone
I've grown now, older
Wiser, too
Whilst climate presses on

>>24485944 (OP)

>>24538980
>grim
I had a 41 year old roomate my last year in college. He was a manchild janitor, a failed firefighter, a theology major though a militant atheist.

He was oddly obsessive and neurotic. Blamed his parents for his shortcomings. I had a heart to heart with him about thigns he could do to improve his life with the time he had left. (go back into firefighting, 2 year vocational programs, give god another chance) and he took it very badly.

While I was older for a student (mid 20s) he probably viewed me as this punk kid looking down on him and this caused him to lash out at me passive agressively and begin strange behavior that caused me to move out (it was an under the table fb arrangment, college town and all)

One of our last communications was that he told me my life would turn out just as grim as his. I rarely see that word in my day to day life, but since that day I have seen it noticably more than before and my life has taken several catastrophic turns.

Dropped out of college, best friend killed himself, fiancee left me, tore my acl/mcl/meniscus, lost my job, briefly homeless, killed a man in self defense, ect. The past 2 years have been so brutal I have started going insane.

Did this 40 something year old man child janitor curse me with some shit? How can I fix this.

>>24539371
It’s a curse so long as you believe it’s a curse. The human heart beats with intention, every beat seeks spiritual experience that we can only find on Earth. Many people see the task of enduring pain as a curse, but I believe it is a blessing. How else could we grow and learn if not through tragedy and suffering? It is no accident that your heart continues to beat at this moment, it’s a gift that keeps on giving that none of us deserve, yet here we are. The word grim reminds me of the grim adventures of Billy and Mandy

>>24539371
>How can I fix this.
I can tell that you are beyond the grasp of logic so let's tackle this another way.
You could look up egg cleansing or salt baths or even make a thread on /x/. If you are cursed I doubt it is a powerful one, so just do some reasearch and think of it as your luck having the common cold. Good material for a story in any case.

Ahem.
Nigger!
That is all.

>>24539620
Based poet, words flow ever deep
and true! Into consciousness seep
this Plato's wisdom, author keep
this ink from Gomorrah.

>>24539371
...you killed a guy?

My life is now without light
as if I were stillborn into this world
my reality has sunk into hopeless blight
for thou hast turned away thy crystal eyes
and rendered me lifeless in a cold night
but in my prayers I say thy name
longing for in thee the heavenly light
thou art my dearest, whom my heart hath rejected
and together we'll never abide

>>24540298
in self defense.
Long story short, my grandfather with cancer took me in as my life fell apart. Despite being a bowling alley attendent in his life, the property he bought with that in the 60s appreciated significantly in value, and he had a massive house and 10 acres of pristine land to himself. He invited me to stay and attend a local college to finish my degree. I had been estranged from my parents since I was a teenager, and part of me longed for home and family so I left my friends couch and returned to my homestate.

Unfortuntely I only made it 10 weeks into a 15 week semester. He was dying of cancer (massive tumors in his legs, but what we didn't know was it spread to his low back, lungs, and brain). He was also grieving the death of his wife who died the year prior.

I started college the week I had returned, and worked at a local restaurant. I basically had class at 1030-1230 tuesday and 1030 to 230 thursday due to the lab (i was taking Organic Chemistry II), then I would go to tutoring until about 4:30, than work from 5 to 12am at a local resturant. The days I had off I spent in the library or at a local powerlifting gym.

Things went swimmingly at first, but he increasingly became paranoid. For whatever reason, after a draft blew open the door to the basement, he was convinced I was rumaging through his stuff. I don't know was down there as I had never went, but he was sure as shit I was stealing from him and I have never seen a man so mad. Another time, after cashing a SS check he misplaced the money and was raving that I stole it from him. I have never seen a human being get so angry and I was geniunely confused. Routinely he would wake me up standing over my bed in the guest bedroom furious because it would be 9:30 and I was still asleep, failing to grasp that I worked until midnight and would take a few hours to study/have to myself before I slept. Class didn't start until 10:30 and was only a 12 minute drive away.

Things came to a climax when I was watching recorded lectures in the day room, and somehow he found out I had been using the window ac. I admit to using it, he kept his house at 80 degrees, and the guest room was upstair where it was stuffy and all the windows were nailed shut.

For context, I bought his groceries, I took care of his disgusting dogs and cleaned when they pissed and shit all over the house (though to no avail I couldn't get the smell of dog piss out of the carpets) and did all the chores. I offered to pay for use of the ac, as I am sensitive to the heat. A few nights it got so hot I had to sleep in my car.

Anyways, at this point, I have been looking for other places to live, my pittance at the restaurant barely covered food, gas and my phone bill. I would not even come close to being able to afford to move out even if I dropped out of school and worked full time at the restaurant. I was so tired of his shit I just ignored him.

>>24540515
>>24540515
That is when he stopped screaming for a moment, and went to his bedroom. I thought everything was back to normal, but 10 minutes later he walked out and pointed a shotgun at my head and began to rave about killing me for my disrespect. I was able to talk him down, and I reached out to my extended family as his mental state was declining and I wanted the guns gone for my safety and his.

After a few days of sleeping in my car, he invited me back and I begrudgingly accepted, as I was over halfway through the semester. I am a college junior and had friends who could get me a job that paid a living wage as soon as I completed my degree and I was near the top of my class. I settled in and made myself as scarce as possible.

About 2 weeks later my half sister came to visit, and it was nice to catch up. The internet was having issues and she reset the router and got the internet back up. Unfortunately she accidentally unplugged the phone line and nobody noticed. She left and the next day he noticed the phone had stopped working. My Grandfather was convinced, that because 3 weeks prior, I ran an ethernet cord to my laptop to play a old fighting game with some friends (god forbid I have a hobby) that it broke the phone line.

Things got ugly again and to make matters worse, my car had no functioning breaks and I couldn't leave. As he was raving he was going to kill me he went for the shotgun again. This time, instead of being in the case, it was right beside his bed. Immediately after I returned, he began using it as a cane as a way to intimidate me.

>>24540515
As he continued raving and was almost at the gun, I began shouting at him to not do it and calm down. He refused to listen to reason, and as he reached for it I shoved him to the ground and took the gun and went upstairs and called 911. Turns out, the fall from the push broke a rib, and the rib punctured his lung. This isn't a fatal injury if treated, and as I had just called 911, for my safety and his, he was rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately, we had not known that the cancer had spread to his whole body, and the lung punctured what little remaining lung tissue he had left and he died a few hours later.

A few months have passed since than, and as the weight of the world has crushed me I have applied for VA disability. I was only in the National Guard but I had a TBI in a training event several years ago, it had impacted me but I was desperate to have a career.

Just another day in the life, in the past year my best friend killed himself, had reconstructive knee surgery, lost my fed job, lost my house, my fiancée left me, experienced homelessness, ect.

I don't mean to whine, everyone's life is a tragedy Afterall, but hit after hit like this seems just uncanny. It seems unnatural to have this level of bad luck, or maybe I am just a self pitying narcissist lol. Either way my shrink has diagnosed me with PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder and I am getting on neet bucks for a few years while I sort myself out.

>>24540515
>>24540521
>>24540524
I should have taken the time to clean this up as this a writing board lol, but you get the picture

>>24539585
Why do you think I am beyond the grasp of logic? I never paid any stock into the paranormal, but I have come across some dark characters these past few years.

>>24539572
A self fulfilling prophecy kind of deal? Me giving too much power to the narratives in my life?

I wrote this yesterday when I was in a real rut. I was sitting in my truck, procrastinating on getting back to work and had just got in an argument with my dad. Please be brutally honest; I basically have never posted my writing and I’m kind of wanting to get into it more. I used to do creative writing when I was kid under the direction of some classes. Is there any potential here? I have been diagnosed with BPD (which I’m told can make a great artist) and there are times, usually when I’m under the influence, and I’ll write with such fervor because a thought occurred to me that I feel like I really needed to write down. I really hate being cheesy and I’m kind of a perfectionist but I feel like I often start strong and then it’ll sort of dissipate into slop a lot of times.
While we’re on the topic, does anyone ever get the urge to burn their work after they look at it the next day? It’s like watching a video of my sobbing pathetic self. How to overcome?
Alright here it is:

Today the stones
are light as a feather
But tomorrow
they will be crushing me

Today, the stones jump and dance
Tomorrow, they will be dead and still.

The stone on the ground haunts me
He tells me why I can never lay him.
He reminds me of my shortcomings;
My laziness, lack of ambition.
He will never move on his own.

The stones on the wall lay smiling
They have nothing to say;
they only reflect my hard work.
Nothing needs to be said.

Thank you stone, for doing nothing
Thank you for your indifference.
You are the one thing I can count on
To only tell me what I already know.

If I had words enough my dear,
oh if I had words enough,
I would entreat of the worlds
which reside deep in us.
I would speak of swirling ships,
lost in blackening mists,
This it resides in us.
I wish to speak of all the harmony,
Which tugs the strings of everything.
The music inherent of all born things;
Life is but a song, we are all singing.
Oh if I only had the words my dear,
From our bodies we would disembark,
In all the world you would see the art,
How every spec does play its part.
But I have not the words my dear,
because our words are not of this world;
It is but a thinking and not a feeling.
But up gather the flowers deep in you spring,
Hold them to the wind which blows all things,
Then see redundant the words we speak.

I've taken to publishing my work on substack. Please someone read it so I don't feel as though I'd completely wasted my time

https://open.substack.com/pub/tenezid

>>24539620
this is beautiful

>>24540515
I wrote a novel 'bout how I
killed granddad, probably AI.
Oddly narrative, specific
in much detail irrelevant.
Story's doubtful, and I would bet
Writ by computer, Pajeet's desk.

>>24537868
bump

>>24540854
unfortunately the story I posted is true
I fib not, for I am not a jew

I would post his obituary but I don't want to doxx myself

>>24541115
Sozm8, you just seemed to go into weird detail about weird plot-irrelevant things, and the structure seemed kinda AI too. I notice things like that more, now, with all the AI floating around.

>>24541153
well I am trying to learn how to be a better writer. I didn't embellish the story but I wrote the events kinda like a novel/ autobiography.

Context and the story about how I ended up there, how things decayed, and the climax made for kinda a story.

But yeah, Grandpa went insane, held me up with a shotgun, had a fall, now he is dead. The end.

He was 88 years old

End of the road
You think you’ve been
Here at this once before
When feelings slowed
Dark thoughts obscene
Weighed heavy as you bore
But out came light
A feeling great
Perhaps good lies ahead
Return with might
That same sad weight
I think I’ll die instead

>>24540581
Good. Keep it up. I get it.

>>24540854
just so you know, when you say something completely normal is ai written on literally no basis, it tells everyone else that you think writing that much is hard. you should therefore probably not do that if you want to avoid broadcasting that you are a lazy idiot.

>>24540524
>shrink has diagnosed me with PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder and I am getting on neet bucks
literally a humiliation ritual..this fucking country. you dont have disorders, horrible things happened to you. it would be disordered if you werent affected. cant just give people things, have to pay some fuckbrain six figures to decide who deserves twenty grand a year.

Is there a nice place online to archive poetry? Something like deviantart where people can possibly find it (since I don't mind people reading my stuff at all) but its unlikely they'll find it unless they use certain search terms someone gives them a link
thanks

>>24541462
>didn't read my explanation in a later post
confirmed for too busy sucking dick to read before posting

>>24541494
between me and you I am completly fine,
Also it is 50k a year because I am a zogbot applying for zogbot disability.

I could maybe get SSDI on top of it for like a 60ishk a year income. If i want to flonder at being a creative and give up on medicine or having a family I could create shitty indie projects the rest of my life.

>>24541494
>flounder
sorry phone posting
actually i just made a spelling mistake and I am too embarassed to admit it.

>>24541534
tumblr, wordpress, substack, make your own website...kind of anything lol?

>>24541706
the six figurers couldnt tell you were fine despite the problems? color me mine.

>>24541832
well, truthfully I am not fine. I did have a head injury, had toxic leadership, and had a friend in my unit kill himself.

Yet, while sad, none of that even compared to the damages in my civilian life. I could tell you how i was raised and you probably wouldn't believe me and I don't want to live it.

I have seen plenty of non-white desk jockies grift the system for retirement in their 20s so why not me?

Honestly I would have soldiered on, as is my nature, but I am at the point where I don't have a choice. No degree, no job, no support system, no skills, brain injury. I have grown so depressed I can't even crawl out bed half of the days.

>>24541969
*relive

Try five syllables
Now let’s increase to seven
And now back to five

>>24485944 (OP)
---- Solaria ----
20000
Blitzortung

Once the flashes get to yellowish
And thunder inaudible

One can be pretty sure the grid won't even flicker.

>>24541969
all i mean is idk what psylology has to do with whether someone with a brain injury should get neetbux...i feel like the answer is always yes, if they want them. i dont think that many people would brain injure themselves to get it lol, and idk what else concern there could possibly be. you should get whatever theyd pay a psylologist as well on top of the neetbux if you take care of yourself without one imo.

It is set in stone
That even the sweetest people die
Those whose smiles light up the room
Will be turned to bone and dust too soon
Cherish them well

>>24542807
I generally contribute one a day, but no poems today friends. I'll be driving south all day for a funeral. It's a family member who I lived with for some time, several years ago, but we went many years without speaking. No bad blood, my life is just very busy and that branch of the family is too far away to come to the family reunions I go to.

Write poetry about your emotions but also keep the who inspire them dear to you. All too often, and increasingly as we get older, the only times we see many family members will be at funerals. She was the great-granddaughter of a wealthy, high society lady whose portrait hangs on my wall, and the great-great-great-granddaughter of European nobility. Probably most of us can trace ancestry to noble lines, if our family trees are traced back even just six or seven generations.

>>24542807
>>24542933
didn't mean to respond to you, friend, but I did notice the coincidence as I was writing, how your lines seemed relevant to mine.

>>24492280
Kino

I feel like a man smoking a cigarette, because I am.
I see a moth, he flies towards me, and as he does I draw.
The ember burns brightly in the 10pm summer sky
for a moment it is the brightest point in his universe.
The moth flickers, but the draw is over, and the ember dims.
The street light above me becomes the north star again.
The moth flutters up out of my eye.
He is looking at the moon.

:^D

My heart lies vacant, my soul is shattered
my prayers vanish with the wind
and I no longer care for what once mattered
thus I long for the taste of steel
to wash my mind away into the nether
so I deliver my life unto death
and now I pray for the holy ghost's feather
for God to have mercy on me
that for my actions I do not burn forever

>>24546139
okay Hamlet

how do i write poetry? any books to learn some basics or whatever

>>24548134
Stop being so fucking lazy and do your own basic research before posting.

>>24489554
Not sure if the tape was great or bad.
Like is the tape against the ocean so the ocean needed to hear it?
Or does the person who made the tapes voice need to be drowned?
>>24497588
King of Nothing or King with no crown?

>>24523620
I wish I wrote that.
I want it in a book so I can revisit it, but now, it'll just fall of page 10 someday.

>>24485944 (OP)
You imagine the smell
From heav'n or hell
Too hard to sell
This horrid smell

>>24486199
hot

All this poetry without a reply
Like tears in the rain
Like shouts shouted in vain
The domain of the archive

dwell not on what hasn’t been
or on what is still unseen
these grim days of longing
shall be worth the schlonging

Juliette Balcony
A cigarette hangs from his lips, unlit
He’ll regret it later, and shun his tongue
Boy of honey and amber, face flushed
Gaze into the streetlights, pink narcissus
What a pretty stallion, just to be a toy
>t. Im an evil bisexual and i broke a poor boys heart

Morning light streams in
Heavy eyelids squint upward
Five more minutes, please

>>24546139
Really dramatic but it’s nice anon :)
>>24540501
Wow. Powerful. Enjoy the pain.
>>24537179
Nice poem but be careful not to take it to far, m’kay??
>>24532415
Powerful! Poignant!!

>>24539019
I find myself wishing season, days, sunsets were longer. You’re supposed to tell yourself it makes them more special, like those sand mandalas made by monks, but that seems like cope.

>>24537868
I dont have any criticism, it seems too personal, but i do wish you and your son good luck. And good luck finding the time to write..

>>24510128
good