>>24505712 (OP)As a beginner writer, likely still receiving money from your parents, if you are like this you're likely just mentally ill. Don't confuse romanticizing mental illness with being an artist.
Writing should feel fun as long as you have the money to do it and risk nothing socially. What gets you mentally ill is that you have to go to work while doing it. If you work part time, you'll be poor and live like shit in your thirties, which gets you factually depressed (no money for holidays, relationship, hanging out, etc.). If you work 40 hours a week, writing will get you lifeless and you will need stimulants to work after working.
If you're not already depressed by the routine required to function socially + read/write on a literary level, publication will give you the final blow by showing you that most of what you do (and to which you are sacrificing your mental and physical health, your social standing, your money and the very possibility of being loved by other human beings) has no impact whatsoever on the reality of 2025 tiktok coombrain infested hellscape.
If you're not mentall ill, this will get you there. If you are already, be prepared because it's going to get significantly worse.