Publishing agent told me "there are too many betrayals" in my story

>>24547679 (OP)
You should be glad he got past the first page.

>>24547679 (OP)
Never submit your diary as a novel. QED

>>24547679 (OP)
That's a very good thing anon and I will tell you why.

Imagine you paint a picture and show it to Rembrandt and he says "you didn't get the light right on the guy's hand".

That sort of implies you basically got everything else more or less right. If everything had been terrible, Rembrandt would not have picked out that one thing. He would have said, hahahahaha..

So here's what your publishing agent is really saying:

THIS BOOK IS GOOD. POSSIBLY EVEN GREAT. BUT IT'S NOT YET SPREADING ITS WINGS FOR FLIGHT AND THAT IS BECAUSE OF THIS ONE SMALL FLAW WHICH YOU CAN EASILY FIX.

>>24547716
He’s a plotfag it will never be good

>>24547716
>plotfags
>good

pick one

>>24547679 (OP)
How many did you have? I have three

>>24547780
three for me as well

>>24547784
Three doesn't sound like a huge number.

The most likely problem, I would guess, is that you are using a betrayal either to power the plo, or else to create a big unexpected dramatic moment, and you're doing the same thing more than once, and it feels repetitive.

For example, remember Rambo II where he's just about to get in the helicopter and escape, and it takes off without him.

Huge betrayal, huge downturn, huge drama, etc. How is Rambo going to get out of this?!

Well, if you have three moments like that in your book, that is two too many.


Hard to say more without knowing exactly who is betraying whom and why.

>>24547679 (OP)
You trying to be Shake spear or some shit?

>>24547716
>That sort of implies you basically got everything else more or less right. If everything had been terrible, Rembrandt would not have picked out that one thing. He would have said, hahahahaha..

>>24547749
plot's the only thing that matter

>>24547864
One happens before the story begins and is revealed in the middle and is a catalyst for a big plot point in the first Act (think of Littlefinger killing Jon Arryn in ASOIAF).

Another one is near the first third and it involves a tertiary character siding with the antagonists because the protagonists are using his son to blackmail him for support. It leads to the climax of Act 1 and propels the story onto its midway point. He's never supported them (nor is it implied) so I have no idea how he considers that a "betrayal".

The last one happens at the second-to-last chapter (where the protagonists have allied themselves with a third party against the antagonists) and that leads to the death of one of the two protagonists and it exists so:

>it can pave the way for a potential sequel
>it ends the novel on a more ambivalent tone and I frankly thought it to be politically realistic and intriguing

>>24547894
wew lad

>>24547679 (OP)
I've only heard of "literary agent"
"Publishing agent" doesn't even make sense since the literary agent tries to sell your work to a publisher
I smell bullshit

>>24547679 (OP)
Every critique you receive from agents that comes along with a rejection is code for "I can't sell this" and it's probably not because you have "too many betrayals" but because you don't already have an audience of adoring fans ready to spend money on your work. They're just unwilling to confront you with the publishing Catch-22

>>24547679 (OP)
Think of all the betrayals in your book, desu. Then divide them into two categories.

1) all plot or character necessary betrayals
2) all plot or character unnecessary betrayals

Then start pruning the ones in the second category.

>>24547902
You're a moron

>>24547918
"publishing agent" is never used among people who know what they're talking about
Moron

>>24547902
It's probably one of those vanity press outfits

>>24547679 (OP)
>publisher betrays

>>24547679 (OP)
That's the one betrayal even OP didn't expect, his agent against him

>>24547679 (OP)
lmao

>>24547679 (OP)
Post synopsis, son

Ironic

*betrays your agent*

>>24547679 (OP)
Anybody still has that meme about the dune books having the word "betray" in every other sentence?

tell him it worked for GURM