/lit/ gave invaluable feedback on one of the earliest drafts of my debut novella, which helped me edit it into something much better.

I've now published it on Amazon and people are enjoying it, including some indie-lit authors I really like and respect, so I am over the moon with that.

Just wanted to say thanks to /lit/, for whatever that is worth.

Nice, congrats faggot.

>>24572999 (OP)
you have been sending out too many emails to your substack subscreibers, cut it down to one a week at most

>>24573699
Noted, I have a backlog and it's hard to sit on. As well as wanting to keep momentum going now the book is launched proper.

You're 100% right though, thanks. Think I'll just do Sundays going forward, give myself the week to think on what the post should be.

post the first page or two if you want discussion

>>24573863
https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/qjiuyz0tkiverx0ia5m7k/Libertine-Dissolves-by-Toxic-Brodude-3.pdf?rlkey=apddnohqfit6hpin0yn38nl5k&st=easzbm60&dl=0

There's the whole thing in PDF manuscript as formatted to the best of my ability, I have done everything on my own with this project.

It's a writing exercise more than a money making one, people reading it is more valuable to me than people buying it.

Any and all criticism of the final finished thing is welcome, positive and negative.

What's it about, bro?

>>24572999 (OP)
>including some indie-lit authors
Such as who?

>>24574491
I'm not naming names for them to be pulled apart and called faggots here, I'm perfectly happy with that being said about me, but I'm not dragging them into this.

Four of them are potentially providing blurbs, so it'll be public knowledge then and not before. A glance at my X also would mostly likely reveal said information if someone cared enough.

>>24573976
It's about fucking up the biggest opportunity of my life (a major label record deal with a band I sang in), slowly becoming an alcoholic and a womaniser, attempting to achieve the domestic bliss I saw my friends achieve over the years, yet falling short of that in every occasion, and basically everything I touch turning to shit, not because of bad luck but because I am an inherently fucked up and possibly evil person. But I was trying to be good, it just was never really enough. Oh yeah, and the search for God.

>>24575037
Freddy from Fishtank?

>>24575037
it sounds more like a memoir than a novella

>>24575481
Freddy would be the most similar Fish Tank contestant 100%, with maybe a touch of Jimmy in there.

>>24576941
It is autobiographical fiction, or 'autofiction' as I believe the cool kids are calling it.

Somethings happened exactly as I wrote them, some I have altered or exaggerated. Some is true, some is not. Some of it I don't even remember if it was true or not. It's a fractured fever dream memory recollection type thing.

>>24573875
I’ll look through it. Do you want feedback? Or are you just trying to get the word out.

>>24577139
Nevermind didn’t see the other half of your post on mobile lol. I’ll read and let you know what I think

>>24577141
It's published now, but feedback is always welcome. Semi-trying to get the word out but like I say, it was a writing exercise more than it was a genuine attempt at something commercially viable. I'm aware it's a relatively tough sell for the most part.

I did genuinely come here to thank /lit/, I decided to make it a work of universality (no names of anything) based off the feedback here, I removed Kanye West as a kind of totem/psychic anchor throughout the whole book, as well as a few other bits and pieces of brilliant earnest criticism (in-between all the posts calling me a fag and telling me I shouldn't publish it, which actually served a purpose in and of themselves also)

>>24577224
Okay I finished about 25 pages:here’s my thoughts. I’ll read more later and see if this holds up.

I’ve learned from my writing that you have to earn the simplicity of language with honesty, accuracy and structure. You have the honesty but I think it sort of lacks the structure (meaning narrative build up) needed to really punch. Simple language is okay but you have to be more careful with literary cliches because they will stand out like a sore thumb . There’s lots of great source material here. The idea of not seeing your dad for many years only for him to return as something alien and weird is a brutal thought and something that you experienced. I didn’t read the whole thing-maybe just 25 pages or so but, I think this would really improve with a more structured rewrite. Checkout Raymond Carver’s short story anthologies. Pick the heaviest hitting moments from this book and format them into something a little more literary and intentional. There are parts here that read a little too much link “Another day in my worthless, chud incel life” meets “Are You There God, It’s me Judy Bloom”. You have heavy subject matter but it’s presented in such a way that it doesn’t land. If you’re already going down the semifictional route then lean on that if the source material doesn’t drive it home.

I really think reading Carver would be huge for you. He shows how to land a gut shot with language that doesn’t dazzle.

Not gonna knock you for this, because, as a writer myself, I know how much it sucks but people are going to give you shit for the grammar and syntax. I know you don’t have any aims of publishing in the traditional route but it’s something to think about improving even if it’s just a quick run through grammerly.

I hope this wasn’t too mean but it’s the only way we get better. You did what most people won’t ever do in even completing this, but if you really want it to land and resonate with people I think you need to think about narrative weight, flow and structure.

Pic unrelated

A moanafesto the likes of which I could hear from any serial depressionist or almost-was, capstoned by the desperate delusion of religion?

I'll pass.

>>24577240
No, this is fantastic advice and I've saved your post to my file of /li/ crit, I've never read Carver though I love short stories so am going to grab some at the earliest possible convenience. Thanks for reading any at all, and for the feedback.

The Judy Bloom reference made me laugh out loud