What are the most intimate and excruciating and vivid and reverent descriptions or depictions of suicidality and major depression in literature?

I'm looking for something to relate to and I can't find refuge from the idea of escaping the pain and fear of life through death in any modern media, and text in music and literature has been the only thing that I can find fragments of mutuality in. Not even dialogue with my own real therapist feels "real" to me at this point.

>>24597869 (OP)
I really don't think you'll find one. Because suicide is inherently unartistic and exhausting. It only comes out of sickness.

>>24597869 (OP)
>reverent
There's nothing to be reverent about when it comes to suicide. It's a horrific thing and there can only found sadness in it. I take it you've never known someone who committed suicide because the impacts it leaves on people is irreversible. And if you are thinking of suicide in reverential ways then you're probably not actually suicidal, just enjoying the fantasy of escape without taking it seriously.

>>24597869 (OP)
You won't find it. Just go ahead and kill yourself. The door is always open.

Write it yourself

>>24597869 (OP)
I found a lot of catharsis in reading Steppenwolf by Hesse, but I was 19 at the time so I'm not sure if it holds up.

Hopkins terrible sonnets

>>24597869 (OP)
>le suicide
death wish is real, it's inside you and always have been there, it only takes eyes to see.

>>24597895
My brother committed suicide on Christmas a few years ago. He escaped, and I hope to be as strong as him someday.

>>24598355
on christmas?

>>24598355
I don't believe this story

>>24598359
i actually dont remember if it was the day of, i recieved the news while on christmas holiday from work. I'm not sure it really matters its how i remember it now.

>>24597984
Nobody is going to care if I write.

>>24598355
I wish you well, anon

/mainstream/ but norweigian wood explores suicidality, death and loneliness form loss is ever present in the book, a comfy read.
is what i would say if it wasnt interrupted by pointless sex depictions every two chapters

>>24597869 (OP)
Sophocle's Ajax

>>24597869 (OP)
I fucking hate Herman Hesse with everything my gut has to offer
But im not gonna lie Steppenwolf is pretty up there when it comes to a accurate portrayal of a suicidal attitude, it's not pro suicide though far from it.
You won't find many works about that type of stuff because the strength of will required to write around 300 pages of stuff, rewrite a bunch of drafts, get it published and so on is just too much to demand from someone genuinely suicidal. The depressed artist is as much of a myth as the starving artist because the same way you can't write when you're truly hungry you can't write when you're truly depressed, you just rot and decay.

Cioran on the heights of despair.

>>24598355
It just leads into the next big bang or something equivalent anon, there's no actual escape. It only makes sense to kill yourself when your physical body is ravaged by e.g. cancer or late-stage schizophrenia.

>>24601264
I like my early-stage schizophrenia, its all the normal stuff people seem to encourage and like. I think if i had the planet to myself I could enjoy a life of fishing and farming. Would get lonely i guess. already am.

Suicide sucks. Just don’t.

>>24601268
have you done it?

>>24601271
I’ll tell you later.

>>24601272
Do you know me? stop posting on /lit/ if you know me irl : ( I need my space to be me

>>24601276
You never know, do ya? Have a lovely day friend.

>>24601281
you can't just be a bastard IRL and also torture me online. you gotta go to hell if there is one for something like that

>>24599778
this

>>24597869 (OP)
anything japanese

>>24599511
that's the right attitude, you should do it even more now

>one day
>"I need to take sodium nitrite then chain myself to a radiator and set off a charcoal burner then perforate my temporal lobe with a .45 handgun. I don't want to be along for this ride anymore."
>next day
>"Living is a miracle. I hope to see and share the future."
why is living like this