Any good texts to explain masochistic tendencies? I just finished Confessions of Young Torlesss and I really wanted to be Basini. Basically Basini becomes the chattel of the other boys. I couldn’t believe how strongly I related. I want to be used and degraded by other men too.

As weird as this sounds to you, it also helps me relate to prostitutes and other degenerates of society. I hold them in the highest esteem as there is nothing more noble then being the repository for other men’s discharged energy. I would even argue there’s something Christ like about a prostitute or masochists in general. You’re allowing others to have will to power at your expense. You become the energy source for others.

Any books that explore masochism and sexual masochism in particular. I get this is messed up, but I’m just trying to understand myself.

As a fellow philosophizer and rationalizer of his own fetishes I warn you that you are going down to a dangerous path. Use this autism to improve your sex life, but don't let your sex life invade your autism and wear it like a skin suit. I am a straight variant of you and there's plenty of fun to be had in this but as a gay man you need to be especially careful about becoming a popper-sniffing dragon-chasing Grindr gimp. I am naturally limited by how difficult it is to get a woman to indulge my retardation but you have infinite access to gay dudes who will literally shove both arms up your ass to the elbow and shit on your face. You cannot break that dam or it can never be redammed. You need to install a valve in the dam so you can channel cool refreshing water into a glass of degeneracy of a size of your choosing at a time of your choosing. Do not dissolve in the ocean of gay goonery.

>>24631262
Thanks - this is all good advice. I’m a little schizoid so my inner world is more active sometimes than the real world. But I acknowledge the slippery slope as well as the occupational hazards of my sex life.

>>24631249 (OP)
I was just about to recommend Törleß upon seeing the thread title but then I saw that you’ve already read it! How awesome. You might enjoy the short story ‘Martyrdom’ by Yukio Mishima as well. It has a very similar setting. I am sure I can think of other things to recommend once I’ve woken up a little bit more.

Personally I have always been more excited by sadism (though I had fantasies of being publicly branded and shamed when I was a kid), but lately I have allowed myself to be tortured at the hands of others, and I have to say there is definitely a nobility and beauty
in it. There is something intoxicating about it.

>To try curing someone of a 'vice', of what is the deepest thing he has, is to attack his very being, and this is indeed how he himself understands it, since he will never forgive you for wanting him to destroy himself in your way and not his.
Emil Cioran

>>24631283
Thanks for the rec. I think some of the nobility and power comes from giving something to someone else. I realized when I was little that I could make someone happy by letting them win. For the same reason, I’m ok being called a fag because it lets someone else say as bad as I am at least I’m not a fag.

Puritans branded people and I think it allows others in society to feel more holy and closer to God at the expense of those branded.

>>24631811
Kinda cute. I wish I could think of other books to recommend you - I'm sure I have some - but my brain is utterly empty at the moment. You sound like a very interesting person though. Shall we speak elsewhere? It would please me

Bump

when i was 15 a boy in the year above me gave me 1 pound to kiss his shoe

When i did so he yelled at 2 other boys "You see this, this is your future."
If i knew he was going to do that I would have charged extra.

>>24632551
Oh, and the sluts by denis cooper
Dream Police by him has some really good stuff in it too.
Theres one where they drown a guy in a swimming pool

>>24631249 (OP)
Well the classic text is Venus in Furs

>>24632896
Get the deleuze Coldness and Creuelty version. It has a masochism essay in it.

>>24631249 (OP)
the text for you (and i am surprised no one else has said it) is the 12o days of sodom by the marquis de sade and if you want a little philosophy on top i'd buy the collected writings of sade the one that has justine