Thread 24724274

Lit humor thread

>>24724274 (OP)
I don't get it

>>24724274 (OP)
>Lovecraft used the necronomicon to kill George Floyd

Nigga this made me laugh audibly. How does a mf even come up with this shi?

>>24724274 (OP)
>Michiko Kakutani doesn't know English
this one is just true

>Wittgenstein mention
lol most of current /lit/ doesnt even know who Wittgenstein is.

>>24724458
How would you define "current /lit" user?

>>24724458
I know who he is.
He was a very important man who lived in the past.

>>24724467
correct. He also hated kids.

>>24724479
Omg was he part of the moloch baal fandom?

>>24724481
No, worse. He was an elementary school teacher.

>>24724484
Elementary school teavher is like 3 tiers up above the formal moloch baal fandom. He is alongside the reptilian religion.

>>24724274 (OP)
These aren’t even funny
>80% of lit is ESL
Unironically

The Lecture

Pushkov said:
— Woman is the workbench of love.
And he immediately received a clout across the gob.
— What's that for? — asked Pushkov.
But, not getting any answer to his question, he continued:
— This is what I think: a woman should be tackled from below. Women really like this and only pretend that they don't like it.
At this point Pushkov was again struck across the gob.
— But what on earth is this, comrades! If that's the way it is, I won't carry on speaking — said Pushkov.
But, after waiting about a quarter of a minute, he continued:
— A woman is so built that she is all soft and damp.
At this point Pushkov was again struck across the gob. Pushkov tried to pretend that he hadn't noticed this and went on:
— If you just sniff a woman...
But at this point Pushkov was so slammed across the gob that he caught hold of his cheek and said:
— Comrades, under these conditions it is absolutely impossible to deliver a lecture. If this happens again, I shall discontinue.
Pushkov waited for a quarter of a minute and then continued:
— Now, where were we? Ah, yes. That was it. A woman loves to look at herself. She sits down in front of the mirror completely naked...
At this word, Pushkov again received a clout across the gob.
— Naked — repeated Pushkov.
Smack! — he was weighed into right across the gob.
— Naked! — yelled Pushkov.
Smack! — he received a clout across the gob.
— Naked! A naked woman! A nude tart! — Pushkov kept yelling. Smack! Smack! Smack! — Pushkov took it across the gob.
— A nude tart with a ladle in her hands! — yelled Pushkov.
Smack! Smack! — the blows rained down on Pushkov.
— A tart's bum-hole! — yelled Pushkov, dodging the blows. — A nude nun!
But at this point Pushkov was struck with such force that he lost consciousness and crumpled to the floor as though pole-axed.

Dostoevsky feet letters

>>24724808
Okay, this was funny.

>>24724849

Pushkin and Gogol

GOGOL falls out from the wings on to the stage and quietly lies there.
PUSHKIN appears on stage, stumbles over GOGOL and falls.
PUSHKIN: What the devil! Seems I've tripped over Gogol!
GOGOL (Getting up): What a vile abomination! You can't even have a rest. (Walks off, stumbles over PUSHKIN and falls) Seems I've stumbled over Pushkin!
PUSHKIN (Getting up): Not a minute's peace! (Walks off, stumbles over GOGOL and falls) What the devil! Seems I've tripped over Gogol again!
GOGOL (Getting up): Always an obstacle in everything! (Walks off, stumbles over PUSHKIN and falls) It's a vile abomination! Tripped over Pushkin again!
PUSHKIN (Getting up): Hooliganism! Sheer hooliganism! (Walks off, stumbles over GOGOL and falls) What the devil! Tripped over Gogol again!
GOGOL (Getting up): It's sheer mockery! (Walks off, stumbles over PUSHKIN and falls) Tripped over Pushkin again!
PUSHKIN (Getting up): What the devil! Well, really, what the devil! (Walks off, stumbles over GOGOL and falls) Over Gogol!
GOGOL (Getting up): Vile abomination! (Walks off, stumbles over PUSHKIN and falls) Over Pushkin!
PUSHKIN (Getting up): What the devil! (Walks off, stumbles over GOGOL and falls into the wings) Over Gogol!
GOGOL (Getting up): Vile abomination! (Walks off into wings; from offstage) Over Pushkin!
(Curtain)
I love sensual women and not passionate ones. A passionate woman closes her eyes, moans and shouts and the enjoyment of a passionate woman is blind. A passionate woman writhes about, grabs you with her hands without looking where, clasps you, kisses you, even bites you and hurries to reach her climax as soon as she can. She has no time to display her sexual organs, no time to examine, touch with the hand and kiss your sexual organs, she is in such a hurry to slake her passion. Having slaked her passion, the passionate woman will fall asleep. The sexual organs of a passionate woman are dry. A passionate woman is always in some way or another mannish.
The sensual woman is always feminine.
Her contours are rounded and abundant.
The sensual woman rarely reaches a blind passion. She savours sexual enjoyment. The sensual woman is always a woman and even in an unaroused state her sexual organs are moist. She has to wear a bandage on her sexual organs, so as not to soak them with moisture.
When she takes the bandage off in the evening, the bandage is so wet that it can be squeezed out.
Thanks to such an abundance of juices, the sexual organs of a sensual woman give off a slight, pleasant smell which increases strongly when the sensual woman is aroused. Then the juice from her sexual organs is secreted in a syrupy stream.
A sensual woman likes you to examine her sexual organs.

https://www.oocities.org/athens/8926/Kharms/Incidences.html

https://lib.ru/HARMS/xarms_engl.txt_with-big-pictures.html

>>24724898
4chan ate my new lines.

Four Illustrations of How a New Idea Disconcerts a Man Unprepared for It

1.
WRITER: I'm a writer.
READER: In my opinion you're shit!
THE WRITER stands for a few minutes, shaken by this new idea, and falls down in a dead faint. He is carried out.

2.
ARTIST: I'm an artist.
WORKER: In my opinion you're shit!
THE ARTIST turns as white as a sheet, sways like a thin reed and unexpectedly expires. He is carried out.

3.
COMPOSER: I am a composer.
VANYA RUBLYOV: In my opinion you are . . .!
THE COMPOSER, breathing heavily, sank back. He is unexpectedly carried out.

4.
CHEMIST: I'm a chemist.
PHYSICIST: In my opinion you're . . .!
THE CHEMIST said not another word and collapsed heavily to the floor.

---

A Fairy-Tale from the North

An old man set out to go into the woods, although he didn't know what for. Then he came back and said:
— Hey, old woman, you!
The old woman fell straight down. Since then, the hares are white in winter.

---

How a Man Crumbled

— They say all the best tarts are fat-arsed. Gee-ee, I really like busty tarts, I love the way they smell.
Having said this, he started to increase in height and, upon reaching the ceiling, he crumbled into a thousand little pellets. The yard-keeper Panteley came, swept all these pellets up into his scoops in which he usually picked up the horse muck, and he carried these pellets away somewhere to the back yard.
And the sun continued to shine as ever and splendiferous ladies continued to smell just as ravishingly as ever.

Funny enough, I liked the fairy-tale from the North the best.

>Finnegan's Wake is the correct title
hold the fuck up

>>24725303
What does that mean???

>>24725307
singular possessive apostrophe

>>24725375
Ohhhhhh

>>24725386
post tits

>>24725391
Whaaaaaaat

If you know the book then you are erudite

>>24724441
Me too

>>24725416
>"how then, will thy wife enter thy house"
kek
>>24725400
foid detected

>>24724449
that not as absurd as "80% of lit are ESL" being second from the bottom

>>24725445
What about "Reading is gay" ?

>>24725444
What does foid mean??? It sounds like a chemical compound.

>>24725486
a contraction of femoid, which is a contraction of female and -oid (like negroid or mongoloid, antiquated anthropology terms that denote abhuman or subhuman qualities)
its a made pejorative for girls, moid being the male equivalent that was started by men haters and men responded with foid and it stuck

>>24725476
Axiometic, its inclusion anywhere on the list is superfluous
>thus, anon was enlightened

>>24725496
Why are you calling me that then...?

>>24725503
The iceberg in general is very much just sheer unhingeness.

>>24725541
you write like a 20 something girl, probably in college, may or may not have a predilection for monster male on human female porn

>>24724274 (OP)
whats that about hemingway?

>>24724444
Checked

>>24724898
Damn, this is some funny stuff.

one day I will read Ulysses

>>24725416
Diogenes Laertius' Lives of the Eminent Philosophers?

>>24724274 (OP)
>Jung’s cookware spoke back to him
Is this why McCarthy’s library had a shit ton of cookware still packaged up? What did he know?

>>24724500
:(
OK I'll kill myself

>>24724274 (OP)
>The Bible was written by a schizophrenic black woman

you cannot do this test and not get black theology in your results

>>24724274 (OP)
>Lit humor
this is an oxymoron. this is one of the most painfully humourless boards on this whole fucking site

>>24726939
i thought schlop-penhauer was funny

>>24724441
It is some trying to turn their reading phase into a meme but has not read enough to make their meme make sense.

>>24727005
Fuck u
I've been reading for 8 years now
I feel like I can make memes about it now
Let's see u do any better

>>24727017
I took you 8 years to read those books?

>>24727048
Read what books ?
When I was young I read 100 pages a day but then I had a schizophrenia breakdown and I didn't read anything anymore and but then I recovered a bit and read more and then I. ... and but now I read somewhat but I'm insane now and I need to die and I'm scared
Every day I'm scared
What do you read
I like gil orlovits and remedios varo and leonora carrington
Goodnight
I love you

>>24724441
Nothing to get.

>>24724500
de arbore alto te suspendam fascicule

>>24724444
>the negronomicon

>>24724274 (OP)
>Jung's cookware spoke back to him
Unironically true. He made an agreement with them.

>>24726473
Poor guy, in the end.

>Rupi Kur cat murders
Kek, tell me more

>>24725400
Cute

>>24724898
I knew that one lol

>>24729616
He deserved a bit more joy

>>24724458
>lol most of current /lit/ doesnt even know who Wittgenstein is.

>>24730775
>>lol most of current /lit/ doesnt even know who Wittgenstein is.

>>24725402
>>24725407
>>24725416
kek

Does /lit/ respect Alexander Jahans

>>24732344

>>24731985
hahaha

>>24731985
who's the guy matched with marx?

>>24734404
Satire.

>>24734457
I am going to go with, autocorrect.

>>24724500
That's the only good one in the meme

>>24734404
>who's the guy matched with marx?
>>24734457
Adorno you cretins.