Pony disguised as a human
Alright, lemme spin this yarn like I'm sittin' on a porch with a jug of sweet tea, talkin' like a good ol' boy. A while back, I hopped on a Discord video call with this fella Vogelfag. Man, I thought I was in for somethin’ normal, but it was like walkin’ into a hog pen expectin’ a picnic.
This dude? He ain’t like us. Don’t look like us, don’t talk like us, nothin’. Just into the same stuff, I reckon. When he looked up at me, swear to God, he was like a puppy dog, all sweet and friendly-like. But when he tilted his head down? Lordy, he looked like he was fixin’ to shank me in a back alley. I ain’t kiddin’, he had this stare-y’all know them horse stares? The Mare Stare. Like a dang mare sizin’ you up. Hit me so hard I coulda sworn off women for a month, no lie he helped me win No Nut November once in my entire life.
His voice was all over the place, like he couldn’t pick one. One minute it’s regular, next it’s deep as a well, and not a bit of that nasally twang. I kept askin’, “Man, you got someone else there, or is your voice box broke?” Swear it was like talkin’ to two different fellas. Them two hours? Weirdest dang chat I ever had. He’d tilt his head, give this creepy little smile, like he was figurin’ me out. Kept gigglin’ at every dang thing I said, callin’ me funny. His giggle? Like a pony gettin’ all excited, I ain’t playin’. But his laugh? Holy hell, it was like somethin’ outta a horror flick—worse than a witch cacklin’ in them pony shows. I was thinkin’, “Boy, if you wasn’t 200 miles away, I’d be runnin’ for the hills.”
1/2
This dude? He ain’t like us. Don’t look like us, don’t talk like us, nothin’. Just into the same stuff, I reckon. When he looked up at me, swear to God, he was like a puppy dog, all sweet and friendly-like. But when he tilted his head down? Lordy, he looked like he was fixin’ to shank me in a back alley. I ain’t kiddin’, he had this stare-y’all know them horse stares? The Mare Stare. Like a dang mare sizin’ you up. Hit me so hard I coulda sworn off women for a month, no lie he helped me win No Nut November once in my entire life.
His voice was all over the place, like he couldn’t pick one. One minute it’s regular, next it’s deep as a well, and not a bit of that nasally twang. I kept askin’, “Man, you got someone else there, or is your voice box broke?” Swear it was like talkin’ to two different fellas. Them two hours? Weirdest dang chat I ever had. He’d tilt his head, give this creepy little smile, like he was figurin’ me out. Kept gigglin’ at every dang thing I said, callin’ me funny. His giggle? Like a pony gettin’ all excited, I ain’t playin’. But his laugh? Holy hell, it was like somethin’ outta a horror flick—worse than a witch cacklin’ in them pony shows. I was thinkin’, “Boy, if you wasn’t 200 miles away, I’d be runnin’ for the hills.”
1/2
