Van Halen [Warner Bros., 1978]
For some reason Warners wants us to know that this is the biggest bar band in the San Fernando Valley. This doesn't mean much--all new bands are bar bands, unless they're Boston. The term becomes honorific when the music belongs in a bar. This music belongs on an aircraft carrier. C

>>126813939 (OP)

>>126813939 (OP)
Isn’t this guy a literal cuck? Like his wife fucks other guys

>aircraft carrier
What did he mean by this?

>>126814062
It's called being a supportive partner chud

>>126814067
too high test for him

>>126813939 (OP)
based

>>126813939 (OP)
>This music belongs on an aircraft carrier
Sounds epic. Was this supposed to be an insult?

>In 1978, Rolling Stone critic Charles M. Young predicted, "In three years, Van Halen is going to be fat and self-indulgent and disgusting ... follow[ing] Deep Purple and Led Zeppelin right into the toilet. In the meantime, they are likely to be a big deal."

>>126814062
white guy shit

>>126816198
It almost seems like Rolling Stone used to be the Pitchfork of its day (hipster faggots, I mean).
What I have learned is that every guitar player on earth changed their game. And every kid on every block was trading EVH licks with each other. Those are the real critics that mattered. It doesn't make a difference what genre they ended up in either. Slash, Steve Vai, Nuno, Jerry Cantrell, Dave Navarro, Billy Corgan, even Frusciante at first were all EVH kids.

>>126816198
why do people who are into punk seethe so hard over the success of any other kind of music

>>126817726
>It almost seems like Rolling Stone used to be the Pitchfork of its day (hipster faggots, I mean).

Almost except modern social justice fags complain that RSM in the 70s was too narrow focused on white men with guitars (and Jan Wenner admitted that WMWG were the most interesting interview subjects)>

>>126817726
RSM back then were hugely on the idea that only somber singer-songwriters were "real" music and they really had no use for anything fun or silly. In Cuckgau's defense he was never adverse to fun music.

>>126817726
>all EVH kids
Dont forget hammet, mustard, and darrell, morello etc....they all were...

Even Zappa was impressed with Ed.

>"I remember sitting down and listening to the first Van Halen album, and it was the first time I'd heard a record where I couldn't figure out what the guitarist was doing."

>>126820506

Zappa called it finger gymnastics, for better or worse

>>126820506
Zappa and Blackmore alike...the hardest assholes to get a positive comment from.
>"Frank Zappa said Eddie reinvented the guitar. I agree.
>"He will be sadly missed but his brilliant legacy will always be remembered. The ultimate guitar hero."

>>126817732
I think the biggest thing is that punk showed that any untalented ugly sod could flip off the world and become famous for it. Basically wish fulfillment for journalists. Likewise, journos always love shit like Leonard Cohen and Patti Smith who seem to validate their BA in English.

>>126817732
Boomer rock critics fetishized the populism of rock and roll but only in a culturally subversive, antiestablishment way, while resenting the actual populace for having simpler and more conservative tastes. It’s the same way champagne socialists fetishize the working class while also hating the working class for not being revolutionary enough.

Paul McCartney called Eddie "the best guitar player on the planet."

>>126820589
>for not being revolutionary enough.
That's why they need to be shot on sight. They're not really socialists, they're Leninists. Which is to say, they believe the working class need a "vanguard" to tell them what's good for them and coax them into riots and discontent. And ultimately destroy them too along with everyone else, just as Stalin and Mao and Pol Pot.

In all fairness Van Halen were not the band Christgau had the biggest beef with. Some groups like Judas Priest and Iron Maiden terrified him so much that he didn't even review them at all.

>>126820667
lol... Iron Maiden were basically librarians and Halford was obviously gay.
What a sad little man he is.

>>126820667
>Some groups like Judas Priest and Iron Maiden terrified him so much that he didn't even review them at all
also Pantera

>>126820566
>>126820589

>>126820638
Leninism’s paternalistic authoritarianism solved the fundamental flaw of Marxist ideology: being founded on proletariat revolution even though it was invented by and appealed almost exclusively to bourgeois fart sniffers.

>>126813939 (OP)
Where do you find all these shit? Are thry real critiques??? Boston LITERALLY sings about their bar days in one of their most popular songs.

>>126820589
That's why they ended up writing in widespread publications critiquing records (music as commodities)

>>126821341
>Boston LITERALLY sings about their bar days
indeed. except the band "Boston" had only played for record company execs when the album was released.

>>126821175
Wrong.

Workers uprisings were very common and very threatening throughout the spearhead of capitalism, the western world, as it moved towards and during the first industrial revolution. No party (NO party) can mobilise a whole class uprising NOR consciousness, unless the people of the class do it for themselves. History has time and time again proved it, and thinking it will all culminate in a tired-but-happy ending like in a movie only means that you perceive history as a movie i.e. Spectacularly. There's fights and losses and blood. To this day we don't know where Rosa Luxembourg and Karl Liebknech are buried. But they leave their inheritance in memory and consciousness. Rock on.

>>126821508
>Rosa Luxembourg and Karl Liebknech
dead commie subhumans currently rotting in the ground. communists hate coups unless they carry them out lol

>>126821708
Your mother's cunt you misguided consumer

>>126821879
kek get fucked

True. EVH was good but Van Halen is by and large shit.

>>126822765
>pleb detected

Super cool story bro

Come on Christagu, give me a break.

His wife must be named Jamie

>>126820541
DLR was so mean to Steve Perry kek