>>507728268Very difficult to say what it is since Im not a specialist and theres so so few of them. Most take CBT as a course because its "more practical" but in reality they just fear finding out stuff about their clients,its an embarrassment of sorts. But it needs to be done either by a specialist or by a trusted family member/acquaintance.
The desire to be thought of as being damgerous,harmful,evil and toxic and yet still being perceived as approachable,interesting and worthy of love is an ego-dystonic line of thought because you do not present the inner reality of yourself to the exterior and arent authentic,this is primarily due to a lack of sense of self or identity and secondarily due to anxiety and fear of rejection. The best advice would be to be very careful what you show and to whom so as not to perceive you as either too much X (assertive,harmful,sadistic,manipulative) or Y (seeing the absent/wounded inner child). Surprisingly most people are somewhat sadistic and they appreciate light traits more.
Philosophically it boils down to the question of who loves more men or women and when and why and what is the case in your peculiar instance.
But Im not an expert,I just read some stuff and made inferences
