>>507866997 (OP)When I was bleeding out last year after a hunting accident I reached the conclusion I wasted my entire life trying to be a person. All the energy I'd put towards attempting to be regarded by anyone else was pointless, I didn't care about them and I still don't. If I had just focused on being alone forever from the start I'd have ironically lived a much happier life. Now, dying doesn't bother me anymore because I'm ashamed of how I've betrayed myself from the start. If it all ends, it all ends. The nukes would be doing me a favor.