How does one resolve this?

After 1-3 months of any constructive routine, learning, or job, an insurmountable combination of anxiety and fatigue bubbles up in me, and I quit/ self-destruct (get into a fight with colleagues. get drunk and arrested, simply quit my routine and bedrot.)
Also I can't stand people at all, any fucking little way they step on my I always have to retaliate. Can't be around women AT ALL (except 1 on 1, then I do well).
Dropped out of uni 3 times. Held 25 jobs. 2 of my own businesses. Used to be jacked for a while.
I'm 36, and this shit has WRECKED my life.

How do I hang on to anything for longer? I am so discouraged by lifelong failure, so tired and desperate by this point...

HOW DO I GET INTO SOME ACTIVITY LONGTERM TO GAIN MASTERY, WIHTOUT THIS INNER ENEMY SABOTAGING ME???

>>508195939 (OP)
>HOW DO I GET INTO SOME ACTIVITY LONGTERM TO GAIN MASTERY, WIHTOUT THIS INNER ENEMY SABOTAGING ME???
without a wife and children there really isn't a point to doing much of anything.

>>508195939 (OP)
>get into a fight with colleagues. get drunk and arrested
are you a nigger ?
>tf
oh ok never mind

You are a white nigger just like me, I would get all everyday, steal, fuck, until homeless and on welfare

>>508196049

But that's a closed loop.

First off, my self-esteem is really crippled until I get out of this lifelong cycle of failures, so it wouldn't permit me to get a good mom for my kids.
Secondly, until I fix this shit I'm not sure I want to bring new life into my orbit. My own dad was bitchmade and passive, my mom was overbearing, my peers disliked me and my childhood was not the happiest. I don't wanna pass it on until I know I can emerge victorious over this weakness and misery.

ON the other side of the ouroboros, you're right that only serving other people can really get you off your ass. Plus the motivating hormonal power of pussy etc.

See the dilemma here though? Don't wanna summon new souls before becoming functional, but maybe only summoning new souls can make a man functional...

>>508196423
But I've already sone that many times, been homeless for months on end, stole to survive, even posted threads on it here lol.

Even repeated homelessness didn't help me to mobilize. I tried to use it as a kick to the ass, but it didn't work.

>>508195939 (OP)
You need to start sniffing tobacco. It will help you focus and overcome your laziness

>>508196766
You need to start sniffing females. It will help you focus and overcome your laziness.

>>508195939 (OP)
it's perfectly fine to finish 80% of a project before

>>508196902
But this pattern doesn't allow me to get and stay fit, to keep a job, to build a career...
How could one get by using just short-term sprints/projects?

>>508196898
Relationships don't work out when you're a fuckup by your own standards.

>>508196766
Nigga this pattern of not completing anything persisted even while sniffing METH. I mean, the meth was okay but the cardiac near-death and and off-time necessitated by the sleeplessness and the wear and tear made it kind of ineffective.
Although, perhaps some cleaner dextro would be useful, if I could find some...
It does allow you to just sit down and put in WORK for like 5-6 hours before you feel fried.

Well anon, the thing is noone can save or change us, you can either accept yourself and your reality or change it!

The problems is unhappiest times every are the times when one is fake and not oneself, because being one self all the time gets in the way of basic like roof and food. Which is finez if you only are responsible for yourself.

So, change could meant the ultimate misery, every day without an end!
You can do it, I do it every day, every day I don't jump into the lale is forced unnatural change of staying here, working paying bills rotting and waiting!
It's doable, absolutely, structure.
It dosent make me happy, I don't know if it will make you happy.

>>508195939 (OP)
You might have a self destructive personality that is reinforced by the past failures you mentioned, creating a compulsive desire to fuck up for yourself just as you're about to attain something, most likely due to you "not being worthy of it" in your head, thus cutting yourself short just before any success.

>>508197418

But seeing that we're talking on /pol/, you will understand the problem with beeing urself irl. It just makes it impossible to cooperate or interact with anyone, really. It turns your entire life into a constant, tiresome battle against people trying to step on you just a little (a.k.a. every colleague, every boss, every business partner etc.)
And then if you let your guard down, their nibbling does reduce your self-esteem, leading to depression.

MY SELF is a loner daydreamer violent freak, so there's a problem right there, right from kindergarten onwards.

>>508196520
>See the dilemma here though? Don't wanna summon new souls before becoming functional, but maybe only summoning new souls can make a man functional...
you're making excuses. you posted a picture of a building in the OP. the force that brought that building into existence was men working to provide for their families. those men didn't rationalize their actions, they didn't make elaborate stories about why. they met a woman, they liked each other long enough that the woman became pregnant, they stuck together and made a family, and in pursuing their welfare, the men built that building. stop making things more complicated than they need to be, also take away women's rights.

>>508197822

bingo

So, what do?

>>508195939 (OP)
>varta flag
you are mexicans of Europe
lazy low IQ gloova subhumans

>>508195939 (OP)
>After 1-3 months of any constructive routine, learning, or job, an insurmountable combination of anxiety and fatigue bubbles up in me, and I quit/ self-destruct (get into a fight with colleagues. get drunk and arrested, simply quit my routine and bedrot.)
It's called ADHD genius, took me 3 decades to figure this out. Got the right drugs and this shit just disappeares when I'm on them. Don't be so hard on yourself, nature gave you a different brain structure and chemistry, that's nothing you can get over by "lol, just be disciplined, bro"

>>508196423
Yeah, that makes sense, as people with ADHD lack impulse control (not all the time like niggers, but sometimes they do and it doesn't benefit them)

>>508197822
>most likely due to you "not being worthy of it" in your head, thus cutting yourself short just before any success.
happiness is being too busy to think about whether or not you are happy.

>>508197943
>take away women's rights

Yeah, working on it, should be done anytime now...

You're saying just jump in and knock a bitch up, but as it stands my life has been disappointing on average, so it's not obvious to me that existing is better than not existing.
All my relationships in the past have failed, too.
So AS IT STANDS you want me to bring another 135 IQ, sensitive, demanding soul into poverty, likely divorce, and a father who hasn't sorted out his own shit to be a good example?

>>508198037
probably this. I was on meds for awhile and everything was perfect, except I eventually gave that up too. It felt like a step in the right direction. If you want to blame social malformation, an ineffective father could contribute.

>>508198037
Wait, so what exactly do you take, and in what dosages?

>>508195939 (OP)
don't worry bout it. anyway, hows your sex life?

>>508198547
ask urmom

>>508197986
No idea if it's going to work, but you might simply think too much and rationalize a lot of things that shouldn't be worthy of consideration. It's hard to stop doing that once you've developed a habit of it, but for once being an NPC might be the winning move. Why shouldn't you be worthy of the same succsess as others who are mindlessly droning about? You have every right to finish your projects and be happy as every single one of those came into being by you taking proactive moves towards them - so why deny yourself something you've worked so hard for?

You should be allow yourself to be proud even if it's small things. I believe in you anon, we're all here for one reason or another, but to make your purpose on this planet about denying yourself what is rightfully yours shouldn't be one of them.

>>508195939 (OP)
Why don't we build this stuff anymore?

>>508197822
I really wish I could hear more from you bro, cause you nailed it

>>508196520
>First off, my self-esteem is really crippled until I get out of this lifelong cycle of failures, so it wouldn't permit me to get a good mom for my kids
That's your problem. Boomers got 10/10 wife just with a bicycle. And then closed the door behind them.

>>508198339
>So AS IT STANDS you want me to bring another 135 IQ, sensitive, demanding soul into poverty, likely divorce, and a father who hasn't sorted out his own shit to be a good example?
better than the thousands of 90iq retards who were conceived while you wrote that post. life isn't about having everything figured out before you start. it's about making it up as you go and doing the best you can in the face of unpredictability and hardship. you will be dead before you have even a fraction of all the answers.

>>508197822
So why did he fuck up the first time then?

>>508198871
>So why did he fuck up the first time then?
i can only speak from experience, men tend to build themselves up, achieve a relationship, then get crushed by the woman and give up. sometimes they start trying again but in the era of birth control and women's rights it tends to be a repeating cycle.

>>508198871
That's not important for the situation he's in. He needs to move forward and not look back as that's what's causing most of his problems it seems.

>>508198640

This denial of good thing to yourself seems to happen subconsciously, despite my conscious thoughts disagreeing with it.
It manifests as feeling terminally depressed or anxious to death, whenever good things are about to happen or are happening to me.
There was a book called The Big Leap about this by some boomer, and his advice was basically exposure therapy applied to happiness.
To train yourself to gradually feel happy for longer and longer, just like progressive overload at the gym.
But that's a routine in itself, and we already know what happens to constructive routines in your life when you have this self-sabotage at play.

As for living mindlessly, yes it kind of does work, but wageslavery breaks you down nowadays. I think if there was a possibility of just existing and grinding and being mindless while putting money aside it could've been good.
But in reality you work fulltime, live like a semi-hobo and watch your health and time slip away without any progress.
Since I could never complete education and refuse to work around women, the work available to me is actual tortuous slaving for peanuts.

>>508198108
There's a lot of truth in this desu

>>508199135
No, his problems are caused by undiagnosed adhd in childhood, mixed with mild chronic depression in adulthood.

>>508198764

Yes, of course. But the dials and switches to your self-esteem are not available to you. It might even be determined in childhood and then fixed.

How can you adjust your self-esteem if it's chronically low, AND depends on whether you've won or lost in the last 5 minutes because you have no inner bedrock, no father archetype or whatever that remembers who and what you are?

>>508199226
>There's a lot of truth in this desu
a mind is a terrible thing. keep it busy or it will attack you out of boredom. as much as I hate stupid people because I have to fix all the problems for them (construction fag) I envy their ability to enjoy simple things like sports.

>>508199035
yep, true

>>508199236

ok, and the only concrete thing that seems to be suggested in that case is stimulants, right? (been to 9 different shrinks, they didn't do jack shit for me btw)

>>508199700
Dextroamphetamine could help. I didn't get it prescribed though, so i am still fucked.

>>508195939 (OP)

>I NEVER

blogposters fuck off

>>508199490
>>508199226

yeah in your 30s your mind starts to REALLY torture you if you're not stacking some kind of Ws. And distractions mostly stop working.

>>508195939 (OP)
you may have ADHD or some hyperactivity disorder. if this is the case, you should be proud by the impressive amount of stuff you had already achieved, and start seeking a way to dominate this condition.
>>508198640
this guy gets it and thinking too much is literally ADHD

>>508198432

Howcome you didn't resume the stims?

>>508199571
i'm trying to be all motivational and shit but I am in the same position as you, same age/iq bracket and societal position. this world truly seems to hate us but we can't give up. i can't tell you why you shouldn't give up. having friends is the only thing that gives me a reason to leave the house other than work. i recommend it.
>>508199700
do not take stimulants, been there done that. it fries your mesolimbic reward pathway. gave me amphetamines from 3rd-9th grade in school. caused me to grind my teeth so bad the right side of my smile is visibly eroded compared to the left. you stop eating, you start craving any activity which can cause a dopamine release, it is not good for you.

>>508199916
/r9k posting on /pol will definitely help you. If you just went outside and took a walk it would have been time better spent than crying about muh childhood and muh women.

>>508197986
no other way but ACTION, MAKE YOUR BED, EVERY DAY IS #1

>>508200262
sleep on top of your covers and never have to make your bed is my solution to this problem

>>508200084
My mind won't shut the fuck up for ONE SECOND, so it seems likely...
Motivation comes and goes very rapidly, and because of this profound epiphanies and concrete plans written down yesterday will fail to bring me into motion today... It seems to line up, yeah.
As for dominating the condition, so far I've never seen anything concrete except amphetamine being suggested.

>>508198640
How do I stop doing this, I'm a software developer and it's become a professional bias. Like I do at work, everything I do in my life has to be perfectly optimized. If I can't optimize something I give up and not do it or just do it as sloppily as I can. The reason I've always been single is that I can't find a girl who I feel would be the best for me

>>508199197
Thing is anon, your situtation is both a blessing and a curse as you're self aware enough to write out the very solution to the problem you have, but also conscious enough to know you're struggling to apply it. Thinking can be your worst enemy.

If you read through what you wrote, you already have the answer written out. You know the compulsive desire to fuck yourself just before happiness comes to be one of irrational thought, and you know treating it as exposure therapy might work. So next time it happens, try to push the anxiety away by knowing it's bullshit, treat it as some schizophrenic alter-ego that's hellbent on fucking you up and seperate yourself from it gradually. And do not think of that as a routine, this is something that should only be regarded as self defense against your own destructive self and nothing else. You deserve your wins because they're yours, so let them happen, even if you're hesitant and need to allow them gradually.

I'm not too fond of suggesting you visit the psychology jew but perhaps Slovakia-anon is onto something and there might be something undiagnosed under the surface. If you're not able to take on this battle yourself, then don't hesitate to squeeze the resources available to you for external help, as that too is rightfully yours.

>>508198470
I take one pill methylphenidate 54mg daily in the morning. The pill in the stomach sets the chemical free in several small dosages throughout the day, so there is a slightly noticeable "up and down", all in all the time it lasts is 12 hours. The comedown can be a bitch but only sometimes and you definitely have to eat a large meal in the morning before taking it, otherwise the drug gets absorbed by the empty stomach too fast. Side effects for me include a decreased appetite and sometimes a little vertigo but nothing too bad. All in all I'm definitely better off with this shit.
Keep in mind that for ADHD finding the right medication and dosage is a try and error process as a chemical that works for one guy doesn't work for the other guy or has too much side effects.

>>508195939 (OP)
Join the queue. It sucks brother. You're here forever.

>>508200170
I'm trying to find a solution to a problem, and this place contains the last community of sentient being in the universe.
Many other anons might find the discussion useful.

You think you have it bad? I abhor speaking. Ever since I heard people speak. I find it a waste of time and consumes too much effort. People always ask why I don't like talking and it's because it's an archaic method that doesn't work, ever, to get your point across. I am stuck in this 'modern' conundrum. Born probably 500 years too soon for instantaneous speech.

So when I tell you every second I have to talk to someone it ruins my day is an understatement. Yet here I am having to talk to people for a living.

>>508195939 (OP)
>I'm 36 and this shit has wrecked my life
Get a therapist it'll help more than being a lil bitch on pol I used to be you

>>508197936
So you have to find what workz grounded in reality and not fantasy!

Long term income and minimal life for peace, disability payments.

It's what I would do, realistically speaking you are who you are, changing requires a lifetime commitment of upkeep, and a grind, may bring more frustration so perhaps the key for you anyway is not major success anyway, just some basic stable shit and solitute.

I wouldn't know, you see, I am fuck up myself, but I know me well, and am curious because your ways make me think about my ways... we're selfish that way anon.
All the best, or shall I say, all that can be!

>>508200598
>/pol
>The board of sanity
>The board of therapy
I hate jannies

>>508195939 (OP)
1-3 months ain't shit nigga

>>508195939 (OP)
Nobody cares. You don't matter. It doesn't matter.

>>508200323
>>508200262

making your bed is legit because it's very quick and effortless, and yet it sets you in motion. I can see why it's a non-negotiable part of many successful dudes' routines. Not high-octane enough to fix my shit, but I can see it working for lighter cases.

>>508195939 (OP)
Read: Jay Earley - Self-Therapy_ A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness, you can get it on libgen for free
Your perspective towards yourself is so negative, you have to listen to how you talk to yourself.
Remember, you are doing the best you can, everyone is believe it or not. It can be depressing on some note to accept this, but we are all flawed & trying to grow spiritually in a messed up world. Also, recall everyday, you are NOT indian!

>>508200436
>My mind won't shut the fuck up for ONE SECOND, so it seems likely...
it's called being >2 standard deviations above normal on the intelligence scale and being expected to function in a world that is written at a 3rd grade reading level. trying to solve reasonably complex problems in a field that interests you is the best remedy for this. being challenged is what your mind is seeking, it won't shut up because it is desperately seeking some kind of work to do.
>Motivation comes and goes very rapidly, and because of this profound epiphanies and concrete plans written down yesterday will fail to bring me into motion today... It seems to line up, yeah.
motivation is a chimera, discipline is what you are seeking, i also wish i had discipline
>As for dominating the condition, so far I've never seen anything concrete except amphetamine being suggested.
prescription medication is bad for you

>>508200904
Almost 40 here, your post was like looking in the mirror. I'm the most intelligent, capable person I know, yet nothing works out regardless. I question if my destiny is simply to observe powerlessly

>>508200440
You could try to allow yourself to complete and do something you know is unoptimized just to create an anchorpoint and reference to hinge your optimization-autism on - as in; now you know the reference point of what happened, and was it truly as bad as you expected it to be? Likely not, and perhaps that reduces the future need of optimization autism in areas where it's not needed.

If you continue doing this and see that not everything gets fucked to hell and back by adding a little spontaneity into the mix, you'll likely be able to do it more in the future too. A form of controlled exposure to small chaos.

>>508196520
I had a similar upbringing and have similar behavior problems as you. What I can tell you is the only thing that helped at all (and then not much) was my mother and I hating each other enough that she kicked me out and I went no contact. Now I'm forced to keep it together to some small degree to not go homeless and starve. I'm still a fuck up but maybe just slightly less so. Also stop drinking. Some people can handle it but people with behavioral issues can not and it will quickly make us much worse.

>>508201045
>I question if my destiny is simply to observe powerlessly
story of my adult life

>>508197822
that checks out

>>508195939 (OP)
I got some things in common with you. If your mom was overbearing, it creates an inhibition in you that when things begin to get difficult, you expect to fail and be criticized for your failures, so you just bail to prevent the criticism.

The reason why you start strong is because you're probably smart and capable and see early gains. However, any endeavor becomes difficult as you really get into it. It's impossible to proceed perfectly ever step of the way, and with you, every minor, normal, and expected failure becomes more motivation to stop what you're doing because you have your mom's voice, and maybe your dad's too, telling you that it's proof that it won't be worth it in the end.

No easy solution. But if you can locate those voices and tell them to shut the fuck up, maybe you'll get somewhere. Also start smoking. It'll keep you focused and motivated through the day.

>>508198037
What adhd drugs?

>>508200588
thanks bro

>>508200476
Just from experience:

-the shrinks only make you feel temporarily better without changing anything, every time it seemed to be just prophylactics and a way to get you to come again. They are also quite shallow (if you think critically/deeply, it's a problem for them).
It felt like it therapy could be useful if I had one on a leash, working on my psyche for 3-4 hours a day over 20 years.

-I tried the exposure-therapy-with-happiness method from the book The Big Leap, but didn't obtain noticeable results. The big question is, can you really move the arrow of self-esteem and self-sabotage deep within your psyche using conscious methods? Perhaps it's worth another try.
Kind of reminded me of meditation, what with everyone praising it to the skies but simultaneously not a single person to be found who is currently using it as an actual part of a successful life.

>>508200151
1. I'm simply avoidant due to ADHD and changed my primary doctor and haven't asked the new one for a prescription yet and don't know what she'd say and really terrible at making appointments and don't want to be dependent and supply chain from china and and and and I really should get back on them.

>>508195939 (OP)
You are a dumb nigger incapable of long-term thinking and discipline, no cure
/thread

>>508200603
What a unique and interesting problem... This does read a little like an element of some science fiction

>>508195939 (OP)
>25 jobs
rookie numbers, I must be in the high 30's now

>>508195939 (OP)
> CTRL+F ADHD
> 8 results
My job here is done.

>>508200678
Thanks bro.
There is that big question, of whether and how much one can change his character / pattern / destiny in adulthood.
So far in my life, I've battled REALLY hard, in complete futility.

Still have no mastery. Still antisocial and outcast despite sociability. Still hate myself like a teenager. Still don't know the way out.
The Planescape Torment guy apparently changed because of REGRET, but I call BS on that, since regret is a depressive force.

>>508199700
Don't do drugs or drink that exacerbating your problems. Even if you really have ADHD and depression you need to lay off that and try to get a grip.

>>508195939 (OP)
ubij se prijatelju

I’m in the same boat OP! I have car I need to fix, so I start on it then something happens and lose motivation to fix it and has been sitting there. I also have to fix my house. I started working on it but something happened and lose motivation to fix it. I started noticing this happening to me since I was in the 5th grade.

>>508202314
also this, I'm addicted which makes a shitty life bearable

>>508195939 (OP)
>anxiety and fatigue
That is caused by alcohol. Eat 10-12 eggs a day for a week and stop drinking (the eggs will give you willpower while also healing your body).

>>508196520
I would advise you to take all WiFi out of the house, switch to a flip phone talk-text only, and pick up reading (anything) as a habit. Also, the important thing is to return to Orthodoxy, make a habit of doing good works and building deep personal connections with the poor, and helping them with their needs. Of these two sentences the latter gives you purpose, the former gives you balance and focus.

Also you might have undiagnosed Bipolar II disorder and I've heard lamotrigine (Lamictal) works wonders in many people with this so you may want to see a psychiatrist, get a diagnosis, and ask for this medicine specifically although it does take up to three months to have effects yet I have read for many it is life-changing with almost no side effects.

>>508201272
Thanks bro.
Being able to break ties must've been a relief and a new lease on life, in a way.
picrel
Many parents fuck you up enough so you're dysfunctional, but not enough that you can break away with a clear conscience.
I had times where I went no contact, became a hobo, climbed out of it while maintaining no contact and doing everything on my own.
Somehow it didn't really help. I think their influence and the weaknesses they inculcated remain with you. But it was only like 6 months of no contact, so who knows.
Perhaps such parents are a wellspring of pathology, and the longer you stay away from them the more some inner part of you heals and develops...

>>508202188
Change your diet. Go low histamine for at least two weeks. Not joking. Get checked for allergies, specifically food related. This is extremely important.
Taking stimulants requires taking supplements, more than DRV. Mg, Zn etc, do your homework.
Pick your poison. (M)ethylphenidate can fix your problem. Amphetamines will alleviate symptoms.
Go easy on dosage. Learn volumetrics.
Try soft alternatives first. Bacopa Monnieri, Withania Somnifera.
Binaural beats. Gabor Mathe.
Take LSD or shrooms once you're stable, introspect and resolve. Repeat only if necessary.
After a year or so, find a stabilizing medication, the softer the better. AMPAkines and modafinil microdosing seem to be effective.
Good luck, faggot.

>>508195939 (OP)
Get off all social media. Learn to focus, start reading books.

>>508195939 (OP)
become a monk. they quit everything too. being a monk is easy for you. doing nothing all day is the goal. why? you might ask well because the monk has realized the entire world is a big fake illusion. if you truly understand and realize this then there is nothing to do anymore. cause when the dream ends, whatever you did in in becomes irrelevant. maybe that's why you are llike that. deep inside your unconcious. you know this world is fake. the job, the girlfriend, the family. the hedonistic pleasures. it's all fake and meaningless. the succesful path and carreer, a sham.

so you don't want to work chasing the wind. completely normal.

there is a way out : you go full monk. be like the bird who just relaxes while others strugglle for "success" chasing the wind, llike idiots.

>>508202491
>>508201746

yeah, this is what it feels like to get blocked or mired up in tasks. Even if you overcome it today, tomorrow you will simply fail and even do something self-destructive ("it's already fucked, might as well self-immolate completely")

>>508201692
See >>508200588

>>508201714
Just one more thing I want to give you as advice that helped me tremendously: start writing stuff down. I take 30-60 minutes in the evening to just sit down and type out whatever just occupies my mind. Similar to a journal but it doesn't have do be about the contents of the day, can be about anything. Most often my writings are about self relfection and self analyzation. Also starting to read books on philosophy or theology has helped me quite a bit. But don't read any of that watered down pop-science stuff. And it should go without saying that you should steer clear from everything a kike or even a half kike has ever written (spinoza, wittgenstein, marx, etc.) as this will only further strengthen your inner jew that has been nurtured through media and society your whole life.

>>508203372
Yup I hate that I have to be perfectionist. If doesn’t come out correct I get mad.

>"it's already fucked, might as well self-immolate completely"
I hate this shit so much it’s unreal

>>508203060
>>508202883

deprivation routines break down especially fast.
Being without the internet, for example while in jail, definitely did feel relaxing in a way. Everything slowed down and I felt like it was 1999 again, sort of. But even in there, the fundamental problem with sticking with anything, whether it was my workouts or drawing, remained.
2-3 months into anything productive, and BAM!! here comes the crushing depression, anxiety, burnout, negative thoughts all day. Like clockwork,

>>508204051
Why was this writing habit helpful to you?
Did it allow you to iteratively develop your thoughts? Or just the stability of that habit felt good?
Once you wrote the thoughts down, did you think them more often, or less?

>>508201518

very on point

The voices are clearly located somewhere around the same depth as where your belief in yourself is located (not the fake one, but how much faith you actually have).
I don't know how to reach that level to affect the voices of bad internalized objects, or shut them up.
Shrooms and acid just give me hours-long guilt trips with a vaguely demonic tinge, and a nice but passing relief in the end. No real change (yes you realize time isn't real, we are one, telepathy exists, etc. but that's just the shroom experience, those emotional insights are similar for everyone)

i have the same problem. i cant concenrate on anything or commit to anything. im always zoning out.

>>508204459
Good questions. Began a year ago, when i was in a pretty stressful phase with a lot of things changing at once. Felt like my head was about so explode and was completely on edge. I don't know where the idea came from I just thought "I have to get these thoughts out otherwise I am going postal" So I just sat at the computer and typed away. Stream of consciousness, thought diarrhea really. Typed like 2 hours about all the shit that was going on and after I was done I felt much better. In the beginning it was just like a valve, getting the stuff out but eventually it became like a calming ritual to end the day and to ponder certain things. I don't know, for me it's just that when this stuff is in my head the thoughts are all mushed together and feel like brown noise. Having the thoughts sharply formulated and neatly arranged in a text file works wonders for me.

Are you sure you even find any of these things you’re trying to do worthwhile? There’s something to be said for discipline and seeing it through for the long haul, but if you’re smart and intuitive you’ll always know that whatever you’re trying to do isn’t really worth it if it’s not no matter how much discipline you have. Maybe your problem is you’re not actually motivated to do these things.

>>508205955
I wonder what it could be?

>>508196520
>maybe only summoning new souls can make a man functional
yes
if you have any doubts or misgivings regarding having children, don't have them
children are only for men who knew from fucking day 1 they wanted kids, and did everything in their to have them
everyone else should just not
don't get married and have children to 'fix yourself'
you'll make yourself, your wife and your potential children miserable

>>508206181
Do you ever come back to older thoughts and re-read them?

>>508206366
I mean, this is a profound question. On the one hand, we're talking just survival, not starving, not being a slave or homeless, so it would seem like motivation HAS to be high. Additionally, the other goals such as fighting globohomo, making art, feeling the power process, all of them seem like they would be compelling, kind of by definition.
BUT
Your question is legitimate!
What if this is all stuff you THINK you should be motivated by, while in reality it's disconnected from your motivation motor? What if on some deeper level I know some of these goals are meaningless?
After all, my motivation was higher at 20 than at 35, and the reason may well be that by 35 a lot of former ambitions turned out to have less value/meaning than I thought, whether because I had already attained them, or because they turned out to be unrealistic and impossible, or because of a shift in worldview which made them no longer desirable.

You ask a very profound question: what if you don't inwardly want what you outwardly claim to want?

>>508207286
I meant "no"
summoning children WILL NOT make you functional

>>508207297
I think you could only think it’s profound if I’m onto something. Someone who is motivated to do something they sincerely believe is worthwhile doesn’t find this question profound. In fact they find the answer to it obvious and certain.

In life, there are things you have to do, and you just have to do them. Work, chores, eating, whether you’re motivated or not you just gotta do them. That’s where discipline is the main thing. But in life, many of us also are able to do what we don’t have to do, but should do, want to do, find doing sincerely worth it. I think people should focus less on should dos and more on want to dos and are worth doings. Figure out what is obviously and sincerely worth doing, and simply get in the rhythm of doing it, daily, weekly, monthly, as much as possible basically. Discipline in this regard is secondary to the sense something is worthwhile and the simple habit of working on it. When something’s truly worth it, you generally don’t talk yourself out of stopping. It sounds like you are trying to make yourself do things you don’t actually find worthwhile and that’s your problem.

>>508195939 (OP)
>After 1-3 months of any constructive routine, learning, or job, an insurmountable combination of anxiety and fatigue bubbles up in me, and I quit/ self-destruct (get into a fight with colleagues. get drunk and arrested, simply quit my routine and bedrot.)
I fucking get this too...but always happens in the spring. I can go between three months and seven-eight months...then I lose it all, the discipline, the nofap (porn is a big problem with me), the diet. I can feel my brain cells dying.
The worse is that the more this happens, the less I am motivated to get it on again. One day I might just kms out of sheer impotent rage. Last relapse was so bad I'm 22 days into nofap again and still haven't regained will to live
>travel, hike, get girls yada yada
Already done in the past and didn't save me
Why is shit my baseline? Some deep-rooted psych issue? Surroundings?

>>508195939 (OP)
watch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMa9dAYdTE0

>>508207366
>>508207286

I mean, it seems like a hell of a thing to do, to bring a semi-copy of myself into bad conditions just to try and fix my own executive function issues. I'm fucked up because my dad didn't fix his well enough, or set a good example. Seems insane to try and learn to fly as I fall, now with another guy in tow who will have to suffer a lifetime or until he blows his brains out. Or a daughter I wouldn't even know how to raise

>>508195939 (OP)
>How does one resolve this?
Discipline.

>>508207892
>When something’s truly worth it, you generally don’t talk yourself out

unfortunately, this is the part that we seem to struggle with. If it's something significant and worthwhile, you can BET that that project will be assailed by depression and anxiety and burnout, as opposed to meaningless and undesirable things which you might actually be able to pull off

>>508207297
Yes sure, I mean it's mostly just a folder with a dump of doc files named after the date when I wrote them. There are a lot of "spin-off" files in a different folder. These are thoughts that evolved into something more methodical and analytical or simply check lists or instructions about certain things that proved very useful in being put down as a text file once so that I don't have to remember all the stuff and have it bloat up my head.
What I found most interesting was that
at least for me, the things that seemed utterly important and urgent at the time where I wrote them, do really not seem that big of a deal when I reread that stuff half a year later. It helped me put things in perspective and to be more stoic in the moment questioning myself often "Is this thing I'm currently spending much focus and energy on really that important after all?"

>>508208394
lol wtf did it become low res

>>508195939 (OP)
u racka disciprine