m a pilot and i dont know whats wrong with me. currently these are my symptoms. my back feels slightly stiff and my whole body feels weak. i hate humans (normies) (thanks to you guys). whenever people talk to me i feel like hurting them like in american psycho. ive worked really hard and barely slept in the last 3 years. now im slleeping better but i think i also have burnout. i have an amazing temperament, have never lost it but i feel like im on the edge and people think im super calm under pressure i dont want to blow that image, which is the only thing i care about in terms of ego. i feel like i have such a good ego and such self control but there are times where i feel like an egomaniac like ive been faking being humble and taking the pain. im mostly isolated cause i hate normies except when im flying around the world for my job. i love shaking my leg when sitting down

really feel like im on the edge. yesterday i thought i fell asleep and had a nightmare but im convinve i was awake and had my first schizo episode

>>508879102 (OP)
Its because you overidentify with your Persona aka the mask you wear to conform to others, your real self isnt as clean and polished as the fake self you pretend to be and now overidentify with. That overidentification leads to repression of anything outside of that allowed ideal image. Repression means its pushed down into the unconscious which means that 1. You are not fully conscious of it stíll existing and 2. You cannot control it and 3. It is still growing and developing in said unconscious. What you need to do is sacrifice a part of your too clean self to make room for more repressed content without overshooting in the opposite direction. Identify less with the mask and more with your whole of being. No human is capable of perfection and to try to play that role will eventually burn you out, libido will be stolen from you from the unconscious complexi and the pressure of pretend generally makes you overtly tired. If you really dont want to show this version of you to others then id advice youd atleast integrate the pent up agression or edge through some sort of contact sport

>>508879102 (OP)
Are you taking any pills of any kind?
Sounds like you need a gf
Are you ugly?

>>508880815
but i would agree with you however i dont really have a mask. im not a rude person but everyone calls me anti social, im a very honest and direct person, i never sugarcoat anything.
>>508881351
i dont take drugs or alchol. just melatonin

>>508881913
>just melatonin
ok. that's your problem.
If you have trouble sleeping, then maybe you have sleep apnea.
I use a wrap around travel neck pillow and sleep on my back. It acts like a soft neck brace which keeps everything aligned and my airway open.
You'll need one that provides good chin support and will fit snugly and securely throughout the night. I've used a travel pillow for several years and won't sleep without one.

>>508881913
Do you avoid conflict even if it hurts your own prospects significantly?

>>508879102 (OP)
It is clear from your symptoms that you are trans. The sooner you start on estrogen the sooner you will see improvement in your symptoms. The NHS should pay for hormones and surgery, so you should be able to fast track your recovery now that you know. Reddit has excellent resources for people like you and you can blog about your life there.

>>508882468
well no, my entire life is conflict. cause of thre way i am

>>508881913
>just melatonin
Don't wanna be that guy but I read a study that claims melatonin shrinks your balls

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9524057/

Are you vaxed? I had to ask...

>>508879102 (OP)
Go work construction for a while it will cure all your problems.

>>508882647
Which is? Would you consider yourself neurotic or do you mean it in some other fashion

>>508882647
Of you ever start to notice it seems like your inner voice has different characters listen to the one telling you to seek residential care

>>508879102 (OP)
>bong pilot
Where is your leaf faggot? Just cheat on your wife again it will go away