>>509187387 (OP)Done a lot of...I guess you could say soul-searching or retrospection. Come to the conclusion that I've always been just too weird to live. Came out the womb on the borderline between retarded and dead (11 weeks early). Spent a year laying on my back having my meals fed to me through a fucking IV. Came out of that asocial and probably autistic, and just stayed that way.
Then, worse things came my way that made me even more fucked up. I spent 3 decades swimming against the current of other people being shitty, my own insecurities and paranoia, suicidal ideation, etc.
Eventually, I just gave up. I NEET, I bing-bing wahoo, I binge-drink a couple times a month just to feel something other than miserable. People say life doesn't owe you anything, but I think those people are faggots who have had some redemption, and probably never really suffered.