Here's the basic process from what happened to myself, I suspect many others here might be on similar paths if you are reasonably intelligent.

- blue pilled newfag
[time passes]
- red pilled
[more time passes, but you begin to realize the depth to which you are powerless]
- black pilled
[this is the state where you've lost most, if not all hope, you can generally recognize this state because you'll reach a point of burnout in life/work/etc.]

From this point on there's a filter. If you have the capacity and understanding necessary, you'll hit a point where you "awaken". A way to describe it is as if you feel like looking through your eyes is like looking through a window. Your body literally feels like a meat bot you're piloting. You have a level of awareness of self. When you awaken, your ego dies. You literally don't give a shit about anything. It's all pointless and trivial, you can't even relate to normie shit anymore on any level. Most retard psychologists would classify this as depression, but it's not, they see the death of ego as depression when it is the birth of self.

I'd like to say after you awaken it's great. It's not. The apathy you experience after awakening is brutal. This stage is known as "limbo". Without ego to drive your decisions for material shit, women, entertainment, etc., you stuck. This is where I am myself, but I've adapted to some degree because I realized I'm just piloting a bot.

Anyway, that's the process I went through. I'm sure there are many here in the process as well. This is what people don't realize about pol, pol is a gateway to awakening.

>>509710752 (OP)
Neither too soon nor too late

No one cares holy shit

>>509710942
It'll speak to someone who knows the truth. Maybe one day you'll get there yourself.

>>509710752 (OP)
too soon didn't read

>>509710752 (OP)
There is still at least two more pills that I know for sure of you haven't even got to yet, congratulations, more fun awaits you

>>509711279
Are these pills pre or post ego?

>>509711439
Ego doesn't play a part in it
Just because this is how you experienced ego death doesn't mean everyone will
People in blue pull phase one have experienced ego death and its absolutely irrelevant to what's to come

>>509710752 (OP)
This was fucking spot on anon! I am in that state myself. Im not interested or passionate about anything anymore. Life is simpler but god damn it has become boring.

>>509710752 (OP)
>You literally don't give a shit about anything. It's all pointless and trivial
You really shouldn't confuse your personal experience with what happens to other people. That you feel apathetic makes me skeptical, many people feel energized after such experiences

>>509711740
Well, I can only speak for the path I traveled. I'm sure everyone's path is unique on their way to various stages and states.

Follow this and you'll be fine, life's great OP.

>>509711894
That was in the beginning for me , my journey here was also a spiritual journey btw, but I have still ended up like OP. Been like this for at least a couple of years now. I feel fucking stuck and its like I dont care about anything anymore or feel passionate about anything. I used to, along the journey but it has fizzled out.

>>509711894
That you think people feel energized after awakening means you don't understand it in the least. It's not some fucking wonderland of enlightenment.

>>509710752 (OP)
I've experienced this temporarily. It was a self induced state. I had already known this intellectually and I contemplated on it deeply, and then meditated. But to me, it felt like I didn't exist, and a supreme abyss was watching the world through my body's eyes. When I looked at the people passing by, it was only myself. My body moved on it's own. I know there is some label for this state of mind, but it's not important

I didn't do this again because I was thinking I could bring on schizophrenia or something

>>509712023
You're in limbo like I am anon. Supposedly we're doing exactly what we're supposed to do by doing nothing. It's like a rebirth, so it takes time to grow into whatever it is we're supposed to grow into. I've been in this state a few years now as well.

>>509712184
I get what you're saying, you read some of the psychology shit behind it all and there's a ridiculous number of different ways to describe everything. The one thing that is clear is that there is some underlying pattern or system or whatever you want to call it that's there, it's just no one has been able to clearly define, let alone understand. There's a pattern there though.

Personally, I embraced it so far. Reason is because the unknown gives me more hope than anything in this shit existence if that makes sense.

>>509710752 (OP)

yes. i agree. complete ego death. everything, including your former self, the best version of yourself looks and is completely trivial and pointless. everything becomes pointless and meaningless. nihilism takes complete hold.
every internal conversation ends in 'well, it doesn't really matter in the end.'

i spend most of my time reading now. nearly all of it.

>>509712441
I know exactly what you mean. My current thought process on limbo is to embrace it. The reason for doing so is because our natural instinct is "to do something", but being the contrarian I am, my gut tells me the answer is probably to wait it out and do nothing. By doing nothing (at least outside of self-reflection and thinking), the world around us will change on its own, and maybe it'll adapt to you. Anyway, I'd wager there's quite a number of people on pol who are also in limbo. I get the feeling a lot of men are on the awakening path as well, NEETs etc.

>>509712228
Honestly man , this thread is just what I needed!! I have sincerely contemplated that there must be something fucking wrong with the last week.
Ive managed to do all the work and all the healing and shit and overcome a fucking mountain of challenging tests and stuff - Just to end up here like this.
Its nice to now that I am not alone. Battle-morale has improved.
I believe you are right about growing into what we are supposed to be... But fuck ass its tedious. This whole chop wood carry water shit is boooooring as fuck!!!

I’ve also went through this.

I’m lost, not sure what to do, or where to go.

I lack purpose and nothing I do is fun. I’m working on starting a business and doing art now a days, but I’m considering joining the military.

I know I’m meant for great things, but getting there is hard. I find it hard to find motivation to do the simplest of tasks.

I have everything I wanted, a nice place to live, a beautiful wife, a really nice car. But it all feels empty.

I’m not sure what I’m missing but I feel like I’m becoming the person I was meant to be.

>>509712824
I think this suffering we're experiencing, and let's be honest, it's basically suffering, is just the price that has to be paid along the way for whatever reason. Maybe it's necessary to teach us something about ourselves if we can realize it, or maybe it's just to improve our endurance and tolerance to suffering. I don't have any answers though, just more questions and possibilities.

I'll tell you this though, I honestly believe there's something deeper going on, like more people are starting to awaken. I don't know if it's just the current state of the world accelerating this process, but something is happening.

>>509710752 (OP)
TOO SOON

>>509712997
You know I read all that and all I see is a societal algorithm, marginal differences in execution, but the same sequence of events.

- go to college
- get a job
- get married
- have kids
- work until you retire
- die

And in between all of that throw in some generic family milestones and problems with consumerism. To me it's like a bad video game that most people play because everyone expects them to play it.

>>509713053
Yes I have been interacting and observing humanity for the last decade now. Looking for sign of this. And it is happening. The human consciousness is slowly awakening. Not in all people but in more and more people.
The illusions doesnt work as well anymore.
I think that some of us have been awakened prior to the others to go through this whole journey so we will be ready to act as teachers and guides for the rest of them when they start to awaken.
Im also receiving messages that the hardships I endure are meant to build up my strength to in order to be able to fulfill my mission... What that is have not been revealed however.

>>509712431
I didn't read much about psychology, I just became aware of how limited my perception of reality was due to socialisation and biology. I just kept contemplating on it. I was severely depressed at the time, I used to just stare into blank space, I couldn't stand doing anything, it made me feel sick. I stared at some objects without moving my eyes until I couldn't see. It made me curious about how vision works. I did some research on it and neurology. I started to become hyperaware of the limits of my biological perception of the world, and what is beyond it. I looked into physics, quantum physics, philosophy, biology, all sorts. Taoism was an interesting rabbit burrow to go down also. I had gained an understanding that it was all an illusion, but I didn't really feel this knowledge. One day I was contemplating on all this while I was walking down a street, and I started meditating on the present moment, and my sense of self just disappeared. It was like I seen and understood the world in a raw form. Everything just broke down. All my human delusion just vanished. The present felt eternal. And then I had to interact with people and I came back down to Earth. I did it about a couple of times after in my garden, each time I got different impressions and insights but decided to not do it anymore. It has influenced the way I see the world for the better. I take life much more lightly now

>>509713331
I think there is a struggle for the soul of humanity right now.

But my faction doesn’t yet exist, I need to lay the groundwork for it - the ideology, the purpose, the philosophy.

I remember a ketamine trip, where it felt like I spoke to god and god then uploaded all I need to know and do, but because the data batch was so huge, I could not comprehend it, and I must slowly unravel the knowledge passed on to me.

If you are feeling stuck, sometimes drugs can help. (Not the bad kind of drugs, but psychedelic drugs)

>>509713547
I'm seeing a similar pattern. You know I've though about it, what if this "awakening" of people is the great filter for a civilization? I would argue right now our world is control by people consumed with ego. The people who have moved towards self are absolutely powerless, outcasts because of it. I mean in the world revolves around greed, power, control, looks, fame, wealth, etc., none of which matters to anyone who has broken free of ego. Nevertheless, we're all stuck on this ride.

I wonder what the world would look like if we could prevent the people driven by ego running everything. Could you imagine what that world would look like?

>>509713651
I've heard this, but I don't like the idea of forcing it. I'm more of a believer in letting things organically happen on their on time, not short-cutting it. Not saying it's worse though because I have no idea.

>>509713592
Your experience is the same many people have had when they awaken. It's not permanent, you end up snapping back, but you still have the memory of that state of being, and with practice you can control when it happens. Some people do the same with drugs, but I suspect that may rob someone of the understanding necessary to control it. I don't know though, everything in this world just feels fucked up and wrong.

>>509713769
A world without ego would be a world without competition. Nature evolves through competition. People that don’t compete and struggle to exist simply cease to exist.

So while there might be a whole spiritual realm that exists that we cannot see, I’m not sure it is worth reaching that realm until we die. While here, we are meant to struggle and reproduce.

>>509713769
Yes. It would be a good world. Where our societies and our leaders worked for our people and there wouldnt be as much conflict.
Men and women could join forces and work as a team instead of against each other.
Humanity building our world for all of us to thrive together in harmony with nature and our planet would be possible with an awakened people. And no longer would anyone agree or accept a few greedy psychopaths shitting it all up for everyone for personal gain and so forth.

>>509714034
Is there a risk of developing schizophrenia from this? I read about it somewhere once and it convinced me. It was about 8 years ago now, or 7. I don't remember. I'd practice inducing it again if I knew it was safe to do long term

>>509710927
/thread

>>509714100
We could still progress as individuals as well as a species. The driving force would just shift from service to self to service to all. It is still nice to have a nice world to live in and people would still have interests and hobbies like inventing shit and stuff. It would just no longer be big oil companies holding back tech that makes engines that run on water and so on.

>>509714100
You know the meme, strong men brings good times, good times bring weak men, etc.? Maybe the problem is that cycle repeats because we aren't aware of it enough to maintain the balance.

But you know maybe it's the wrong way to look at the problem. Maybe the competition of ego can be replaced with pursuing solutions. Right now solutions are based entirely on maximizing profit for shareholders etc., anything that feeds ego. What if a societal shift towards self seeks to maximize civilization itself? As I said before, what if this is the great filter for becoming a more advanced civilization? It's clear we can't get there with a world driven by pure ego. I mean at this rate, it's only a matter of time before this civilization burns out.

>>509714185
I have a family member with schizophrenia. They aren't the brightest bulb. I think if you're reasonably intelligent you could rationalize through it with logic, but I think it's an actual defect in the brain that's primarily responsible for it. But then again I have no way of being certain about any of it, just anecdotal observation.

>>509714436
Yes this!

>>509714185
And I practive all the time. Like I said in OP, I'm basically at a point where I feel like piloting a meat sack around this reality or whatever. I don't feel "in" this world as much as I feel like I'm playing some game. But that's just my perception. I think you could practice as well without any problems as along as you try to keep it grounded somehow.

>>509714436
Well the law about maximizing profit was a fluke that shouldn’t have existed from what I understand, but it ruined our nation.

Companies used to think long term, build communities, company loyalty. Workers were treated well, not anymore! Profit at all cost even at the expense of the planet.

>>509710752 (OP)
I was never " pilled ". I was always pretty much aware of jews and niggers and whatever else; women, governments etc.
But I developed before the internet.
Op I understand your post black pill analogy and what I have done my entire life is to try to be happy by creating things or improving things.
The human condition is struggle.
Without some form of puzzle or goal that needs to be achieved the human mind suffers as does society at large.
Each man requires a different fuel to stoke his fire.
I've managed to find mine and coexist amongst the zombies as best as can be done. There was one point where I failed and ended up in a lot of trouble but I have found a way forward using my skillsets, placing myself in a geographical area and only interacting with people I can trust.
Good luck my parasocial friend.

>>509714783
Jews. Jews are the most ego driven people on the planet, and they have infected our society with this ego mentality. Hell, hollyjew, social media, advertising, etc.. They've practically brainwashed everyone with the same ego mentality that drives them. And ironically the jews didn't do it consciously, they just projected their own ego onto everything. They really are spiritual cancer.

>>509710752 (OP)
>like a meat bot you're piloting
i steal. yes, i get this, tho layer on to my view, an exhilaration. shit's coming anon. the shit is in the mail.

>>509714783
Looking into it further:

While no single law mandates that companies must prioritize shareholder value, the concept of shareholder primacy, often associated with the Friedman doctrine, suggests that a company's primary responsibility is to maximize profits for its shareholders. This view, popularized by economist Milton Friedman, argues that executives should focus on increasing shareholder wealth through activities like dividend payouts and stock price appreciation. However, this is not a legal requirement in most jurisdictions, and corporate law allows for directors to consider other factors beyond shareholder value when making decisions.


Yet if I remember correctly Ford vs Dodge forced companies to pursue profits for shareholders.

>>509710752 (OP)
Stop taking designer LSD analogs.

>>509714600
>>509714758
I don't even remember what I read that made me cautious about this, it was probably just some bullshit. You'd likely have to be prone to it in the first place for it to trigger it. Just wanted to know if you knew anything about it

So would you say it's a positive on your life? You are happy with this perception or realisation?

>>509710752 (OP)
okay. I haven't figure out how to best use or navigate in this state (similar thing happened to me in 2020) how to be productive (not in a material way but more of a being conscious of time way)

>>509710752 (OP)
Yup, happened to me. One night, at about age 23, I had the worst dream of my life, everyone died after I tried to save the world running around a big gauntlet, saving people left and right, caring and talking to people, but most just ignored me, didn't give a shit. Then I saw my whole family, my whole life like a movie lined up infront of me, and I saw them in the most detailed gruesome way getting blown up into a pink mist, seeing the brains fly everywhere and their emotions on their faces in slow motion, the world turned dark and there was nothing left, only oblivion, only darkness. It felt like an eternity, like a thousand lifetimes. Then I woke up, on that day I dropped out of college, told my GF to go and die, same to my parents and all my family. I'm living alone now for 8 years, I had many people die in my family, and I didn't care one bit. I still feel, but the caring is gone, there is zero care. Nothing. When something happens in my vicinity, it's like a fly has shit on the wall. It does not concern me. I acknowledge it, but that's it.

Life is predetermined for most normies. The moment they were born, their fate was sealed. The problem is, they can't deal with it. They don't know how, and they refuse to learn how to. I realized the game which is life, and decided to not play, but only watch, in complete indifference. If god decides to bless me, I accept it. If he decides to curse me, I accept it. That's it.

I flow with life, instead against it. Accept death, disease, suffering and pain not as adversaries, but as companions and you will be free.

>>509712002
Cringey insufferable fags wrote this. Let the rage flow through you. Ok hot topic Palpatine

>>509714872
>Without some form of puzzle or goal that needs to be achieved the human mind suffers as does society at large.
100% agree, but I see it from a higher perspective. We as a civilization itself have no vision for the future. There is no common goal that unites anyone. The same is true for the individual as it is for the civilization. I don't even have the concept of a solution being able to solve this problem proactively. How does a civilization mitigate ego? How long would that even take? Would it even be possible if those with ego resist it?

>>509712002
based aussie

>>509715114
Why did you leave your gf and family? You simply realized you didn’t like them?

>>509715038
I'd say good, with caveats. I mean I remember my old perception, but honestly I wouldn't change who I am now back to where I was before if that makes sense. I feel like I see things differently than most others, and it's probably not a good thing for "fitting in", which I never did anyway, but I feel the potential for solving problems is much higher than before. You start seeing solutions to problems from the perspective of self rather than ego, and that means you can see solutions that people driven by ego can never hope to even conceptualize. And let me tell you, there's so many low hanging fruit solutions from this side it's insane. Unfortunately, the ego people don't want these solutions because they are incompatible with their perception, and so I'm stuck and blocked.

>>509711279
Does anything come after honk? I kind of like it here.

>>509710752 (OP)
yes i've experienced this and im sure many other anons on /pol/ have too

>>509715477
I realized that connection to them would only bring more suffering and complication, not only to me but also them, removing myself freed me and them of unessecary suffering caused by me, and caused by them to me. The existence of every human is suffering from birth to death, may it be abuse, arguing, death, etc. I realized that no matter what I will do, it will end in suffering for me and others, so I completely removed myself from family and society.

I know I may have lost things that others see as happiness, such as seeing your children grow up, traveling the world and whatnot. But for me the realization that every step, every action I take, will lead to more suffering in the end, made me drop out completely, just existing as an observer that has as little impact on his environment as possible.

This is nothing new though, people did this for centuries, becoming monks and nuns. My life is dedicated to the Divine now and not the physical.

https://youtu.be/DLT8i3zfCZY

>>509710752 (OP)
and you know what is the next step?
realizing the bot is not really controlled by you but by destiny.
how come I was not born into one of the noble families of europe?...

btw one of the ideas of experiencing "awakening" "ego death" (there are various techniques from drugs to meditation to dancing like the sufis...) is so that you become accustomed to death so that you don't get frighten.

>Proverbs 20:24 "A man's steps are from the LORD; how then can anyone understand his own way?"
that declaration opens a HUGE can of worms, humanity has decided that is better/healthier not to think too much about it (because it can be paralizing) and have a mask put on: "oh yeah each one of us is the OWNER of our OWN destiny...hell yeah"

but then the paralizing experience was part of destiny all along! interesting isn't?
i'm somewhat "in the middle" of all this, I was dealt a good hand in life to the point that this realization almost paralizes me.

>>509715114
I'm just waiting for something more is all, and I don't know if it will ever come.

I do have a question for you though. Since you've experienced so much time in that state, have you ever noticed anything happen in your life where you didn't think it was random or just a coincidence? Like something just felt off, like a sign or something intentionally acting on you? Kind of like a Harold Crick wrecking ball moment?

>>509715522
I see. Then I might try to practice again. None of these caveats apply to me either. What of this "Limbo" you speak of? Do you think it's the end?

>>509710752 (OP)

>>509710752 (OP)
>I'd like to say after you awaken it's great. It's not. The apathy you experience after awakening is brutal. This stage is known as "limbo". Without ego to drive your decisions for material shit, women, entertainment, etc., you stuck. This is where I am myself, but I've adapted to some degree because I realized I'm just piloting a bot.
>Anyway, that's the process I went through. I'm sure there are many here in the process as well. This is what people don't realize about pol, pol is a gateway to awakening.
aka Dark Night of the Soul
Metanoia can be tough
Holy Spirit can fix it
focus on the breath

>>509710752 (OP)
You didn’t even touch on the nigger pill or the Jew pill. Newfag.

>>509715815
I don't ascribe to destiny or fate belief. If there is a God, I think they just pushed the start button on the simulation/reincarnation cycle. I'd like to believe there's a point to it all because why bother otherwise, but who knows.

I don't give any religion any weight or belief. I do believe there are underlying patterns people see and have describe in millions of different ways, some with religion or philosophy, sometimes as a shit post on a forum in clown world. It's something there just beyond our grasp.

Too soon man.

>>509715939
Being alive is the more, is the sign for me. But every soul has to find its own meaning, what may seem perfectly fitted to me might not fit you.

And yes, there were times when I thought someone tossed me a rope to get back into normal life again, to connect with other humans again, to be a working member of society. Especially through other family members like my sister. Opportunities a normal human couldn't resist or not act upon, but I didn't. To me, it felt like a game master wanting me back into his treadmill of a game, and I refused. I can still see, though, how these experiences in a normal life could be beneficial to a souls growth. But it just isn't for me.

>>509716158
Those were some of the first pills I took without even realizing it. I get it though, for some people those pills are an event in their path. Mine was practically a default. And I'm an American with my foreskin intact to prove it.

>>509715939
>have you ever noticed anything happen in your life where you didn't think it was random or just a coincidence? Like something just felt off, like a sign or something intentionally acting on you?
Synchronicity is Reality, when you notice synchronicities you are seeing your mind mirrored in the Universal Mind, this is what they mean by mirror-mind, it can be disorienting, but its just the way it is, dont worry too much about it,

>>509716255
Trust me when I say this, I understand your conviction to stay true to who you are. I don't think most people today understand what true conviction is. I know it well enough to know it's extremely rare.

So that begs the question, what about more after death?

>>509710752 (OP)
>psychologists would classify this as depression
no it's called disassociation

>>509716504
>>psychologists would classify this as depression
>no it's called disassociation
but psychologists dont believe in Metanoia
psychologists are naifs re Metanoia
Ancients called it Dark Night of the Soul
cf Zen Oxherding stages
First there is a mountain
Then there is no mountain
Then there is

>>509716504
It's not disassociation because you become acutely aware of your "self". Most psychologists would classify the apathy of limbo as depression, not disassociation. They even have competing theories about it, where some people call it "depressive realism". Point is there's an underlying pattern that exists and several layers of people trying to describe it academia. It's all the same shit they're looking at, they just can't see it. This unfortunately makes it difficult to convey ideas without common sets of definitions.

>>509716492
For me, there is no death, only change. I know that consciousness can not be destroyed. The matter, your memories, the you, the ego, will get annihilated after death. But you will be conscious once again in another body. But who am I to really know what will happen? No one. Christianity argues that your memories and self will continue, and that only the nonbelievers will get annihilated and reborn into new bodies.

There are hundreds of different views on this topic and personally, I don't care. For now, I just know that when I die, that's it. My mind, my ego, my memories will be gone, this is what I expect. Anything else would just stroke my ego and my fears of not existing anymore.

>>509710752 (OP)
after hitting blackpill im literally looking for a way to destroy the world. annihilate everything that exists. I havent found one yet but maybe someday.

>>509716886
Jung was a pioneer with a lot of these explanations, I mean his description of a lot of these patterns is arguably the best so far. Watts wasn't half bad either.

>>509716171
>I'd like to believe there's a point to it all because why bother otherwise
Because why not? Is the point in life not life it's self? To live? Even the struggles and horrors are at least engaging. I think people who don't see a "point" are simply not engaged in life enough to see. And i've been to the deepest darkest pit of existential nihilism and despair. You are not searching for a "point" or meaning in life. People think they need one, but they don't

For example, someone who is dancing does not think "what's the point? What is the meaning? They don't do it for to mean anything, it's not meant to make a point. There may be evolutionary mechanisms that brought this behaviour about, but the act it's self means nothing. If there were a point or meaning to it, it would only make it a chore, a biding, a means to an end. Something utilitarian. And so the spirit of it would be sucked out of it, it would become misery. No one thinks upon reading fiction "well what's the point? Why don't I just only read the ending since that is the end goal? Or better yet why don't I just not read it at all?"
Life is to live. The point if there is ever one is to be, to experience. It's much more simpler than we want to believe. When you find something that engages you in life, there will be no question of a "point" or "meaning"

>>509717576
>Because why not? Is the point in life not life it's self? To live?
Could be a 7th order dimensional kid's simulation homework assignment for pre-school. It's just as probable as anything else. There's an countable number of possibilities for "why". Your why is just one of many possibilities.

>>509717734
uncountable*

>>509710752 (OP)
>Your body literally feels like a meat bot you're piloting
In my case it goes even further, I am looking at the world through the eyes of the pilot. I'm literally just spectating a retard trying to steer this body of flesh in a shit world. I have no agency or free will, I'm merely witnessing events unfold. What do you call this condition?

>>509710752 (OP)
right now is a wave of apathy for me too, but i know to return to the root and discover the wandering that brought us to existence so we can share in wandering ourselves, just drifting the meat bot here and there carelessly expressing ourselves without fear of doing anything more than participating in change. i don't think pol is a gateway to anything in particular. pol is just another sound the world makes through another one of its hollows (humanity and its inventions). i recommend reading the daodejing and zhuangzi if you're unfamiliar. they're still fun for me.

>>509710752 (OP)
such a sad story :(

>>509718104
>I have no agency or free will, I'm merely witnessing events unfold.

Too relatable. I don't even feel like I command my own body anymore. It's just action and reaction while I observe it.

>>509710752 (OP)
Can someone please tell me the story behind this photo, is the woman dead? Also is this variant an edit. I haven't seen the guy before.

>>509718104
there is nothing
there is a room with nothing in it
there is a room with a projector beaming light onto the wall
without the room nothing is seen
without the projector nothing is seen
together things are seen
the thing which sees the seen and the unseen is you, and yet to see that still leaves something unseen, meaning you are even beyond that, beneath that, smaller than, the tip of a hair on the back of a mammoth responding to the alternations of this and that, seen and unseen, life and death, hot and cold.
"what is a good man but a bad man's teacher? what is a bad ma but a good man's work?"

>>509717576
that's the problem for us. we live in a world of human systems of purpose and have run up against them so often that we come to doubt purpose entirely, but of course it's human purpose that's to blame, the idea that what's right at one time for one person in one situation is always right for all people in all situations.
the only answer for us is to wait and see, and suddenly we'll be engaged in life again or dead from suicide. either way, there's no changing one's fate, so be comfortable in your misery if you're going to be miserable. accept your suicide if you're suicidal. life and death are equally worthless and worthy in the right situations.

>>509710752 (OP)
We're all just characters in an RPG game

>>509710752 (OP)
I used to think that this was just trolling but nowadays it's probably not.
Fuck off with you faggot story, fag.

>>509710752 (OP)
I went through this back in High School; used to stare at the ceiling for hours and just contemplate nothingness. Nowadays I feel less intelligent as time passes, and my perspective hasn't changed at all. I feel I haven't evolved, no matter how much I feel this special understanding of things, like everything in life is connected like a puzzle or like a math problem that is solvable; like history and events are equations where you can find answers even though you don't know a thing about the how. Every day that passes, as I said previously, I just feel things matter less and less, and instead of evolving, I'm stuck in this pseudodepression. In this world where I am alone and only see everything as gray. Where I refuge myself in time-wasting activities and feel ridiculous and intrascendental; almost like a parody of myself. A prepubescent kid that tells his parents nobody understands him. I feel a void that can be filled by nothing, and feel ridiculous and pathetic and wish I had never had any knowledge of anything and was just a schizophrenic, rambling about stuff that doesn't exist. I want to be normal, but even that idea scares me; the idea there's nothing special about me, and that the only thing that consoles me is the weak thread of faith that almost, if, connects myself to Christianity.

>>509718876
based!

>>509718876
Threads like this were par for the course on bestchan. I'm sure you can find some other thread more suited to your mentality in the catalog. I didn't start this thread for people like you, it was for people who actually think.

>>509718876
Neger, this is the best thread on 4cuck right now. You just don't understand it beause you're a low IQ hylic.

>>509716255
Do you engage with nature or fiction or what do you do with your time?

>>509710752 (OP)
When this site started there were no pills. By the way the meme that 4chan started as a leftist site is total bullshit, the most popular memes revolved around why you should beat your wife and reasons why rape was ok.

>>509718942
Of course you feel less intelligent. I breezed through 3 stem degrees like they were a joke, but if you start looking beyond you quickly realize you can't even fathom how much you don't know, or even how much of what you think you know is actually utter bullshit. We base intelligence relative to each other. In the grand scheme of things we're all retards. Some people are just more retarded than others.

>>509719146
I have a garden which takes alot of time. Other than that I wander the woods, I'm known there now as the weird hiker that leaves unripe bananas on benches.

>>509719176
The pills always existed abstractly, it's just that it took time for the randomness of anons to pass everything through the filter and condense it into something. The chans also accelerated this process for many people that would have otherwise never been exposed it. This place was like getting mainlined.

>>509718876
Thread like this is why I come here. You would understand if you were like me. Do you have any fucking idea how hard there is to actually come by other people who have experiences similar to your own when it comes to these things we are discussing in this thread? Or how valuable that is to someone like me?

>>509719123
Ach Berkay....
>>509719021
Maybe it is just ironic shitposting but that still makes it shitposting. Either way it sounds like some underage euphoria posting from 15 years ago.

>>509719465
You sounds just like the transfags who need to be told how fucking valid they are. Pathetically apathetic.

>>509719257
Thanks for responding, brother. I'm thinking about starting with Electrical Engineering. I just want activities to occupy myself with, and something to have written on my Epitaph; as absurd and meaningless as it seems. I assume you're right, just in general. Especially when measuring our intelligence and importance compared to other things. It is a matter of perspective. Thank you again and is nice reading you and all the other anons. I hope you have a nice night. Keep struggling.

>>509719402
The garden sounds nice, what's the idea behind the unripe bananas?

I've been walking trails too, been trying to get into different artists from the 1800s.
I kicked around an old archeological site a couple days ago, sat under the rock shelter for an hour and smashed some rocks off each other.

You are kind of on to something, but in my experience it isn't as simple as that. Everyone lies to you constantly about everything in this world and if you are intelligent, you will experience dissonance as you spend more time in the world and become disillusioned with the lies. The attachment to (fondness of?) the idea of the world the lies painted for you in childhood makes you want to come up with a new set of lies that are closer to the truth that you can hold on to in the same way you held these initial lies and use to understand the world. I.e. they are just the inverse of the initial lies. As you experience more, you become disillusioned with your new anti-lies as they are contradicted and you start to live. It is the attachment to simple judgements that you try to apply to everything that holds you back, but it isn't like you can operate in the world without some kind of guiding principles, so the best thing to do is do stuff with an open mind and try not to hold on to your current "pill" so hard that you can't let it go when it is contradicted.

>>509719602
I have EE on my list of degrees. Most of the people ended up in either power or railroad work. If you're of the mind you can hack a career for the next ~30 years doing boring shit work, then it's fine. I personally found the work soul draining monotony. If you go into utilities though you'll have relative job stability compared to most other jobs. I also use the term career loosely, there aren't really any careers these days.

>>509719500
>>509719551
You are the biggest faggot, please fuck off and die. If you don’t like this thread, why are you posting in it?

>>509711076
People "who knows the TRUTH" are usually scammers and grifters, you are only low on testosterone and dopamine.

>>509719551
Dont really care, I have soul to evolve and a consciousness to level up. Couldnt care less for the opinions of plebs like you.

>>509719720
I don't have that problem. Want to know the trick? I assume everyone is lying by default. When I find out they're actually telling the truth, it's like a nice surprise. This is the point I'm trying to make about changing perception of the world. It's not black & white, you can flip the script. I will say you're spot on though, I don't feel like I actually "woke up" until I was in my 30s (spent a lot of time in universities), but this world does use lies to shape people to fit what is considered "normal" by current societal standards. I want to say I wish it was different, but maybe realizing the extent of the bullshit is a catalyst to understanding as well. I mean could you imagine a society where everyone told the truth, then run into someone who lies? They'd be treated the same was a society that lies by default treats someone who tells the truth.

>>509719778
There is a truth though, you can literally feel it your proverbial gut when you see it. I believe over time people will gravitate towards it naturally. Maybe even one day we can evolve to a point we can even all describe it the same.

If a lie can exist, then logically a truth must also exist because their existence is dependent on each other.

>>509710752 (OP)
too soon

>>509710752 (OP)
No sabes que a tiempo llegaste

>>509710752 (OP)
fuck off faggot

>>509720046
You are not wrong that the accepted way things are is untrue, but simplifying it to "everyone is a liar" is just another idea you are trying to fit the world into to make yourself feel safe. Not trying to throw shade I do the exact same thing and always have some set of judgements I have found to be relatively accurate, but the extent to which I am willing abandon these judgements when they are not met has largely decided my quality of life socially. We do live in a kind of closed system of control in which we are brainwashed and programmed from childhood in order to act in the way that certain people find convenient. That is basically true in my experience. At the same time constantly holding this fact in my mind feels as if I am entering another matrix that isn't even any less shitty. Just gotta let go of engaging with the world in that way, I don't think it is natural or leads to anything good. Same thing happens with politics, your hatred of [insert party/person] some person is doing leads you to love the anti-[insert party/person] when both of them are agents of the same thing. If you didn't have that option, you might think about things that would be truly transgressive.

>>509720784
>quality of life socially.
bad choice of words, I should have said quality of existence. All that shit feels dirty in a way. Virtual reality that I am seeing things through that I think helps, but literally just weighs everything down and makes any action useless.

Take the lobotomy pill, just play videogames, and ignore things until you degenerate cognitively, such that it all becomes bearable.

>>509716171
>I think they just pushed the start button on the simulation/reincarnation cycle. I'd like to believe there's a point to it all because why bother otherwise, but who knows.
I agree
yeah it really seems like we are the players inside something...

>>509720784
It's not saying everyone is a liar, it's assuming that they're lying. The latter leaves it open to be proven otherwise. However I'll admit, I have no social life. I never fit in with society, so my perspective is different than what might carry utility for others to whatever degree of interaction with society they require. At this point I'm just functionally and outside observer with minimal interaction as required for day-to-day existence. Basically, things I can't not disconnect with because of the system. I'm not trying to push anything on anyone, everyone has to play their own hands as they see fit. I'll be the first to admit what works for me probably won't work for the vast majority of others. And that's fine. I would like to hope that if there is a future for humanity that my assumption that everyone is lying by default is ludicrous.

I'm out for the night. I appreciate everyone who took the time to share their thoughts and perspectives. Felt like I was back on bestchan for awhile and having some meaningful discussions. If I ever figure out this limbo thing I'll be back to pass along what I can. Hopefully if someone else manages it first they'll do the same.

>>509710752 (OP)
Is it time?

>>509721736
thanks for the thread OP, sleep tight!

If you want a youtube channel recommendation of a guy who shares similar thoughts, Check out Quantum Of Conscience. He's a hardcore conspiracy theorist who talks about similar things mentioned in this thread like letting go of ego

>>509714872
>Good luck my parasocial friend.
Nice Anglin refernce, brother. You too.

>>509715114
>Then I woke up, on that day I dropped out of college, told my GF to go and die, same to my parents and all my family. I'm living alone now for 8 years,
That sounds more like a demonic assault than any spiritual awakening.

Compare what you have gained from what you lost here. All the satisfying things in life. Frienda, family, the love of a good woman, children. The fun aspects of a career.

What have you gained? An inserted thought?

>>509710752 (OP)
sorry, I took the white pill.

>>509712002

>>509710752 (OP)
for me it was
-blue pilled newfag
-black pilled edge lord
-red pilled enlightened

>>509719410
>>509716701

For some this place acted as a mainline of reality and perception deconstruction comparable to hard psychedelics. With the illusion shattered, sorrow flows from the grief of the loss. Drink deep enough from that draught, anyone will feel numb. From there you must seek other rivers. Some find the raging torrent of anger, others seek the tranquil streams that flow so silent you must stop to hear.

sometimes its fuck yeah
sometimes its yeah, fuck

>>509710752 (OP)
Too soon asshole

>>509710752 (OP)
UNCALLED FOR and WAAAYYY TOO SOON

>>509710752 (OP)
0/10 no tail.

>>509710752 (OP)

>>509719551
You are very, very stupid and you aren't impressing anyone.

>>509724027
>All the satisfying things in life. Frienda, family, the love of a good woman, children. The fun aspects of a career.
You're still in normie mode.

>>509710752 (OP)
It's a cycle, after the doom pilled phase you will go back to the blue pill and you make peace with the world as it is.

>>509734724
>that speck on the edge of the pipe bowl
Kill yourself JustPassingThrough.
KILL YOUR FUCKING SELF.
https://ponerpics.org/2065473