>>510051830 (OP)It's weird, the been depressed a handful of times in my life, but before they would come and go.
I've had like five years of straight up depression. Eventually you stop even being "sad" because it's oddly normal. In the last few months I've gotten this deep inability to do anything. Just absolutely zero fucks given about my responsibilities.
I am not not consciously contemplating suicide but I feel like it's almost a biological "switch" gets flipped and things start going in a certain motion after a long enough depression. Maybe the brain just can't deal with it that long. Weird shit to think about.