>>510540802Yeah I think you’re correct. I had a good period where I was more moderate and I would basically just relapse every 1-2 months, go to confession, and move on. I figure I should be pretty happy to go from 365 days a year to 6-12 days a year.
Working on forgiving my 11 year old self is remarkably hard because mentally I struggle to accept that my ability to choose freely now is damaged. I’ve actually never tried just blaming Jews for it though lmao. Maybe I should just imagine the happy merchant every time I’m tempted.
The way it fucks with your mental can’t be understated though. I have a real career, a 6 figure salary, a loving wife, I lost 100lbs and got a 275 bench, I came out of my social shell in college after highschool was almost complete isolation and finally had a bunch of friends and did team sports. But underlying all of that was this constant sense of unease. Maybe to some degree I worked so hard to improve myself as a way of coping with that insecurity, so maybe it actually helped me be successful a little. Summer has just had me away from my personal connections and out of the gym due to traveling for work so it’s been rough.