>be britbong
>having tea and crumpets with me mum
>start thinking of Muriel from work
>would like to have a little in-out, in-out with her
>"'scuse me mum, I... I need to have a go"
>head over to the computation machine
>slam it hard with me fist
>"TURN ON! I NEED A WANK!"
>it turns on
>search for porn
>blocked
>"Bollocks"
>run outside and find the nearest red phone booth
>grab the dog'n'bone and dial the pornography administrator
>"Ello? Her Majesty's Pornography Administration Centre. Who's this callin?"
>"Ello, I need a wank somethin good!"
>"Hol on there, son. You need to give me your name and residence first."
>"My name's Humphrey Throckwaddle III and I live at 32 West Pennywood Lane"
>"Alright then. And what type of porn will you be wantin today, Mr. Throckwaddle?"
>"Cuckold, sir. Please hurry, me pecker is about ready to burst!"
>"Alright, one moment please ... aaaand you are all set, sir. I have given your household 10 minutes of uninterrupted access to cuckold porn"
>"Thank you sir! And God bless the Queen!"
>"God bless 'er right! Cheerio!"
>race back home before the cuckold porn time runs out
>enter front door
>blood is everywhere
>go into kitchen
>mum is dead
>beheaded by muslims
This used to be a joke

Ok, but what about muh safety of muh children?

>>511306159 (OP)
Calm down there old boy, there is nothing that's happening and you need to keep calm and carry on.

Nothing has happened to the women you can meet at the local pub.

Who knows you might actually begin to become handsome again if you stop all this silly business.

Tally ho good chap.

>>511306332
Women in porn dont have clits.

90% of all porn is CGI.

>>511306332
>"Perfectly safe in the 'ands of our Muslim brethren, sir! Don't forget to renew yer TV loicense"

>>511306159 (OP)
lmao

>>511306440
I've come to realise that "Keep Calm and Carry On" is probably the most insidious slogan that we could have adopted as a country. It made sense during the Blitz but it really was saying "don't protest, don't disagree, don't question, just take it like a good little boy".

>>511306831
Yeah took me a while to find the pic from that post. I also did some editing and corrections to the grammar.

>>511306891
yeah cool I have some classic shits in my file.

>>511306159 (OP)
>>511306831
It makes me lol remembering these are the liberal, moderate, tolerant policies.

>>511306927
>be on vacation in bongland
>see Maisie Williams gliding down the sidewalk
>like a graceful penguin with gout
>follow her for a block
>working up courage
>gently touch her shoulder
“H-hello, I’m Anon. Y-you’re the prettiest girl I’ve seen all day! W-would you join me for dinner?”
>she spins around nearly smashing me in the balls with an Abercrombie bag
>stares intently for a few moments
>then breaks into a grin that looks like she could eat an apple through a chain link fence
“YEH ORLRITE! FAK IT, WHY NOT? I CUD DO WIV SOME FREE GRUB ANNA LITTLE OF THE OL IN OUT!”
>quickly grab her hand and go into the first restaurant I see that has tablecloths
“FAKKIN ELL! POSH ERE INNIT? GLAD I PUT SUM KNICKERS ON!
>she lets out a little giggle that sounds like a horse with it’s leg caught in a wood chipper
>head waiter gives me the stinkeye but leads us to a table
>Maisie cocks her head and squints at the menu
“ERE NOW, WATS THIS SHITE? IT’S ORL IN FAKKIN FRENCH! OI CARNT READ THIS, I’LL END UP GETTIN A PLATE OF FAKKIN SNAILS WUNNOI?!?”
>look at the menu. It’s in English, just a fancy script
>she shoves her menu at the waiter
“I WONT PIE AND MASH DUNNOI. PLENTY OF LIKKER ON THA MASH, GUV!”
“I’m sorry, madam, we don-“
“I SED FAKKIN PIE AND MASH M8! AND A PINTA LARGER FOR ME EDACHE!”
>he slinks away without even taking my order
>Maisie pulls a pack of Mayfairs from her cleavage and sparks up, ashing in the bread basket
>starts rubbing at her crotch
>brings her fingers up and licks them then cackles
“JOLLY FAKKIN ELL, IT’S ME TIME! OI LUV GITTIN SHAGGED ONNA RAG! GUNNA AVE US A RED WEDDIN INNA LOO, AIN’T WE?”
>look over my shoulder and frantically signal the waiter for the check
>turn around
>Maisie is slumped over the table
>raped to death by Pakis

>>511306159 (OP)
At least tell he got his 10 minutes worth of porn?

>>511306159 (OP)
OI! YOU GOT A LOISENCE FOR DAT CRUMPET?! SHOW ME YOUR MUM PERMIT!

>>511310648
pic 10/10
story 10/10

>>511306927
>>511306831
I love these kind of shitposts, they always make me bellylaugh,

funny pastas, but when it's brits posting them, it makes me feel bad for them

>>511306836
Stoicism is just cuckholdry sold as a virtue

>>511311337
It's fucked mate. Honestly. I can't bring myself to write a pasta about Britain but I've tried to do one with all these brainrot terms that have been popping up:

I fucking hate simps so much. Those dumb fucking libtard simp cucks. Imagine simping for any fucking woman, let alone a libtard OnlyFans thot. You're over here edging to some sub-5 roastie until you're the colour of a Grimace shake, while I've been mewing and jelqing for the past 5 years to become more skibidi. Now, while you're STILL shilling her OnlyFans, I am such a based and redpilled gigachad sigma rizzler that I have multiple level-10-gyatt Livvy Dunne lookalikes guzzling my glizzy on the regular.

And I can see you malding from your gooncave in the chat right now, saying that all my yapping is just capping, but that copium is about to run out. Peep the board. It's up to 10 kills already and I just wiped out tomato town. Now I'm locked in and on my way to collect the final Fanum tax, yet here you are without a chug jug.

You're cooked, beta. This is the end of the grind for you. You can either griddy towards the nearest rickety stool and ropemaxx or suffer the full extent of the brutal mogging that's about to take place. Either way, it's time to get this ratioed.

>>511306831
Can you retards stop manifesting reality for ONE FUCKING SECOND? You are making the world even fucking worse.

>>511311337
>>511311533
>captcha: P0RN
can't make this shit up

>>511310827
Im a sucker for a happy ending.

>>511306159 (OP)
Best be on your best behaviour, Brits!
>Captcha: GAAAY

Just pay a Pakistani grooming gang 50 quid, they will introduce you to a nice young British girl.

>>511311578
Kek. Schizoanon was right all along.

The funny thing about bongs is that for decades people have been telling them they live in a dystopian shithole and their response is always ALWAYS
>It's just as bad in ur cuntry m8
Well, not really son, I can watch porn without her majesty wanting a cut

>>511306159 (OP)
Fuckin' kekked hard. I'll miss you guys

>>511310648
classic

>>511306836
Kek are you just realising this? It was literal war propaganda designed to quell mass complaints about the mass death and terrible living conditions caused by both world wars. It's not even hidden they themselves called it propaganda, every country does this, i guess thats why they do it, because it seems to work and people don't realise it's propaganda. The most valuable thing to the elite is the mind, if they have that they have everything.

>>511310648
lmao I remember that classy pasta

>>511311561
At least, we don't speak German.

>>511312205
>bongs live in a dystopian shithole
I've never denied it. But (not to play into your whataboutism talking point) you posting a le epic meme about how based and white you Irish are isn't congruent with reality either.

>>511311561
I hereby manifest the Ancapistan Republic of Sneedposters, we will plant seeds and we will be happy.

>>511312880
Jews won.

>>511312880
>it's just as bad in ur cuntry m8
like clockwork

>>511311873
sneedpill me on schizoanon, all i know is demons are from the 2nd dimension and the only way they can get into 3D is by manipulating us to build them with technology, thats what AI is.

>>511312704
I'm at the point where I absolutely despise how the best that brits can do is whine to each other in private and on the internet about how they hate what's happening and yet they just keep living their shitty lives but then I realise it also applies to me and I feel even worse because all I do is moan on the internet.

>>511306159 (OP)
Great post, OP.

>>511310648

Lol

>>511313080
As I said, I didn't want to play into your whataboutism talking point but you pretending that you are somehow superior is just not true.

>>511311533
Brainrot!!!

>>511313103
Schizoanon is a genius meme maker and the memes are an interesting psychological thought experiment. Picrel is one of my favorites.

It is strange how often /pol/ posts sneed themselves into reality. Kek being the frog god of chaos and all that.

>>511313113
Yeah pissing and moaning is what we were all doing 5 years ago but it doesn't do anything, this is the time for solutions, we can all do better but just do the best you can, you can enjoy life while also trying to enact positive change. If you spend time moaning in a way that doesn't enlighten people that time is better spent on your own life and educating yourself so you can articulate the solution to the problems we face better. For me the solution is to educate a small percentage of the population, say 5% percent or less, but really go into detail on whats going on and how we can stop it, and encourage them to do the same, when this group is large enough, even 1% is enough really to start trying to enact real change collectively. Although the time is getting late, and i'll be honest i have more hope in other countries, even then it would be useful to have smart British expats helping those countries which don't want to be part of the system. I'm willing to listen to any other solutions.

>>511313180
>you pretending that you are somehow superior
the level of decay in ur cuntry is equal or greater than the level of decay in my cuntry m8

>>511313648
He made all of those??? What a guy.
In my opinion sneed is even more powerful than kek, at least as an egregore.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Dog_Night
Read the names of the band members, and then look at the pictures of the band members who's names you might be interested in, And how their names correspond with their appearance...

>>511314028
Holy Kek I didn’t know that about 3 Dog Night. That’s amazing.

Reminds me of the Supertramp album cover from the window of a plane with 9/11 over the WTC. It was the juice.

>>511312205
Imagine thinking your country is so much better because you can watch porn. Fucking potatoniggers, I swear.