Chief
I’ve never judged you. You’re too busy judging yourself and not forgiven yourself. The Holy Spirit judges you. I see only reflections of past life events unfolding around everyone else but me. I am aware that God did what God did because God is God and I am not. But I was a true believer in Jesus until they let me get raped as a child. Then I became more, I became Vindictus. I found all the reasons to blame God but the problem all along was not God. God was right in doing what he did. It only unfolded for me after he left me. I had no comprehension of what had happened, the whirlwind caught me up. Now it's way too late, everything is already set in stone and motion cannot be undone from our pasts. Jesus never had the ability to save us. God and Jesus are 2 separate entities. If Jesus were God, I would not say this. Jesus was sent to try to save you from yourself. Jesus did not come to try to save himself from death. Jesus knew already that the past is death. All of us already are dead, we always were.

You sound unwell, I am sorry to hear about your traumatic experiences.

Salat will heal your trauma, that is the daily prayers made by Muslims. Jesus Christ commands us to worship God alone in the Gospel.

Here is a guide to praying Salat:

https://salamcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Prayer-Guide.pdf

If you recite the Shahada, you will be a Muslim:

la ilaha ill Allah Muhammadur Rasul Allah

That means:

There is no god but God and Muhammad is His Messenger

I hope that Islam brings healing to your trauma and peace to your soul. What happened to you is not your fault and it does not have to define you or prevent you from reaching peace.

May Allah bless you abundantly and guide you to healing and inner peace.