>>511406729 (OP)
Come be my twinn concubine

So you took your time to open up shoop and edit in this fake story and post it here...just so you could try to distract people from the Jeffrey Epstein files. And the pedophile stuff.

>>511406729 (OP)
Are you unvax?
Do you play dnd?
If yes you may live in my shed for free.

>>511406729 (OP)
>>511406870

>>511406729 (OP)
if he's going after conspiracy theorists then he'll have to jail every commentator of soccer since a soccer team is a conspiracy by definition and commentating is theorizing by definition.

checkmate, starmer.

>>511406870
You lost because your a fucking smooth brain motherfucker. Next time find someone more qualified instead of a DEI hire

>>511406729 (OP)
Good bye incels. Enjoy Ukraine’s frontline and have fun being hunted by drones.

>>511406729 (OP)
America should never have become allies with Britain and we should have let Hitler take over Britain in WW2, finally we are going to let nature take it's course, Britain will cease to exist and become a colony of Muslims. America must stay on the sidelines and not act and let Britain finally die. Britain is America's oldest enemy

>>511406729 (OP)
Instead of dealing with him you will be put into cuck prisons. Really bongs ? Are you that gay that you can't handle one retard ?

>>511407048
You can always go to prison and get butt raped by muslims

>>511406729 (OP)
Have you considered dumping all the tea in your local harbor? I heard some cool kids did that once.

>>511406991
**First They Came for the Commentators**
*An Ironic Essay*

It begins, as all things inevitably must, with a government announcement. The British authorities, concerned for the collective sanity of the populace (and perhaps their own fragile grip on narrative control), have declared a new war: not on drugs, not on poverty, not even on potholes, but on conspiracy theorists.

Yes, finally, after decades of letting the lizard people run amok through chat forums and poorly lit YouTube channels, the government has had enough. No more chemtrails, no more flat Earth, no more 5G paranoia. Those who speculate, who connect dots where none were meant to be connected, shall be rounded up and detained—for the good of the nation, naturally.

>>511406991
>>511407431

At first, the policy seems like a stroke of common sense. Who wouldn’t want fewer unshowered men in basements drawing maps with string? But there’s a problem—a fatal one. You see, conspiracy is everywhere. And theory? Even more so. The crown has unknowingly targeted Britain’s most beloved class of citizen: the soccer commentator.

Let’s begin with definitions, since those still matter—though possibly not for long. A conspiracy, according to the Oxford English Dictionary (and who are we to argue with that venerable institution?), is “a secret plan by a group to do something unlawful or harmful.” A soccer team, then, fits the bill quite neatly. Eleven men, dressed identically, communicating via subtle gestures and code words, operating in tandem to confuse and overcome an opposing group—if that’s not a conspiracy, what is?

And what of the commentator? That sideline sage who, with the wisdom of hindsight and the bravado of prophecy, explains the inner workings of the game? He sees patterns where others see chaos. He declares intent, motives, and strategies—all based on observations from a booth high above the field. He is not simply reporting. He is theorizing. That makes him, by definition, a theorist. A conspiracy theorist.

And so, the dragnet begins. One by one, the familiar voices fall silent. Martin Tyler, detained during halftime. Gary Lineker, last seen being whisked away from the Match of the Day studio, shouting something about “the high press being real.” Even the lesser-known pundits, whose tactical chalkboards once littered late-night programming, are rounded up and placed in re-education camps—where they are forced to explain things only using player names and FIFA ratings.

>>511406991
>>511407491

Of course, the real tragedy is not the silencing of analysis, but of passion. What is football without speculation? Without the eternal questions: Why did he pass backwards? Was that an intentional handball? What exactly *is* the manager thinking? These were once the heartbeat of a nation, now relegated to whispers in darkened pubs.

But the government, as governments do, remains resolute. "We must protect the public from dangerous ideas," says the Home Secretary, standing beside a whiteboard filled with connecting arrows between players and geopolitical crises. “We have reason to believe the 2005 Champions League Final was orchestrated by MI6.”

And so, the great purge continues. Conspiracy theorists, once fringe, are now everywhere. Because once you start looking for patterns, you find them—especially in a game built on formation, structure, and tactical deception.

It is worth remembering, then, that repression never stops where it starts. First they came for the flat-Earthers, and you said nothing because you enjoy spherical logic. Then they came for the moon-landing deniers, and still you stayed silent, basking in lunar certainty. But when they came for the commentators—those noble narrators of our most sacred national pastime—it was too late. The silence in the stadiums echoed louder than any goal celebration.

And somewhere, in a dark cell beneath Wembley, a lone voice mutters: “That offside trap was no accident.”

>>511406729 (OP)
>prison cells
>10 million
>United Kingdom · Population
>67,596,281 (2022)
That's one in 7 people. Never gonna happen without massive losses to enforcement and massive non compliance or internal sabotage.

>>511406729 (OP)
Remember, remember
The 5th of November
The gunpowder, treason, and plot.
I know of no reason
Why the 5th of November
Should ever be forgot.

>>511407343
Do you belive that horsecrap?

>>511407756
Do I believe that a bunch of men dressed like indians boarded a ship and threw the crates of tea in the water? Yes.

>>511407851
You guys really are retarded.

>>511406729 (OP)
that's a joke right? Indefinite imprisonment for what? saying 9/11 was an inside job? Does the UK not even have basic freedom of speech?

>>511406729 (OP)
America is the country responsible for the sickness that is globalization. The people you are begging to save you are the ones that did this to you, you pathetic, retarded invertebrate.

>>511406729 (OP)
I wonder which conspiracy theorys theyll be targeting. I bet its not flat earthers or the gay frog brigade.
Also im a bong why can i still post?

save yourself

everyone has to

>>511407851
True American PATRIOTS #BacktheBlue and obey law enforcement. Why didn't the founding fathers comply with redcoat cops and fight it in king George's court? Sounds like nigger behaviour.

>>511406729 (OP)
is that a real headline?

>>511406729 (OP)
chud holocaust

>>511407731
I think the psychological threat that they can in theory, ignoring a myriad of things, hold that many people is what they're going for here.

>>511406729 (OP)
This can't be real right? Any xitterfag can fact-check this?

>>511409431
Can you imagine every 7th person literally trying to claw your eyes out at best, throw shit at you perhaps literally, and make themselves the most autistic weapon-biohazard? Never in a million years gonna work.

>>511408148
The fuck do you think we got our flair for theatrical bullshit from?

>>511410113
>Theatrical bullshit
The most bland and uncultural country to ever exist talks about theater. Fuck, man.

>>511409994
When millions were sent to the gulags in the USSR most didn't resist at all.

>[country known for installing and supporting brutal fascist regimes] help us
you didn't think this one through did you?

>>511407731
don't underestimate propaganda. 90% took an experimental vaccine and saw unvaccinated as subhumans

>>511406729 (OP)
>a conspiracy to round up all conspiracy theerissts?
>that's it, off to the camp you go for your mandatory buggery

>>511406729 (OP)
No bong, you need to realize that loicenses are only used to make you believe you have no power to change things and become unloicensed.

>>511406729 (OP)
Damn, this sounds real.

>>511406729 (OP)
We have our own problems over here, they're trying to ban loli

>get locked up at conspiratard jail
>hear NINE ELEVEN WAS AN INSIDE JOB repeated by some wacko all night
>jailmate refuses to drink water until he's sure there's no fluoride in it

>>511406729 (OP)
The denial of wankable material and indefinite imprisonment will continue until morale improves.
The King thanks you for your attention to this matter.

>>511406729 (OP)
UK is making facilities to dechudify bongs. Tell me how it goes mate.

>>511406729 (OP)
You mean he wants to prove the conspiracy theorists right?