Anonymous
ID: 6oPZLqsB
8/9/2025, 2:15:23 PM No.512609444
In a bold, if not entirely constitutional, move this week, former President Donald J. Trump—who continues to issue executive orders from his Mar-a-Lago-based "Presidential Reinstitution Command Center"—announced the Unpatriotic Laziness Act, a sweeping executive order aimed at “liberating America from the tyranny of freeloaders.”
According to the text of the proposal, any "able-bodied American adult who refuses to work, hustle, or even pretend to fill out job applications for more than two consecutive years shall forfeit their U.S. citizenship and be 'gently relocated' to Canada, the European Union, or a liberal arts college campus."
“This is not about punishing people,” Trump said during an impromptu press conference held in the golf cart garage at Mar-a-Lago. “This is about patriotism. If you're not working, you're not contributing. If you're not contributing, you're basically French.”
The act includes a “Laziness Audit Department” (L.A.D.), to be overseen by Trump’s eldest son, Don Jr., who assured reporters he’s “very qualified to sniff out unemployment since I’ve dodged it my entire life.”
Critics, including legal scholars and anyone who’s ever read the Constitution, say the move is wildly unconstitutional and would likely be struck down immediately. But supporters, including 78% of Trump’s Truth Social followers and one guy named Carl who hasn’t worked since 1986, say it’s “exactly what America needs.”
At press time, an early draft of the order was discovered to include exemptions for “former reality TV stars, self-declared billionaires, and anyone who’s ever been unfairly audited.”
According to the text of the proposal, any "able-bodied American adult who refuses to work, hustle, or even pretend to fill out job applications for more than two consecutive years shall forfeit their U.S. citizenship and be 'gently relocated' to Canada, the European Union, or a liberal arts college campus."
“This is not about punishing people,” Trump said during an impromptu press conference held in the golf cart garage at Mar-a-Lago. “This is about patriotism. If you're not working, you're not contributing. If you're not contributing, you're basically French.”
The act includes a “Laziness Audit Department” (L.A.D.), to be overseen by Trump’s eldest son, Don Jr., who assured reporters he’s “very qualified to sniff out unemployment since I’ve dodged it my entire life.”
Critics, including legal scholars and anyone who’s ever read the Constitution, say the move is wildly unconstitutional and would likely be struck down immediately. But supporters, including 78% of Trump’s Truth Social followers and one guy named Carl who hasn’t worked since 1986, say it’s “exactly what America needs.”
At press time, an early draft of the order was discovered to include exemptions for “former reality TV stars, self-declared billionaires, and anyone who’s ever been unfairly audited.”
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