Thread 512970184

my mom used to berate me for doing things too slowly as a kid and sometimes she would take me for car rides where she would suddenly get very angry and then she would drive the car in an intentionally dangerous way, swerving, accelerating, and she'd yell inside the car at me with the windows closed: "wanna die? do you wanna die?" and all i did was clutch the sides of the car cushion and stare straight ahead.

when i was 4 she showed up outside of my daycare where my dad was picking me up and she beat my dad bloody with a wooden baseball bat and i could see my dad's blood on the pavement and they were fighting and i just stood there crying that was the most alone i've ever felt on earth. then the police pulled up and i saw my dad stare into my eyes as he was shoved into the police car

my mom never apologized. ive had suicidally low self esteem throughout my life and i hit myself and break things often because i seem to be a useless person

>>512970184 (OP)
Post the webm of goonhitler killing hismself

>>512970184 (OP)
My city leadership has plans to drop another 65k people into my town of 250k, anyone running distraction ops or gender culture wars instead of addressing that will be hanged by a lamppost for treason.

Failing my kids

Everyday I feel like I fail my kids. I have a 5 year old autstic daughter who is non verbal (she says about 5 - 10 words) but still doesn't respond to her name and a 20 month old son who hasn't started talking. He responds to my voice but not his name when others call him. My daughter attends aba and school. My son will start speech therapy soon. I'm using the resources available to me but I still feel like I'm failing them. I honestly feel like their condition is a result of my genetics(no one in my immediate family has autism) or some bacteria or something in my house I'm unaware of. Every day I go to my home office and have a sad moment so my wife and kids don't see me in this state but I'm angry and sad quite a bit. Today was an extremely rough day so I decided to make a post and tell somebody because I feel truly helpless at the moment.

>>512970314
Genetics are only part of the picture. It's mainly the diet and environmental toxins and how they interact with your genetics. Look up GAPS. You can save them from a life of falling behind, pain and premature death.

Look man, there is a point especially when you become a grown man that all those things that your parents did start becoming your fault because you can't move on from it and want to live in the past.

My old man used to batter me with a brush or take off his belt and leave marks. Sometimes for absolutely nothing, he'd just be in a foul mood because he gambled money away on horses or drank his months wages and I was there. And easy target and any excuse would've done.

I can keep replaying those years, when there was absolutely nothing I could do. I was just a boy and that depended on my parents. It's very easy to do. But when you are old enough to make your own way you have to let it go.

What good is it doing you? It's (((Freudian))) to keep going back over past "trauma" over and over. To trick you into thinking it's like a growing pain or that you're healing. But it's really just a fucking grift to get you to keep coming back for the next session.

There are people who have been dealt worst hands in live. Like try raped at 4. Sodomised and messing up your rectum for life, not to mention the scars that leaves mentally. Or people who end up crippled. You didn't exactly get the best start in life but if you decide to stay at that bad start, to never move forward then things will only get worse. And the pity party you're throwing for yourself will not help you in the long run.

>>512970277
Notice how many of them are affiliated with construction industry or have interests in it.
Same thing in east coast politicals,
Calgary's mayor has ties to real estate, as does the current PM, also to explain this since COVID like 60% of our economy is mass immigration and house building.

>>512970314
I see you brother. You are a good man. God will protect and guide you through this.

>>512970184 (OP)
I have BPD and I'm a long term 4chan user. Men are rarely diagnosed and often end up in prison. I myself have been highly attracted to extreme political positions both left and right, switching suddenly between them. BPD has "black and white thinking" and "pathological certainty" as a symptom.

Despite how normal a BPD person can behave at work or in friendships, I assure you we are significantly more insane than even the memes imply. We should not be involved in politics at all.

I suspect many guys reading this are undisclosed BPD and will never figure it out. I was blind to my own insanity for decades. OP probably has inherited it from his mom as well as been traumatized by her behavior. It is about 50,% genetic, not all due to trauma

>>512972290
Look man, there is a point especially when you become a grown man that all those things that your parents did start becoming your fault because you can't move on from it and want to live in the past.
Yes. Going no contact and telling their close friends about what they did is how you win. Don't ever try to change them, think you can win them over.
Also don't wallow in your sorrows, moving on takes time once you accept it, work towards being free of them in your life.

Sometimes the black sheep is the one who has to shoulder the burden of everyone else's bullshit.
I shrugged, my life is better, I have a future now.
They are flipping the fuck out and scared cause they see I've done well for myself and am a respectable adult after ten years of barely talking to them, they know I'll be listened too and believed so I have to made the bad person, anything they can do to fuck me over, they will just because the threat of me telling their friends about what kind of people they are and destroying their support network is an existential threat to them in their old age.

However because of the abuse and how they documented it and had me sent to padded rooms alot of things in life are off limits to me, and I can never work in certain industries, so I'll be a tradiefag for life.
In return, they can starve. I still come out ahead.

>>512970314
Anon, go buy a bucket of Lego/mega blocks and play with your son.


t. High functioning Autist.