>>520545558 (OP)
You're not escaping to anywhere, you're just running away from everything.
Maybe.
Look, if you can't find any other duty for your life, do you remember your first duty? I think it's to humanity. Write a book, sing a song, cook turnip stew for your whole family.
Cooking is a great art, guy. A manly art. A martial art, in a way. It's also a microcosm or a metaphor or something for life itself. You start out by borrowing somebody else's kitchen usually. It always seems like it should be pretty simple but when it gets hard, it gets WAY TOO HARD and you almost always fuck it up. You waste perfectly good ingredients, you squander precious nutrients, you disappoint everybody even if they're nice about it...
THEN--you're ready to learn. Only once you've fucked a dish up can you actually understand the recipe, weirdly. You only think you understand it the first time. But you can fuck most dishes up a ton of ways, too. But then again, almost all of the ways you can fuck up are all dependent on just two simple factors, time and temperature.
it's hard, it's hard, dude. You just suck at first and you can be disgusted with the waste of it all . . . That's right where you always are before you suddenly master the next step.
You don't have to learn to cook, I'm just saying. Draw comics, take pictures, make videos, grow flowers. Paint funny faces on small rocks, make a stranger laugh.
Try to make a point of forgetting your troubles for like an hour a day to do something else, and if you suck, then get better.