ai slop
md5: 63ed00bc40637738dcc08f35076b0fc6
🔍
Your orphan ass is sitting in your living room, chowing on pizza and watching Netflix when suddenly your uncle, who is your adoptive guardian, bursts through the door, smearing bloody handprints across anything he touches "Holy shit" you say, watching as he takes step by agonizing step towards you, a sense of urgency in his piercing blue eyes, "you're getting blood everywhere. Auntie's going to be pissed."
"There's no time to clean up... I'm dying" he growls, going into a fit and coughing up blood all over his silver beard and gnarled hands. You notice that under his long grey trench coat there is a great gash in his clothes, with a mortal wound underneath which bleeds profusely.
"Oh... did you want me to get you a doctor... or a priest?" you offer politely.
"Listen to me... the world is being threatened by an evil force. In the past 1200 years, 12 incarnations of evil have attacked mankind. It has been 100 years since the last incarnation appeared. Do the math."
You quickly add up the numbers. "1312" you say.
"That's right, it's been 1300 years and 12 incarnations... the Thirteenth Apocalypse, the final, and most powerful of them all, is prophesied to appear. He has likely already entered our world, and is biding his time to make his presence known. Our family is from a long line of Watchers, your mother and father died to save your life. You are the last hope to save mankind."
"That sounds like the plot to an anime" you say, scratching your chin.
Your uncle glares at you for a moment, then continues. "The Thirteenth Apocalypse has one weakness, he can only be defeated by the family sword, which has been passed down from generation to generation" he says, then produces a katana from the folds of his trenchcoat, it is ornately decorated, with a rippling blade that resembles the flowing of water, refracting light into a rainbow cascade, and with a black hilt embossed with gold in the form of a dragon.
"Sweet sword... I didn't know we were Japanese"
Your uncle's stern eyes bore into you once more, silently judging you for a long while.
You squirm uncomfortably under his gaze. "So... how do you know all of this?"
Your uncle turns his gaze downwards, a bitter expression on his face as he stares into his own reflection cast by the blade of the katana. "I had a twin brother, but he died in the womb. He partially shares my body, and tells me the secrets of the spirit world, I have lived with him my whole life, and never told anyone."
"Yeah, you definitely got that from an anime" you say with a smirk.
Your uncle's eyes flash with a mixture of anger tinged with despair as he stops to silently stare at you once more, only softening momentarily as a sigh escapes his lips. Then, with sudden determination, he raises a hand and clenches it into a fist. As he does so, every piece of furniture and loose object in the room suddenly begins to levitate.
You look at a lamp levitating next to you. You're not going to be pranked so easily, and you wave your hands over and under it to check for hidden strings. No strings. You grab the lamp and try to force it back onto the ground but the force of the levitation is too strong and you can't move it. As you fumble with the floating furniture, your uncle clears his throat harshly to get your attention. "Now that I've passed on my sword, I can die in peace. My ghost twin will accompany you from now on and help you. Please tell my wife I love her. Also, don't look under my bed... or the world will end!" Upon saying this, he coughs up a bunch of blood and dies.
As you hold the legendary katana in your hands, you take a moment to reflect. You would think you would feel frightened about the world ending, or anxious about all the responsibilities thrust upon you, or perhaps sad about your most beloved living family member dying in such a sudden and violent manner, but despite all of these circumstances, you don't feel anything. You wonder if you're just that badass, or maybe you're evil, or autistic, or maybe just stupid. "I'm definitely badass" you say, out loud. "Girls love cold, badass anti-heroes with katanas", you say, also out loud.
Now that you have your family katana, you're the last true warrior of your bloodline. You consider your options carefully:
A) Go outside and follow your uncle's trail of blood to find whoever killed him and avenge his death. [+1 Badass]
B) Call the police [-1 Badass]
C) Try to communicate with your uncle's ghost twin. [+1 Psychic]
D) Look under your uncle's bed. [+1 Trauma]
E) Go into the bathroom and cry until your aunt gets home [-1 Trauma, -100 badass]
F) Binge watch anime to learn cool sword moves [+1 Autism]
>>6226069>B) Call the police [-1 Badass]>E) Go into the bathroom and cry until your aunt gets home [-1 Trauma, -100 badass]We're the type where all the trauma hits us at once. It's also funnier if we say "We're so badass" and then immediately start crying.
>>6226073That IS pretty funny, supporting
>>6226069> C) Try to communicate with your uncle's ghost twin. [+1 Psychic]
>>6226069>D) Look under your uncle's bed. [+1 Trauma]
>>6226076>>6226073You're a bad-ass, a manly hero, you repeat to yourself, this time internally. If anyone can save the world it's you. You're cold. Dangerous. Lethal. While other boys were getting high and chasing skirts, you honed your will into a fine blade through the path of bodily purity (with the exception of junk food and porn). You admire your reflection in the rippling blade of the sword. Well, you try to admire your reflection, it kind of looks like a funhouse mirror due to the wave pattern in the steel but you probably look really cool. You resolve to avenge your uncle's death and walk slowly towards the door. Your vision starts to get blurry. Stupid tears, undermining your stoic resolution. You wipe them away. Your uncle wouldn't cry. You remember his face and suddenly all the emotions hit you at once: grief, fear, desperation, panic. You can't do this at all, for as long as you've lived your uncle has protected you. He was the real hero, he bore the weight of the world on his shoulders, and never asked for anything in return; and he was also a demon-slayer. Whoever killed him must have been a true monster, there is no way you could win. What if the killer had a gun? You can't beat a gun with a katana. You'd need a gun of your own. In fact, there are people with guns whose whole job is to catch killers, you should get them to do it. You grab your phone and call the police.
"Help! Police! There's been a murder! The thirteenth incarnation of humanity's sins or whatever killed my uncle and is about to destroy mankind! He's like a hundred years old, maybe. I think he has a gun." You say frantically in the phone, knowing that you need to give the police as much information as possible so they can catch the guy.
A pair of cops arrive 15 minutes later and see your uncle's corpse lying in the living room right next to a half-eaten pizza while the episode of Space Samurai you were watching on Netflix remains paused on the screen. Doing a sweep of the house, they find you hiding in the bathroom, crying your eyes out, clutching a katana, and all attempts to get information out of you results in what seems like mostly a mix of sad blubbering and insane gibberish to them. After they shout at you a few times, you drop the katana. They confiscate it as evidence then put you in handcuffs. You are being escorted out of the house and towards the patrol car when a girl in a frilly black dress, like some sort of evil, sexy, Victorian-era doll, jumps from a rooftop and cuts the two cops into two pieces with a single swipe of her giant scythe. (So that is four pieces, total). She turns to face you, pointing the scythe menacingly in your direction, she is beautiful and has pale blonde hair and flawless porcelain-like pale skin, and she is wearing an ornate eyepatch over her left eye.
>>6226191"So you are the chosen one" she purrs ominously, then turns her head to the side and pouts "I thought you would be taller"
"Yeah, the chosen one is like 8 feet tall and covered in muscles, you should go look for him, he went that way" you say, nodding towards the street.
The girl giggles a mirthless laugh, "Don't be silly, I know it's you." She begins to walk towards you. Her movements seem jerky and uncoordinated, like the left half of her body and her right half are out of sync. Every second step has a seductive sway to it, while every other step seems rigid.
You glance down at the dead cop by your feet and the katana on the ground next to him. "You got me, I'm the chosen one. You had better stay back, I have special powers" you threaten.
"Oooh, scary" she says, grinning. "Well then let me show you something special of my own." She lifts up her eyepatch. The eye underneath is entirely black except for a deep crimson iris.
"What the fuck... I think you should see a doctor about that" you say, pulling back in disgust.
"Doctors can't help me. This is my demon eye. With it, I have supernatural powers over men's desires" she coos with a seductive smile.
"No, I think it's pink eye. You probably got it by wiping your butt and not washing your hands." You say, still wincing.
"Silly boy" she giggles as you gaze into her eye. Without being conscious of it, you take a step towards her. Maybe she's not that dangerous after all, she just seems to want to flirt. You take another step. Step after step, you come closer and closer to her, and with one hand she slowly raises her scythe behind your back, then inches it towards your neck, ready for the decapitation blow as she bats her eyelashes and smiles innocently at you. You are now close enough to kiss, her hand tightens on the scythe in preparation for the moment when your lips will lock and she will end your life, but then...
"Ugh... your pink-eye is so disgusting. If we're going to bang could you at least pull your eyepatch back down?" you blurt out.
Abject hatred and rage crosses her features as she screams, "It's not pink-eye!" then she strikes towards your neck with the scythe. A metallic clang rings out through the air, and you see that your katana is hovering in the air, between the scythe blade and you. You're confused for a moment but then you remember your ghost companion. You look down at your handcuffs and with a click, they come loose, freeing your hands.
What's your next move?
A) Fight with your katana
B) Crush her with your newfound psychic powers
C) Use your ghost companion to create a diversion then run away
D) Stall for time and try to get information out of her
E) Seduction (must roll a natural 99 with a 1d100)
F) Beg, cry and scream for help
>>6226198>D) Stall for time and try to get information out of her"And by stall for time" I mean "Flail wildly with our katana" and by try to get information I mean "scream"
>>6226198>F) Beg, cry and scream for help
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>6226198>E) Seduction (must roll a natural 99 with a 1d100)If I get a 99+ I want MC to drop this banger rizz line:
>What else is pink?
>>6226198>B) Crush her with your newfound psychic powers
>>6226198>D) Stall for time and try to get information out of her
>>6226198>A) Fight with your katanaWe are the CHOSEN ONE, muthafuckas!
>>6226247Oh holy fuck, nevermind, I'm backing this instead.
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>6226258If you don't roll, I will roll for you! NOW ROLL! ROLL!
Anyways, QM, I really like the direction you are going with in this quest and can't wait to read more of it.
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>6226198>E) Seduction (must roll a natural 99 with a 1d100)ROLLING
>>6226263It's extremely funny and I'm hooked.
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>6226198>E) Seduction (must roll a natural 99 with a 1d100)
The girl in the black dress sees her attack parried with lightning speed by a levitating katana, and a look of sudden fear instantly crosses her features, having not anticipated what you were capable of. She takes a long leap back and lands atop a flickering street lamp, sitting there perched like a cat, silhouetted against the moon. Her gaze is levelled directly at you, low and steady as she silently re-assesses the situation from a safe distance, then a crooked smile slowly creeps onto the left side of her face. "Well this is interesting, you were only playing the fool, weren't you? Well, I suppose we both have our quaint little games, don't we?"
"It's not just a game." You say, with a fierce determination in your eyes as you grasp the katana from the air and strike a heroic pose. You need to think your next moves through. You can't fight her head-on, because she's sitting on top of a lamp post and you can't reach her. She tried to seduce you, but it takes two to play that game, and maybe you could turn the tables on her, put her under YOUR spell. Being a heroic savior, you know that you're basically irresistable to women, and all bad women are just broken angels waiting to be redeemed. The girl is just what they'd call tsundere. You both stand at a safe distance from eachother, watching, planning, but with an undeniable tension of a different sort building as well.
"Aren't you going to come get me?" She says with a playful pout, trying to goad you. "What are you waiting for?"
>>6226763"I wasn't waiting... I was momentarily blinded" You respond, "by the cascading rays of moonlight filtering through your silvery hair, weaving their enchantment on me, as they cast the contours of your face in an ethereal amethyst glow" you say as you gently caress the night air, outlining the silhouette of her face with your fingertips, "and I was considering all the stars in the night sky, how they shine their radiance upon you, casting their light across the aeons from the depths of eternity, only to illuminate your beauty for just this moment."
She blushes, and stammers a little "R-really? You certainly have as way with words... What else do you see?"
"The power of your eye still holds me captive, I am but a prisoner in their endless depths... and I was wondering if you could show me something else that is deep, and pink."
Her jaw drops.
The next few seconds go by in a blur and you can't remember if you were losing your virginity or being beaten unconscious but your instincts tell you that sex shouldn't feel so horrible. You find yourself with your face pressed against the pavement, dirt in your mouth. Your pants are torn, but still covering your groin, meaning your purity is likely still intact. Suddenly, you hear shouting, and your aunt's voice is among them. Gunfire pierces through the night, and you hear the rushing of footsteps towards you.
"What the fuck happened?" your aunt grunts, clutching a cigarette in her teeth as she helps you to your feet. She is in good shape for her age, so she doesn't struggle at all to lift you up.
Six other men and women in trenchcoats follow behind her, their pistols glinting in the moonlight, eyes darting from place to place with frantic apprehension. Watchers, as you recall, demon-hunters, they are on your side.
You spit out blood and dirt, and try to stand on bruised legs that feel more like jello than solid objects. You look around for the girl, who seems to have escaped, but she could still be lurking nearby. Your aunt has a hard look on her face but you can see the softness hidden in her eyes as she looks at you.
A) Tell her about everything that happened and take time to recover
B) No time to talk, you have to find the girl before she gets away, you can explain later
C) Say nothing and look off into the moon. Because it's more badass and stoic that way
D) Tell her you were merely stricken by cupid's arrow
>>6226766>C) Say nothing and look off into the moon. Because it's more badass and stoic that way
>>6226766C) Say nothing and look off into the moon. Because it's more badass and stoic that way
"..."
>>6226766>D) Tell her you were merely stricken by cupid's arrow
>>6226766A) Tell her about everything that happened and take time to recover
>>6226766>B) No time to talk, you have to find the girl before she gets away, you can explain later
You say nothing to your aunt or the other Watchers, passing them by in silence, only stealing one last, contemplative look at the moon as you limp off into the night in blinding agony which you struggle to conceal in your effort to look cool and stoic.
"Wait! We need to secure the area!" One of the Watchers shouts after you.
"No, let him go. The chosen one has his own ways which are mysterious to ordinary people like us. Fate has already chosen his path." an older Watcher says solemnly, with a sagely expression on his face as he strokes his long, grey beard.
They all ponder the grand designs of fate while you walk away into the night, mustering up just enough energy to round a corner out of sight and collapse unceremoniously into a garbage pile in an alleyway and go unconscious.
Hours pass, and you drift in and out of consciousness. You're pretty sure you have at least mild brain damage judging by how badly your ears are bleeding.
Daylight crests the horizon. "Hey, wake up, you're going to be late for school", says a glowing white ball with a squeaky voice.
"Go away" you mutter, still half asleep. Wait a minute, is that a ghost? Suddenly you bolt upright. "Rover?"
"Do I look like a dog?"
"You kind of look like a balloon with a smiley face"
"Hey, I'm technically your uncle and I demand some respect!"
"Oh I get it, you're my uncle's ghost twin"
"That makes me your uncle"
"Okay uncle #2, can't you just levitate me to school or something?"
"Nope, my powers only work in darkness, they won't work during the day".
"So you mean I'm completely powerless then?"
"Don't worry, demons are also powerless during the day. It's completely safe. Some of your classmates might even be demons without you knowing."
"That sounds... weird, but I'll take your word on it. Shouldn't I just sleep during the day and hunt demons all night then?"
"No, because... you'd be wasting your potential! Think about what you could become! A doctor or an engineer!"
"What about a magical swordsman savior of the world?"
"Well what are you going to do after you save the world? Do you know how many people save the world once and are completely washed up afterwards?"
"How many?"
"Well, none that I know of, but you don't want to be the first do you?"
You get up and dust yourself off. Well, you do want to at least wear some fresh clothes that don't give away the fact you got your ass kicked last night. But if you go back to your aunt's house it means you'd have to talk to her and she'd probably be in a bad mood, what with her husband dying and you disappearing.
Options:
A) Go home and talk to your aunt
B) Ninja into your bedroom window and quietly change into your school uniform
C) Not worth it, just go to school in torn up clothes smelling like a hobo.
D) You know what? Screw school, you're the savior of mankind. Go to the arcade, in torn up clothes, smelling like a hobo. Wait maybe he was right.
>>6226923>A) Go home and talk to your auntLet’s at least have a chat with her and reminisce on uncle. Revenge is as good a motivation as any.
>>6226923A) Go home and talk to your aunt
>>6226766Fucking kek man I love this quest so much
>>6226923>B) Ninja into your bedroom window and quietly change into your school uniform
>>6226923B) Ninja into your bedroom window and quietly change into your school uniform
>>6226923>B) Ninja into your bedroom window and quietly change into your school uniformThe entire spiel from our uncle's twin's ghost can only come from someone with East Asian blood. We are Japanese.
>>6226923>D) You know what? Screw school, you're the savior of mankind. Go to the arcade, in torn up clothes, smelling like a hobo. Wait maybe he was right.
>>6226923>A) Go home and talk to your auntHey so did you see how I totally kicked that chick's ass last night pretty cool right
>>6226923>B) Ninja into your bedroom window and quietly change into your school uniform
This is peak autismo incel hero. We need to say more lines outloud.
>>6226923 #
>D) You know what? Screw school, you're the savior of mankind. Go to the arcade, in torn up clothes, smelling like a hobo. Wait maybe he was right.I hope the demons will offer us to join the side of EVIL, because that what we should do. You can't become washed up if the world is destroyed.
>>6226923>D) You know what? Screw school, you're the savior of mankind. Go to the arcade, in torn up clothes, smelling like a hobo. Wait maybe he was right.
You creep out of the alley and skulk towards your house. Everything seems normal, all the corpses were cleaned up by the Watchers and it looks like an ordinary neighborhood again, with only a few remaining splatters of blood giving away what happened last night. You think you see the imprint of your face on the ground. You don't know if your aunt is still home but you're going to make sure you don't run into her.
"Can you go check if anyone is home?" You ask ghost uncle.
"No, I'm kind of stuck to you. It's like being in the passenger seat of a car. I can only see and hear the things around you, and I can only use the strength you give me." Ghost uncle says, then to demonstrate his point he tries to fly towards the house and struggles as if held back by an invisible leash. "As your power grows, I'll be able to do more, and manifest more often."
"Oh, well thanks anyways. And thanks for saving me last night. How come you didn't show yourself then?"
"I was trying to, but you couldn't see me. I'm amazed how much you grew in power in such a short amount of time. Maybe it was your brush with death that awakened something?"
"Okay, so I just need to be nearly killed more often and I'll be the world's most powerful psychic, got it"
"You got it kid, just do what you're best at" the ghost says with a wink and a ghostly thumbs-up
As you approach the house, you peek through the living room window, where your aunt is sitting in silence on the couch, smoking a cigarette, obviously waiting for you. "You should really go talk to your aunt" ghost uncle says. You ignore him. The little creep probably watched your uncle and aunt doing it.
You loop around the side of the house, climb up a tree onto the roof, then with a motion of your hand, you quietly signal to the ghost, who unlatches your bedroom window from the inside. You're really sneaky and ninja-like except for the fact that everyone in the entire neighborhood could probably hear the noise you were making clattering on the roof. Your aunt calls up to you, but you don't respond. You realize you probably don't have much time. You gather all of your things as she walks up the stairs, looming ever nearer, the creaking of the stairs giving away her position with each step. Clothes in your arms, you lunge out the window just as the door knob begins to turn.
You tumble down the roof and land into a bush on the side of the house. You groan in pain, then crawl away into cover as your aunt looks out the window with an expression that is a mixture of sad and annoyed, but she doesn't see you. The perfect crime. Hidden in the bushes, you wait for her to go away then get changed, hop over the fence and head off to school.
>>6227276You arrive at the school gates, Alpha Omega Academy, just an ordinary school, it's 33 stories high, with an inverted tower 33 stories deep buried underneath, the gymnasium has immaculate stained glass windows and frescoes of demons and saints locked in eternal battle, and the walls fencing in the school grounds are made of the purest white alabaster and the darkest black obsidian, trimmed with polished gold that gleams blindingly in the light of the sun. No one would ever suspect anything was unusual about a place like this.
At the school gates you run into your best friend, Zachriel David, an unassuming kid with curly chestnut hair and statuesque features, just your typical anime nerd. "Hey buddy, how's it going - whoah what the fuck happened to you?" he asks, noticing your many bruises.
You shrug. "I got into a fight."
"A fight? With what? A moving train?" Zach asks, confusion etched on his face.
You're not about to admit you got beaten up by a girl after a failed seduction attempt. "Pissed off a biker-looking dude, he had a necklace of human teeth. Got into an argument. Dipshit tried to tell me that Superman could beat up Goku. Things came to blows real fast. He got me good with a sucker-punch and had the upper hand at first but I got him ba-" your story is cut off by someone bumping into you, clearly deliberately, and brushing past. You look up and see the girl from yesterday. She is still wearing the same black dress, eyepatch and everything, and she is walking with her characteristic uncoordinated, jerky doll-like gait, her back is turned to you as she steps and sways towards the school's main doors.
"Hey! What the fuck are you doing here at my school?" you shout at her.
She looks over her shoulder at you and scoffs. "It's not YOUR school, get over it."
"Do you know her?" Zach asks, even more confused than ever now.
A) Confront her non-violently
B) Ignore her and tell Zach nothing
C) Ignore her and tell Zach everything
D) Draw your katana on her (yes you took it to school with you)
Man, I actually feel really bad now. She needed us. But as an autistic chosen one teen... I don't think we'd have the emotional maturity to get that, so fair enough.
>C) Ignore her and tell Zach everything
We need a man in the chair.
>>6227277C) Ignore her and tell Zach everything
>>6227277>C) Ignore her and tell Zach everything. "Somehow she resisted my charms, she's powerful."
>>6227277>C) Ignore her and tell Zach everythingBros before hos.
>>6227277>C) Ignore her and tell Zach everything
>>6227277>A) Confront her non-violently
You turn to Zach, "Okay, I'll let you in on a secret, but you can't tell anyone" you say in a hushed voice as you put your arm around his shoulder and lead him into a quiet trellised garden within the school grounds. You find a sheltered and secluded place and look around for eavesdroppers. When you are certain you are alone, you start to tell your story, "I'm the chosen one, destined to save mankind in the final battle of good and evil. My uncle died fighting against the demons and I am going to avenge his death with my legendary katana and magic powers."
Zach crosses his arms, a skeptical expression on his face.
"What?" you ask.
"You got that from an anime, didn't you?" he says.
You show him your katana.
"Sweet sword... but that doesn't prove you have magic powers." he says, arms still crossed.
"Fine, I'll prove it... Witness my TRUE POWER! GHOST FIST!" You raise you hand up in the air then clench your fist dramatically. Nothing happens. "Oh right, it doesn't work during the day"
Zach raises an eyebrow at you, his arms still crossed.
"Come on ghost uncle! Just give me a little juice! Do something!" you plead. Slowly, feebly, a single small pebble levitates off the ground in front of Zach. Zach stares, perplexed, then he waves his hands over and under it, checking for hidden strings. After a few seconds the pebble drops into the palm of his hand.
"No way dude... your story, all that stuff about fighting demons with magic powers, it's all real! That's... totally badass!" he shouts, eyes open wide with excitement.
You soak in his praise. "Some would say I'm a hero but... I'm just a humble wanderer on the paths of fate" you say staring off into the horizon.
"So what about the biker? Was he a demon too?"
"Biker? Oh yeah, he's the archduke of the fifth circle of hell, keep an eye out for him."
Swearing Zach to secrecy, the two of you head to the school's main entry foyer together. On the outside, the school is made of shaped stone, whitewashed and built like cross between a castle and a cathedral, with flying buttresses and gothic spires giving the building the look of a very old and truly immense work of art. You and Zach pull up the hoods of your uniforms, and put on your masks as you step into the building, concealing your identities as required by school policy for students on the first floor. From above, a pair of stone gargoyles overlook the heavy twin oak doors and the iron portcullis that leads into the massive entry hall. Inside, a collossal fountain sits in the center of the room, spreading mists across the entire floor. The candled lighting is dim and visibility only extends out to a few feet in front of you. You can see only flickering lights and moving shapes in the fog. Featureless shadows drift about mysteriously, occasionally coming close enough to make them out as other students or staff, and then disappearing back into the fog like ghosts as they pass you by. It is difficult to find your way around, and it usually involves feeling your way by hand, reaching out and touching familiar surfaces: walls, statues, pillars, and occasionally a girl's butt (by accident). The room is quiet except for the burbling of the fountain and a myriad of hushed whispers, seeming to come from all around you. You know it is just students talking, but it seems to take on a sinister and conspiratorial quality in the dark and foreboding environment.
"Man, I really hate how weird the first floor is" you whisper to Zach.
Zach doesn't respond. You tap him on the shoulder. He turns around, someone else's mask stares back at you. An annoyed look is visible through the eye-holes. "Sorry" you mutter.
You make your way to the elevator. A man in a crow mask stands by the buttons, he is the elevator operator. There are a few other students already in the spacious elevator cabin and... that girl is in the elevator too, and she's still not even wearing the proper uniform. She must be new, probably just transferred. You look around for backup but Zach is nowhere to be seen, he must have gotten lost in the fog. You could try to look for him but you're just as likely to pass him by and get lost yourself.
You tell the liftman your floor. In silence and with an ominous languor, he presses the buttons then pulls closed the metal gates. You don't know what to expect from that girl now that you're trapped in the elevator with her. Could she be here to assassinate you? You keep a hand on the hilt of your katana, ready to draw it at the slightest hint of danger. When your floor arrives, she gets off first. You get off behind her. She walks towards your classroom and you walk cautiously behind her.
"Stop following me" she turns around and hisses at you when you get to the classroom door.
"You're the one who is following me! You transferred into my class!" you respond.
"It's not your class! Stop being so possessive" she says with her one eye narrowed.
"Me? Possessive? You're literally possessed!" you shoot back at her.
She humphs. "Look jerk, I don't even know your name."
This should be easy. You definitely know what your own name is, right? Maybe it's just because you're talking to a girl, or maybe it's because you lost all your remaining IQ points when you got knocked out yesterday, but your mind is drawing a blank.
Name? (Write-in)
>>6227461Keith, but his friends call him Kenji.
>>6227476And by “friends” I mean Zach.
>>6227461>Teddy Roosevelt. No relation
>>6227461>HENRY R. (FOR ROOSEVELT) KENNEDY
>>6227461Kenamoto Chitou
This is an EXTRA EDGY name, because there's the kanji for SWORD in the first name and BLOOD in the second name.
>>6227476I like Keith / Kenji
>tfw the sheer power of this quest gave me pink eye
(No, really.)
I will use my new powers to get my vengeance. Mwahaha.
Come back op! It may be a shitpost quest but it’s genuinely one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while. You have a gift.
"My name is Kei-... uh... Kenji" you say.
"Kenji hmmmm.... you don't look Japanese" she says teasingly, jarringly reverting back to her playful demeanor. "I'm Erzsebet. Nice to meet you" she says in an overly-saccharine voice that sets you on edge as she leans forward and smiles. You think you trust her more when she is being openly-hostile than when she is being nice.
Given that she is the most likely suspect for your uncle's murder, there is a lot you want to say to her. Just as you're about to open your mouth, there is a painful slap on the back of your head. It's Saul, the school's football star. Nearly 7 feet tall, with gleaming eyes, golden locks and chiseled features, he is the mortal enemy of normal-looking men everywhere.
"Wow Keith, look at you, talking to a girl. I would say good going, but uh... she's kind of creepy. I'm pretty sure she's a demon-possessed witch, buddy. Look, the devil has taken over half of her body and it's wrestling with the other half for control. You might want to steer towards the more normal girls, if you can pull any" he says with a cocky smirk. You hate how he calls you buddy, as if you were friends, it feels patronizing... but you can't help but realize he's probably right about her.
Erzsebet scowls silently at Saul, the right side of her face twitching.
"What are you looking at, freak? Go sacrifice a chicken or something." Saul says dismissively to her.
"Kenji, dear, can you please use that katana of yours and kill this fool for me?" Erz asks, taking off her eyepatch and revealing her demon eye.
Once again, a strange compulsion comes over you as her eye settles on you, and you know you would do anything for her. You find yourself drawing your katana, ready to spill blood for your true beloved, then suddenly... you stop, instantly feeling your senses restored to you. You look over at Erzsebet, she seems confused and frightened. When you turn back to face Saul, his right eye is brightly glowing silver.
"Like darkness flees before the light, so are the vile temptations and lusts of the seductress banished before my ANGEL EYE... VIRTVE TRVE!" Saul announces triumphantly.
>>6229615"You named your eye?" you ask incredulously.
"I warned you she was bad news buddy. You'd better get behind me. My powers will protect you." Saul says, ignoring your comment.
"Wait, your power is... what exactly?" You ask.
"My gaze invokes the virtue of chastity" Saul says proudly.
"Wait... your superpower is cockblocking people?" You ask, even more bewildered, then you think for a moment and add, "and... you were just pissing on me for being a virgin. How many times did YOU get laid?"
Suddenly Saul looks nervous "Me? Yeah, don't worry about that buddy, women love me"
"But you can't get it up?" you ask. Erzsebet snorts a stifled laugh in response. Saul looks increasingly frustrated.
"Maybe he likes men" Erzsebet teases, "He did say his powers of chastity only target seductresses."
"No, shut up" he says, red in the face. He holds out his arm and a column of fire billows from his hand, materializing into a knightly arming sword, with a cross-shaped guard and fluttering tongues of smokeless fire dancing along its gleaming edge.
"He's totally flaming" you say. Erzsebet giggles
.
"He won't be impressing any women with that tiny sword" Erzsebet comments back at you.
Suddenly Saul rushes forward. He knocks you out of the way as though you were insignificant and he swings his sword at Erzsebet, who leaps out of the way, landing on top of the teacher's desk. Holding out her hand, a column of black smoke congeals into a scythe in her hands as she prepares to fight back. You realize that this floor of the school is completely windowless. Demonic and ghostly powers will be able to manifest here, something you hadn't anticipated.
The other students are gathering around at a safe distance, gawking and murmuring.
You could intervene
A) Intervene in favor of Saul
B) Intervene in favor of Erzsebet
C) Don't get involved
>>6229617C) Don't get involved
We're too COOL to intervene. Also based OP coming back.
>>6229617C, fuck am I, a referee?
>>6229617>C) Don't get involved
>>6229617C) Don't get involved
As Saul charges towards Erzsebet, she vaults over his head, sweeping everything below with her scythe. The path of her scythe carves a huge gash in the classroom, sprays of splinters and debris go flying towards you as desks and chairs are rent apart. The attack would have been fatal for Saul except for a swift parry deflecting the scythe blade by inches. Without hesitation, Saul counter-attacks, thrusting his sword straight for Erzsebet's heart. She leaps away with a graceful twirl, her dress singed by his burning blade as it rips through the hem, narrowly missing her flesh. Without sparing even a second, Saul continues the relentless assault, throwing a broken chair towards her with one hand, then immediately rushing forward as she dodges and following up with another sword strike as she recovers her footing. He follows up each attack with another, in a fluid series of blows, each blending into the other, not giving Erzsebet a moment to regain her posture. The flames of Saul's sword flash through the air in a dazzling display, leaving an after-image that trails the path of his swordplay like a glowing ribbon. Erzsebet dances between the blows, always on the back foot but seemingly never without a means of egress, a cloud of dark smoke emanating from her scythe and roiling all about her as her black dress flutters in the air, giving her a wraith-like appearance as she seems to float through the classroom, untouchable, almost ethereal.
You watch the fight from the doorway as Zach walks up to you obliviously. "Hey I just stopped by the student shop for some skittles and -- whoah, what the hell is going on here?"
"Battle between good and evil" you say non-chalantly.
"Oh... well, who's the good guy?" he asks
"Erzsebet is working for the antichrist but Saul is kind of a douche"
"Aren't you going to help him?" Zach asks
"Sun Tzu said, because the sage opposes no one, no one in the world can oppose him" you say, a look of profound wisdom on your face as you accept a handful of skittles, popping them in your mouth one by one while the fight unfolds.
Erzsebet continues to evades Saul's attacks, waiting for an opening with her scythe poised menacingly overhead. At last, Saul over-extends, and Erzsebet brings her scythe down, but this moment of vulnerability was a deception, and Saul slams his elbow into her side, then sweeps Erzsebet's feet, sending her to the ground. Yet as she hits the floor, she responds with a kick of her own, disarming Saul of his weapon. Saul falls upon Erzsebet, and no longer is the fight a graceful dance of light and shadows, but a brutal grappling match where Saul's natural size and strength confer the clear advantage.
"Finish her off" Saul shouts towards you, holding Erzsebet in a choke. She looks at you pleadingly, a mix of desperation and rage in her eyes.
"No... don't" she begs.
You feel the weight of your katana. No longer light in your hands, it now feels like an immense burden.
"You, did you kill my uncle?" you demand of Erzsebet, pointing your katana at her.
"... No..." she gasps as she struggles. "... But I know who did..."
You sheathe your katana. "Tell me."
Before you can get any answers, Mr. Dawkins walks up from behind you and grabs Saul by the collar, then throws him across the room, smashing him into a crater in the wall. "You two. This fight is in clear violation of the school rules. ALL DUELS BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL MUST BE HELD ON THE FIRST FLOOR". He points to the front of the classroom where a pair of clay tablets are nailed to the wall. (It's in cuneiform, so you can't read it.) Then the teacher turns to Erzsebet "And you, not only are you violating the dress code, but you're on the wrong floor. You're supposed to be in the underground classrooms." Next, Mr. Dawkins turns to look at you, fury in his eyes, "Are you involved in this? Nevermind, just get out of my way, I'll deal with you afterwards" he says, turning his back to you as he chews out Erzsebet and Saul.
As you stand there, you look around the destroyed classroom. The teacher's desk had been cleaved apart during the fighting. Documents have been scattered everywhere. You kneel down beside a piece of paper at your feet, it's part of a math test. You look at another piece of paper. It's part of a dossier on another student in your class. It's been heavily redacted with blackout marker, which seems unusual. It has information on his grades, IQ, greatest unrepented sin, and makes remarks to something called "Project Ascension". The teacher is distracted right now.
> A. Quickly skim the random student's document then put it back
> B. Grab a bunch of random pages and shove them down your shirt, read them later, maybe you'll find something interesting
> C. You know there has to be a dossier on you somewhere in the room, get Zach to make a distraction while you try to find it [Roll 1d100, success on 75+]
> D. Channel your ghost uncle to get his help finding important documents [guaranteed success, ghost powers are usable once per day]
> E. Quietly slip away to avoid detention
Rolled 27 (1d100)
> C. You know there has to be a dossier on you somewhere in the room, get Zach to make a distraction while you try to find it [Roll 1d100, success on 75+]
Watch THIS
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>6229769>> C. You know there has to be a dossier on you somewhere in the room, get Zach to make a distraction while you try to find it [Roll 1d100, success on 75+]
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>6229769> C. You know there has to be a dossier on you somewhere in the room, get Zach to make a distraction while you try to find it [Roll 1d100, success on 75+]
>>6229769>> A. Quickly skim the random student's document then put it back
