Thread #1: http://thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/2025/6212686/

>Found Egg
>Hatched Egg
>Grew a Daughter
>Got kidnapped by the Fed
>Forced to work with the Fed

>>6259613 (OP)
WE'RE BACK, BABY

>>6259613 (OP)
FUCK YEAH EGG BRAT DAUGHTERO & FED MUSCLE BABE TIME

>>6259613 (OP)
IT HAS RETURNED

>>6259613 (OP)
We are SO back!
welcome back EggOP, we missed you!

You ask if you can get some items from your house. In particular, a change of clothes for you and Tamako would be nice.

The little green alien says, "That seems fair, considering we aren't sure when or if you'll be able to return there soon. Come to think of it, let's work out the logistics of the transfer now. Might as well get it out of the way."

While Tamako watches anime on the robot's face screen, the three of you work out how to deal with your apartment. What you might want out of it, any utilities that need to be shut off, bills to paid, anything that should go into storage... There is paperwork. A lot of it.

After a few hours, you comment that the fairy world is surprisingly more mundane than you imagined.

"To be fair, Nysa and HQ are the least... Whimsical of the bases I know of." Kamiko says, organizing some documents into folders. "Certainly the most logically organized."

As Zul signs her signature on a form she asks the tall woman, "Didn't you go to Himavanta? I heard it is just a forest and an absolute mess."

"You heard correct. It's not so bad for a few days if you enjoy backpacking, but I couldn't imagine being stationed there without being fully fae."

Zul taps a stack of papers together and says, "Okay, I think that's everything for now. If we have anything else we need from you I'll bring over the paperwork."

You sigh, and Kamiko giggles.

---

You wake up early the next morning, before even Tamako. Luckily, a worker brought by a box of your clothes so you and Tamako were able to sleep quite comfortably. Despite waking up after a full night of calm sleep, you are apprehensive about the day ahead. Your new friends were rather blasé about what is to come next, making sure to mention they weren't going to get orders until today. You realize that you don't know where any of them sleep, other than the robot who mentioned being in the Armory. Should you just wait here until someone comes around? You wouldn't mind a shower, or some food.

As you lay in bed pondering whether to get up or not, your mind wanders to Kiki, and if she was found when your new coworkers came to your apartment. You hope she is doing okay.

What is this?

>>6259650
Yep, definitely gotta look for a shower.
>Look for a shower

>>6259650
...Just in case, requisition a broom and put it by the door. Hopefully Kiki'll be able to visit us.

Also remember to ask if there's a way to make a double sized stateroom so we or Tamako can get some privacy from each other, and we don't have to wake up to foot smell.

>>6259650
>Take a shower
maybe we should get some breakfast too if possible

>>6259657
>>6259658
+1 to both.

>>6259650
OwO

In all seriousness, these two I gueses >>6259657 >>6259658

Also, welcome back!

>>6259650
>Take a shower, have breakfast and get a broom to put upside down by the door.

Yay, it's back.
>>6259657
>>6259658
+1
I want to check up on Kiki, but the MC doesn't know that they know about Kiki yet.

My day is instantly better with the return of hatch that egg!
>>6259657
>>6259658
+1 and try not to wake Tamako

those shadows, I know those shadows
and reading the other thread, the mouths, the eyes....
I have seen that style before, I know it. But where?
These two images are dead ringers
https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/2025/6212686/images/1744413350720979.png
https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/2025/6212686/images/1747110665040731.png
for.... something, I don't know, I can't remember, but I'm looking, spent the last two hours, I need to find it
I need to go deeper, much deeper than I have gone in years

>>6259986

>>6259986
almost 5000 images searched, various archives, and boorus, my confidence remains unshaken, but my eyes have limits, there have been a few promising suspects that are very difficult to acquire, as the related sties have gone through dozens of reworks, I have also not yet thoroughly gone through the /qst/ archives themselves,
later... later, I will find what I know is there

(Glad to see the thread was anticipated. It's good to be back.)

>>6259986
>>6260051

(I plead the fif.)

You do your best to move off the bed lightly so as not to wake Tamako and go try to find a washroom. The clock says it's still early, but the tunnel halls are still as well lit as they were before. The only indication of the hour is the lack of roving worker fae, though there are still a few janitorial robots around. Luckily there are plenty of signs, and you follow the directions to the nearest bathroom, making note of the showers along the way. As you return you spot the robots again and get an idea.

You approach one of the cleaning bots, in this case, one that looks like a floating chrome football with spider-like legs, each currently clutching a cleaning gadget. You greet it, and ask if you can borrow a brooms It brings you to a closet and hands over a very sleek, futuristic device. It has the general shape of a metal broom, but the base has all sorts of knobs and buttons on it, and the bristles look a bit like thin strings of LED lights.

You take this back to your room, and lean it up against the inside of your door, upside down. As you take a step back you notice Tamako beside you, squatting down and watching the slowly shifting lights of the fibers of the sweeper.

"I wonder where Kiki is now." Your daughter says, "Do you think she is wondering where we went too? I hope she wasn't there when these guys busted into our place. Hopefully she would have hid right away."

You say you are sure she is fine, and that you hope she escaped as well. Thinking on it, they would have just sent her back to the fae world. It's a little unclear to you, but being sent back doesn't seem like that bad of a thing. Heck, the gnomes voluntarily went back, only being delayed by their inability to do so.

You ask Tamako how shes' feeling. This must be so much for her to take on all at once.

"Huh? I'm fine. I was just starting to get used to our place, but I guess it's time for a new arc. The fairy arc... Spy arc? I"ll think of something."

You grin slightly. She would compare her life to an anime. Though to be fair, her life has been more like the shows she watches than real life. Or at least the real life you were used to. You suppose this is your real life too now.

>>6260397
>"We'll figure out the arc theme together, kiddo. I promise. And hopefully we'll see Kiki, Burpy, Gurpy, Yurpy, Purpy, and Rurpy again someday soon."
>"For now though, let's get cleaned up and fed! And after that, we'll ask where we can find if they have some beginner books on Polish or Ukrainian, so you can tell Kiki how much you missed her when we see her again."
>"...Wonder if they have some of those old Muzzy tapes here, or if they're on YouTube?"
>Before leaving room, grab a pen and paper and leave it near the broom, just in case

>"For now though, let's get cleaned up and fed! And after that, we'll ask where we can find if they have some beginner books on Polish or Ukrainian, so you can tell Kiki how much you missed her when we see her again."

>>6260397
>>"We'll figure out the arc theme together, kiddo. I promise. And hopefully we'll see Kiki, Burpy, Gurpy, Yurpy, Purpy, and Rurpy again someday soon."
>>"For now though, let's get cleaned up and fed! And after that, we'll ask where we can find if they have some beginner books on Polish or Ukrainian, so you can tell Kiki how much you missed her when we see her again."
>Before leaving room, grab a pen and paper and leave it near the broom, just in case

>>6260410
+1 to this i guess

>>6260410
>"For now though, let's get cleaned up and fed! And after that, we'll ask where we can find if they have some beginner books on Polish or Ukrainian, so you can tell Kiki how much you missed her when we see her again."

>>6260397
>"For now though, let's get cleaned up and fed! And after that, we'll ask where we can find if they have some beginner books on Polish or Ukrainian, so you can tell Kiki how much you missed her when we see her again."

>>6260397
>"For now though, let's get cleaned up and fed! And after that, we'll ask where we can find if they have some beginner books on Polish or Ukrainian, so you can tell Kiki how much you missed her when we see her again."

You promise Tamako you'll do your best to get through this new arc together.

You then get up and give a sharp clap, saying that for now, we should get cleaned up and fed. And after that, we'll ask where we can find some beginner books on Polish or Ukrainian, so you can tell Kiki how much you missed her when you see her again.

"She can speak English." Tamako says rolling her eyes, "But it'd be cool to learn her language. Might be useful!"

You pull toiletries from the boxes brought from your apartment, and then make your way down the hall to the showers..

"Hey, do Polish or Ukrania have anime too?" She asks, but then her eyes dart towards an intersection of perpendicular hallways and she says, "Oh hey, it's Zul!"

The alien, who had been reading documents while walking looks up and says, "Oh. Hello. I apologize, but I must keep going. I'm on my way to get our orders for the day. I have to meet the MiB in room... 203A."

"What's an Emeyebee?" Tamako asks, swinging her towel as she walks.

"Man in Black. They are probably one of the most useful assets humans ever manifested for us. Their kind are very big fan of collecting and covering up secrets. They are very, very good at it. It's one of the few types of stories the SHR has funded media promoting. You can come see him if you'd like, it should only take a second."

You say you were about to go take a shower, but Tamako says, "Aw come on! This'll be fun!"

Convinced by that sound logic, you turn and walk with Zul to a 203A, which appears to be vacant. Stepping inside the empty room, Zul immediately shuts the door and turns off the lights. Before you can even ask what is going on a light goes on in the room.

Tamako gasps as a shadowed figure appears just a few feet from you, the light seemingly emanating from behind them. Squinting towards it you see a well dressed man in a suit and coat, wearing a black hat and sunglasses. Perhaps because of the shadow the backlighting is putting on, it's hard to distinguish his features. Even as you try to concentrate on any one part of his face the other parts seem to distort into other shapes.

"Ma'am" The new occupant says in a stern monotone voice, then turning his head ever so slightly to you continues, "A changeling and a human? You have some very strange companions today."

"New agents. I'm sure HQ will explain if you ask. I apologize, but can we get those orders?" Zul says, holding out her hand. The man opens his briefcase, takes out a folder, and hands it to the alien. Then just like that the light goes out. A second later Zul turns the room light back on.

"Cool! More spies!" Tamako says, still looking at the spot where the MiB agent was. "Do they all glow like that?"

"Usually yes, for some reason they all started doing that in the last few years. I assume it's to obscure their identities better." Zul says, leafing through the documents. "Let's see.. The story's name is 'The Princess who never laughed.' I've never heard of that one."

>>6261140
>"guessing thats for us? how does this work exactly?"

>>6261140
>>6261146
>"Any names stick out to you? Might give us a lead on where the story originated from."
>Don't mention anything we know about glowies, lest they discover 4chan and thus /qst/, which could cause reality to twist or fold into some sort of meta feedback loop or black hole.

>>6261140
Oh, I know this one! It's waifu time, or else we're playing matchmaker.

>>6261140
>"Do they all glow like that?"
Who would win, CIA neon glowies or MiB backlight glowies.
>The Princess who never laughed
That's going to be a cute one. Let's go give a couple a happy ending.
But first, to the shower.

You have a feeling you know why the fed-like fairy is glowing, but you keep it to yourself. Instead you say you think you've heard of the story she is talking about. The details are a little sketchy, but it has something to do with a man making a princess laugh and then marrying her.

"Correct." Zul says, looking through the dossier, and then turning it towards you. "We won't know the exact details until we get in the story, but here's the bullet pointed version from HQ's archives."

>The King declares his daughter's hands in marriage to whoever can make her laugh. If the suitor fails however, they are punished.
>Hans and his brothers each attempt to make the princess laugh, but fail and are punished.
>Han's father forbids him from going, but he sneaks out anyway.
>Hans makes the princess laugh and they marry, living happily every after.

"Oh, that's it? That seems kind of boring." Tamako says, tugging at your sleeve to make you shower her the note so she can read it as well.

"Well, these are just the points that we usually have to hit to succeed at the telling the story. The minor plot points will be up to us to solve. That is where the... 'fun' of it is." The alien explains, and then says, "According to the rest of the notes, the parts we get are usually Hans and the brothers. Anyway, I'm going to go do a little bit more research before we head out."

You bid Zul farewell and then go and take your showers. Oddly, the men's shower seems to be a bit neglected. The facilities work, but there is a lot of dust on the sinks and mirrors, and there are cobwebs in nearly every corner. You ask your daughter how the women's shower was and she says, "It's way bigger than the shower at our place, there are even multiple stalls!"

You return to your room, and as you put away your things and are about to head to the Commisary the monitor next to your door lights up reading "INCOMING CALL".

You fiddle with the buttons and knobs below the monitor, and eventually Zul appears on the screen, sitting at her desk and flipping through some papers.

"Sorry to bug you, but I can't seem to get a hold of Kamiko or Hilde. Hilde is probably sulking in her room until we go and get her, but Kamiko is probably requisitioning supplies at the warehouse. Can you grab one of them? I'll go find the other and we can meet up and eat breakfast before leaving."

>>6261173
MiB, because they're the distilled concept of an all-surveilling cover-up agency made manifest by magic.

>>6261579
>Go get Hilde
I'm still sour at Kamiko.

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>6261579
Lets leave it to the dice gods.
>1 Kamiko
>2 Hilde

>>6261579
>Kamiko
Need to see art of sweaty Kamiko unloading wares.

>>6261579
>Hilde
I suppor that we shouldn't be too nice to Kamiko after what she did. Whether or not it was part of her job she really manipulated us.

Plus, if we're mad at her, it gives Tamako the chance to make a scheme to get us together

>>6261579
>Hilde
I wanna see what toys they have in the armoury. Also I don't want to talk to Kamiko again that soon after she kidnapped us and our kid.

>>6261579
>Kamiko

>>6261579
>Kamiko
I want to see just how much of a weeb she is.

I'm crossing my fingers that she cosplays.

>>6261579
>Hilde

>>6261579
>Go get Kamiko

You tell Zul that you'll go to the Warehouse. She nods and says, "Alright, I'll try to get over to the Commisary in about an hour with Hilde. Hopefully she won't dawdle."

You aren't sure you've quite forgiven your new tall friend yet, but want to give her the chance. It seems you'll be working pretty closely together after all.

"Oh! We're gonna go see Kamiko?" your daughter says, grinning up at you as the screen flicks to an empty black. As you leave your room, you are treated to another rendition of Kissing in a Tree, which is luckily heard by few people because of the hour.
You make your way down the elevators and to the warehouse. The hallways here are much larger than the other parts of the complex you've been to, unsurprising considering how many flats of material and stock is being moved around. Almost every room you look into is just shelving backed with crates and boxes. Because of her height, Kamiko is quite easy to track down. You find her standing over a table between some shelving units, stuffing things in a sack.

"Good morning!" Kamiko says, greeting both you and Tamako with a smile as you approach. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Zul says to meet up for breakfast." Tamako replies, hoisting herself up so she can look at the items on the table. "What'cha doing?"

"Requisitioning supplies for our job today." Motioning to the spread of goods. "Just some basics."

While some of the items she is taking are labeled, or obvious in their use. For instance, a wicked looking survival knife, as well as a box of rations and bottles of water. Some of the supplies are not, and It doesn't help that most of the tools have a sleek, unfamiliar futuristic look to them like the broom you saw earlier

"Yeah... A lot of alien tech is weird like this, and honestly a bit over engineered at times." Kamiko says, showing off a small barrel that is apparently a condensed shelter. "It's all very useful though!"

"Is that a potion?" Tamako says, pointing to a bottle of red liquid sitting near a first-aid kit. She then picks up a compass exctitedly and says, "What's this?"

The compass is made of an engraved, brass-colored wood with some decorative feathers tied through the hole a lanyard might go through. The face of it has a the regular looking needle of compass, but set into the face are several more, seemingly pointing and swinging to random directions.

"Ah! This is a fairy compass. Regular ones don't really work well in the fae world. Heck, even this one fails sometimes."
Kamiko says, lowering herself a bit to make it easier to speak to your daughter. "As for the potions, have a bit of interest in alchemy. I find my emergency potions a bit more useful in some situations so I always make sure to take one or two with me on every mission."

>>6262414
>she is into potioning
think that harry potter rules could apply in this world?

>>6262430
Maybe, if it means drugging and kidnapping people

>>6262414
>Is this for the whole group or should we be getting something too?

>>6262414
>>6262463
+1
>"So from the sound of the story Zul assigned us, we have to make a princess laugh. Besides the survival gear, is there anything else we might need? Like, you know, props?"
>"Am I going to have to play the part of a tree?"

>>6262519
+1

>>6262519
You're the guy who kept trying bring up Usagi Drop last thread, aren't you?

>>6262519
Props are a good idea. +1

>>6262430

Harry Potter Rules?

>>6262870
you know, most potions recipes being easily accessible through common potion books, potion brewing being simple enough to be accomplished by kids following instructions as long as you have the proper ingredients, basically, potion making not being as complicated as one would think it would be, that kind of stuff.

>>6262987
Seems easier than cooking, really...

"Cool!" Tamako says, losing interest in the compass and grabbing at the medicine."Can you make gold? What's the equivalent exchange rate on that?"

"I wish I was that good at alchemy." Kamiko says chuckling slightly and scooping up the potions before your daughter can get at them. "I'd be wearing much nicer things if that were the case."

You ask if she made the potion that she put in your dinner.

"W-well... Yes. Sorry. I swear I'll never do it again." The large woman says meekly.

While she packs, you ask if the table supplies are for everyone or if they are each getting something to carry.

"It's for everyone! The load is light load because it's an easy mission, so I'll just carry it." She says as she buckles the rucksack to herself. "It's no problem."

"Dang, I wanted to try carrying a backpack..." Tamako says as the three of you begin your journey to breakfast. "Wanted to carry instead of being carried like a baby."

During your elevator ride you tell Kamiko what you know about the mission, and about 'The Princess Who Never Laughed'.

"O-oh... I'm not good with comedy. Hopefully the story provides something for us to make her laugh, or maybe a hint as to what she finds funny." she replies. After giving it a few moments thought continues, "Do you know many jokes?"

You shrug and say you've made some zingers, but nothing that caused uproarious laughter.

"I know some funny anime." Tamako says, also shrugging.

Your group find Zul and Hilde in the Commissary quickly, or to be more precise the alien spots your tall coworker and gives a wave. After grabbing food, you all sit down and the Martian begins to brief you more on the mission ahead.

"The site is the ruins of an old castle in Saxony. The portal to the story has extended so much that it's beginning to phase with reality."

"My goodness, how did it go unnoticed for so long?" Kamiko says, moving on from a medium rare slice of meat and sipping on a bottle of Mijiu.

You put down your fork of bacon and eggs and ask if 'phasing with reality' makes it more dangerous.

"Not really. It means that it becomes far easier for civilians to wander into it." Zul answers, "In fact, it makes things easier for us. It means we can use the gate here in base to travel there.."

"Nice!" Hilde says perking up slightly. "Hey, think we can stop by the Marketplace on the way back?"

"We aren't taking new recruits their on day one." Zul says flatly.

Hilde slumps in her chair with an exaggerated sigh.

Tamako leans over to Kamiko and says, "What's the Marketplace?"

Zul looks sternly at Kamiko, and taking a downplaying tone the agent answers, "U-um... Think of it like a giant department store. A very, very large and dangerous department store."

"It's not THAT bad!" The robot groans out, slumping so much she's nearly under the table.

"I wanna see!" Tamako says excitedly.

"We are getting off topic here." the alien says, "Where was I... Well, any questions before I continue?"

>>6263259
>"So all we have to do, is make the princess laugh so the story becomes complete? does it have to be specifically by a joke or physical comedy is also fair game? what about tickling?"

>>6263259
>"So are stories like these going to be our main method of training, or will there be time to practice or learn skills at base afterwards?"

>6262563
???

You ask if all they have to do is make the princess in the story laugh. Does it have to be specifically by a joke or physical comedy is also fair game? what about tickling?

"Given the chance, you could try them all. Sometimes the easiest answer can be the best." Kamiko says smiling.

"You want to make sure to follow the outline from the archive. You are viewing this for just the suitor's point of view, and the parts we must play in the story might not even be theirs." Zul explains, "You may be a guard that makes sure no one gets to the Princess. I'll be a an old woman that stops Hans and gives him magic laughing spell. Maybe Tamako will be the princess herself, and will have to avoid laughing until 'Hans' makes an attempt."

You ask if trial by fire is the usual way they train agents, and if there is anything you can do to be more prepared.

"You could read the story archives I suppose, but there are quite a lot of stories and that's not even counting the variations. Physical training would be useful, perhaps Kamiko can help you with that.." Zul says thinking. "You seem unfamiliar with the fae in general, which is unsurprising. Perhaps read up on the types of fae, and chat with the ones at the base to get a better view on fairy perspective of things."

"What about me? What can I do?" Tamako asks from beside you.

"You just need more knowledge in general. We have training seminars for newly migrated fae to help them integrate into human society. Perhaps we can put you through that." Zul remarks.

After finishing breakfast you follow the three agents up the elevator to Access. You don't manage to get a view of the exit to the base as you turn away down a smaller hallway. There are several security stops here, but Zul is prepared with the necessary paperwork and soon you find yourself in a room unlike the others you've been in so far. The room appears to be lined with a dark, dense metal, with only black tinted windows on one wall and a giant arch made of rough stone set in the center.

Once you are all in, Zul waves towards the dark window. A second later, the middle of the stone arch mists up, and you see a forest path within. Zul and Kamiko walk into the mist, with you following only after getting prodded in the back by a finger from Tamako. The air seems more stifling than even the recycled oxygen of the underground base, and the sounds of the trees are muffled. Luckily, your party walks maybe five minutes through the fog before it clears, and an odd sight meets your eye.

It appears to be a jester that is flailing around, sobbing and quite beside himself in sorrow.

He is wearing a mask with a sharp, grinning face and colorful striped garments, complete with a jester cap.

Nearby is a broken cart.

"That's probably the guardian of the story." Kamiko whispers to you, watching the stranger.

"Should I shoot him?" Hilde asks, her arm unfolding into a cannon.

"What? No. why would- Just be quiet please." Kamiko responds to the robot.

>>6263900
Walk up to him and ask
>Trouble with the cart, friend?

>>6263902
+1

>>6263900
>>6263902
+1

>>6263900
>Give in to a violent hatred of clowns and jesters

>>6263902
+1. A good start. The most common version of the story that I know involves helping out people (or animals) along the way to the castle, and the princess smiling when she sees them help us in turn in an amusing way. Kind of perfect for our MC, whose instinct so far is to assist humble weirdos.

>>6263902
sure, i guess? this is new territory for everyone, so i guess this is the best path to take

"So... What do we do now?" Tamako says, looking from behind yourat the bawling entertainer before the group.

"Guardians tend to respond better to humans. Let your father make the first move." Kamiko says, then turns to you and says, "Just try to go with the flow. Remember, we need to go through him to get to the story proper."

Nearby you see the alien take out a notepad and stare at you.

A little unsure, you approach the cart and ask the jester if he needs help with his cart.

Immediately he latches onto your hand, thrusting his masked face close to yours and saying, "Yes! The axle has broken and now the thing wobbles and tilts like me when I get into the godale."

Pushing down the coulrophobic urge to to ask Hilde for assistance, you inquire if there is anything you can do to help.

"Very kind of you, very kind! But alas, unless you are carrying a spare wheel or axle I'm afraid I may be stuck here for some time. I dare not leave my possessions behind, after all. I only hope some other person hasn't made the fair lady of the castle laugh before I can get the chance." He says, gesturing to the city in the distance.

You already know who he's talking about of course, but you ask why he needs to make a princess laugh.

The jester gasps, and dramatic throws his hands to his cheeks. "But have you not heard? His daughter has reached the age of marriage. Purportedly, she is so lovely that the her beauty is well known far and wide. Just as legendary however, is her melancholy. So deep is it that she is said to have never laughed. "

The jester hops up onto his broken cart and then says, "Not wanting her daughter to go to someone who would make her even more unhappy, his highness came up with a decree. Anyone who could make his daughter laugh would take her hand in marriage. Be they pauper or prince. Farmer or nobleman, anyone may try. However, he also made it clear that anyone who failed would be punished severely. Despite people pouring in from the northern and southern lands, no one has yet made her crack a smile."

You ask what sort of punishment the king doles out for failure.

"Nothing deadly, as far as I know. He seems to be a fan of irony." The jester responds with a chuckle. "I heard a soldier who made an attempt was forced to do drills for a day in mismatched shoes while singing."

>>6264341
oh neat, so we arent in any mortal danger, thats good to know.
how do we help this guy tho? or should we just wish him good luck and go on our way?

>>6264341
Surely Hilde can produce (or spare) a wheel for a shot distance? She can ride in the cart.

>>6264371
+1 to Hilde loaning an axle/wheel. I guess the only other option is everyone pitching in to carry clown guy's stuff.

>>6264341
>forced to do drills for a day in mismatched shoes while singing
My feet hurt just thinking about it...

Anyway...
>"Mind if I take a look at the axle? A fresh set of eyes never hurts to have around."
We could try making the cart into a sort of sled by replacing the wheels with runners made of tree branches or less necessary planks from the cart itself. Hopefully our tools include some nails or tent stakes to fasten them. Picrel is what I'm thinking of.

Another option is to rebalance the weight of the stuff in the cart toward the rear so the rear axle takes most of the weight.

Final option I can think of is to make the cart into some sort of trike.

>forced to do drills for a day in mismatched shoes while singing
My feet hurt just thinking about it...

Anyway...
>"Mind if I take a look at the axle? A fresh set of eyes never hurts to have around."
We could try making the cart into a sort of sled by replacing the wheels with runners made of tree branches or less necessary planks from the cart itself. Hopefully our tools include some nails or tent stakes to fasten them. Picrel is what I'm thinking of.

Another option is to rebalance the weight of the stuff in the cart toward the rear so the rear axle takes most of the weight.

Final option I can think of is to make the cart into some sort of trike.

>>6264341
Tragic. Whats the Princess's name?

I'll be on my way, but tell you what. If you tell me the joke you had in mind you could still have the honor of the laugh.

>>6264636
If WE'RE the one to make the princess laugh, WE would be the one that'd have to (or be eligible) to marry her.

>>6264653
I don't see an issue here. Shes beautiful but depressed, she might even be a goth princess.

>>6264736

(No update tonight, sorry.)

>>6264736
>>6264767
>Fae realm
>Literal princess (syndrome)
>Possibly diagnosed mental illness
>Fae father-in-law breathing down your neck to keep daughter entertained
>Kamiko
Are you sure you've thought this through?

>>6264959
Fae realm is just made of human thoughts and emotions bundled up in unhinged ways
Every woman has mental illness fae or no
Deport the father in law to some deeper part of the fae realm.
Kamiko.shmamiko. if she somehow feels jealous and fights some mooks that would be in her favor.

>>6264959
>Kamiko
Are people still trying to romance her after she drugged and kidnapped our kid?

>>6265017
Well, she did say sorry.

>>6265017
Dude. She apologized and explained her reasoning why she did it, and we're probably going to have to do something similar eventually since we're working for the same agency that ordered it. Chill out.

>>6265065
>and we're probably going to have to do something similar eventually since we're working for the same agency that ordered it.
Eh, if they do ask that I'd be down for going renegade on their asses.

>>6265017
She's moderately pretty and there's some anons that like a glowie woman that acts sweet but will kill them without a second thought if ordered to by higher ups.

>>6264938
Thanks for the heads up!

>>6264959
/qst/ tradition aside, we aren't 100% obligated to eternally simp for firstgirl.

You ask Hilde if she can produce an axle or a wheel. Something to help this gentlemen on his way.

"How about we use part of your body instead?" Hilde asks, giving an offended scoff. "I bet a femur would hold until we get to town."

"So kind, so kind." The jester says, releasing your hand and groveling. "To offer part of your body to help a stranger. I must say, if you are as funny as you are kind then I might be in trouble."

You ask him what sort of joke he was going to tell. Perhaps you can go in his stead.

"As kind as you are you are still competition, my friend." He says with a finger over the mouth and a giving a slight nod. "Should we meet again at the castle, you will have your chance to hear. I'm sure it will cause our dear Princess to keel over and guffaw for an hour!"

Wanting to know a bit more about the Princess, you ask what she looks like.

"She looks like the most lovely lady in all the lands, of course!" The jester says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

You ask for a bit more specifics. All you know is that she sounds beautiful but depressed. What is she, a hot goth or something?

"A goth you say? Interesting... And apt! The fair princess has long, straight hair that is black as a calm pond at night. Her eyes? Sharp as a hawk's. Her skin? A lovely pale shade like she was consumptive. She is said to hardly see the sun, and veils her face when she has to." The jester. says. "Black of course, as are the rest of her gowns."

"An adlib, already. Fascinating." Zul says, scribbling in her notes.

You turn confused to the alien she says, "Well, 'Goth' likely means something else considering the time period the story is in, and though I don't know human history all that well I'm pretty sure the fashion style didn't even exist yet. You probably altered the princess' glamour to make her that type of Goth."

You say you are a bit shocked you can just alter things like that. And you ask if you can speak anything into the story that way.

"Shocked? Why? You know where the word for 'glamour' comes from, right? But anyway, you can't alter the story directly." Zul replies. "But you can somewhat alter the fae in the story and the story will try to bend to make it consistent."

Tamako nudges you with a mischievous smile, and giving a few furtive glances towards the tallest in your group and whispers, "So you like long dark hair, dad?"

"Goths, huh...?" Kamiko says, lost a bit in thought.

Wanting to get back to the task at hand, you ask what the Princess' name is.

The Jester pauses for a moment in thought and then says, "What is her name? She's the princess of this kingdom, how could you not know? It'd be like asking the King's name, could you imagine? And honestly... you ask for others, but you haven't even given me your name yet!"

>>6265474
Did we ever decide on a name?

>>6265604
Don't think we did. I'd go with something that radiates either everyman vibes like Dan or John, or the good old fairytale standby Jack.

>>6265474
Looking at goth names, I'm liking Isolabella, "lonely but beautiful".

>>6265649
Eh, that's a bit too generic. It should be something distinct but still 'anon'-ish.

Hmmm...how about...Selvin Surt?

You know, Self-Insert? Selvin is a real name.

>>6265652
Ok that's a good pun, I like it.
>>6265649
And support for the princess name.

>>6265652
This is a pretty good pun, but do you really want to see "Tamako Surt" or "Kamiko Surt"?

Maybe have Surt be a middle name and think of something else for a last one.

We could try using the initials of our name to make it an acronym, like DMPC or NPC, or perhaps BOT.

>>6265474
I can back Selvin Surt, but I'd rather Martin Stewart.

>>6265681
Wait... We can make the acronym MC with Martin. Anyone know a good last name that starts with C?

>>6265474
"You can call me Hans."

If we decide to be extremely direct in solving the story. Otherwise I guess we'd end up trying to stop anyone else from making the princess laugh until another Hans shows up. Which is actually doable is hard to say.

>>6265703
Christian-Anderson

>>6265703
Caradoc

>>6265703
I'd say Chevalier, if we are supposed to be like a knight in shining armor for these stories we may as well have the last name match.

>>6265803
I like that

>>6265803
Martin Chevalier doesn't sound bad, I'll support this instead of Selvin.

>>6265803
I'll also take this, I just want a pun name.

>>6265879
Yeah, I can +1 Martin Chevalier

>>6265474
>>6265768 and >>6265681 were me on mobile. Changing vote.

>>6265474
Martin Chevalier is good. It honestly sounds pretty cool.

Also the goal of this story from my research is to get the Princess to laugh. But like what if Martin manages that and then like she ends up attracted to him. It would be just like Tamako's animes

>Martin Chevalier
i like this, +1

>>6265803
Martin Chevalier... That's pretty good. 1+.

>>6265978
>>6265474

+1 to Martin Chevalier.

>>6265948
>But like what if Martin manages that and then like she ends up attracted to him.
That's the plan, Stan.

...makes me wonder if her dad's also goth?

>>6266016
Maybe he trained her in the old ways?

You give your name as Martin Chevalier.

"Well met, Mr. Chevalier!" The Jester says bowing, "And how about your friends? You've seen to have gathered quite the motley crew!"

"Ah." Zul looking up from her notes at you, then turning to your larger co-worker says, "See if you can to be his brother, Hans."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, but alright. My name is Hans. Hans C-Chevalier." Kamiko says to the oddly dressed man before them.

"And who's little one is this?" The jester says with a small clap, looking at the changeling.

You say that's your daughter, Tamako.

There is a puff of glittering smoke, and moments later it clears. The named members are all dressed in more traditional European garb. Tamako gets an adorable pink and light blue dirndl, while you and Kamiko get green lederhosen.

The tall woman sighs as she looks at her clothes, "Couldn't I have gotten a dress too...?"

"Oh my Hans! I had no idea you'd be into such a thing. Not that I'm judging of course. Some of us just feel we were born into the wrong body." The Jester says sagely.

The robot chuckles at this, and Kamiko says, "That's Hilde by the way, our pet."

"Ha! Jokes on you." Hilde says after a puff of sparkling fog clears, revealing a much more canine looking construct. "Now I don't have to participate."

Kamiko glares, and Hilde playfully barks.

"I shall be doing my best to sit out. I'm just here to observe." Zul says.

"So Hans, his brother Martin , his brother's daughter, and their dog. Was this some sort of family outing? Fleeing from family? Well no matter, do not let me pry or waylay you. I'm sure you feel as if I've taken too much of your time as it is. I'm sure there was somewhere you wanted to get before the sun starts to dip below the horizon. Just follow the road and it will take you to the Castle City." The Jester offers, gesturing towards the nearby settlement.

(Also, do we want to stick with Martin Chevalier? Maybe put it to a poll or something?)

>>6266090
I think we already sort of did. But I'll formally support it here, too.

>>6266089
>Follow the road, and keep an eye out for anyone else in trouble

>>6266090
i think most people liked the name, not entirely sure if it will be just for this story, but im fine with it being our actual name.
>>6266089
>thank him and go on our way, maybe tip wood worker or something like that in the city of a possible client in need of repairs and send him his way

>>6266089
>"If you like, I'll notify a local cartwright about your situation in town. Hopefully you'll be able to work something out with them when they arrive. Best regards, and may the Princess smile on one of us."
>"Alright then Hans, Tamako, let's go into town. You too, Borkus! Come here, girl!"

>>6266090
Yeah, I'm good with that name being the MC's actual name.

>>6266090
I'm okay with it

You thank the poor Jester, and tell him that you'll get him help from someone in the city.

You, your brother, your daughter, and your pet begin walking, taking things at a leisurely pace. Being stuck in a hole in the ground for the last two days has granted you an appreciation for the sun and fresh air, and as you stroll you watch Tamako and Hilde play.
They are chasing each other across the path and through the grass beside the road.

Hilde really seems to be getting into it, barking and running all fours like a natural. Tamako even manages to get her to play fetch with a stick she found. Commenting this to Kamiko she giggles and responds, "Fae can become lost in their roles, especially if they are trying to do so like Hilde is. That's why we... Err, that is to say half-fae and humans, are valuable to have on missions. That usually can't happen to me, and it can't happen to you at all."

You say you thought humans give energy or something to Fae when they complete their stories, and that's why you were brought along.

"Yes, that too. But SHR doesn't necessarily need to bring humans to missions. For instance, if a human wanders into a story then a full fae team can be sent to rescue them." Kamiko says.

As you watch your daughter play, you ask what is going to happen to her.

"You gave Tamako a role that is pretty close to what she is already so she probably won't change much." Kamiko says. "She'll turn back to normal once the story is complete, so don't worry. "

You ask what happens if a fae doesn't join in on a story, like Zul. As you ask this question you look around, and realize the small alien is no where to be found. You panic slightly, but Kamiko chuckles and continues walking.

"Don't worry. It looks like she couldn't resist playing along." Kamiko says, and then getting a little lost in thought says, "I wonder what role she'll be..."

You reach the gate mid to late day, and the city does seem to be straight from a fairy tale. The construction of the buildings is vaguely European, with odd and very colorful roofs. Some of them spiral into the sky, while others lay over their homes in a barn-like fashion, or slope and bend at curious angles.. A wide cobblestone roads splits the houses into groups, and the main one from the gate you followed seems to lead right to the castle.. There are only a few people milling about on the streets are wearing the same sort of clothes you are. You thought you might see other fairies around, but everyone here appears to be human.

>>6266632
so its a straight shot to the castle, huh? perhap we could ask for a bit more information about the princess?

>>6266632
Inb4 Zul is the king

>>6266641
Or the goth princess (ayy)lmao

>>6266671
>Goth martian princess office worker
How many fetish can we cram into one adventure.

>>6266632
Talk to the locals, gather intel on the king and princess, and on what has been tried so far to make her laugh.

Tamako and Hilde walk up beside you, much calmer than before. It seems between the road and the crowded sidewalk there isn't much space to run around. They've taken to looking into windows and alleyways as your group walks by.

"Hey, could Zul be the princess?" Tamako asks after Kamiko explains the alien's disappearance.

"I'd like to see her go full goth. I bet it would be adorable." Kamiko says with a snorting chuckle.

"Whatever she is, you better believe I'm going to record it!" Hilde yaps out.

"So you can talk?"

Hilde barks playfully.

As you continue to walk you come to a larger, circular area with an ornate fountain at it's center. Radiating off this are many tightly packed stalls and carts. On the outer rim there are proper brick and mortar stores, seemingly saved for the trades and banking. If you had to guess, this is some sort of town square.

You ask Kamiko if they should start gathering information on the Princess..

"That's a good idea. I... We are going to need all the help we can get." Kamiko says nervously. "Maybe find out what sort of jokes or feats people have tried to use to make them laugh."

As you are at the border of the gathering hub, you decide to start on some of the stores, the first of which you find is a Wainwright. Remembering your promise, you step up to the older tradesman and tell him about the Jester on the outskirts of town.

The Coachmaker rolls a wheel he is holding absentmindedly as he says, "Is that so? That's something you'll want the guards to handle. When he gets to town though, hopefully they'll send him my way.

You thank him anyway, and ask him what he knows of the Princess.

"Dresses kind of funny and keeps to herself. Sorry I can't tell you more, but I don't exactly spend much time around royalty. But hey you are here for the Princess? Want to hear my joke?"

Wanting to be polite, you say you'd love to.

"Why couldn't the blacksmith stop reading?" The wainwright asks.

You say you don't know, why couldn't the blacksmith stop reading?

"Because he found books so riveting!" The man says, giving an exaggerated gesture and a wink. Getting no laughter he says, "Well, guess it's good I'm not trying to woo our fair lady."

>>6267228
remember that joke just in case, it gave me a chuckle

>>6267228
>"Pretty sure that it would qualify as a perfect Dad Joke, from what I've heard the youth say amongst each other."
>"Here, let me demonstrate."
>"HEY TAMAKO? Could you come here for a moment?
>"How do you make a handkerchief dance?"
>"Put a little boogie in it."
>(cue groans from Tamako)

>>6267236
+1 to being a fellow cheesemeister.

>>6267250
Got a new one, too. Not exactly for Tamako yet, but it's a new play on an oldie for the teenagers
>"Why does six dislike being alone with seven?"
>"Because seven's a six offender."

>>6267258
Well, for now there's always the "seven ate nine" variant.

>>6267259
OOH, just heard another NSFW one!
How is a block of tofu and a dildo similar?
They’re both meat substitutes!

>>6267258
>>6267440
Our (underage) daughter is present, QM, please don't lol

>>6267576
She's so underage she's not even, like, a week old.

>>6267576
Posting from elsewhere, how about these?

What do you call about 143 stone in bones?
A skele-ton.
What do you call a pair of crows?
Attempted murder.

>>6267592
>What do you call a pair of crows?
this one might work if she is actually a goth and has a dark sense of humor, maybe some dark comedy could do the trick?

>>6267594
What do you call a dryad who is the head of a sorority?
A real alpha birch.

You comment that you do like his style of comedy, but that you are a bit too used to Dad Jokes to really get a good reaction out of. You then ask the Wainwright why six was afraid of seven. He claims not to know, and you finish the joke.

"Oh ho ho ho!" The older man says with mirthful laughter. "That is a good one! Seven eight nine... I'll have to try it on the Clockmaker when I see him next."

Getting an idea, you tell him that there is only one way to really appreciate a Dad Joke. You then call for Tamako, who looks up from examining tools on the nearby workbench and looks up at you expectantly.

You ask your daughter why melons have weddings.

"Huh? Melons get married?" she asks confused. "Why?"

You tell her they cantaloupe.

"What? Canta- Oh! Oh my god." Tamako says rolling her eyes with a sigh.

You tell Tamako that you have a ton of them. A whole Dadda-base full.

"Stooop!" Tamako says groaning.

"パンダの好きな食べ物は何ですか?パンだ!" Kamiko exclaims.

"Not you, too!" Tamako says in frustration.

"Sorry, honey." Kamiko says giggling.

"Oh! I just thought of a good one!" The Wainwright says, "What did the wagon say to the horse on their first date? I coudln't help but be drawn by you!"

'Why did the wagon start a fight with it's wheel? It had a lot of "axle" to grind', you add.

"What do you call a wagon full of women? A miscarr-" Hilde starts, but Kamiko clamps a firm hand on her head, which silences the robot.

"My goodness, did that dog just talk? Not just comedy, but ventriloquism!" The Wainwright says, still wiping tears from his face from laughter.

If this fellow is laughing from just that perhaps a pun might make the princess laugh. You got a good one about crows and attempted murder locked in just in case.

>>6267725
One last one...
>"See, my daughter thinks my jokes are childish."
>"That's ridiculous, of course. They're obviously..."
>"...don't you say it, dad."
>"Full groan."
After that, head over to the guard and inform them about the Jester and his axle, then try to get some supplies for the road.

>>6267737
we already told him about the jester and his axle.
>>6267725
>"パンダの好きな食べ物は何ですか?パンだ!" Kamiko exclaims.
wait...i think Kasumi from Paladins has this exact joke, here.
https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/paladins_gamepedia/images/8/8f/Kasumi_SP_Joke_2.ogg/revision/latest?cb=20220918130417

>>6267757
>we already told him about the jester and his axle.
Uh, no? We were talking to the guy who makes the carts, who we told about the Jester's cart, who then told us that we'd need to tell the guards so they can help him.
Then we had some pun times with him.
Please send help, I don't think I can stop.

>>6267763
Well, if all we have are puns and we've tried ten of them without a laugh from the princess, we can definitely say no pun in ten did

>>6267725
Puns aside, I would just like everyone to look at the height difference between Martin and Kamiko

>>6267737
I thought you were going to say that the jokes were egg-cellent

>>6267809
kek

>>6267857
Wowza!

>>6267725
Let' go see the guards.

>>6267737
That is a perfect joke word play and pun and it's TRUE it is full of that and we have already set it up.
Let the PUNishment fit the Pun

>>6267857
perfect height, everything just falls in place

You say you have one more and then you're good.

"Fine! Let's get this over with..." your daughter remarks, crossing her arms.

You apologize to the Wainwright, but she clearly thinks these jokes are childish.

"And cringe inducing." Tamako adds.

But they are clearly full groan.

Tamako sticks her tongue out at you in disgust as the others give a little chuckle.

You bid the man farewell, and go loocking for a guard. Luckily, since you are still near one of the major roads so an officer is not hard to find. You approach him, and inform the guard of the Jester's wagon.

"Ah, so that's why you came from the Wainwright's. So he knows he might have a customer soon? Good good... You two talk about anything else that I might need to know?"

You shake your head and says all you did was talk about the Jester and then throw some jokes around.

"Ah, you here for the Princess? Say, wanna hear one I'm thinkin' of trying out?" The guard asks, and before you can answer he says, "Why couldn't the king relax? Because he had trouble reigning it in!"

"Not bad, not bad." Kamiko says.nodding.

Tamako seems to have disappeared with HIlde to a nearby shop window.

"Well, that's not to encouraging. Maybe I'll rethink things. My friend tried to make the princess laugh. The king said the joke was so bad that he wasn't allowed to talk for a week."

"Hmm... Maybe something like..." Kamiko says, forming the joke in her mind. "Why did the King trust the knight with his locks? Because he knew he'd defend his chival-keys!"

The guard looks shocked and saddened for a second, and after Kamiko apologizes profusely for whatever it is she said the Guard replies, "No no, it's nothing you did. It just reminded me of something. I just lost a key off my ring recently, and I haven't been able to look for it yet. I believe I lost it in the nearby park, but sorry. Enough of my problems. Did you need anything else from me?"

>>6268231
perhaps we are dillydadling a bit too much here, we came here to complete the story, i say its time to go to the castle
>ask him if there is anything we need to do to meet the princess or do we just walk in

>>6268231
>"Not really, but I'd be willing to try to find it. Does it have any distinguishing marks on it?"
>"Come on, Hilde, Tamako. We've got a sidequest to do!"
>"Any chance your creator installed sensors to detect metal or a spectrometer on you, Hilde?"

>>6268233
>>6268236
You could just say "my dog is good at finding things" :D

>>6268233
That is one of the stories where the protagonist ultimately succeeds because he helped a bunch of people out
>>6268231
>"Not really, but I'd be willing to try to find it. Does it have any distinguishing marks on it?"

>>6268758
I thought it was because he gave a coin each to a mouse, a grasshopper, and a fish?

"We could try to find that key for you, if you'd like." Kamiko offers the guard.

"It would certainly save me some trouble. They key is about as long as my finger and made of metal. The bow is circular with a blue square painted on it."

Before you leave, you ask how easy it is to meet with the princess.

"You'll see signs for it when you get close to the castle. You shouldn't have to wait long, we only get a few attempts per day at this point." The guard answers.

Your group gathers back up and begin towards the park. As you walk, you ask Hilde if she has any sort of gadgets to help them find the key.

"I got all sorts of detectors, shouldn't be hard to find something like that." Hilde says proudly.

The park is a small bit of green space situated just outside the south part of the main square. It is made up of a small stone path, on one side is mostly a grass field with a few wooden benches with views of the fountain. On the other side of the path is a small copse of birch trees. Hilde's ears start to rotate like radar dishes, and she slowly walks towards one of the birch trees, stopping right at it's roots.

"It's under here I think. I'm actually sensing quite a bit of metal junk in here." Hilde starts.

However, she is interrupted by a brown blur climbing and darting all over her body screaming, "Thief!"

"Oh gross get it off, get it off!" the robot says, jolting up and down in attempt to loosen whatever it is crawling on her.

"What the, a talking dog?" the thing says, pausing momentarily.

"What the, a talking mouse?" Hlide says as Kamiko takes the opportunity to quite deftly snatch the rodent by the tail and lift it up.

It is indeed rat. It has a rather fancy green felt hat.

"L-let me go, monster!" The rat says, pointing a shaking paw at your co-worker. "And leave my treasure alone! I'm warning you, I'll bite!"

"We don't intend to steal anything." Kamiko says, "We are looking for a key with a blue square on it. Have you seen it?"

"Maybe... Maybe not!"

"Well if you DO have it, I don't suppose there is any way I can get you to part with it." Kamiko says, grabbing HIlde by the head so she stops transforming one of her legs into a laser gun.

The rat considers this for a moment and then says, "Get me a sack of grain, and I'll give you the key. You know, if I have it."
"This is beginning to sound like a chain of deals." Kamiko says, lowering the rat down and letting it go. "These are usually kind of boring. I can finish this up while you do your part in the story, if you'd like. I think it needs to get done before I can make my attempt at a joke, if I remember the briefing correctly."

You ask what is going to happen on the chain of deals.

"Oh, you know. The rat wants some grain, the farmer with the grain wants some horse shoes, the farrier wants a brush, etc. etc..." Kamiko says, "If this were a more dangerous mission or story it might be interesting, but I doubt much is going to happen other than being sent all over the city."

>>6268777
>”Hey, you like shiny things right? Are any of those shiny things you could possibly have circular and disk-like? Because I’ll trade you that theoretical key for a cool secret…”
Basically say this to the rat.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A81DYZh6KaQ&pp=ygUkaG9tZXIgc2ltcHNvbiBtb25leSBjYW4gYmUgZXhjaGFuZ2Vk

>>6268760
Yeah, and then they all try to help him in reciprocity.

>>6268785
Kek, I can back this. We'll save Kamiko some time as well.

(No update tonight. Probably not one on the 4th either but we'll see.)

>>6269124
That makes sense. Happy Independence Day, QM.

You ask if you can tempt the mouse with something else. Perhaps you can all save some time that way. Money can be exchanged for goods and services, for instance.

"It's not a well established part of a story so it might work. Do you have any money on you? Money from the story specifically? Real world money probably won't work." Kamiko asks.

You say you don't. The rat might have some coin in his stash. Perhaps knowledge about this can be used to barter for the key?

"Alright Hilde. Think you can get that rat back out? Let's give it a shot." Kamiko says, turning to the dog-bot.

"You know, I do have literal rat poison in my arsenal. Gas too. Great for caves!" Hilde says.

Kamiko chasties Hilde as they go back to the birch trees. You make to follow but Tamako pulls at your sleeve, and turning to her she says, "Can we sit for a second? I'm tired."

You and Tamako take the opportunity to sit back at the bench and wait for your co-workers to negotiate with the rat. Tamako asks, "What do you think I'll have to do in the story? I don't think Zul said anything about a daughter character."

You shrug and says you aren't sure what you two are meant to do, if anything. They keep mentioning this is an easy mission, but perhaps it's a bit too easy?

"Jeez dad, you should pay attention more! There was something int he dossier about your guy." Tamako says. She then recites what Zul mentioned about the story from the briefing.

>The King declares his daughter's hands in marriage to whoever can make her laugh. If the suitor fails however, they are punished.
>Hans and his brothers each attempt to make the princess laugh, but fail and are punished.
>Han's father forbids him from going, but he sneaks out anyway.
>Hans makes the princess laugh and they marry, living happily every after.

As you do a little people (fairy?) watching, you consider your options. Sounds like you need to fail at telling the Princess a joke. You can't say you are too excited to get punished, but not much you can do about it. You also realize that you need to find your character's father, or more precisely Kamiko does.

>>6269615
>Start talking aloud about our dad, in the hopes we can essentially materialize him or cast a nearby fairy in the role by force of sheer human willpower

>>6269615
>"Well, since I'm your dad, there's the possibility that your character might be replacing the third brother in the story, since the stories I remember usually like to have three protagonists."
>"From what I recall, it would be the oldest who goes first, who will fail, then the middle child, who also fails, then the youngest, who then succeeds."
>"So, in keeping with the story, you're probably going to have to be in the role of the youngest sibling, but with the story altered to have your motivation change so that you're trying to make the princess smile to have her become your mother..."
>"At least, that's my best guess, anyways."

>>6269626
Ooo, that's clever, too.

>>6269626
i like this. +1

Bouncing ideas off your daughter, you say since you are her dad, there's the possibility that her character might be replacing the third brother in the story, since the stories you remember usually like to have three protagonists. From what you recall, it would be the oldest who goes first, who will fail, then the middle child, who also fails, then the youngest, who then succeeds. So, in keeping with the story, you're probably going to have to be in the role of the youngest sibling, but with the story altered to have your motivation change so that you're trying to make the princess smile to have her become your mother. At least, that's your best guess.

Tamako considers this for a moment and says, "But I'm your daughter, not son. I can't be a brother! Also Hans is the youngest of you three. Sven is the oldest... So you are the middle? Not saying I wouldn't want a princess for a mother but..."

Before you can ask who Sven is Kamiko and Hilde return from negotiating with the rodent.

"Nope." Kamiko says with a sigh, "The rat wants us to get the grain. I did my best to explain money, but it said the farmer would never sell it to a 'plague-ridden menace' like him."

The robot dog barks playfully from beside her.

"...Also I think Hilde has gone full native." Your taller co-worker says, pointing at the metal construct and giggling. "It's been a moment since she complained or tried to do something violent."

Hilde leaps over to Tamako, wagging her gun tail and attempting to lick her. Since she has a screen for a face it doesn't amount to much more than Hilde pressing her head up against Tamako's cheek.

"Aww, who's a cute puppy! You are!" Tamako says, hugging Hilde and giving her some pets. The robot happily accepts the attention.

"So figured out anything on your end? I was about to head out to the Farmer. I'm guessing you are going to go tell a joke at the castle?" Kamiko says. "We can all meet up there. Zul will be there too, hopefully."

Speaking of Zul, according to to her you can will things into being just because you are a human in a fairy story. Might as well give it a shot. Aloud, to no one in particular, you wonder where your father could be.

"Ehh? Did you forget already Dad?" Tamako says pausing briefly, "Jiji said he'll meet us down at the castle!"

You ask her how she could know that.

"Huh? Jiji told us before he left home. Remember? He came early!" Your daughter remarks, giving you a look like this is the most obvious thing in the world, "You are so forgetful. Good thing I'm here!"

"Sounds like Tamako is getting into her role too." She chuckles, then at the look of concern on your face she continues, "D-don't worry! She'll go back to normal after this is all done. Stories tend to effect full fairies like this."

>>6270383
>"Quick question... if a human who is aware that he's following a story makes up a role, does the story assign the role to the most fitting fey around, or does it make a whole new fairy just for that role and let them go on their way after the storyline is fulfilled?"
>"And what about the princess? When I described her as a goth, did the story alter a fairy to fit it's needs, or did it look for the most fitting person that would fit the description I gave the role?"

...I just realized, this is beginning to sound like a fairy tale version of Reboot, what with a bunch of people being forced to play roles at the whim of a higher power.

>>6270396
Oh, almost forgot.
>"Oh yeah, by the way... you've apparently been assigned the role of youngest brother. Whoever Sven is will be the eldest, and I'm the middle, so, uh... you got the best chance to win."

>>6270383
"I guess "Sven" is at the castle already too, then?"

>>6270396
good questions. +1

>>6270396
Oh shit, I totally forgot this thing existed.

You inform Kamiko of what your daughter told you.

"The youngest being the protagonist is pretty common." Kamiko says, "Makes sense why I'd be going last too. Have to give the eldest the first shot. I wonder who this Sven character is. Maybe it'll be Zul?"

You ask what happens if a human who is aware that he's following a story makes up a role. Does the story assign the role to the most fitting fey around?

"A story will do it's best to accommodate both a human's words and any visiting fae. Fairies will be given appropriate roles first, and do their best to move the story along. In exchange the fae gets some of the energy the humans bring to the story. Otherwise any Quasi around and give them the role. Oh jeez Quasi... How do I explain this... They are about the closest thing to an infant fae, or perhaps the soul of a one? Potential fae? They congregate in stories and gain energy from them in order to one day become a fairy."

You ask who you've met so far is a Quasi and who is a fairy.

"Well, Quasi are fairies. Sort of. Just not fully yet. Anyway, all the characters so far. You can usually tell a Quasi apart from a fairies because they'll lack the ability or desire to do anything outside their role in the slightest, and the story will generally keep them away from influencing it by themselves directly. They'll also only have knowledge about the story's setting. To them this is the 'real world'."

Now knowing it makes a whole new fairy for a role, you ask if they go on their own way after the story is finished, or disappear along with it.

"If the Quasi don't have the energy to maintain their forms or knowledge once a story is over they'll simply return to a little ball of potential and find another story to join. What happens after the Quasi that is strong enough varies from fairy to fairy. Some walk right out of the story they were in and into the fae world, settling in like they always been there. Some fairy are born the more traditional way and grow with the role. They might even age and die, only to be born again. It's all very confusing..." Kamiko says, rubbing her forehead. "And it gets even more confusing than that, because fairies can transform into other kinds of fairies. Human interpretations of a fairy change over time too...This is more of a thing to ask Zul."

You ask about the princess. When you described her as a goth, did the story alter a fairy to fit it's needs, or did it look for the most fitting person that would fit the description I gave the role?

"Human words and expectations can warp non-established parts of a story, yeah. The Princess' image didn't coalesce until you mentioned it. Had you not, she'd probably just look like traditional medieval royalty." Kamiko explains. "She's probably a full fairy though and probably the one who's glamour is powering the story. The tale seems to converge onto her and there aren't that many characters left. I guess it could be the King, or maybe this 'Sven'."

>>6270396
Alphanumeric!

>>6270975
Seems like Kamiko will have to do the fetch quest chain, while we go like for "Sven" and "Jiji".

>>6270975
>"So then... How do faeries become aware of the human world? Is it something that they're taught? Do they know instinctively about it?"
>"And how and why do they join up with the organization?"
>"Also, if I bought something here, like say, a handkerchief, would it still exist after we leave the story? Actually, would the clothes we're wearing still be on us?"
>Let Kamiko go off to do the fetch chain while we see who Sven and Jiji are.

You ask how the faeries become aware of the human world. Is it something that they're taught? Do they know instinctively about it?

"It depends on the fairy. All fairies want their stories to be told. Some fairies know from the get go how to do it, others are taught to be more cognizant about it. A few aren't intelligent enough to run on anything other than instinct. Part of the Seelie's mission is to help fairies find their way to best express their stories without bringing harm to humans." Kamiko explains.

How and why do fairies join up with the organization?

"It's in some fairies nature to be helpful to humans. Some pity them. Some want to spite the Unseelie Others just want the energy that comes from taking place in a story, which are most of the Organizations missions. Some fairies don't fit in entirely with either of the worlds and want a place to be. Most notably, Half-fae like myself." Kamiko says with a small smile.

You ask what happens to the items here once the story ends.For instance, if you bought something would you be able to carry it out of the story? What about the clothes they are wearing right now?

"We are still wearing our regular clothes. They just have glamour on them to make them fit our characters better."

You say you were wearing pants before, and slap your knees. Sure feels like bare skin.

"Well Glamour is magic sometimes. Fairies are quite good at fooling the senses of humans." Kamiko says giggling. "You usually can't bring anything out of a story, but if a fairy likes you enough you may get a favor or a token. I received a bottle of wine for completing a story once. One of the few times I've ever gotten actually drunk off alcohol. Anyway, we should probably get a move on."

You let Kamiko go off to do the fetch chain while you try to go to do your part of the story The path to the castle is rather straightforward, only sloping upward with steps near the castle gate. People... Quasis... Whatever they are, all come and go freely, and there even seem to be some shops inside. The castle has become a bit of a tourist location, it seems. You ask Tamako to keep an eye out for Zul, Sven, or "Jiji".

"Okay!" She says, only slightly paying attention as she attempts to look in every direction to take in all the sights.

You ask one of the guards where the Princess is, and he points you towards a side courtyard near the central conical roofed tower the guard calls it the "Waiting garden". It looks a bit like an overgrown parade ground, with several balconies and doors leading off of it and deeper into the castle. There are only a few other people here. Some dressed as clowns or jesters. Others look like regular folk in their best clothes, practicing their lines.

>>6271615
any chance we can get a view of the princess? see if our goth theory became reality?

>>6271647
+1, let's peek around

>>6271647
+1. Keep an eye out for spooky looking family crypts, places with barren trees, or decently shaded spots.

>>6271615
>>6271647
Time to snoop; maybe we'll get lucky and eavesdrop on her taste in humor

>>6271664
>>6271670
Maybe, for a goth, the secret is dark humor?

>>6271673
True, but making dark humor kid friendly, if only for Tamako's sake (then again we did raise her on anime which isn't always compatible with the western version of "kid friendly"), is going to be a bit difficult.

>>6271827
>kid friendly
Why are Visigoth jokes always rated R?
For scenes of Saxon sex and violence!

As you take to the queue and keep your eyes peeled for any signs of goth activity. Unfortunately the castle has pretty unremarkable masonry and inhabitants. Not a sign of a gravestone or ugly gargoyle to be found, and no skulking vampires or prowling werewolves. You ask Tamako what she would think of having a goth mother.

"They are the ones that dress in all black and stuff right? With the poofy dresses that make them look like dolls?" Tamako asks scrunching her face slightly, "They don't look very strong... Their clothes are pretty adorable though."

Right. Her only exposure to a goth fashion is the lolita variety.

Come to think of it, there is no saying she wouldn't be dressed like that. For all you know she could adopt a more Visigoth looking medieval style. That would certainly fit with the story better after all. You lean around the queue to try and spot her majesty. Each contestant is led through a thick wooden door, probably as not to reveal their act to the others. Craning your neck up, you spot a near completely black figure looking down onto the stage.

The figure is a woman leaning on her balcony, her head tilted and resting in one hand from boredom. She certainly has a more Victorian style goth look to her, and though you can't make out too much of her clothes from here she very clearly has a tiara with a veil that completely masks her features. Even her hair is jet black.

"Goths are weird, right? Like, awkward and stuff? I can't think of any weird awkward jokes to tell." Tamako says from beside you.

You ask her if she plans to participate. You tell your daughter that Kamiko is probably supposed to win, so likely the princess won't laugh at her joke and she'll be punished. She can just watch from the sidelines and wait for you to be finished.

"It'll be fine. Probably." Tamako says, bouncing on her heels a little. "I wanna see what happens!"

From the way they were described, the punishments were "ironic". What that would mean for you or Tamako is unclear. You glance around to try and find any of the failed contestants, but you realize none of them have actually came back through the heavy wood door. They must be led out another exit or something. Maybe since they are Quasi or whatever, they just disappear afterwards? You are still a little unclear how this all works.

i got nothing right now...what do we do?

>>6272285
Perhaps a goth/emo joke that makes fun of their "woe-is-me" personality?

>>6272278
>Let's watch some contestants take a crack at it, and continue to keep an eye out for our "family" and our boss

>>6272294
You got anything, anon? I can't do jokes on command, myself. >>6272000 was the best I had.

>>6272278
>"When we get back to base, remind me to put on Beetlejuice tonight."

>>6272295
+1

I am also terrible at coming up with jokes. Though Victorian-era goths make me think of fainting maids for some reason.

>>6272295
+1

>>6272278
I start narrating to myself.
"It was then, looking upon the Goth Princess, that the funniest joke imaginable came to me. It was so funny I couldn't even speak it or I would start laughing, I had to write it down and hand it in."

>>6272648
Really? because looking upon the goth princess, I mainly noticed those tits. Hot dayum.

>>6272729
True.

>>6272729

You try to will the story to give you the funniest joke it can, trying to manifest it as a piece of paper in your pocket, or perhaps a passing conversation. However no such luck comes, and soon you are at the front of the line. You are lead through the sturdy oak doors and to a stage that is circular, white brick, and raised slightly. Surrounding it in concentric rings are wooden benches, though very few people are there.. High above on a nearby wall is the Princess' balcony, from which the royal watches in boredom as you and Tamako step in.

"Me first!" Your daughter says, springing forward onto the stage before you can.

"A child? Well, get on with it then." The Princess says with a sigh.

"What did the goth say about the vampire?" Tamako says, and after a beat finishes, "That he was drop dead gorgeous!"

"Show her how we punish unfunny children." The Princess says after a moment of silence. A guard walks up holding a jar of paint and a brush. The guard asks Tamako to please hold still, and begins to paint on her face. She is given a few shapes over her eyes or on her cheeks, as well as a mustache and some X's and circles.

"Do you feel appropriately punished?" The Princess asks.

"Yes, my liege." Tamako says with a curtsy.

"Very good." The Princess replies. "And don't bother with a good wash and scrub of your face. It most certainly won't remove the paint."

She is given a look in a mirror, and she says, "Dang, I thought that was a good joke too. What do you find funny anyway?"

"If I knew that little one, this whole thing wouldn't be necessary." The princess responds. "Certainly not silly jokes or puns. Now, off with you."

"That wasn't so bad." the graffiti faced child says as she hops down from the platform. Your daughter is then allowed to sit in a nearby chair while you are ushered up on stage.

Well, it's now or never.

>>6272820
>"In case my joke fails and leaves me indisposed for an extended period, may I pat my adorable daughter on the head goodbye?"
>"What do you call a pair of crows?"
>"Attempted murder."

>>6272820
No jokes? No puns? Damn. Well, okay, let's try another tack.

>'It's kind of funny, but not "ha ha" funny, that a person who's so beloved by her kingdom, and so blessed with high status that she can make her funk the whole damn kingdom's problem, ALSO still manages to be so miserable anyway. Here you are, making everyone sing, clap, and dance for your entertainment because you're not happy. Well newflash, lady: most people aren't happy all the time, and they just carry on anyway. You know I met a rat today - an actual rat -- who could talk and conduct commerce and everything, but nobody will trade with him because they think he has plague. I met a masked jester who's probably super ugly since he never takes that mask off, and his cart was wrecked, and he still found time to make my daughter smile. Everyone in the whole kingdom is looking for ways to make you laugh, and to do it they're all getting togetehr, interacting, and enjoying themselves. Did you ever think that the reason you're so dam sulky is that you never go outside to talk to people, and maybe get some sun? Did you ever think that maybe, as a princess and all, you should worry less about making yourself happy and more about the happiness of your subjects? Because you know what I think? Huh?! I think--"
>*humorously mistimed fart at inappropriate moment*

>>6272820
>no jokes
>no puns
how about some physical comedy then?

>>6272824
Oh, right, no jokes or puns... Damn.

I'll go with slapstick like what >>6272830 suggested.

Could also try to do this. Hopefully Zul's nearby...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRMrlFRRJgY

>>6272834
Another two person idea! Ninin-Baori, or Helping Hands for those who remember Whose Line Is It Anyways.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NofMf8pFvFA

Extra adorableness for doing it with an animal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqjUKgiQReY

>>6272830
+1

>>6272830
>>6272820

Good ol three stooges.

He keeps trying to tell his joke, but somehow manages to keep slipping on something just before he can. A bit of paint on the stage. The brush they used. His laces. Discarded fruits from previous acts and punishments. He asks the guards for a chair so he can stand over the obstacle ridden stage floor, but it's too unstable on its own so he keeps asking for more, and for the audience to let him borrow their chairs. Until he's formed a mighty tower of babel he can attempt to ascend, getting near up to her balcony. Can he reach the top? Will it all come tumbling down?

> In all that I'm afraid I forgot my joke.

(Don't think I'm going to manage an update tonight, sorry.)

>from a different board just now:

An engineer was taking a walk when a frog spoke to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll become your girlfriend."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll become your wife."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket again, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog said, "What is the matter? I'm a beautiful princess. Why won`t you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm a busy engineer. I don`t have time for a girlfriend or a wife, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

>>6273347
That wasn't funny.

>>6273226
It happens. Waiting warmly!

>>6273350
We must agree to disagree. I smirked.

>>6273023
This could work.

>>6272820
I (>>6272829) can back that.

Learning that the Princess isn't a fan of those kind of jokes, you'll have to skip the crow pun. Your attempted murder joke got real murdered.

To stall so that you can plan, you ask In the case your attempt at a joke fails that you may pat your adorable daughter on the head goodbye.

"You lack confidence and still wish to try? That doesn't bode well for you." The Princess says haughtily., "But don't worry, I'd give you a moment for farewells. I am a benevolent ruler after all."

You decide to try out some physical comedy. Thinking quickly, you ask a guard if you can use a chair from the audience seating. While they oblige, you "stretch" by doing some sleight of hand, making it look like you pulled your fingers off, or twisted your arms in impossible angles. When the chair is on stage, you begin to walk around it and tell a joke about a master mason with a talking frog he found. All the while you do your best to trip and stumble on what you can. The chair, your shoelaces, a "slippery spot" on the stage, etc.. Culminating in the punchline of how interesting a talking frog is despite any award it might offer. You punctuate this final step by tripping over the now knocked over chair.

Tamako is cheering you on and laughing, but the princess has barely moved from her bored looking position.

Tough crowd. Well if you are going t o be punished anyway you might as well throw in a Hail Mary.

You do a short jig, finishing it with a silly pose. After a beat, you proudly let one rip. Because of the stage's acoustics, it echoes around the area loudly. This causes Tamako to break out in laughter, but the princess does not seem amused.

In fact, she has her head in her hands. After a moment of silence she says, "...A very novel routine. For that I will allow you to choose a punishment. If I like it I may spare you from the Oubliette."

>>6273690
>I choose the worst punsihmenr of all" being trapped in a marriage with a sulky princess."

>>6273691
I like this, but I think we should first bring it up with Papa Visigoth. He's big on irony, remember?

>>6273691
Or just trapped with her for a day, watching all the various contestants.

Why did she agree to sit here and do this again? She could be doing something else rather than just sitting here and waiting, and people could still tell her jokes. No?

>>6273691
I don't really like this. We're not Hans.

>>6273701
The marriage will just dissolve once we complete the story anyway.

>>6273763
If it fails and we get punished, that also advances the story.

>>6273780
>The marriage will just dissolve once we complete the story anyway.
No, we've been told that the princess is probably a *real* Fae. She'll probably be the one that remains.

>>6273781
Well yeah, but whoever officiates the wedding will be a fake fey in a fake kingdom with fake laws.

>>6273791
Maybe, but that seems like trouble we don't want to deal with.

>>6273839
Martin doesn't seem like a risk averse kind of guy based on how we've played him and his response to crazy magic bullshit entering his lfie.

>>6273690
Offer to help with whatever chores or errands she has been putting off to humor her people like this.

>>6273690
uff, tough croud...
lets go with this >>6273691

You say the worst punishment you can think of is being trapped into a marriage with a sulky princess.

"Is that so? Well, if that's really what you want." The Princess says, walking away from the balcony. Just as you start to feel a little awkward just standing on stage the gothic woman reappears, dropping something over the side of the banister and commenting, "Put this on."

You dash over, cupping your hands and letting the object fall into them. It's a rather gaudy looking gold ring with a large blue gem set into it. You can't really say it's your style.

"It's either that or the dungeon, contestant." The Princess remarks.


You slip the ring on and... Despite the rather pleasant spring warmth and sun, a horrid chill goes slowly down your back, and you think you hear a raspy giggle from somewhere. You instinctively try to take the ring off, but it seem glued on.

"I picked that up after a... Ritual. Wear that for three days, and we'll say your punishment is served."

You ask what's going to happen.

"You'll see~!" She says, for the first time sounding like she is having fun. You almost swear you can see her smile, even through the veil. "Now, off with you/ I've already had to been here for hours and we still have some contestants to go."

You and Tamako are shepherded out another door across from the one you entered. Unsure of what to do now, you walk back around to the entrance and wait for Kamiko. Your larger co-worker appears a short time later, now holding what appears to be a crossbow.

"It's a long story, and not as exciting as it sounds..." She says at you and Tamako's curious looks. She then notices your daughter's face and asks, "W-what happened?"

"We got punished!" Tamako says, laughing.

You say it's a long story and not as exciting as it sounds.

>>6274134
are...are we trapped with an actualy spoopy skelly waifu now?

>>6274134
>"I think I got geas'd."
>"Take a lesson from my mistake, Tamako. Fey Royalty seem to be like mundane rich people. They've always have some sort of ace in their sleeve."

>>6274134
>good news you got a mother now bad news i think i messed up

>>6273691
"you know how they say happy wife happy life?"

>>6274137
>>6274162
>>6274166
Kek, +1 to all.

>>6274134
I wonder if this is an Unseelie, a Winter Court fae, that likes to make people suffer. Did they do this story just so they could do the punishments

" I don't have much to say." Kamiko says, twanging the string of the crossbow. "Once I finally traded everything and returned the key the guard gave me this as a reward. He even gave me a few bolts. Not sure how this is supposed to help me make the princess laugh, but we've gotten this far."

You feel like guards giving away weapons isn't exactly normal.

"It's more common than you think in stories, though, usually it's a spear or a sword." She says with a nod. "Now, what happened to you guys?"

You explain your attempt at making the princess laugh, trying your best to give what few pointers you can to your co-worker so she can strategize.

A sudden yell startles your party, and looking around you spot Zul marching towards you. Despite the old and patched clothes, the coif, and the fake beard, her green skin gives her away easily.

"Sneaking off from your father to chase the dream of makin' a princess laugh... Even Sven fell for it. Now what did I say about this whole princess poppycock?" She says, fuming. She then sees Tamako and let's out a cry of anger. "What happened?!"

"I got punished." Tamako says with a shrug.

"Look how they've desecrated her adorable face! Scarring it forever! Wounds both physical and mental that shall never heal!" Zul says melodramaticly as she examines your daughter.

"It's just a bit of paint, I'll be fine. " Tamako says with a huff, but the bearded alien has already turned to face you.

"Why did you let her go and try to marry the princess? Why did you even bring her along? Let me guess, you failed too right?" She asks, sternly.

You explain that you think you married a princess. Just not the princess you had hoped for, and repeat the explanation you gave Kamiko.

"You were forced to marry someone you've never met or be imprisoned? And they made you do it with such a lurid bauble?" Zul says pointing to the ring on your finger.

"He'll only be married for three days." Tamako says, trying to defend you. "And the ring doesn't look THAT bad..."

Ignoring this, Zul rounds on Kamiko and exclaims,"Hans, my baby, I won't have you suffer such a horrific punishment! We are going home, now!"

"Erm, may I please go father? If I can marry the princess we'll all be rich?" Kamiko says, trying her best to improvise her role.

It's pretty funny seeing the small alien trying to order around such a wall of a woman. Kamiko could probably just step over Zul if she really wanted to, but she seems to be too polite to do so.

>>6274552
>"Come on, Father, me, Sven and Hans all know you can't work the farm like you used to, and with last year's harvest being washed away from the flood, along with..."
>(bows head respectfully for fairytale Mother)
>"Let Hans give it a shot. Worst case, we'll deal with our punishments while we figure out a new plan. But if Hans makes it..."

>>6274552
>>6274558 +1

>>6274558
heh +1 to this improv, sounds dramatic

>>6274552
I guess Hilde is going to start calling you ayyyyDILF

>>6274558
+1

Improvising, you remind Zu- your father that you, Sven and Hans all know he can't work the farm like he used to, and with last year's harvest being washed away from the flood, along with..."

You bow your head respectfully, hoping this is indicative of a tragedy, perhaps of a dead mother, since she appears to not be in the story at all.

"Now me getting up in the years is exactly the problem." Zul says, stubbornly.

You suggest again to let Hans give it a shot. Worst case, we'll all deal with our punishments as a familiy while we figure out a new plan. But if Hans just happens to make it then it'll all be worth it.

"Frankly, Hans is the one of you three I can't lose any work from! He could almost plow and work the fields all by himself with those muscles of his. No, I forbid-" Zul says, turning to chastise Kamiko. However she isn't there. Looking all around, you spot your daughter ushering Kamiko through the thick wooden doors to the stage.

"Hey!" Zul shouts, running towards the door. Luckily, Hilde starts barking and chasing her, playfully jumping around the alien and tripping her up. "Blast it, this is no time to play you mutt."

You stride past the LGM and through door as Tamako waves you hurriedly through. As you pass you see your dauther motion to the guard at the door.. She points to Zul and says, "That's him! He's trying to ruin my uncle's act!"

You nearly bump into Kamiko as the door slams shut behind you. She looks incredibly nervous, shouldering the crossbow and looking at the stage. You ask her if she's okay.

"I'm not sure what to do. How is a crossbow funny? I wish I was better at this sort of thing. I can't imagine I'm supposed to shoot her." Kamiko says, a bit panicked.

>>6274864
Do part-fae get anything if they lean into their roles?

>>6274864
I really hope the Princess isn't a sadist and that you're not supposed to shoot me with the crossbow...

>>6274873
That's a thought. Maybe she'll gain insight if she gives into the narative?

Also, maybe we can ask our "wife" for advice...?

(Gonna have to miss today. Sorry.)

>>6275332
Darn. Well, see you tomorrow!

>>6275332
See you around, EggOP.

You joke that maybe she was meant to shoot you.

"Not likely, unless their story is specifically to kill humans a fairy will want to keep them alive." Kamiko says thinking. I can't effect a story as much as a full human like you could, but enough that I can sway things a little."

You ask if she can lean into her role like the others to get some info, since she is part fae.

"Unfortunately no. The fairies want the energy from my human side so I'm treated like one in stories." Kamiko says.

You ask what sort of differences are between the half-fae and fairies, hoping you can figure some way to help.

Kamiko fidgets a little and replies, "I get grammar from my lineage, and I can sense fae. These aren't as powerful as full fae, but as a benefit I'm not as strongly attached to a story like they are. I'm a bit more resistant to cold-iron too. I've been told I'll live longer than a normal human, though I can be killed just as easily as a human in a story or in the fae world."

You say that half-fae sounds pretty nice.

"It's not like there aren't downsides... For instance, l-look at me." She says, gesturing to herself. "I don't fit in anywhwere, not in the human world and not in the fae-world. I'm at least blessed in that I still look human, some other part-fae aren't so lucky. On the sides of both humans and fae, there are groups who despise my kind to the point of wanting to destroy us."

You ask what she means by groups of half-fae haters.

"Most humans don't know what a fairy is, but there are plenty that want to destroy anything they find 'magical'. Ghost hunters, witch hunters, etc... As for the fairy side the main culprits are the Unseelie. They are the opposite of us at the SHR. That is to say, they are fairies who despise and wish to subjugate humanity. They are fine with simply disagreeing with full fae, butthey view the existence of half-fae like me as an affront to the dignity of the fairies."

"Suitor! Where are you? Do not keep me waiting!" You hear the princess say from above.

Kamiko jumps and looks panicked again.

(Also sorry about missing an update yesterday. No excuse, just had some beers and just passed out.)

>>6276203
>pic
She's smiling! You know, I think Kamiko should play to this fey's sadistic streak: she clearly enjoys bullying people... Maybe being especially bullyable is the trick to making her giggle evilly?

>>6276205
It happens. Glad you (hopefully) had a good time!

>>6276203
>"Aw, crud. She's a sadist."
>"Okay, so she was definitely smiling when she told me my punishment. So my best guess is that she'll smile if she sees someone else have something bad happen to them, which kind of fits with both the goth thing and being a princess."
>"I'll just prepare to take one for the team, okay?"

>>6276211
>All this talk about Unseelie fay before performing for the princess
...ah, shit.

>>6276203
So the answer was dark edgelord humor after all

>>6276203
>that wicked smile
its over for us...

>>6276314
Yup.

>>6276211
She may have to shoot us in the butt with a crossbow.

You say the princess seems a bit... Sadistic. Perhaps a comical crossbow misfire? You offer to take the hit. You comment that a bolt to the butt might be the perfect mix of comical and survivable.

Kamiko giggles and then says, "Thanks for the offer, but that sounds way too dangerous. Remember, you have a daughter to you have to raise. Best not to even joke about risking your life. Just cheer me on from the audience, okay?"

You take a seat in the gallery while Kamiko steps up onto the stage. She at least looks a little bit more sure of herself. Hopefully that resolve will carry her.

As Kamiko enters center stage the royal leans in to look down at your co-worker, bending over the banister to get a better view.

"You are Hans?" The princess says, her voice suddenly more icy than it was before. In a deprecating manner repeats, "You?"

"Um, yes?" Kamiko says, "Anyway, I-"

"No. Don't bother." The princess remarks, holding up a hand. "I've already seen enough."

"C'mon, I can't be that bad at comedy..." Kamiko says with a coping laugh.

"To be fair, you are a joke. Just a sick one." The princess says. Even through her veil you think you can spot a sadistic grin. "Now... How to punish you..."

"Hey, now wait just a second!" Kamiko demands.

"Silence!" The princess yells.

This doesn't seem to be going well.

I just recalled something that the jester told us earlier.

>Despite people pouring in from the northern and southern lands, no one has yet made her crack a smile.

>>6276419
>”Oh hey, the Princess, who I’ve been told has never smiled, is smiling. And smiled when handing down my punishment.”
>”That’s gotta count for something, right?”

Alternately…

Get her to laugh by suggesting all of the sadistic sorts of punishments she could hand down to Kamiko.

>>6276428
Alternatively alternatively…

The princess purposely tries not to laugh at anything because her laugh sounds bizarre for what she looks like.

Anyone want to post an example? I personally prefer this:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Umezn9sD2cY&pp=ygUVaWNlIGNyZWFtIGJ1bm55IGxhdWdo0gcJCc0JAYcqIYzv

"Hmm! Yes, I think I got it." The lady all in black says nodding, "We'll cut you in half, one can stay here and the other can go rot in the human world."

Kamiko takes a much more aggressive pose with the crossbow, lining up a shot. "Well you are clearly cognizant of how this works, so you know that you can't just kill me right? You need me to finish the story."

"Well then we can keep your head and torso head and send the legs back. That's almost half." The princess replies. "Guards, seize her!"

What is this dangerous tension? Wasn't this mission meant to be "easy" and safe? What's going on here?

Looking around you spot the a group of six guards but... They don't seem to be moving towards your compatriot. At first you thought it was nerves do to her size but they don't appear to be afraid of her. They seem more confused than anything, actually. Only a few even have their weapons pointed towards your co-worker. The rest are looking at the princess, or at nothing at all.

"Did you hear me? Restrain her!" The princess says, pointing to Kamiko.

"You... You are the princess, aren't you?" The tall woman asks, steadying the crossbow.

"I'm close enough." She says with a loud, harsh chuckle. A second later you hear a crunch of metal and her head snaps back causing her to stumbles slightly. She regains herself, and you can see the crossbow bolt now lodged firmly into her forehead. Nonetheless, the Princess goes back to looking over the banister. "

"What the heck..." Kamiko says, adjusting her grip and holding the crossbow like a club.

"What use is telling you a dead woman that?" She cackles. "Here I was going to let the human live seeing as it was that changeling's prey, but I guess I'll have to make her an orphan."

The mention of you snaps you back to your senses. You hadn't realized it, but at some point you have gotten to your feet.

>>6276891
>"You... You are the princess, aren't you?"
>im close enough
was that "are" supposed to be "arent"?

>>6276896
She's an Unseelie terrorist who stole the princess' place.

I like her even mroe now

>>6276891
>Oh no, your weakness: evil women!
>Sweaty heavily

>>6276891
Where is our faithful family pet? I'm sure our dog surely has the right HEAD (canon)CANNON for the job.

>>6276891
So we’re dealing with an Unseelie who isn’t following the story… so, some sort of self-hating half fey, then?

And where the heck is the actual princess and king? The sooner we can finish the story by making the real princess laugh, the better.

>>6276976
>so, some sort of self-hating half fey, then?
Interesting theory. I'd assumed it was a powerful full fey who highjacked the story and was experienced or powerful enough to maintain her personality, but you could be right.

>>6277020
Well, if you don't mind me adding more theories to the current pile, I've got a sneaking suspicion that whoever is impersonating the princess either killed off the one and stuffed her in the ring we were given, or is an undead lich-like fey herself and the ring is her phylactery.

>>6276891
What were the classic things you needed when fighting/conflicting with fae again? I know "cold iron" is a big one and there's something about breadcrumbs and the like... hm

>>6277278
... salt?

>>6277288
Does it have to be actual salt, or can we meaning the main character just shitpost on /a/ about a popular new show and use the resultant spergout?

>>6277278
Sometimes you can throw rice or lentils and force them to pick them up and count them. Four leaf clovers or church-bells can be a ward, in some contexts.

>>6277288
Always thought salt was ghosts and demons but if their explanation that all mythical creatures are fae is true then it should work just fine.

>>6277295
>Sometimes you can throw rice or lentils and force them to pick them up and count them
>Proceeds to bring Costco 50lb bags of rice on every single mission

>>6277430
Oh hey, get some of those artists who write on or make art by carving grains of rice to put numbers on them so we can really fuck up the autistic fey, like vampires, and force them to put them in order numerically.

>>6277464
Skip grain #56197

You dash over to the door, glancing off a few seats in your haste to get to the entry door. Prying quickly swinging it open, you immediately have to catch a stumbling Tamako, who seemed to be pressed up against the thick piece of wood.

"Finally! Now let me through, child!" Zul says, trying to push past. Instead you grab the alien and force your daughter's hand into hers. You say to take her far away, and that it's dangerous here right now. You then turn to the mechanical dog and tell her she is needed inside immediately.

Before either Tamako and Zul can protest Hilde darts in and you slam the door closed. Turning back around, you see the the Princess on the balcony has changed drastically. The royal looks more spider-like than you imagined she'd be, with long, segmenting legs placed around an upright cylinder. Atop this is the thing is a head with a big central eye. Honestly, the only way you can even tell it's still the princess is that it's wearing her clothes. You both charge up to the stage to stand with Kamiko, and Hilde starts laughing.

"Whoa-ho-ho! Who do we have here?" Hilde says, folding unpacking herself from her dog form until she's back up to her normal size. "We going loud? We should have just done that from the start you know."

"Leave, robot, unless you want to join these two in the afterlife."

"Are you kidding? Big Girl here told me there wouldn't be any action. No way I'm missing this!" Hilde replies.

"You all know each other, huh?" The princess says. "I'm guessing this wasn't a pleasure trip."

"I mean, it wasn't for me.." Hilde says to the other creature. "So what's the deal? Big Girl causing problems? I know she's weird but she's harmless.

"Load up a #1" You hear Kamiko say just below a whisper. You assume this is to Hilde, because you have no idea what that means.

"It's not so much what she's done, but what she is." The princes says with a smirk.

"Look, I know she ain't a robot but she's alright."

"Not quite what I meant." The Princess says with a titter.

>>6277561
>Well, what the hell is SHE? Because she sure doesn't look like any fairy, princess, or goth you ever heard of! And what was even the point of all this?
Keep her talking, keep her distracted, while Tamiko and Hilde enact their plan

>>6277561

+1 to >>6277587

>“So, where’d the actual princess get taken to? Because the story seems to be continuing despite you provably laughing. Heck, now that I’m thinking it, where’s the king? He’s supposed to be the one giving out punishments, not you!”

>>6277718
+1

>>6277561
The Crown still exists enough that this thing tossed it? Well I have a funny idea. If we put the crown on Kamiko could -she- become the Princess of the story now that this Unseelie has abandoned its post more or less? We finish the story and see if this things gets pulled back to whatever dark corner it crawled out of.

Otherwise
>>6277587
Support asking a villain what their evil plan is for a monologue

>>6277959
Your crown plan is pretty good, too. Let's snag it so we can wrap this up once the Unseelie is dealt with.

You hear a soft cranking and some clicks coming from the robot beside you, and decide whatever she is doing it's best to give Hilde the most time she can to do it.

You ask what the point of all this even is, stealing the role of the princess and doling out punishments like this. Now that you think on it, the King was the one that was meant to be giving those out.

"What do you mean stealing? I'm clearly the princess, can't you tell?" The mechanical monstrosity says, giving a little pose with what remaining pieces of the dress are still on it.

You say she clearly isn't the real princess. Beyond the obvious reasons, she has laughed which should have ended the story. More over it was 'Hans' that brought about her laughter. The story should definitely be over. You say to let them all go.

"It goes back to the point of all this. I need to keep the story running." The enemy robot says. "And that's entirely what I plan to do."

"To murder more humans and half-fairies? Jeez, and I thought I was bloodthirsty." Hilde remarks.

"Ha! No, I wasn't blessed to be born with such a purpose." The robot says tittering and flicking one of it's long mechanical hands dismissively. "But the SHR, does like to assume the worst in fairies don't they? How did you even find me?"

"We were sent here on a mission. If you know who we are, you are smart enough to know not to mess with us." Kamiko says, calmly. "Let's just end this story quietly and we can have a civil conversation about your actions afterwards. Where is the original Princess? "

"You speak like you have any leverage." The robot says, leaning in towards your party. "You are only still alive because I have some things I want answered."

You interrupt and try to get back to Kamiko's point and ask if the Princess is at least safe.

"If it'll bring you peace before your death to know, then yes don't worry. The only ones who are going to die here are you and the half-fae." The robot says pointing to your co-worker.

"It doesn't have to be like this..." Kamiko warns, tapping her improvised club into her other hand.

"You know what, you are correct. How about this? I'll tell you what I'm doing, but in return I want something." She then points to you and says, "The human is carrying an anomaly, correct? Give it to me."

"Would you promise to let us go if you did?" your giant of a friend asks.

"Best I can do is offer you an easier passing."

>>6278142
The real princess is in our ring isn't she?

>>6278142
Don't say anything just make some motions. Do we have like a piece of candy or something we can toss over it so our companions can just blast this thing with whatever mecha bullet they just loaded lol.


Martin Chevalier is 'carrying' an anomaly? I suppose its something inside of us like his heart, brain, a magic tumor, some kind of supernaturally occurring mutation. Heterochromia, Witch Eyes/Ghost Eyes. A third eye. Not something they could remove. If its not just his entire being.

Maybe something just lodged inside. Swallowed a magic coin as a kid lol. Blessed by a Fae spirit or God at some point? His bloodline? Like the descendent of a druid? wizard? or creature, but then 'wizards' are just dudes that sort of figured out how fae magic works to create miracles.

>>6278227
The Skeleton Lady in the ring...Could be.

>>6278142
>Throw something innocuous to the False Princess, insist it is the source of of the anomaly and she just needs to look at it flclosely and from the right angle to see the evidence
Hopefully that distracts her long enough for our colleagues to blast her

>>6278227
Pretty likely.

I wonder if she'd be interested in trying Jirai-Kei fashion...

Anyway, if the story only ends if the princess laughs, I've got a plan, but it'll require some assistance, equipment, and comedic timing.

>"Tamako, I'm going to give you the best pun I thought up. If the princess is in this ring, then hopefully by putting on the tiara that'll get her to come out to hear the joke."
>"BUT... to hopefully make the punchline better, we need a drummer with a drum and a cymbal, or something close to that like a platter. Can you do that?"
>"Thank you, sweetie. Be safe!"

Basic plan:
1) Martin goes over to the tiara and puts it on, then tries to communicate with the princess.
2) Tamako goes over to a drummer from the band, and snatches up a cymbal, platter, or gong.
3) Tamako then tells the joke to the princess, along with the assistance of the drummer, who will provide a drumroll before the joke, and a rimshot right after she gives the punchline.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoDse9WV9po

>>6278227
>the spoopy girl was actually the spoopy skelly
cinema

As far as you are aware you yourself are the anomaly, not anything you are holding. Still, fishing around in your inventory you realize you still have a small bit of candy. You hold it up to the fake princess and say that it's the anomaly.

"What is that?" The princess says. "A bit of chocolate? How is that an anomaly?"

You throw it towards her, and tell her to take a closer look if she doesn't believe you. The Princess slowly leans over the banister, allowing her telescoping arms to reach for the candy below. At this moment, you hear a sharp crack from Hilde's hair gun and a streak of light hits the other robot just above her central eye. Unlike the crossbow bolt, the bullet peirced through her head and even appears to have gone through the wall behind her..

The fake princess, now missing a good portion of her head, falls over the banister and smashes hard onto the theatre floor. From the pile of broken chairs, stone, and sparking machinery the robot completes her resemblance to a spider as her legs begin to slowly curl up, pointing to the sky. Kamiko and Hilde begin walking towards the abomination, and you slowly follow behind.

"Is it still functioning?" Kamiko says, readying an overhead smash with the crossbow.

"Not that I can tell." Hilde says, her screen beaming several different lights in turn. "And she better not be. It doesn't seem fair to survive a #1 while also missing half her face."

As the other two examine the defeated monster, you ask what a #1 even is.

"A large hamburger and fries." Hilde says. "A round for my hair gun. All of them numbered, all of their effects very powerful and very top secret.. A #1 is just a cold iron slug. Boring, but efficient."

"It'd be a bit like shooting a human with a radioactive round from a rifle. Even if you survive you might not in the long run." Kamiko explains. "And it has great penetration in highly grammar influenced areas, such as a story.."

While Hilde and Kamiko try to decide what to do next, you look around the area where the robot fell. You spot the crown she was wearing before her transformation. You get an idea, and after retrieving it you ask Kamiko to put it on. Maybe she'll become the princess and they can end this.

"Roles can be transferred through items sometimes... I suppose it's worth a shot." Your larger friend says thoughtfully, and putting the crown on. "Oh, but I can't be both Hans and the Princess.Here, take this."

She hands you the crossbow and then asks, "...Do you feel particularly Hans-ish? i don't feel particularly princess-like."

You can't say you feel any different. You ask if the real princess is maybe in the ring you were cursed with while raising your hand towards Kamiko.

"Maybe? I'm not sure. It seems weird for that thing to just give away the one person that could end the story though." She says, scratching the back of her head in thought. Awkwardly, she says to your hand., "H-hello? Are you in there Princess? Do you need help?"

There is no answer.

>>6278692
>that drawing
>the tiny little person inside the core
hang on a minute, lets inspect the "body" that little silhouette seems awfully suspicious to me, also make sure to do "double tap" the robot body

>>6278701
+1.

>"Hey in there, can you do that quote from Men In Black? The one where the little guy talks about Orion and his belt before he kicks it?"

>>6278692
>"H-hello? Are you in there Princess? Do you need help?"
>"Do you need a HAND with anything?"

That gem(?) on the spider robot's chest looks interesting, we should check it out.

You join in and speak to your ring, asking if she needs a HAND getting out it. As Kamiko gives a little chuckle you see the monsters body has a spherical red stone stuck into it's chest and held in place with a socket and tubing. Inspecting further, you see that what you thought was shadows on the gem's surface are humaniod, and also moving. You attempt to pull the gem out, but it seems to be an integrated part of the robot.

"Let me try." Kamiko says, and with a little effort pulls the jewel out of the socket. "I wonder what the purpose of-"

Your co-worker doesn't get to finish her sentence, as the gem explodes into a puff of smoke, revealing a full sized person floating in mid-air. Kamiko recovers from her shock at this just in time to catch the new arrival and gently lets her down.

This woman has pale skin, dark eyes, and even darker hair. She is wearing a regal looking dress colored completly in black and has a horned crown, which is also black. She seems a bit out of it, glancing around at the three of you, then her eyes catch the robot on the floor. She gasps, but seems relieved to see the thing is now a pile of scrap.

"Are you alright?" Kamiko asks, and then continues, "Are you the Princess?"

"I think I am alright, and yes I am the Princess." She says giving a curtsy. "Thank you for rescuing me from that... That thing."

You hear another loud bang, and everyone turns to see Hilde standing over the fake princess who now sports a second large hole.

"Don't play with the body. Zul will probably want to see this." Kamiko says with a frown.

"Always gotta double tap." Hilde says and Kamiko's disapproving look. "Better safe than sorry!"

>>6279180
Oh no... She's cute too.
>"As much as I'd like to try to get the princess to laugh ASAP, I have to wonder where our imposter took the king..."
>Checks the Spider-bot princess loot table for quest items

>>6279187
+1 to check on the king

>>6279180
+1 to checking on the king, but I'll add: was the spider robot the only Unseelie involved?

>>6279180
Damn, the absolute size difference.

I'll support >>6279187

>>6279233
+1 to this.

(No Update Tonight.)

>>6279616
Dang... Hope to see you tomorrow, then.

>>6279616
See you tomorrow, QM!

You ask if you know what happened to the King, and ask where he is.

"That's a very good question!" The goth princess says loudly with a huff, looking at the downed robot. "...And what were you idiots doing?!"

The real princess said the last part with a finger now pointing at the nearby guards. They approach with their heads hung low, and one of them says, "We thought you were her! She looked just like you!"

"How does this thing look anything like me?" The princess says angrily. As Kamiko and the guards attempt to calm the princess, you approach the destroyed robot. Hilde is still standing over her kill, and produces a pair of handcuffs not unlike the ones you wore when you were kidnapped. She cuffs two of the enemy's spindly arms, and then looks satisfied at herself for a job well done.

"What?" She says as she sees you watching. You say that it still has like, six more legs.

"It'll be fine. The cold iron will make it so she can't revive if the story ends." Hilde says, now watching you examine the fake princess.

"Oil isn't even cooled and already you are scrapping her for parts." Hilde says, shaking her screen face in disgust.

You ask her who put two bullets into this things head.

"I'm just joking, dude." Hilde replies, "Robbing a corpse is actually pretty standard practice in stories."

Not being a master of robotics, you can't really make much sense of what you see. There are certainly a lot of wires and chips. You think the round metal orbs are ball bearings. You try to roll it over, but it's surprisingly heavy.

"Don't mess with it too much, I'm sure Zul will complain." Hilde says.

"If you two aren't busy, could you please go find Zul?" Kamiko asks, having disengaged from the furious princess. "I'll work on getting her to laugh."

You leave the stage, and walk back out through the castle courtyard. Unfortunately you don't know which way they ran after leaving the castle, but Hilde doesn't seem to worried.

"It's a story, just make an honest effort and I'm sure she'll turn up." Hilde says, shrugging her now once again dog-like body.

You ask the nearby guards if anyone saw a small bearded man and a little girl, and you are pointed out back to the street. Luckily (or inevitably?) you find Zul and Tamako sitting on the sidewalk's edge right outside the castle gate. Zul has her head in her hands, and Tamako is sitting nearby, giving her what she probably thinks are comforting slaps to the back. Zul seems to have discarded the facial hair and hat onto the ground in front of her.

"...were pretty adorable!" You hear Tamako say as you approach.

Zul let's out an exasperated groan and then says, "I thought I'd be okay but I guess it's just been too long since I've been in a story. How embarrassing to fall that deep into it..."

"You were a good grandpa, very forceful!" Tamako says encouragingly.

"Argh..."

>>6279923
>Agree with Tamako
>Make sure she's okay, since she just saw someone die and all...
>Ask Zul if you should be worried, like if this Unseelie was working with others that might want revenge

>>6279923
>>6279926
+1

>"So how was your first time in a story, Tamako? It seemed like you followed along seamlessly!"
>"Also, who the heck was supposed to be Sven? Is he around?"
>"Anyway, let's see Kamiko make the princess laugh. Hopefully the end of the story'll help get this ring off me."